So Tasha, how was your first GI appointment this evening?

[tlc-x]

Well, I went in and thought the doctor was lovely. She asked me questions and it was going well. She took me into another room, away from my parents and asked if I smoked or had a boyfriend. I said no to both.

My GP had told her that I was sexually assaulted. She wanted to ask me questions about it.

Apparently my stomach problems are due to depression, IBS and the assault.

Wow, didn't know something that happened in 2010 could affect me a year before it happened.. but heyho.

I need to have counselling for the depression. I'd like to point out that I am a really happy person, but don't blame me for getting sad some day because I don't have a life. I love smiling.

Infact, I hate sitting on this sofa all day everyday, I went to college today because I wanted to see my friends. I had an amazing time and smiled all day pretty much. I'm not depressed, but the GI says I am. She obviously knows me better than I know me.. nevermind.

I have IBS.. worse than other people who IBS for some reason. I need to go on buscopan for the symptoms.

And I would also like to point out that I am over the assault. I told her this. I honestly am.. It doesn't upset me.. I can talk about it. It was just a bad dream in a way, but I don't even think about it. I'm happy.

But the assault made my IBS worse so I need counselling for it.

Mum said to take the counselling - it's their time they're wasting afterall. No point in going, but go to prove that i'm fine..

I am also being booked in for an MRI scan. Afterall, my grandad, uncle, aunt and cousins have Crohns.. so it's a high chance I do..

They are gonna do an MRI ... this is the best part. IF my MRI says i'm fine, then it's IBS (bare in mind, my flare is going down now.) And if it's IBS, I have to go for counselling for the assault that doesn't bother me anymore.

If the MRI shows up something abnormal, then I will have a colonoscopy and be diagnosed with CD.



SO BASICALLY - the rest of my life is going on this one test. One test, two directions. Simple (well it's not!) IBS or Crohns.

Is it right that this is how it's being dealt with?

I've been ill since 2009, and still am. I flare up 8 months a year and go into remission for the remaining part of the year and they're doing this one test.. And to say it's IBS due to an assault that happened a year later?

When I saw the pediatrition in 2010 for this illness... I was obviously ill.. they sent me to hospital. Then a few months later the assault happened...

Am I missing something? Seriously angry and confused..


Also! The GI doesn't actually think it is Crohns, because I don't have enough symptoms.. like mouth ulcers, as she said. I did tell her i've had two in two weeks, but apparently that was just a coincidence, everyone gets them.. wtf, i'm so confused.

My head actually hurts!!



[Also, to top off the day, a police officer somehow reversed into my dads car which was stationary.. so the officer had to call her sgt down and more police officers to do a report on this. Now gotta wait for the police in a few weeks for more reports and interviews. His car is damaged and is meant to have an MOT in a few days. Luckily the officer take responsibility... but we almost had to go through the appointment with out my dad, but luckily the doctor was late..]

 

[DustyKat]

Hey Tash,

No it isn't right that your future hangs on one test and if it does come back and it's normal then unfortunately you are going to have to keep fighting until you get the answers you need. I do hear where you are coming as my own daughter went undiagnosed for 18 months. I don't know where your problems are located but if you don't have large bowel disease then it is less common to have extra intestinal manifestations. Granted, my son was diagnosed very quickly due to his sister's legacy but he did not display any EIM's at the time.

As to the counselling, I personally think you should go. I know being touched is vastly different to going about your everyday life but you do have trust issues there so I think counselling may help you overcome this in the long term. If you do indeed have IBD it is something you are going to have to deal with throughout your life and it will be detrimental to your health outcomes if you avoid appointments due to trust.

Dusty. xxx

 

[bozzylozzy]

tash, im in a similar situation to you. Either its anxiety/depression with IBS or a mild case of IBD.
im waiting for biopsy results from my colonoscopy, as everything looked normal to the naked eye.

i am telling myself that if in fact i do have a mild case of IBD, which remains undiagnosed.. i might be able to manage with diet and self help etc. if i flare up again in the future, the doctors will be forced to re-investigate.

but seems as im feeling ok now, with just a few bouts of the big D and pain.. i think i could handle that. so i could accept its IBS, in the knowledge that if it gets worse, they will investigate and do more tests at a later date.

