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Devynnsmom

Devynnsmom

Joined
Jan 11, 2012
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Devynn's meds were changed in Nov and she's been doing great. Then about a month ago she started having some problems with some girls in school. She didn't really talk to me about it much at first, other than to say they were being mean. Apparently they have been calling her veiny potter, because she has a few very noticeable veins around her temples and she loves the Harry Potter movies. They have written a song about her which says something along the lines of her having no soul, and no friends because she's too ugly.
I have been in to talk to her teacher and she spoke to the girls. I thought it had ended but she came home in tears again yesterday. She told me about the song and cried. I went in to talk to her teacher again today, but she was not in and the principal was not in until later in the day. I had to go to work, so I emailed her teacher. Half way through the day Devynn called me crying. I asked what was wrong and she said one of the girls said she was telling the principal that I was coming in to beat up one of the girls! These girls are 11 years old for crying out loud! I told her not to worry because the adults (teacher and principal) will know they are not being honest.
I ended up going to the school before going to my second job because I wanted to talk to the principal, and make sure she was ok. She told me they were going to have a meeting in 15 min to talk about what is going on. Devynn said that in the meeting, all the girls said they heard me say I was coming to beat up one of the girls. The principal told them she didn't believe a word. She spoke to all of them, Devynn included, and told them this needs to stop and they don't have to be friends but they have to stop fighting. Devynn has huge red circles under her eyes from crying, and no appetite.
In the last two weeks she has started having stomach aches again, diarrhea, gas, and her appetite which is usually amazing.. is non existent. I know stress is so bad for these kids and I am so angry that this is happening. If things don't stop, I am going to take this above the principal. I am done playing nice.
I am just so upset that she has been doing so well, for the first time in 2 years and now because of all of this she is feeling rotten again :(
Sorry for the long post, I just need to vent. I don't really have anyone to vent to.
 
I am so sorry to hear that Devynn is having to deal with those girls. She does not need that in her life. I know your mama bear instincts are out in full force, mine would be too.

I hope Devynn is able to see through it and know she is such a great girl. My heart goes out to both of you.
you have my support 100%!!!
hugs to you both..
 
I'm so sorry to hear that she is having to experience this and that it is affecting her health. I think it is horrible how rotten some kids can treat other kids!!

I saw this Canadian documentary, "It's a Girls World", that was definitely an eye opener. I didn't realize how prevalent girl on girl bullying actually was.

I agree I would stay on top of it and make sure that the "No Tolerance" rule toward bullying was upheld.
 
That is awful - girl bullying, "mean girls" have got to be the worse. I was teased horribly for having red hair as a child - hated it, didn't matter how many adults told me how beautiful my hair was it didn't matter because the kids at school just made fun of it.
I remember one time in high school someone who I thought was a friend (a beautiful tall blond) said that she and another girl (a petite little blond) didn't have to be concerned about me and the boy we all liked since they were blond and I was a redhead, and redheads were weird looking and boys always liked blonds. Well I got the boy (He liked redheads) and I don't think I ever spoke to her again. Certainly went a long way towards all those "mean girls" that made fun of me.
Glad you are taking steps at school, they were having lots of problems with the girls when Jack was in school so they had special counseling sessions/team activities with just the girls.
Jack had a few issues with one boy in elementary school right after he was dx'd. They had popcorn Friday in his class and when Jack said he couldn't have popcorn, this boy decided it would be funny to try and throw popcorn in Jack's mouth everytime he opened it and kept putting his chair in the hallway. I was furious, it had been going on for a few months and Jack never said anything, just tried to laugh it off but it really upset him and he would come home and cry. Went to the principal, counselor, teacher and raised a little H*ll
 
Thank you Julie :)

Thank you Farmwife. The school does have an anti bullying rule. These girls are on (including Devynn) on student council and all on the anti bully team! I don't know whats going on with them and why they have started being so mean. 2 of the girls have been close friends of Devynn's for years.

Thank you Clash, I will def make sure something is done. If this continues next week I will be making phone calls.

Jacqui, thats awful! I'm so sorry you went through all that! I'm glad you got the guy though ;) I'm sorry Jack went through that as well. How are things now?
 
That's really awful. I hope you manage to get something sorted out, it's unfair her having to deal with that. Maybe I lived in a good bubble when at school, but I don't remember anyone being really mean or bullying other kids. However the stories I hear nowadays from the mom's with girls at high school are pretty scary. I could never understand it.
 
