On Being Mother to a Medically Complicated Child

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CarolinAlaska

Holding It Together
Joined
Jan 24, 2013
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http://apathnotchosen.blogspot.com/2015/12/on-being-mom-to-medically-complicated.html

I posted on J's Crohn's journey blog about what it is like for me to be a mother of a medically complicated child. What I didn't mention is that I also have 3 other children each with their own issues, and a husband who has fallen 12 feet on a ladder this fall, probably broken some ribs on another occasion, and today I had to take him to the ER because he messed up his foot in a 4-wheeler accident!
 
Sorry that you are dealing with so much right now, Carol. I'm sure you must feel like throwing in the towel some days--I know I do sometimes with just one sick kid--but hang in there! :ghug:
 
Oh Carol, that is quite a load you are carrying! I'm sorry.

I am so glad that J is home and seems to be happy. Maybe she is finally at a place of peace and stability and can break from all the pain and stress for a bit! Hopeful!

I hope your husband's accident wasn't too serious and he heals quickly.

May 2016 bring many good things for you. You deserve it.
 
Carol - I found a good article on hypermobility. I know there were other parents who were discussing hypermobility, but I can't remember who.

http://www.ped-rheum.com/content/13/1/40

Benign joint hypermobility syndrome (BJHS)

Children with hypermobile joints by definition display a range of movement that is considered excessive, taking into consideration the age, gender and ethnic background of the individual. It is estimated that at least 10–15 % of normal children have hypermobile joints and the term joint hypermobility syndrome (JHS) is reserved to the cases of joint hypermobility associated with symptoms with no other causes found for them [4]–[6]. JHS can be associated with hereditary connective tissue disorders, and the term “Benign” is used in contrast to more serious and potentially complicated or life-threatening musculoskeletal syndromes such as some forms of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), Marfan syndrome, and Loeys-Dietz syndrome. The prevalence of JHS is not known with precision, given the lack of studies of large cohorts. Sperotto et al., conducted a cross sectional study in a cohort of healthy schoolchildren, aged 8–13 years from the province of Padua, Italy, and found that BJHS occurred in the 13,2 % of the 289 children evaluated [7].

Even if BJHS is very common, this condition is largely under-recognized by primary care physicians and often poorly managed. Symptoms frequently start in childhood and continue into adult life. The pathophysiology of benign joint hypermobility is unclear. Hypermobility is more common in childhood and adolescence, in females, and in some ethnicities, and it tends to lessen during adulthood. Still, polyarticular hypermobility may be present in up to 30 % of males and 40 % of females during early adulthood [8]. For the majority of individuals joint hypermobility may be of no consequence, and what brings a proportion of subjects to develop BJHS is not fully understood. BJHS seems to be transmitted by an autosomal pattern, and first-degree relatives with the disorders can be identified in many cases. Variable penetrance is generally observed [9]. With the exception of a minority of patients, who show a deficiency of tenascin X, no abnormality in collagen or related proteins has been identified as a cause for BJHS [10]. Joint pain is thought to be caused by excessive movement, increasing stress on joint surfaces, ligaments and adjacent structures. Other factors may contribute to the development of the syndrome, such as poor proprioception, autonomic dysfunctions and fatigue secondary to poor sleep [11].

The predominant presenting complaint is pain, which may be widespread and debilitating. The pain typically starts during or after activity. The most common affected sites are the lower limbs after walking (for example walking to and from school). Children usually report excess fatigue, handwriting difficulties or ‘clicking or cracking’ joints. Occasionally episodes of joint swelling lasting hours to days, joint dislocations, or more commonly subluxations with spontaneous reduction are reported. Back-pain is also a common complaint because the lumbar spine is one of the most mobile sections of the vertebral column and the excessive movements may lead to pain in hypermobile subjects. Heavy school bags are often an aggravating feature. Chronic pain results in a reduced exercise tolerance and can negatively impact patients’ life.

