I think my emotions are a combination of a little anger hurt and some fear. I've never experienced a pain so deep with two people that don't care what they have done. I think that makes it worse when there is no remorse. Everyday is a struggle just to get through it and I guess it's just going to take a long time to heal.
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Yes, it will take time, I agree with you 100%. As long as you don't let the anger rule you, you will be alright....:ghug:
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That's only part of that passage, and an interpretation of the meaning. The more literal english translation from the first known English translation in the Cloverdale bible reads:
"Be angrie, but synne not. Let not ye Sonne go downe vpo youre wrath." Ephesians 4:26
The Jewish Bible translates that passage as follows:
"Be angry, but do not sine-don't let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger."
The bible also instructs us not to repay "evil with evil" and that "a wise man is slow to anger", meaning we shouldn't take revenge or allow anger to control us. Not that we shouldn't get angry.
The bible is also full of the consequences of incurring God's wrath. Come to think of it, although it may be debatable, most theologians agree that Judas was not forgiven for his betrayal of Christ.
Unkess you have personally endured the pain of divorce as a direct result of the betrayal of infidelity, instructing another they should just forgive, would be like me telling someone with Crohns that they should just deal with the pain. There are some things which are just not possible.
I married my first husband right out of high school. We were only married a couple of years when I discovered not only was he cheating, but had actually moved his girlfriend into our home, and had her living in our attic.
I was depressed for months, and all I did was lay in bad and cry. I could barely function. Then I got angry, really angry, which gave me the energy, and motivation to get out bed, and take action to protect and better myself. That's when I started to heal. Yes, I forgave him, but that came a couple years down the road. I most certainly did not forgive him while him and his girlfriend were still trying to hurt me, because my anger is what was giving me the energy and strength to fight back. My anger was very constructive.
I couldn't find it my heart to just forgive him. To compel myself, I performed an actual act. His new wife needed an operation, but it was very risky, and as she was Catholic, their marriage was not recognized in the "eyes of the church". For the sake of their children, she didn't want to risk dying in sin, and wanted to get married in church first. Only before the church would allow it, his prior marriage to me had to be annulled, but the fee was $600, and with all her medical expenses, they couldn't afford. I didn't hear it from them, but upon learning all that from a mutual friend, I went to the Catholic Church, paid the fee, and filed for annulment--and I'm not even Catholic. I didn't give infidelity as my reason, but rather that I practiced birth control throughout our marriage.
I never said a word to either of them, because I didn't do it for them. I did it for me, so I could free myself from all remaining anger and resentment. It worked too. She's extemely religious, and tells everyone that she prayed, and God answered her prayers. For all I know, that may even be true.
To be completely honest, I didn't even come up with the idea on my own. I got it, of all places, from my ex! He wasn't remorseful at first either, and he and his GF did all kinds of evil things to harm me. I'm sorry to admit that I retaliated, not that it made me feel any better. When my ex finally came to grip with what he had done, he not only expressed remorse, but made full restitution, paying me back financially, for all they had "stolen". I didn't ask him to do that, but he told me that he wasn't doing it for me, but rather for himself. So he could feel better about himself, and heal. After he remarried, I decided that I deserved to feel better about myself too, and took action to complete my healing.
But I would never recommend anyone forgive during the initial stages of divorce, because those who do, usually end up getting taken to the cleaners, and regret it later.
Not getting angry, also sends the wrong message to others. If the only side of the story they hear comes from your ex, then that's all they have to go by. If you don't stand up and defend yourself immediately, the damage is done, and can not be undone later. That's the mistake my current husband made with his ex. He wanted to be the "better person", refusing to stoop to her level. As a result, to this very day, even his own family blames him for their divorce. Even though she was the one who cheated on and left him--for his best friend. She's been cheating on and leaving all her subsequent husbands as well, but regardless, even his own parents still believe the lies she told.
