Please help this Mother understand

[Heart Wrenched]

Hi, I'm Kim and my 23 year old has chrones. I need some help understanding this desease. I get the medical part of it, it's the mental part that keeps me confused.

He said he can't work. He has had this disease for about 5 years now and it seems to be getting worse. I have seen his diet, although he made some changes in his eating habbits, still apparently Mc Donalds was ok. I'm not talking a grill chicken sandwich..I am talking a double with cheese.

I think my son is addicted to the pain pills. I know he was on Percs for years and in between them, he used "medicinial Mary jane". It's not medicinal in this state BTW. I am struggleing. We are not speaking right now. He gets metally unstable. He cannot get along with anyone and to hear him speak, no one has this disease as bad as he does. He doesn't even try to get a job. Frequents the ER and his symptoms are not just chrones, lots of this "night sweats and gut pain" are With Drawl symptoms. Please help this mom understand what he is going through. I miss him so much, but I can't stand to talk to him. Lies and lies and just BS

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

Everyone reacts differently to foods. I would have a much easier time with a Big Mac than a salad. Healthier foods tend to be harder to digest. Some people improve with certain dietary changes, but some people (like me) see no effect on their Crohn's with diet (though a few specific foods cause problems for me).

Some people with Crohn's really are unable to work. I'm not one of them, but there are others here that have that problem. Crohn's does cause night sweats and gut pain. Could be the Crohn's or withdrawal. Hard to say. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. This disease sucks and is hard to control. Support from family is crucial.

 

[Heart Wrenched]

Thanks Chris, not sure if I am getting my heart out there. This young man has sold everything other people have given him. Left the co-signer of his car hanging with payments while he drives, with or without insurance, so the co signer must also see that is paid for. Yes, poor choice for a co-signer live and learn, but that person is my mother. He has paid dearly and been hurt severely by my son. For Christmas he gave them a new TV In one of his violent outbursts, he threw their TV in the front yard distroying it. He wanted his coin collection to get "lasik Surgery" on his eyes. Now I ask you, if you have "debilitating Chrones" would you really care if your vision is 20/20?

It's just some of the problems. I am trying to be sympathetic towards this disease and him, but he makes it so hard with his addict attitude.

He is now on the patch for pain. Lives with his GF who is also on the pain patch. I just hate how I feel about him.

I need more opinions...experiences...advise..knowledge..SUPPORT

 

[SuzInVa]

Just to throw in a few cents here, and this is unrelated to Crohn's, as I am very newly diagnosed. But, I have lived with an addict before and most of what you describe sounds like addict behavior to me. I will tell you this from valuable experience, you can do absolutely nothing about it. The only person who can is your son. You cannot support him, you cannot help him, you cannot get through to him. All you CAN do is not enable him. Watching him fall will be the most heart-wrenching thing you will do but unfortunately, almost everything you can do just enables the behavior. Pain pill addiction is huge right now. Crohn's can cause pain, from what I understand, and yes, the pain pills may help with that. But, the pain medication can also lower the addict's tolerance to pain, and of course, you can become immune to the pain killers, needing more and more of them to stay level. And the mental addiction is just as bad, if not worse. Do not expect logic or reason or responsibility.

For your own sanity, you might want to seek out an Al-Anon meeting. They may be able to help you cope with your own feelings.

Good luck to you all,
Suzanne

 

[Kayla92]

my fiance was diagnosed with crohn's disease about 5 months ago. They put him on Budesonide. They gave him Motrin 600's and said if these don't work than we are going to try another type of medication. They never gave him real pain killers.

My best friend was a drug addict, day after day. It truly does sound like an addicts behavior. They won't change until they hit rock bottom. Support is crucial. But tough love is most important. A lot of people may not agree with me, but that is how I got my best friend to hit rock bottom. It's extremely difficult to deal with. I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope for your sake and his that this will pass and he will get off the drugs.

 

[Manzyb]

I agree with Suz and kayla. His behavior doesn't really sound like it is just because he has crohn's disease! It really sounds like something more is going on there. I've had lots of hard times with Crohn's, and I tend to get angry sometimes, but I have never tried to purposely hurt someone I love like that.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

 

[Brent]

I too agree his behavior really doesnt seem to be related to his issue with crohns. I have had crohns for over 30plues years and was diagnosed when I was 19. At that age your view is definitely different in that you are trying to achieve things in life but feel you are struggling to get there.

It feels like there are multiple issues to deal with and the disease is just one of them. Dont judge him by his food though as it really does vary from person to person and sometimes we just insist on eating something that we know we will pay for.

I would think a lot of the issues though do resolve around self confidence and him realizing that he has to make an effort to do things. It is easy to sit back and blame the world but that doesnt change anything.

I am a believer in being positive in your outlook and dealings with the disease. The disease itself can be a pain but it can be dealt with but sadly it does take some time. It never seems quick enough. The hard part is learning to be positive when everything is going wrong with the disease.