Your daughter is GORGEOUS...hate how a few mean girls can do such damage to self esteem.
Have you considered therapy with an emphasis on self esteem? I didn't know how to deal with this as a child and only as an adult did I learn how to deal with it. I believed them for years.
Hoping you get it sorted out and those girls should be punished by their parents..what a shame that children need to do that. :(
 
Has anybody seen the documentary "Bully"? I really liked it. Many school officials just get me so mad! My older son was bullied in middle school (~2005) and the principal and dean were useless.

I think Angie's idea (couseling) could be good ... as long as the counselor is good. My son saw a psychiatrist around that time, and we described the bullying events (throwing things at him on bus, pushing him until he fell and dropped all his books, verbal threats ...) and this doctor then said "so he is not really bullied, he is being teased". It seemed where ever we turned to back then, we received very poor support.
 
My son got bullied in school when he was first diagnosed. Now he is dealing with not being welcome in some places because he has C-diff, that hard on an18 yr old. Girls bullying is the worst, I know. Lots of luck, your daught is so precious.
 
Ughhh this makes me furious ! I can just imagine how you feel Samantha :(

I was bullied as a child, and it wasn't until late in high school that I finally learned that it was OK to stand up for myself.
Devyn is beautiful and I so hope that somewhere in her, she believes that ! :hug:

Have you tried contacting the mothers of these girls to talk to them personally ?
Or maybe set up a day where the mothers and daughters can all get together, outside of school, and work this out?

I remember one time when I was in middle school, there was a group of kids that were giving me a really hard time on the school bus, and on the walk home after school. They would pull my hair, throw things at me, call me names, etc. I came home crying one day to my mother. These kids were related, brothers and sisters, and lived down the street from us. Well to my surprise, my mother went storming down to their house to confront their parents ! I sat home so scared that things were just going to get worse for me now. Thankfully tho, just the opposite happened. My mother called me and told me to come down to their house. The kids parents were furious at what was happening ! And, to make a long story short, they all apologized to me and we all became friends from that day, and I am still in contact with their family to this day ! :)
 
Hello
I have just stumbled on your post and I am so sorry that your gorgeous girl (and you) are having to deal with this. I am not a parent but I was bullied at school and the girls were much worse than the boys. 35 years later I can probably say that it possibly helped to toughen me up and to learn to stand up for myself - but your daughter's situation is not the way you would prefer how she learns those life lessons.
I totally agree with the earlier posts about ensuring that her school applies their bullying policy. The best thing is that she has you as her mum.
Take care to both of you and lots of hugs. :hug:
 
Samantha, I've had to deal with these issues with both of my older daughters. It is so sad. I think this sort of thing, coupled with my daughter's low self-esteem and stress of her health problems is what finally led to our pulling her from school and homeschooling her. It isn't the ideal answer either. I am sorry your daughter is so sad right now. Wish we could get her and Jaedyn together for a fun afternoon today :)
 
CeeCee thank you :) I was bullied too and I agree that I think it helped toughen me up. But watching your child go through it sucks :( I will def be making sure the school follows the anti bully law.

Carol, I'm sorry your girls had to deal with mean girls too :( I would love to pull Devynn out and home school her. But being a single mother I have to work, so it wouldn't work for us right now. If it came down to it I would give up one of my jobs. But money is already very tight. I wish we could get them together too. Off topic, but Wow... Jaedyn is your twin!
 
Yes, she is a mini-me! Everyone says so.

I wasn't suggesting that you homeschool Devynn. I'd prefer Jae be able to go to school and thrive, and I hope that you can find a happy solution for your daughter in school as well. Is Devynn your only child at home right now? I can't remember. She's lucky to have you to advocate for her. I grew up with a single mom in a similar environment (as in, "not the greatest"), and I often felt alone with my problems.

I'll encourage Jae to send her an encouraging message today on facebook.
 
Those girls should have to do volunteer work and become educated about Crohns and other health issues. It would serve them the rest of their lives.

Your daughter has already had to face something that most people never will. She is a strong, sensitive caring girl who could teach those girls a thing or two.
 
Carol, I know you weren't suggesting it lol I have always wanted to home school. If there was a way, I would do it. Even if it was only temp. I have Devynn and her 18 year old brother at home. She def has me in her corner. :)

Farmwife, I'm still mad too. We went skating last night and one of the girls was there. She was with 4 other girls and they followed Devynn and her friend around the ice most of the time. Devynn's 2 sisters and one of their boyfriends came with us, so if she was skating with them they stayed far away. The girl who followed her was there with her dad, and if he spent 2 min watching his daughter skate at any given time he would have witnessed what was going on. But he spent most of the time outside smoking.