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I really appreciate you taking the time to write that event in your life I have not gotten to the anger stage yet but I'm not one to get angry easily. I feel I have every right to be angry and currently I will not have anything to do with either one of them. It's a slow grieving process that hurts when I think about what has happened and like you I just want to stay at home sometimes wondering what I should be doing then not doing anything. I have went out with my friends and they come over frequently which has helped. I'm not going to let them get by with what they have done and it's a matter of time before we do the property distribution even though my wife took a lot of things while I was in the hospital. My attorney will help me make sure I don't get screwed. I think I have every rightbto get angry but I'm not the type to get even. I will not do anything stupid or out of resentment. I hate the position they have put me in and every day is a struggle but I'm getting through it. I'm on disability and have a lot of time on my hands I want to work in the yard but the bank is going to foreclose on my current home so I don't have that desire to work on something I'm going to lose. I cannot tell you how much your support means to me and everyone else on the forum. I'm trying very hard each day and it's an uphill battle. I am a good caring person that was a victim of two selfish individuals and I'm the only one hurting. I'm ready to get angry but it's just not there yet maybe soon. I think in time I will do the things I need to do but right now I'm in the stage of protecting me and my feelings. Please continue with your advice and support it means everything to me.
I think you are doing what is right for you. Everyone deals with hurt in different ways. What is right for me, may not be for you. I, like you never wanted to get even, just wanted to be able to put that chapter of my life behind me and move on. I learned so much about God and myself through all I have been through. Even since the suicide, many things have happened I never could've even imagined. But, God was with me at my side helping me through it all. I am not bitter or resentful at anyone. I am happier than I ever have been now. I have grown so much and am prepared for whatever comes my way. Death is always sad and a grieving process. The end of a marriage is like a death. Mourning is normal and even anger as you may or may not find out. But either way, just know we support you and pray for you and God will do the rest for you to get you through. Blessings!!!:ghug:
Talking about your feelings is key! Glad you are able to do it. I had a sister i could tell anything to and she helped me through as well. She has been like my best friend in life. Friends are so impportant in the healing process and we are here too. You will get through this and come out a better, stronger man!:ghug:
I know I will get through it at some point and your right good friends mean everything. I have grown so much from listening and talking with you on the forum. I hope you don't get tired of me talking with you I know it can get repetitive but letting bit out and getting other peoples opinion that do care means so much again I just want to thank you.
God bless you! I am glad to help! I do have to run and go over town, but I will be back later!!!!:ghug:
Today has been a very bad day I have been very down all day and it just seems to not go away. The stress is making my crohns flare up and that's the last thing I need. My soon to be ex wife has caused me so much pain and hurt and I am trying to work my way through this but it seems it gets harder and harder to do. I know divorcing her is the right thing to do but it hurts so much. This was someone I loved with all my heart and through all of the lies and betrayal it's put me on my knees. I was a very strong person but now I feel as weak as a child. I lost everything due to her actions and she could care less and now I'm left with trying just to survive. I feel like I'm in survival mode and nothing makes me happy anymore. I've lost all interest in things I use to do and im not sure as to what I need to do next. I am in counseling to help cope with all of this but will lose my health insurance when the divorce is final. I have prayed a lot and I know faith is very important and im trusting god will send me down the right path I just hope he gives me the strength to get through this. I can honestly say i am not handling this very well but I'm doing the best I can and my wife is living a normal life as if I didn't even exist. I just don't understand and wish somebody could tell me how people can act the way she is acting.
How awful, you will lose your health insurance? That doesn't seem fair, why would it be tied to the divorce? You need to stop giving her power over you. Right now what she is doing is controlling your life even though you're not together anymore. Your health and well-being are much more important. Be glad that she's gone, since she treated you so poorly to begin with. Who needs to feel like that! Put her out of your life (and your brother too), and stick with us here to know you have worth and people who care.
Thank you so much I have struggled with this for a long time and I know I'm a better person. I care so much about people and I just want to be happy with someone. Even when u lose someone like her that I loved very much it still is so painful. I'm doing the best I can and one day I'll be happy again. Thank you for your kindness and support.
Thank you so much Laura I really appreciate your kind words. Everyday is like a nightmare and I just want happiness and to stop hurting. Idk what I would do without this forum I have met some really caring people on here and it helps so much.
I hope that some of your pain gets better soon! It's a real struggle to deal with either emotional or physical pain, so to have to do both - you're so strong to be dealing with all of this. I'm so glad you had the presence of mind to join this forum. Reaching out is so important when you're going through a stressful time!
It is very painful and I don't feel strong actually I feel weak for not handling it better. I have cried and got depressed over everything and feel useless. The pain and hurt has been more than I could ever imagine. I know someday I will get through this but for now it's a very hard struggle. Thank you for talking and your support I really appreciate it very much.