i think i make my symptoms worse by stressing out and thinking i have a serious disease - when in fact i probably dont! lol!

i agree, that you should definitely have more tests.. but i also agree with your doctor. i have been referred for counselling alongside my colonoscopy (like you with your MRI)

i HAVE been depressed. but i dont think i have it now,, as im not crying or feeling low like i have before. give the counselling the benefit of the doubt - it may actually help! and if not, your doctor will be forced to look into it further. the fact you're feeling a bit better is probably the reason the docs are not in a rush to do lots of invasive tests.

i really hope you start getting some relief soon, its rubbish not knowing for sure whats wrong with your body

 

[tlc-x]

I've had counselling in the past. When I was sexually assaulted, they put me into counselling immediately.

I can't deny it - yes Dusty, I do have trust issues. But isn't that ok? I will get over it in time. I have nothing seriously wrong with my mental wellbeing. I am perfectly happy and I do things during the day and my GP says i'm not depressed. I feel fine. Since telling my mum about the guy on the date, i've not even thought about the assaults. I just wanna feel better.

I'm not stressed - yeah, we all get stressed. I'm really intune with my body as i'm sure you all are. I know when i'm stressed, but sat at home or going to the doctors doesn't stress me. I get stressed when the doctors say it's just IBS.. because it's not. I was ill before the assaults.

I know I don't have anything serious.. worst it could be is CD, and i'm prepared with my CD family behind me!


I will go for the counselling. I might find some help from it, but I might not. Worth a try I suppose.. but i'm not ill due to emotional trauma.. :/

 

[bozzylozzy]

ive had counselling on 3 occasions.. and believe me, i know what you mean - once you have been painted with the "depression brush" the doctors will forever ask you about it and think everything is due to that! lol

i get upset when i dont think the docs believe me - and they say "are you feeling depressed?" and in my head i scream - "im upset because you dont believe im ill!"

even though the trauma may not have caused your illness, it may have made it worse.
as you will have read on here lots, most tests can miss what is actually going on.
please dont lose hope yet, its great that your symptoms are easing up now. and like i said before - most doctors dont want to do invasive tests if youre feeling ok'ish.
(i was in hospital for 16days, and they only did a ct scan and an ultrasound for me lol! the ultrasound said my appendix was normal, then in surgery they found that it wasnt!)

 

[tlc-x]

Oh wow, that's pretty scary for you about your appendix.

I'll be ok.. but right now I just wanna snuggle in bed and hide away for the next 12 hours and not go to college tomorrow because it means facing another day of existing. I'll go if I feel ok of course, but if not, i'll spend the day with my mum.

I hate this depression brush - especially as i've never actually had depression.. lol. Sometimes it's as though doctors expect you to behave certain ways due to certain things. I was assaulted, so now I need to be really depressed, have counselling and be better forever. It doesn't work like that, especially as i've not even had depression.

 

[bozzylozzy]

yeah, apparently i had a grumbling appendix, as i didnt show classic sign of appendicitis. i just felt unwell after eating with LRQ pain. it went away with steroids, but then it started to hurt again.. they did exploratory surgery and found that my appendix had attached itself to other parts of my bowel due to repeated inflammation/appendicitis. but its gone now.. phew!

depression doesnt always mean crying and all that malarky. when i was pregnant i just didnt feel excited about anything, i wasnt crying - i just felt like i couldnt be bothered and i was tired. and was told i had ante-natal depression..

anyway, no-one can ever tell you how to deal with something as serious as sexual assault. only you know how you feel. when is you MRI?

 

[tlc-x]

My MRI will be in about 3 weeks, apparently it's a short waiting list. I'll have to take out my piercings which is gonna be tricky as they've never be removed and one isn't healed! I'm not complaining about the piercings, just saying lol!

Sorry about your appendicitis, that sounds awful! Luckily my sharp pains are ULQ - no one knows why though, my ultrasound scan says i'm perfectly healthy.

 

[bozzylozzy]

ultrasounds are rubbish, but MRI's are really detailed scans. so hopefully that will show up whats wrong with you x

 

[tlc-x]

Fingers crossed, otherwise we're gonna have to keep fighting this or accept that I actually do have IBS. Thank you x

 

[DustyKat]

I'm sorry but I can't let it pass that ultrasounds are rubbish. They can be a very useful tool, in some instances, in the diagnostic process just as CT and MRI's are. CT's can be superior to MRI's in picking up complications such as abscesses just as ultrasounds can give better imaging than CT's in a person with very little body fat.