Thank you Julie, you are very right. Two of these girls have been her friend since long before diagnosis. I am SO surprised they haven't made fun of her for her IBD, or said anything about it. I have totally expected to hear something.

Thank you Niks :) That's what everyone is saying lol. Her siblings want to tell her a few good comebacks!! I know she will come out of it stronger, it just hurts to watch. I'm sorry Jaime had problems with bullies too :( Yes mean girls are so mean and boys are so much better. Thank you for the hugs :)
 
Just for the record... my oldest daughter had more trouble with the boys when she moved to the school she is currently at. In 7th grade they would single her out and lock her out of classrooms, make fun of her, and harrass her in the gym by knocking her basketball shots down with other balls. The girls would exclude her and leave her out, but they weren't so openly mean as the boys. Thankfully the school jumped right on it when I sent a very specific letter outlining all the things she told me were happening to her at school. It got much better after that.
 
Ugh! I am so sorry Devynn is having to go through all of this. She is gorgeous and the bullying is NO reflection of her at all. These girls parents should be ashamed, but I can imagine how they treat their girls or else these girls would not behave the way they do. My Momma Tiger-self would be all over this one too!

We deal with stress and crohn's all of the time. Ryan is so high strung and anxious, it's a constant problem. One thing I have observed is that our kids learn at an early age that there are more important things in life than "going with the crowd" or kissing up to be accepted. The kids who bully to control can't stand our kids who "just don't care" about them or their popularity. Everyone else in the school wants to be the popular kid's friend to either be popular too or avoid being bullied.

I hope that things calm down very soon. Devynn is a beautiful girl!
 
Carol, thats awful! I'm sorry she had to deal with that.

jmckinley, Thank you very much :) Yes the stress is so bad. She has skin peeling off her feet again and she said she feels an ulcer coming on her gums :(
 
Does Devynn have a good group of close friends? What do they think of all this? What do their parents think?
 
Samantha, thanks for the empathy. Junior high is the pits.

I hope Devynn finds a way to find peace amidst the pain, and gets relief from the rashes and ulcers too. :(
 
Oh Samantha, that is just so awful for your girl and heartbreaking for you. :ghug:

Girls can be so very cruel with their words and those words often scar and damage far worse than any hit or punch can. :(

I hope more than anything that the bullying soon stops and the stress of it all has not caused any lasting issues for Devynn, bless her. :heart:

Wishing you all the luck in the world and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dusty. xxx
 
Just got back from the hospital with my son, Brad. We should find out with 2 days. If it's negative then he does another colonoscopy (been awhile), then he does upper GI. I'm so tired of his attitude. I get back to you all later, hopefully with great news. Kinsey
 
Mehita, I have tried to reply to this post a few times and for some reason it wont post! grr
2 of these girls have been close friends with Devynn for years. I haven't spoken to their parents for a few reasons. I explained in post 16.

Carol, thank you. I hope so too. She now has the skin peeling off both feet, 3 ulcers in her mouth, her stomach is in knots and her left ankle is sore. :( I sent an email to her nurse this morning.

Dusty, Thank you, the stress is affecting her. Read my reply above to Carol :(
 
Breaks my heart to be reading all this! And mad!!! :ymad: Devynn is absolutely gorgeous but, of course, she doesn't care about that from her mom's (or any mom's) perspective! :hug:

The same thing happened with my daughter when she was in grade 6. Her school, at the time, was involved in a 'trial' where they had three grades in a classroom (4, 5, and 6), so with all these grades, while there may have been 12-15 girls in the room, there were only 4 or 5 in her grade, take away the two that were teasing her and it didn't leave many 'other' friend options. We did speak to the teacher and principal who were supportive but had limited impact. So, we very much encouraged her to do the 'usual' - ignore them, find other friends, etc. and this had much more of an result than we had expected. She made friends with one or two girls in grade 5 and began to 'play' with the boys more... by the end of the year, she was truly 'pitying' :lol: the girls who had teased her as she said she was having so much more fun playing games, etc. with the boys and had now included her grade 5 girl-friends in these games. She came home once and said the two 'mean' girls are so boring... they just hang around the fence at lunch and talk while we're all playing games. :thumright:

I also retaliated a bit 'mean' girl-like on her behalf! While not telling her of my ulterior motives, I would buy a little dollar store 'thing' (mini game, stickers, etc.) or special snacks and tell her 'oh, just take it to school and share with your new friends ;), couple of times, offered to take her and her new friends somewhere 'special' after school (ice skating, swimming at wave pool, etc.) and a big hit was the Christmas party she had - I made sure it would be a really, really fun party - planned lots of fun games, made a gingerbread houses, set up an ice cream sundae bar with lots of sprinkles, whipped cream, etc.

