Some things I need to get out

[copeland]

Warning - long whiny post ahead

I'm turning 29 in two days and I'm feeling really bummed out. Pretty much all of my friends are married and starting to have kids and I'm still very much single and don't feel like that's ever going to change. I lost all of the best years of my life (16 years old through my twenties) to Crohn's; while everyone else was out having fun and meeting the people they would spend their lives with and start families with, I was sitting on the toilet all day reading books. I remember going entire years at different points hardly spending any time anywhere except work or my house.

I'm feeling better now, thanks to Humira, and I have a bunch of great friends but it still feels like I'm carrying around this load of loneliness that won't ever be lifted. I don't know anyone who can understand this - my friends just say that they're sure it'll happen for me, but I feel too old and set in being alone to really believe that I'll ever meet anyone who could change that. 29 is dangerously close to 30, which I know is still not that old - but that's for normal people who haven't been isolated essentially their entire adult lives. For me it just feels like I'm fated to never change. I know this shouldn't matter that much, but it also doesn't help that now that I'm feeling better and could maybe date someone I'm starting to lose my hair and look worse and worse every year.

Every time I've met a young lady that I like recently she's either just started dating someone else or is moving away or just plain isn't interested in me. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember - get my hopes up that something will happen and just get crushed every time. I try my best to be "a good bet" in the words of a friend - I went to college, have a successful and stable career as an engineer, bought a house at 26 years old and consider myself a pretty nice guy but I can't seem to make any of it work for me in terms of relationships.

I don't know that I'm actually asking for advice or sympathy or anything, I just really felt the need to get that out there to some people who might understand. Thanks so much for listening!

 

[worriedboy]

Hi,
First of all, happy birthday. Once you turn 30 things are never going to be the same... you... you... will start drinking bubbling water and actually like it :ybiggrin:

Well, I am really glad for you that you feel so much better now; feeling better opens up so many options for you. Try n' not let yourself fall into this place of "things are not moving forward". You even dont have to make an extra effort to publish your qualities. You sound like a great guy indeed, and a great girl will see that right away.

Your words regarding the loneliness... I feel like you translated my feelings into words really. I wish I had good advice

What about workshops, Zumba classes, Gym ... maybe you can enjoy some activity and at the same time expose yourself to opportunities for dating ?

Now that your birthday is over the corner, I wish you to stay healthy and stay nice; both are very important. Your other half will arrive once you are ready.

 

[ronroush7]

I was thirty when I finally got married. I thought was going to end up single. This is really a supportive group.

 

[Optimistic]

Hi there Copeland. First I'll say that is amazing news that Humira has put you in such a good place now. It sounds like the last decade was pretty much a nightmare. I'm sorry you had to go through that and won't even guess how that was. I guess you could say that now is a fresh start for the next phase of your life?

I believe based on what you wrote that you have a lot to offer a young lady. She would be lucky to be with you. I think the key is to meet as many people as you can. You really only need one and the odds are best the more you meet. You could make a goal that every week you go at least one place where you will find women. Try all minds of events and groups, ones that seem logical and ones that seem crazy. Some you may enjoy and others maybe not; sometimes you might find female options there and other times will bomb out. But eventually...you will start to meet some.

Best to you and try to have some fun out there looking!

 

[Brewtowncronie51]

Hi
I wish I had some great advice for you. But I think if you To get out the house And explore something different You may fall upon someone that you would never have met.
I kind of feel The same way as you. I'm in the same boat except for I am not sucessful. I do on my own house. I Became a foster mom. Fell in love with The kids and adopted 2. Put my life on hold to raise them. That was 11 years ago Now, I find out two months ago that I have crohns. I haven't been on a date in 13 years. I'm 51 years old I think it's too late for me now. But, you still have time.I wish you good luck!

 

[Jennifer]

I'm 33 and have only been married for 3 years. I met my husband on an online gaming forum. I lived in CA and he lived in FL. We used Skype and OoVoo to chat via webcam daily. At first we just shared common interests that turned into a friendship and then eventually a relationship. He moved out to CA with nothing more than a gut feeling that it would work out and it has (we did fly out to visit each other a few times before that).

My advice would be to not limit yourself to just the people around you. There are a lot of women your age who are single, even on this forum. Start out with making friends and let the romance come naturally. You're still really young.

 

[ronroush7]

I'm 33 and have only been married for 3 years. I met my husband on an online gaming forum. I lived in CA and he lived in FL. We used Skype and OoVoo to chat via webcam daily. At first we just shared common interests that turned into a friendship and then eventually a relationship. He moved out to CA with nothing more than a gut feeling that it would work out and it has (we did fly out to visit each other a few times before that).

My advice would be to not limit yourself to just the people around you. There are a lot of women your age who are single, even on this forum. Start out with making friends and let the romance come naturally. You're still really young.

I agree

 

[scottsma]

Thirty is no age these days.In the old days everyone got wed when in their 20s or sooner,but being single is quite acceptable now.
You could meet the "right"one tomorrow.Look forward with hope and expectation.
You sound like a good catch to me.Best wishes,

 

[fuzzy butterfly]

Hi copeland. Yep what Scottsma said. If only i was 20yrs younger. I might well be seeking you out. Just be happy be fun, girls like that n are attracted by it . Best of luck keeping fishing they are waiting to be caught lol

 

[copeland]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the support. It helps a lot to have people who get what life has been like for me!

 

[fuzzy butterfly]

Hey your welcome. Never give up love . Hugs

 

[Lisa]

I will chime in here too - I dated on and off, with some fairly serious relationships and shorter ones in between.....didn't get married until I was 34.....and it is marriage #3 for my husband.....had our daughter at almost 35.....

I'm glad I didn't jump into anything when I was younger, it allowed me to focus more on 'me' at the time, so that I was more settled and mature when I did finally settle down. Been in the same job now for just over 13 years, married for 10.....

Brewtowncronie51 - Hi
I wish I had some great advice for you. But I think if you To get out the house And explore something different You may fall upon someone that you would never have met.
I kind of feel The same way as you. I'm in the same boat except for I am not sucessful. I do on my own house. I Became a foster mom. Fell in love with The kids and adopted 2. Put my life on hold to raise them. That was 11 years ago Now, I find out two months ago that I have crohns. I haven't been on a date in 13 years. I'm 51 years old I think it's too late for me now. But, you still have time.I wish you good luck!

Not successful??? I beg to differ! Own home, fostering/adoption.....to me that is a success - not only for you but for your family. As for age - I don't think it is ever too late, might be hard to 'get out there', but sometimes things happen in their own time.....I've decided to concentrate on the here and now, not the what could have been or what if.....life is too short!

 

[ronroush7]

My wife and I originally met in college. She says if we had married then she feels we would have been immature.