Dusty. xxx

 

[bozzylozzy]

maybe i was a bit flippant in my remark. dont wish to offend
i think my view has been tainted by my own experience - it showed my appendix to be normal, when in surgery i was told my appendix was in a complete mess!

 

[bozzylozzy]

and may i state: i am in no way medically trained, so views expressed by myself, can and are often wrong

 

[DustyKat]

I understand hun.

My daughter had a completely normal CT less than one week prior to emergency surgery for a ruptured and infarcted bowel. That certainly didn't happen overnight either!

Dusty. xxx

 

[Rebecca85]

But ultrasound was also the first step in my diagnosis, they had no idea what was wrong with me so ultrasounds my entire abdomen- they did not want to do this with CT because of the radiation, and MRI was not available.

And Tasha, please don't take offence at this, but you are obviously not fine from the assault(s), else you would not get into such a panic about the prospect of doctors examining you.

And your comment about wanting to snuggle in bed and hide away and not face another day of existing sounds suspiciously like depression to me, depression is more than just sadness. I suffer(ed?) from depression and I didn't spend all day crying, it presented in other ways like mood swings, lack of interest in doing things.

 

[bozzylozzy]

oh dear that must have been scary!

 

[bozzylozzy]

And your comment about wanting to snuggle in bed and hide away and not face another day of existing sounds suspiciously like depression to me, depression is more than just sadness. I suffer(ed?) from depression and I didn't spend all day crying, it presented in other ways like mood swings, lack of interest in doing things.

i agree with this.. like i said before, my depression just presented as not being excited about stuff and the lack of interest too.

 

[Astra]

'depression is more than just sadness.'

I agree too, it's a big dark curtain that wraps around you, and the scary thing is...you don't know WHY you're depressed, meaning..there doesn't have to be a reason.
I always thought it was a chemical imbalance, now I know it's a cycle, more associated with lack of light (SAD) (my experience)

Ok, Tasha, hyperthetically speaking you've got IBS and depression, so I recommend Amitriptyline.
Amitriptyline is a tri cyclic anti depressant at 250mg for depression, studies and doctors have shown it's also an anti spasmodic in lower doses 10mg or 25mg
It is used as a first line defence for IBS by doctors.
So if the scan comes back normal, Amitriptyline is a suggestion you could ask for to tide you over,

 

[StarGirrrrl]

Depression can have a root cause in being ill and undiagnosed, made worse when you know something serious is wrong but the tests don't show it and the Drs won't/don't listen. I know 100% that is the reason I am depressed, because I have no life. I have been sick for 5 years, to varying degrees and severly for 2. My 55 year old mother has a better social life than me. So she gets two goes at a life and I get none. I am surrounded by friends with jobs, houses, partners, cars, children, etc, who wouldn't be depressed in my shoes! Heck, I could go on and on here :ytongue:

I also know 100% that in the past when things have gone badly (I have been through alot from the age of 8) I was depressed by my situation, because once the situation improved the depression went away.

I know when this situation improves, I will feel better with the depression lifting or going away. No pills are going to work for me; only progress with a dx and getting better. Knowing this gives me real sympathy and sorrow for people who suffer with depression for no apparent cause, I know mine can be "fixed" and i'm not "mad". I can't imagine what it must be like to have a perfectly good life and yet suffer from depression.

I was tried on another anti-depressant, Fluxotine at full dose for 2 months to see if it would help with my bowel issues, it didn't and neither did my depression get any better because the situation was the same.

Also the low-dose Amitryptyline worked a little bit only for a few years for me, and I refused a higher dose, because I could see history repeating itself, I *may* get a bit better for a few years then symptoms would worsen again. I never was even happy with my first IBS dx, there were too many red flag symptoms which were swept under the carpet by the Drs. Turned out to be the right choice personally since I have a non-specific inflammatory disease, not IBS! Turned out I was right when I knew something more serious was going on.

I think the counselling would help you and if you want to try anything else that has been suggested then go for it :heart:

:ghug:

 

[rygon]

I'd say it is very hard for someone to diagnose themselves as being depressed as you dont see how you act as others do.