You are very welcome and I'm glad to be able to be here for you! Your tears don't mean that you are weak, they mean that you are capable of expressing pain. Strength means you go on despite the pain you are in and the depression you are feeling, and that is very much what you are doing. Please keep fighting, you're going to make it.
Cindy thank you it really sucks and it is a hourly battle and the sad part is my wife could care less. She is going on as if I were never her husband. That I don't understand and this may be selfish but I want her to feel the pain but it's not going to happen. She's very selfish and as long as she's getting her way she's happy. This is something that I never saw until recently. Your support is greatly apprecited and I'm sorry to ramble but it's the best way for me to deal with this idk what else to do.
We all are glad to be of some comfort! Have to get ready to go with my church friend to a Mother's day thing at her fitness center. They are giving away stuff, Maybe I'll win something!!!! That would be fun, so i"ll talk to you alter M ok?:ghug:Have a great day and keep smiling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:ybiggrin::biggrin::ytongue::ysmile::wink::ylol2::rof::ycool::tongue:
Today was very hard I've tried staying busy but the sadness just kept hitting me. I feel very lonely right now and I'm not one to go bar hopping. I hate going to eat by myself but I guess that's how it's going to be for awhile. I have not been alone for almost 25 years so it's a huge adjustment. The stress has me in a flare and that doesn't help matters. Sorry I just had to vent a bit.
Do you have any old girlfriends from school you could look up and get together with? That would give you something to get excited about and have some fun too! If I were in your shoes, I would just for fun.
I betcha with your personality, you could easliy meet women and just casually ask them out for coffee or join a date site. I think it might be a good diversion right now. I sent you a PM earlier, did you get it?
Today has been one of my worse days in a while. I feel like I've been tossed aside and I am fighting being sad and hurt. I know there is no rushing the healing but I'm so tired of feeling this way. I know you get tired of me complaining but Im doing the best I can.
Ok so I'm going to ask this question cause it's been bothering me a lot. Does anyone else feel that because you have a chronic illness you would not be able to find someone to get into a relationship. I feel like I'm at a huge disadvantage because of my crohns and that no one would want to get involved with me. I hate being alone and going through a divorce and thinking of my crohns I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. I was just wondering if anyone else feels this way.
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I know more people will respond in the next couple of days, but I want to add my own feelings on this subject. As a woman first, I would fall in love with the man and not the illness. That is what love is all about.
As a mom of a daughter with Crohns, I know she will find the perfect man that will love her for who she is and help her through the hard times.
A disease like this makes you see life differently. You have the advantage of knowing what others go through and having the compassion that many do not possess.
As a mom of a daughter with Crohns, I know she will find the perfect man that will love her for who she is and help her through the hard times.
A disease like this makes you see life differently. You have the advantage of knowing what others go through and having the compassion that many do not possess.
It's going to be a non-starter for a lot of people, but not for everyone.
I know people who won't date people with children, people who smoke, or people who live an hour out of town!
Everyone has their own particular views on starting a relationship, but don't feel like you won't find someone because you have Crohn's. I have a friend who is married to a paraplegic man - he was born that way - and they are very much in love. She fell in love with him for who he is, not because of or in spite of the wheelchair and disability. Someone who loves you for who you are will be willing to adapt to your condition, not resent you for it.
Hey mwkwmn, check out the singles with Crohn's support group on this site. Lots of people ask the same questions, and they're normal questions to ask, especially after the kind of crap you've gone through, but there *are* amazing people out there who won't hold your disease against you and who are supportive and wonderful.
maybe you need to find a sexy single crohny! 
then you would definitely know what each other feels and goes through.... and you could prepare romantic low-residue dinners together... and take hot baths together to ease tummy pain. Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
then you would definitely know what each other feels and goes through.... and you could prepare romantic low-residue dinners together... and take hot baths together to ease tummy pain. Sounds romantic, doesn't it?
I take ativan.
Just one in the morning when needed and it does make you tired. One at night to sleep. This is every night and I sleep really well.
Ativan def helps with anxiety! The antidepressants should kick in and help too.
Let us know how it goes.
This weekend was horrible I got very shaky and jittery after increasing to 150mg of zoloft. I'm going to call my gp in the morning to see if he will decrease it back to 100 mg and give me some Ativan or Xanax for anxiety. I cany go another day like this. Has anyone else had problems with zoloft causing shakes and jitters.
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Mwkwmn,
Antidepressants can have different effects on different people. I've never been able to take them. Only effect I get is nausea.