A significant proportion of subjects progressively quit sports and other physical activities. In addition, pain amplification is a common feature in these cases [12]. BJHS has been considered to cause only musculoskeletal symptoms for many years, but there is now mounting evidence that many other extra-skeletal manifestations may occur. This symptoms arise usually after the third decade of life, but have been described in adolescents, and may be due to connective tissue abnormalities, linking BJHS and other hereditary disorders of connective tissues, namely Ehlers-Danlos syndrome type III. These include functional and anatomic gastrointestinal tract abnormalities (constipation, bloating, diarrhea, hiatal hernias), autonomic dysfunctions (postural tachycardia syndrome, palpitations, orthostatic intolerance, headache, fatigue) and skin abnormalities (easy bruising, striae) [13], [14]. Some of these symptoms are overlapping with those observed in Juvenile Fibromyalgia (JFM), and indeed there are few reports describing high incidence of BJHS in children with JFM. Furthermore, children who have both JFM and BJHS may exhibit lower tender-points thresholds and a greater number of tender-points compared to children with JFM but no benign joint hypermobility [15].
 
Carol I was dx with BJHS as an adult .
I have had it since birth
Ds is also hypermobile as are most of the relatives on my family side
Very manageable
Just need to know how not to hyperextend your joints
Easier said than done
 
My daughter has hypermobile joints too - but only some of them. She has found PT very helpful. Her PT works with her to strengthen the muscles around her hypermobile joints, so they she doesn't over-extend them.
 
^Swimming is the absolute best exercise for kids with joint issues! GREAT for arthritis and great for building muscle.

This reminds me to take M swimming tomorrow ;).
 
I'm wondering if the JHS is only the tip of the iceberg. I wonder if her ongoing IBS is triggered by an abnormally structured GI tract, her vein issues with abnormal connective tissue in the veins. Osteoporosis, scoliosis, asthma, leg size discrepancies, leg swelling, anxiety... can it all stem from a yet undiagnosed connective tissue disorder?

Her oldest sister has joint hypermobility (not as pronounced) with mild scoliosis, anxiety, joint pain in knees and low back, and tachycardia that is triggered by hot showers.

Her younger sister had scoliosis at age 8, joint hypermobility, constipation, frequent abdominal pain and headaches, joint injuries and dislocations, asthma, obesity issues, inability to tone her muscles or get into shape, even while participating in dance, swimming, soccer, cross-country skiing, and school PE. She's missed 9 days of School this year, and 16+ days last year as she catches every bug that comes around...

I'm hoping a trip to a geneticist well versed in Ehlers-Danlos syndrome can help shed light on our problems.
 
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Good luck Carol
Unfortunately even if there is a genetic link to EDS
Nothing changes too much in terms of treatment
Unless it's one of the ugly kind that is life threatening .
 
Good luck Carol
Unfortunately even if there is a genetic link to EDS
Nothing changes too much in terms of treatment
Unless it's one of the ugly kind that is life threatening .

I think just knowing that there is a reason for the never ending list of medical issues that keep on cropping up will help me regain my sanity and keep the truency officers away...
 
Completely understand
Knowing Ds has Gastroparesis and well meds help some.... knowing how to change daily life to deal with it is more valuable

GP also happens with hypermobility and crohns
Due to muscles from hypermobility and inflammation causing nerve damage from crohns

Did she have genetic screening done ??
 
Hugs carol! Answers are always a good thing because if you know you can deal.

You may want to start pursuing testing for your other girls to. Kill three birds with one stone!
 
I hope the trip to the geneticist helps and you can get in fast. It does make you wonder since J has SO many things going on. Sending hugs :ghug:.
 
Hugs carol! Answers are always a good thing because if you know you can deal.

You may want to start pursuing testing for your other girls to. Kill three birds with one stone!

Yes, I've got younger sister an appointment to see a new pediatrician in February. I've been meaning to get older sister back in...
 
