School - What to do?

[SAHM]

My son missed 3 months of school last year in 7th grade and still passed with high grades. It was extremely stressful for him to do this, but he persevered. This year, he's been out more regularly, but not for as long. I think it is even more stressful for him because each time he goes back to school, he is trying to catch up. His grades are stellar, because he is very bright, and an excellent student. But he seems to be getting sicker and sicker. His class year is not well-liked by the teachers. It is large and unruly. He doesn't really have friends in his class. Most of his friends are in the class below him....so, I'm wondering if he might be better off going back a grade where he would have more support, more friends, happier teachers, and less stress of catching up this year, as it doesn't look like he's getting better any time soon. I suspect that the doc will put him on Remicade at his next appt next week. What are your thoughts on this? Please and Thank you.:ghug:

 

[Sascot]

from what you have said it does seem like a good idea to keep him back a grade. If he has friends in that grade then he might be happier with them. Also it might be nice for him to relax a bit for a year since he has done the work before. If your son is happy with the idea then it would be worth doing. Hope they get a medication going that can get him feeling better

 

[my little penguin]

Unfortunately even going back a grade is not going to make up for the still having school assignments to makeup when he misses -also kids will know he went back a grade .
Even friends may use this against him .
Remicade tends to be very effective in most -from not being able to do much if anything to no one knows the kiddo is sick plus tons of energy
This of course can take up to three infusions or 6 weeks .

Does he have a 504 plan so the school gives him the meat and potatoes of assignments ???
That could help
Also if he is out planned or otherwise did the school provide an extra set of books for him at home so he is caught up
When he gets back ... They can also provide homebound instruction of he is out for a bit.

DS has missed a lot of school every year
We give the teachers as much advanced notice as possible for testing/appts . They provide all work in advance .
Other thing is even if he is sick from Ibd -he goes to school
School and nurse are aware -he can rest in class or at the nurses office
With the theory even if he sleeps 4hours at school he is still getting two hours of instruction
Which is way more than homebound .
He hasn't had to do that since starting remicade though .

Good luck

 

[CarolinAlaska]

I don't think it would be a good idea in the long run. He has worked so hard this year, and is it all for naught? What does he say about this? My daughter has always related more to a younger crowd, but now that she is in high school it doesn't matter. I would not feel right if I had held her back for social reasons.

 

[kimmidwife]

I have held a child back before and it was a very good decision. It allowed him an extra year to mature before he graduated and went off on his own.
Did you ever think about homeschoolong him?
It certainly takes the pressure off and he can still see his friends outside of school.
We started homeschooling a few years back when our daughter started high school and they were so unforgiving of absences due to illness.
It has been a wonderful experience for us.

 

[Farmwife]

On the Remicade part, my dd has done well with no side effects. It's worth it to us.:smile:
I've had to hold my son ( non IBD'er) back a grade but it was agreed upon by the teacher also.

 

[Worried mama]

That's a tough question. A lot prob depends on what your son thinks about it. Would he see it as a good thing or a bad thing? And would he be bored in school? Our school will provide an in house tutor if a child will miss more than a month due to illness. Can you inquire if they have any situations like this, where they will provide a tutor to come to your house? It can keep him on track when he's missing a lot of school.

As far as remicade, my som just started. He's only had one infusion so far, haven't noticed any changes just yet, but keeping my fingers crossed for some good results...

 

[Lindseyw4]

I agree with the PP if he is doing ok academically, I wouldn't hold him back just for social reasons. What about a different school, if you absolutley feel something has to change?

 

[SAHM]

Yes - My husband and I talked last night about this and are looking into a local private school. It may be tough to get him in bc they have a waiting list, but I emailed them today.

 

[Sudsy]

I think you've got some very good advice already, so I won't repeat. A change of school sounds like a real possibility. If your son is like my two kids on remicade, he will hopefully feel a LOT better fairly quickly. It can be hard to remember that how things are now is not how they always will be.....

It doesn't sound like you're really into the idea of homeschooling, but we did it for many, many years and it was GREAT when dd wasn't feeling well. I used to say that we didn't homeschool BECAUSE of Crohn's, but it sure made it a lot easier when dd was diagnosed and was crazy sick.

Good luck figuring it all out.

 

[Clash]

SAHM, my son was at a military prep school when dx'ed and the physical demands became too much. His grades were great as well but there was the stress of high academic achievement and advancement that made me feel as though he was on a hamster wheel due to absences(continuously burning the candle at both ends to finish make up work).