But antidepressants vary greatly, and if one type doesn't seem to produce the desired effect, it might help to try a different type.
((((((HUGS!)))))))
Antidepressants can have different effects on different people. I've never been able to take them. Only effect I get is nausea.
But antidepressants vary greatly, and if one type doesn't seem to produce the desired effect, it might help to try a different type.
((((((HUGS!)))))))
Yes, years ago and I still shake worse than usual from all of them. It is a side affect you may adjust too. You sweat more too you'll notice and maybe have trouble sleeping. Some sleep better from them. I have to take an ativan to sleep.
Good, about time! I am sick with stomach flu so won't be around much today. Going to bed. Hope the meds help with your anxiety. Ativan works better than xanax. Hope you get it.
When I hit my late 40s, I began to have terrible insomnia, only sleeping 2 to 4 hours at night. Even Ambien didn't help. Then, hello medical marijuana!
Back 11 yrs. when I still had a hit before bed. I slept like a rock and had the best sex of my life!! Teehee! I do miss that!:devil:
I'd say try it, but it is not legal. I won't anymore because of that and personal reasons.
Hi all I know it's been a while since I updated but I was in the hospital with a flare of crohns and adrenal problems. I was there about three days and was put back on the wonderful steroids. I am currently on 30 mg am and 20 mg pm. My crohns seems to have settled down and the adrenal problems fluctuate with the stress I'm under. I have court this week and my soon to be ex is trying to get my social security I draw on my son to be paid to her. I thought I was suppose to use that money to help put a roof over his head when he's with me and so on. She's wanting all of that plus child support on top of that I don't know what I am going to do. It's reached a point to where I feel like I'm not strong enough to fight back after fighting my health issues. I guess my attorney will hopefully put a stop to this. Sorry for ranting but I had to get this off my chest and would love some advice.:ymad:
I'm glad to hear you have an attorney helping you out. He should be able to put a stop to her and her obviously vindictive behavior. Considering she's the one who cheated on you she's got a lot of gall to try to harm you further. Good luck. I know you're feeling stressed but remember to focus on yourself and don't give her any power over you if you can help it.
Thanks Cindy it's really hard to put up with everything she's doing. This all seams like a nightmare you don't wake up from. I just want peace and happiness but at this point I don't know what that is. My life has been hell and I didn't do anything to cause it I was just the receiver. Someday it will be over but at what price remains to be seen.
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she can't get your SSD. I get it for my Crohn's, clotting disorder, and the fact that I have side effects from my stroke.
I hope your attorney can put a stop to it. She's an RN right?? She makes GOOD MONEY. She should be paying you for the hell she put you through. hang in there. hugs to you.
I hope your attorney can put a stop to it. She's an RN right?? She makes GOOD MONEY. She should be paying you for the hell she put you through. hang in there. hugs to you.
Stress has become my biggest obstacle in that it contributes to having a flare. I've tried meditating and trying to focus on othervthings but innthe end the stress manages to sneak in and cause stomach problems. I wish I could not worry about the things we can't control but it's difficult for me. I know I'm not doing myself any favors. Maybe when all of this is said and done my stress levels will return to normal and I will be able to control my flares more easily.
Well tonight I've decided to get out and go to a divorce class. I think this will help me In getting around people and talking to people going through the same thing I'm going through. I'm really looking forward to it hoping it will help me in trying to move on. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm hoping this will help reduce the stress and ultimately help the flares. Thanks for listening.
I think that is a really good idea. No one can help you better than others who know exactly what you are going through. I'd imagine they will have some good ideas for you to help you deal with everything you've got going on with your divorce. Kudos to you for being proactive and doing something good for yourself!
You should file for spousal support seriously, I would! Lots of men do now days!
You may not see it now, but you will grow so mcuh as a person from this and be able to help others who are suffering later. You are a survivor and you will be fine!:ghug:
Hi guys I just wanted to start out by saying thanks to everyone for the support and advice it means so much when your going through a terrible time. Friendship even over the forum is special, and even though we all have our stories and as different as they may be there is always someone here that can give some support or just a little comfort to help us get through these times. Monday I go to a hearing to determine if my soon to be esters to take part of my social security in addition to child support, also even though she's taken a lot of our belongings she is still wanting more. I would ask from each of you to pray for me in that the judge will do what is right and to help me get through this rough time. I am putting it in gods hands and will let him take over. I am emotionally exhausted worrying about this and I know I need gods help. Your prayers will be greatly appreciated. Again I just want to say thank you and to let you all know you mean a lot to me.