All of these things helped switch her focus from unhappy to happy things and made it a bit easier to build these new friendships. I certainly never suggested/encouraged her to exclude the mean girls (didn't want to end up with my own mean girl! :eek:), however, I certainly did encourage her to engage her new friends in these things.


It took a while..., there were bumps and the occasional tears (same grade group projects, etc.) along the way but it did get better. Just keep supporting Devynn, keep reminding her of her good qualities, remind her that this won't last forever, let her know, if it's possible, you'll do what you can to ensure she's not in their classes next year, encourage her to open up her circle of friends and activities.


Good luck!!! :ghug:
 
Something made me laugh

Thank you all so much for being here. Something finally made me laugh this morning and I feel better. A better outlook and attitude. I guess the laughter being medicine is true, and it really means to keep a sense of humor. :dance:
 
Thank you Tess :) She is in a grade 5/6 class. She is in grade 6. I've told her to ignore the mean girls. I told her they are mean because they don't feel good about themselves, so it makes them feel better to make other people sad. This whole thing started when she started playing with a girl she has never played with. Things were ok for a while, but then one night I was babysitting one girl overnight (the now bully) and the new friend came over. They watched movies, played etc. Another friend had texted one of the girls and when she found out there were both here.. all h**l broke loose. I know its a jealousy issue, and I've tried to explain that to her. I do a lot with her and she can always bring a friend, sometimes 2. We skate, swim, go to the movies etc. One of the things we do that a LOT of her friends don't do at home with their own mothers is to bake. I also send little things she can share with her friends (treats etc).
I really didn't think it was bothering her that bad until the 2 weeks. I think its been building up. Now she's not feeling well at all. Her stomach has been sore for a good week (has been great, symptom free since Nov), her ankle is sore this morning, she has had 3 mouth ulcers pop up since Sun, and the skin is coming off her feet again.
Next week is March break for us. I have promised we will do some fun things. We will skate, go bowling, go to the movies and find a few other things to do. Usually 2 of these now mean girls are the ones who join us, because neither or their mothers can be bothered spending any time with their girls. Which is pretty sad. Thats one of the reasons I have always tried to include one or the other (they have always hated each other).
She just called home to tell me she feels ok :*) I love this kid so much and it hurts so much to see her so sad. The worst part is that even though she doesn't really show how much its bugging her.. her body is telling me. I wish I had a magic wand.. or that a kiss would make it all better.

I'm sorry your daughter went through the same thing. But I'm so glad she has you for her mom :) They don't realize how lucky they are. Devynn is starting to in the last year or so I think.. she knows that both of the mean girls that she used to be friends with have mothers who pawn them off on the first person they can find.

(((hugs))))
 
Samantha,
I am so sorry to here she is having so many symptoms. Our kids tend to have so see a side of life we never want them to at such a young age. With such a loving caring mother she is going to be a very strong young lady.
hugs for you both
 
Hi Samantha
Sorry to hear that your gorgeous girl is feeling rough. Hopefully when you have March break you can do some of the many great things you mentioned in post 35. She is so lucky to have you as her mum and you are so lucky to have her. If I was much younger I'd ask you to adopt me! :rof:
Take care both of you and lots of hugs. :ghug:
 
Thank you Carol, I hope we can have some fun and forget about everything too. She came home from school in a fairly good mood. She's gone to a friends house to work on a project. I haven't had a chance to ask her how school was. I asked how was your day and she said good, but we didn't really get into it. She was out the door so fast.
 
I'm sorry to hear that Devynn is having such a flare. She's too sweet for that to happen to. I hope that the girls can work it out. I was always one of the girls that got pawned off on other parents because my mother had to work 2 jobs to support 4 kids at home. I don't think that made me mean - I didn't have a mean bone in my body - so I don't understand that part. You'd think the girls would appreciate what they got at Devynn's house. Oh shoot.
 
Thank you Carol, the girl who gets pawned off loves coming here because we bake often. She loves to help. She has always had a mean streak, but she's also had a hard life.

Angie, thank you :) I hope so too.

Thank you Niks, her day was pretty good. She said one of the girls gave her attitude lol but that was it. She's a bit cranky right now.

Henrietta, thank you :) They must be jealous of something.
 