I'd say from your many posts that you have a lot of issues and are depressed. Have a go at the lessons and see how you get on.

Also just becaus you are in a lot of pain it doesnt mean it isnt IBS, IBD will have bleeding and signs of problems. IBS is similar but without those signs, just because its that it doesnt make it worse

 

[HeatherMN]

Could also be a combo of depression and anxiety, those tend to make symptoms worse. And honestly, speaking as someone who was date raped over 20 years ago, it's not something that will just go away on its own. You may feel you have gotten over it right now, but it may come back to haunt you later. Personally, I wish I would have worked through my assault shortly after it happened rather than waiting years and years, going through bouts of major depression and wondering what the hell was wrong with me. (I have other problems as well, bullied as a child, relationship issues, hx of infertility, etc that have also contributed to my anxiety and depression) but I truly feel I should have done more to help with it right after it happened. My life may have turned out differently.
(((hugs))) and best of luck to you whatever you decide. There's a lot less stigma nowadays about depression, it's not a personality flaw, it's a medical condition.

 

[tlc-x]

Heather, I did do something straight after the assault and I did get help and have counselling twice. I will go for the counselling, but it's not fair that they're saying this is all down to the assault, when I was ill years before the assault happened. Sorry to hear about the date.

Rygon, yes, you have a good point. I will go for the counselling.

Stargirl, thank you. I'm sorry it's been hard for you.

Astra, i'll go for the counselling and i'll take all the medications they give me. If i'm not depressed, like me and my family think, then it won't make a difference, and if it turns out I am depressed, then it will help. Worth a try I suppose.



I know depression isn't just crying. I don't cry much anyway. I do get excited, as some of you are saying that lack of excitement is a sign of depression in some people. If depression isn't crying all the time, what actually is depression? I am pretty confident I am not depressed, but i'll accept that it is a possibility to make things easy for myself and everything. You are all probably be aware that I am a difficult person to talk to and understand.

I will go for counselling and do everything I am told by my GI and GP. I will just accept it all, and if I don't get better, then i'll fight. I did that in the past, I was diagnosed with IBS, so I accepted it because it was the beginning of my illness and didn't know of IBD or anything. I accepted it, went on IBS diets and did everything they suggest you do with IBS and just got on with it, but it didn't make a difference. I took all my IBS medications and food diets and everything.


Thank you all of your for advice and help etc. I know i'm annoying and awkward to talk to people I can get really close minded when it comes to my health. It's frustrating, as you all are aware of. So I apologise if I ever come across as rude or seem like i'm not listening. I do read all the posts and think about them, but not always sure what to say back.

 

[monkey]

Tash, just to chuck in my little bit of experience.
Above there are some WONDERFUL replies, do take the advice
I was subject to an attack when I was 18. 2 years AFTER diagnosis with IBD. It took me until I was 24 to tell my mum about the attack and then I finally went to deal with it. I too thought I was fine. Me now versus me then PROVES I was in denial about it all. I had little confidence, blamed everyone for everything, struggled to make friends, talked too much . . . . and you know, a good dose of IBD in that little mix didn't help because it can make me feel lonely and isolated. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE deal with it NOW. Don't let it drag on for years like I did!!
I now look back and see, I wasn't depressed, I just wasn't free to be me
I hope that makes sense . . . . xxx

 

[tlc-x]

Hey Monkey. Yes that does make sense. Sorry to hear about you too.

As i've said above, I will take the counselling to prove that I am fine and do everything the pros tell me and just accept it all. x

 

[ekay03]

Tasha, even if you are not depressed, you can still get a lot out of counseling. Being a teenager is a tumultuous time! think of the counselor as a really smart friend with no outside agenda. All they are interested in is you!! I made it sound so good that now I want a counselor!!

 

[dannysmom]

Hi Tasha - Sorry this is all so frustrating. I hope you get some answers and some relief soon. We had a doctor suspect my son's symptoms were all anxiety related (and like you we really disagreed) and took him to a psychiatrist for evaluation. The psych agreed with us ... and we have a doctor's note to show it. Danny also tried amtriptiline (for IBS) and nortriptiline (for headache) ... neither helped with anything and both had side effects that made things worse ... so he stopped them after some time. Your plan sounds good! Good luck.