I wonder if my family was suddenly healthy who I would be. Somehow in the years of being mom to children with so many issues I think I've lost my identity. I don't even know what to do with myself now when I have time off.
 
You are exactly who you were meant to be! God put those kids in your care for a reason! We get so used to doing what we do that we take it for granted but it isn't everyone who could handle your plate. Just like we couldn't handle others' plates. But do try to carve out some time for you and your own hobbies and interests. Just good for you and you will be a better mom for it.
 
Hang in there Carol - it's SO hard when your kids have so many health issues.

My daughter has spent 31 days in the hospital this year and had 56 appointments just over the summer (3 months!). She has had one surgery, and sedation or anesthesia 10 times this year for various procedures.

It's been really tough - I'm always thinking about her and what needs to be done next. I don't really have a solution - just that taking time for yourself is important. Even just to read or watch trashy TV.

Sending hugs :ghug:
 
Carol and all the others on this thread today - maya, crohnsinct, my little pony- I read what you and so many of the other women on this forum deal with and I have so much admiration, awe, and respect. Thank you all for what you do and what you share. You all have no idea how many people you reach.

It inspires me to keep on walking thru this mess, even if it is baby steps, with the knowledge that eventually I'll end up in a different/better place with this disease.

I raise my glass, tip my hat, and send you every wish and prayer I can that your children's health will turn a corner. Hang in there. And with that, get off this forum and spend an hour doing something for you. 😀
 
Hang in there Carol - it's SO hard when your kids have so many health issues.

My daughter has spent 31 days in the hospital this year and had 56 appointments just over the summer (3 months!). She has had one surgery, and sedation or anesthesia 10 times this year for various procedures.

It's been really tough - I'm always thinking about her and what needs to be done next. I don't really have a solution - just that taking time for yourself is important. Even just to read or watch trashy TV.

Sending hugs :ghug:

I didn't count appointments, but I think you've got me beat by a long shot. I was taking kids to appointments three days a week through the summer, but they weren't all Jae's.

So what do you all do for fun? I used to like board games, but don't seem to have the patience for it now. I love to go to my kids' recitals, but they aren't frequent enough... I haven't picked up my guitar in so long I'd have to build up callouses and learn how to play all over again. I usually end up playing solitaire to have medical free synapses firing in my brain, but find myself doing it far too much!
 
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I completely lost track of appts between follow ups and inpatient and testing
Between 7 specialists and ped
Spend way too much time there at the hospital

Reading works
Watching tv ( Hulu on my time schedule and phone )
Chatting with friends
Spell collapse is good app since it has no timer and no true end for free moments
Baking ( not cooking )- hitting dough is very therapeutic
Researching new recipes since with each dx adds a layer of different diets needed which I take as a challenge to make food as normal as possible
 
Oh and based on the gene work we have done so far ( still waiting on the intensive Ibd testing )
It's all related genes over lap a lot
Ds has arthritis which has crohns and asthma/allergy in common which covers his eye inflammation - eyes and asthma/allergy/food allergies /skin inflammation all are linked
And haven't figure out the kidney part yet but the brain ( migraines ) is covered as well
By mostly the same genes
 
M counted her appt. to show her psychologist how much time her "medical stuff" takes. She has like 13 specialists in 4 different cities.

I told her counting her appts. was NOT productive and it really just wasn't - by the end of the summer she was depressed by it and so was I! Thankfully, she has fewer appts. during the school year, though still quite a lot if you add in PT, OT and psych, which are frequent.

I like watching TV - we have netflix, reading, baking, play board games with M (she beats me at all of them!), talking to friends, taking my older daughter out for lunch (since she is at school for most of the year) etc.

It is still very hard for me not to worry all the time and keep track of everything. My husband has a "no worry" rule on Sundays which I break every single week ;).
 