Your son sounds like he needs help and someone to talk to. I would first say he needs to talk to someone to help him through this. Lots of us have been through some miserable times and we are still here and positive with life. Crohns is not the end of the world despite what it may seem like when you are first diagnosed. See if he will post on the various websites or see if there is a local crohns support group to assist him.

Good luck.

 

[tots]

I agree with the above posts. I have Crohns and I worked in an office that treated GI patients. This does not sound like a Crohns flare. It sounds like an addict. My sister is an
addict. She went from anorexia to addiction. It is horrible for family to watch. I really do pray you can let hom hit rock botom. Its the only hope he will "see the light". My parents were unable to she is now in her 40s with the mental maturity of a 16 year old. It is heartbreaking. Its emotional. Its draining. Do not allow him to bully you. I also think a support group for you is important.

Please stay strong for him!

 

[Kayla92]

It is going to take a lot out of you to do this and as a mother it is going to be even harder. I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Be strong, stand up. He does need to hit rock bottom. DO not baby him when he does hit rock bottom. It will not help. Tough Love. That's the easiest way I can describe it. It is easier said than done, trust me... I know. You can do this. I promise.

 

[Heart Wrenched]

Well, it's been a few weeks and He underwent surgery. Had 12" out of the Small intestines. I was there when the DR came and told us everything went ok. He got out and was in so much pain. They could not get it under control. He ended up going to ICU for Pain management. They kept asking him what street drug he was on that built his tolerance up so high. He never said anything. Had him on Fyntanol (sp) Patch, super high doses of pain meds. He was having Apnea when he did doze off. THe alarms would sound and he would wake up gasping for air. I really didn't have the stregth to keep watching his breaths. I found myself counting, holding my own..trying to guage just how bad this was.

He still claims no street drugs. His GF Studied no, memorized his meds and dosages. SHe scares the hell out of me. She has so much knowledge of pain meds. She also is some GI patient. Her scares cause he diability. Kills me to see them using government money. I'm sorry, I don't know why she can't find some form of work. Her incisions hurt? REALLY? I won't say anymore about that. I am not being fair I suppose.

He now has a PICC line inserted. Want to see a scared mother? Look at me now. He tried to steal IV tubing, saline and needles (to include Used Morphine needles) just before surgery. Somehow they all went bye bye..*don't look at me*. I am afraid this Picc line is the end. The part where I get that horrible call. Guys....Please help me understand any of this! His Small intestines that were taken out did not show active disease. He then tells me he also had an appendectomy while in surgery. The dr forget to mention that part?...I never know what to believe...all the lies....We are speaking, but it is strained. He will not allow me to speak with the nurse or DRs about him. I really don't know what is going on...AUGH...it's so frustrating!

 

[Txarmywife]

I'm sorry that you're having to watch your son go through this I'm sure it's very difficult. It's difficult sometimes when someone has a legit illness which can cause chronic pain. Many times people can become addicted to pain management drugs, whether physically, mentally or both. It sounds as though he may benefit from counseling. Living with Crohns can take a toll on someone mentally as well as living with an addiction. I'm currently in school for my LCDC and know a lot about addiction both from experience and school/internship. It sounds as though he's going through a difficult time right now and could benefit from counseling if he were willing. Or maybe a support group for Crohns patients.

 

[Heart Wrenched]

I'm sorry that you're having to watch your son go through this I'm sure it's very difficult. It's difficult sometimes when someone has a legit illness which can cause chronic pain. Many times people can become addicted to pain management drugs, whether physically, mentally or both. It sounds as though he may benefit from counseling. Living with Crohns can take a toll on someone mentally as well as living with an addiction. I'm currently in school for my LCDC and know a lot about addiction both from experience and school/internship. It sounds as though he's going through a difficult time right now and could benefit from counseling if he were willing. Or maybe a support group for Crohns patients.

Txarmywife: If only he would agree..if only. I pray daily he will admit or even ask for a spych eval or help.

 

[Gra]

Dear Heartwrenched, I only just came across this thread. I have a son who is a drug addict, on Crystal Meth and who knows what else. After years of propping him up every time he hit reality, I eventually realised that he was only getting worse. He used me, used other people, lied endlessly about where his money was going, - they will do or say _anything_ to get more money for drugs. They also become manipulative and very good at plucking just the right strings in your heart to get you to give them what they want.

In the end I had to abandon efforts to help him, bc as others said here, the only person who can help him is himself, you CANT do it for him. I felt like a heel doing it (and still do) but I know that if I want him to heal and be well, I have to step back and allow him to hit that brick wall in front of him, and to have to pick HIMSELF up and save HIMSELF.

It's really, really hard to do, but you need to do it, for his sake as well as for yourself.

Start saying NO to him, and don't stop. Tell all your relatives and friends to do the same. This is the only way you can help him.

Gra

 

[RFarmer]

I agree with Gra. I had a friend who was addicted to street drugs. He stole pain meds from me once. He wrecked his family, used them terribly. In the end, they just had to tell him to leave. They're doing much better now. I haven't heard form him since.