My prayers are with you and plz let us know what happens. God is good and will get you through this hun! Stay calm and def. give it over to Him....:ghug:
Just want you to know I've been thinking of you and praying about the hearing tmro. Ask God to find favor with you before the hearing tmro. Trust Him and he will take care of you. Don't be nervous or upset! We are all here rooting for you!:ghug:
Thinking of you this morning and praying for you to win in every sense of the word!:ghug: We are here supporting you!Plz send me a pm if you can and let me know what happened, ok? Thanks!:ghug:
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Update they let my ex have the social security I draw for my son but they took regular child support away and they gave me 1/2 of her retirement. They also are going to take everything she's taken out of the house and it's going to be divided equally. It ended up costing me an extra 6,000.00 over two years but I'm getting $93,000.00 from her retirement not a bad trade off.
And all the people said~Amen!!!!:lol2:
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and we shouted YIPPEE!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!
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I had my diagnosis of Crohn's when I met my husband. I'm lucky because he is extremely supportive (his dad's a crohnie too). We dated for almost 3 years and will be married 15 years this November. I never felt like any of my relationships before him felt frightened/threatened by my Crohn's.
Just an update my house is now in a short sale and foreclosure. I will have to start looking for a place to rent possibly very soon. My soon to be ex is still wanting more of our furniture and marital belongings so we are still hashing that out. I should lose my health insurance by the end of the month and will have to try and get on ky access. My soon to be ex wants reimbursement for carrying my daughter on the family plan which didn't cost her anymore money. I think over the last few days my mind set has changed and I have lost all respect for my ex and I see a very self-centered greedy person. Even though I'm alone I'm starting to deal with reality and the transition and I can tell you it would not have been possible without all of your prayers,support and comments. I still have a way to go but I just wanted to let you know how much I value this forum and the people within. My scopes came back with active crohns just above the anastamosis and I have a hiatal hernia and diverticulosis t/o my entire colon. They are putting me back on tysabri and hopefully I will get relief from the medication. Thanks again to everyone I'll keep you posted as I travel down this path.
I have a feeling you are definately on the right path now in your thinking and everyway! I am so happy you are facing the truth and seeing her for who she really is now. I pray you stay strong and don't let her take anymore furniture than she is supposed to, ok? You have been through enough and she has hurt you everyway she can. Your turn for victory. You don't owe her anything for daughter's medical either. If it wasn't in the court documents, then don't worry about it! Talk to you soon!!!:ghug:T
It's been a while since I've been on here but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on. My crohns is worse but I'm scheduled to start tysabri again tomorrow. My soon to be ex and I had a court date yesterday over property settlement and she was just in a stare not really communicating very much. She also told me she wanted out of the law suit against our business partners. Needless to say I'm confused of her actions. It's almost like I don't even know this person anymore. I havevput the house in realtor hands and we have four offers so far so maybe I'll be able to sale the house. I'll have to find a place to live then but I'm ready to leave this house to many memories. Thank you for listening and any advice is welcome.
My advice is to keep moving forward and trying to forget this person because she doesn't exist anymore. She sounds cold and distant and removed emotionally altogether. Just trust the good Lord to get you through the next phases and then you can truly begin again. I pray for peace for you and God's blessings!:hug:
and you will keep on doing that because he has given you strength!!!:dance:
Obvioulsly she has changed from te person you once knew. Forget about her, sell your house and move on. Someday soon you will find a fabulous girl yo will fall in love with! And yor life will get better. I'm glad to hear that that part of your life is behind you. Sorro to hear your Crohn's is worse I hope thenew meds work for you.
Hi all I have not been on in a while due to a recent hospital stay. I had a double dose of a crohns flare and adrenal insufficiency. They started me back on prednisone and cortef. I am home now but still pretty weak. The drs told me I had to let the stress go because it was bothering my adrenal issues and crohns ha ha. I think it's time I let go of the past and start working on the future which is very hard to do. One positive note I think I have the house sold so I will be looking for a place to live and I think that will help me getting out of the house my ex and I had. I really appreciate all of your kind words and suggestions throughout this ordeal it helped greatly. I will keep you up to date as things unwind.
Awww!!! Sorry you were again in the hospital. Hoping everything goes great now along with your attitude! God bless you my friend! :hug:
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