We opted to change schools and the private school we chose was very flexible with learning styles so he was able to maintain his high averages while working through independent study when flaring and in attendance when well. This worked extremely well once he was also dx'ed with JSpA and had to deal with joint flares too.

His first school was awesome and we hated to have to transfer but it was well worth it when times were tough!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

In addition to what's already been mentioned, have you considered enrolling him in online classes? I have a cousin who has fairly high-functioning Autism (no IBD, but he does have some digestive issues and has to be on a highly specialized diet) who has had great success with online classes. He went to a normal school for elementary and middle school, but when it came time to go to high school, his parents gave him two options - go to regular high school, or take online high school classes instead. He chose online as he was getting overwhelmed with going to regular school every day. He does have to go to the physical school once per week, to take tests and to show that he's been doing his homework and so on. That's been going really well for him and he's been doing this for a couple years now. Perhaps something like that could work for your son, as he'd only have to physically go to school once per week (maybe more or less depending on the specific online program he enrolls in?). Just a thought for you. Good luck, whatever you and your son end up doing!

 

[Mehita]

My son missed a lot of middle school, but it was always a day here, a day there. I think that was almost more stressful than missing a week at a time because of that feeling of needing to catch up. He ended up on the "meat and potatoes" plan for several months.

I guess my first thought is to not hold him back. He will be bored silly if you do and will have to deal with the assumptions people will make. Once he gets to high school (at least at our school), the classes start having mixed grades anyway.

Also, if he's so close to possibly starting Remicade, I'd do a wait and see approach. Remicade could be his miracle drug and on the very optimistic end, he could be feeling wonderful that first week. I'm not saying that will happen, but we can hope, right? If it does work wonders for him and he starts feeling like a normal kid again, would he want to be held back? I've seen such a world of difference in my son in his pre and post Remicade life, why not wait and see?

Good luck... let us know how his appt goes.

 

[SAHM]

I'm SO hoping Remicade will give him his life back. Thank you to everyone for your support and advice.

 

[SAHM]

:sheep: An update to this...After his third Remicade treatment, my son is feeling much better...I don't know for how long, but he is def back to his old self! I never thought we would get from the 2nd to the 3rd infusion though! The 2nd infusion only gave him 5 good days, and then it was "feel miserable and wait" until the next IV. We have decided to hold him back so he can be in the grade behind him. He still has a STACK of work, and it is just too overwhelming...and why should my kid have to teach himself the entire year of school? No teachers, no class discussion, no chatting with peers at lunch, rushing through it all....That's pretty much how it has been the whole year bc of all of his absences. I finally realized that a tutor would help, and yes, the school provided one. We are still waiting to hear if he will get into the private school. Holding him back just seems to be the best solution in a situation that isn't ideal. He is still tiny for his age, so that is a factor as well. We are currently "homeschooling" him for the rest of the year. Is he happy about being held back? No. But we think it is the best option for him. There is more to school than academics, and he has missed out on a year and a half of that. So, that's what we are going with. Cross your fingers for us that a space opens at the private school! And thank you for all of your input...this forum is a life saver.

 

[ChampsMom]

Hey SAHM,

I read more than I respond these days, but saw your post and wanted to respond...

I'm not sure where you live, but have you looked into your County's Board of Education Home and Hospital Instruction Program? It might have a different name, but most (if not all) Counties in the US will have one. My son was diagnosed in 7th grade and missed the latter half of the school year. He finished 7th grade in the HHIP (which means he had a teacher assigned to him that would come to our home - for all intent and purpose it is County paid homeschool). He returned to the classroom in 8th grade, but by December he was missing so much his grades were dropping and the stress of getting behind was literally physically hurting him, so he went out on HHIP again. When it was time to start High School it was his doctor that said he seemed to be healthier when he wasn't "IN" school - and asked him, "Do you want to attend classes or would you prefer to stay on HHIP?" My son opted to stay on HHIP. Cut to 4 years later and he's graduating in June! The coolest part has been - no stress, less mess. He's a straight A student. Because he is on HHIP and has a 504 Plan in place he has been able to play sports for his school (I had to write a letter to the school principal stating why he could play sports, but not be in class, so if you need a template, I'm happy to share) and has received his varsity letter in 4 sports and participated in clubs including the NHS.

All of this is of course based on if you are in the US. You pay taxes. The taxes fund the Board of Education which is responsible for educating your child regardless of their disability.

Hope this helps.

God bless...

 

[SAHM]

Thank you so much!
That sounds like a viable option that I will definitely look into.
Sounds exactly like what we have been dealing with.