I like to read, work in the garden, and do puzzles. This summer I also started taking some free online classes. The classes help fill the gap left in my life after I resigned from my job last year, and maybe will even lead to some kind of flexible, part-time job down the line. There are so many great classes offered online right now. Check out coursera.org, edx.org, and udacity.com. (Not every course offered on these sites is free, but most are.) Some of the classes have actual starting and ending dates, and due dates for assignments, and some of them are self-paced, which is nice when your schedule is crazy and uncertain. There are all kinds of interesting topics!

One thing I dislike about my life right now is that my husband and I spend so much of our free time together talking about Crohn's: E's current symptoms, upcoming procedures, current weight and how to increase it, what might happen in the future, etc, etc. Some of it is important, but much of it is just going over well-trod ground. I feel like we need to start enforcing more Crohn's-free conversation time, so that it doesn't feel like it's taking over our lives quite so much.
 
^pdx that was my husband's reasoning for the "worry free Sundays." They used to be "AS free Sundays" but then M was diagnosed with other diseases! We often find ourselves going in circles when talking about her and I tend to obsess about little things. He worries about her AS and her weight, but none of the other issues, so I feel the need to make up for that!

Anyway, it hasn't worked very well so far, but I do think we should work on it.
 
HA! My husband has a worry free 24/7 attitude. He is a very chill, what will be, will be kinda guy...either that or he can't face the fact that anything could happen to his princesses. He leaves any and all medical and educational decisions in my hands...which actually works out great because I am a control freak:ylol: You guys are my partners in the health care realm! :kiss:

I like to hike or walk in nature! Love trips in to NYC and the museums...flea markets and home improvements. Also enjoying a good meal with my friends.

I do also love learning new things and unfortunately Crohns gave me that opportunity with both the disease and my nutrition obsession.
 
Oh, my husband and I not only use all our alone time together to talk about crohn's, but now most of our texts and emails have this theme. Tonight he called me into the pantry to share a weight update in private and to suggest some foods we can slip some butter into. We are pathetic. Other kids are left to raise themselves!

Worry free Sunday is genius. We are going to do that.

Only 2.5 hours ETS until we enter worry free zone. Is everyone on board?
 
During the good times it is easy to forget A has a chronic illness. But now, when she's having issues, it tends to consume me. My husband doesn't like to talk about it much because it upsets him. Discussing it is therapeutic to me though so I come here (and FB groups).

My favorite thing to do is watch my girls do their thing....A dances and M plays softball. I'm a proud mom. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. Love eating good food and watching TV! The beach relaxes me and I'm making it a priority to go more often. I need to have more girl time with friends so I'll work on that this year.
 
Our worry free time is Friday night to Saturday night. That is also our no internet time as well. We spend that time as a family. We play board games and read together and just chill.
 
I find my husband and I are the same re talking about illness whenever there's a queestion/problem. Although S's crohns has been good, there's been the rash, chest, shoulder this year. And, sometimes other crohns-related discussions arise - future job, insurance, etc. It's hard to not let worries consume your every thought.

I used to love going to my kids' hockey and soccer games... alas, that has ended. And, as much as the schedules were very demanding at times, I definitely miss it! But, while in that schedule (as many of you still are), I would take advantage of practices to drop them off and go to a cafe and just read, go shopping, walk, etc. (ie I wouldn't just go back home and do chores!) - anything where I could just have some 'me' time. I used to paint ceramics, loved it! (haven't done it in years. :() Netflix - I can get obsessive when watching a new show! :lol: But, since I was a teen, my 'thing' to do when I need a break is a bath - the 'works' - epsom salt plus bubbles, spa music, book, bath pillow, candles... sometimes, I've even taken in a glass of chilled white wine!' :lol: My family knows, when I've having a bath, I'm there for an hour+ and I'm not coming out! It relaxes my body and the music, scents, candles are relaxing and meditative (the wine might help too! ;)).

pdx - thanks for posting those course names/links!
 

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