So sorry Devynn isn't feeling well. You're right, we can always tell what's really going on with what happens with their bodies...they can say I'm fine all they want. We know the truth.

It is so frustrating as a parent to have friends over and do special things for them, then have them treat your child wrong. There was a boy Ryan knows that I knew had a rough home life, so I went out of my way to do for him. Then he bullied Ryan at school several times. I was patient but it was hard. And poor Ryan knew his life was tough too and kept trying to be friends with him with no success. Thankfully, he doesn't go to school with Ryan anymore.

I hope Devynn knows how special she is and how great she has it with a Mom who spends time and does so much for her. I know the break will do you both some good! Hugs!
 
jmckinley, thank you :) The break will be good for us. Thats like one of the girls. Devynn has invited her over just because we were baking numerous times. She has tried so hard to be her friend. I am hoping they end up going to different middle schools next year.
 
Samantha and other moms,

I love Devynns response... "good." they move on so quickly, but our hearts stay hurt for them. I wish we could bounce back that quickly too. It must be a mothers job to feel their pain....
This saying I read is so true:
"Your only as happy as your saddest child"

we have all adopted each others children so we hurt with them too :)

I am so glad she had a good day, and I know your heart is a little lighter for now Samantha. hugs to you :)
 
Darn, the Doctors ofc. called yesterday while I was with my son, taking him on errands. They left a message, BUT they didn't leave the results of the C-Diff test. Now I've lost some ethusiasum. Is it normal that they would leave the results on the answering machine?:stinks:
 
Devynn didn't go to school today. She had a dentist appt and her older sister asked if she could take her out to lunch afterwards. I said yes :) She deserves to go have some fun. When we got home her friend called to check up on her. She also told her that one of the girls who is bullying Devynn was being bullied today! I have never been so proud as when I heard my daughters reply... "that's so mean *with a very sad face* I feel so bad for her" I almost said, I don't maybe she will learn something. But I bit my tongue. I was so proud to realize that even though this girl has upset her so much in the last month that her IBD is acting up, she still felt sad for her. :*) I love her so much! I am SO proud of her.
 
You should be SO proud of her. You have (and continue to) raise a wonderful human being. Young people can sometimes put us oldies to shame.
Lots of hugs 😎
 
How nice that she had a day off and enjoyed it with her sister!!

I'm beaming with pride at her response to the bully being bullied. I can just imagine how proud you are of her!
 
Thank you Tink :) I am so beyond proud :) ESP after she told me the bully threw her backpack at her the day before and said "Oh... oops.. I hope that didn't hurt you... too much" and then started laughing.
 
Just got the bad news that Bradley still has the c-diff. time to find a doctor and hospital who will do the transplant. Well, atleast all that waiting is over, new direction, better get started:stinks:
 
Waiting for John Hopkins Hospital to call back. It's a couple of ours but great care and they do perform the transplant.
 
Samantha: so good to hear, she has a very kind heart.

Kinsey: let us know how it goes. sending lots of support!!!
 
I've even forgot what the post was, his test was still positive. We're goin to go to John Hopkins, just waiting now for them to get a doctor to take us and schedule appointment. I guess I feel better than I thought I would. Time to get into action and be more proactive in his care. I'll be in touch son, must go. LOL Brenda

Your support has andf does mean a great deal for me and my son.
 
Hi all,
Just catching up. So sorry to hear your adorable girl is going through this. Bullying sucks. We have been through it to many times which is why I am now homeschooling. I k ow that is not an option for you right now so I am glad to hear you are on top of it and hopefully the school is too.
 
Thank you Kim, I would love to homeschool. Maybe one day. Yes I am def on top of it. She said she had a good day today, everyone was acting nice. :)
 
Crohn's with C-Diff

I could not get a referral for the apt. today at John Hopkins. Disapointed, yes, hopeful, yes. The pieces seemed to crumble yesterday with the news of on more antibiotic for the C-diff. But I have picked myself up and brushed off. Will spend the day instead with my son, taking him on errands. The John Hopkins people are great, they said as soon as I get the referral, (Brad hasn't seen the primary care physician, so they wouldn't give one over the phone or fax, and neither would the new GI specialist. On the phone yesterday he said that he didn't realize that Brad has had the C-diff from the first time he was hopitalized, which was the first day the Pediatric GI looked at him. they did all the scopes up and down, but, they first said and treated him for UC.

I'm moving my post to my new thread for Brad under Parent of Kids with IBD, titled, "Crohn's with C-Diff" I'll look for you there!
 
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