Stressed, I feel like people are making an example of me...

[srowe]

stressed, I feel like people are making an example of me...

I've been feeling like people are trying to make an example of me because I have crohn's, and not it a good way like showing that i'm a hard worker...But in a what the F*** did I ever do to you to deserve being treated this way? kinda way.
For example I end up at some point having to tell my bosses about my CD. As soon as I tell them I'm either not on the schedule at all or i'm getting 5 hours a week instead of 25-30. Its become rather difficult to deal with lately. And If I convince them that I can work that amount of hours the day I call in sick is when it all goes down hill again. I've been trying to "live" on about $40 a week and my boss doesn't understand that its a problem. I've gotten mean/sarcastic comments from managers, been laughed at and told that I need to suck it up, been complained about by coworkers for being late some days (for coming in late because I was at home throwing up for an hour) And have been fired once for going home sick because I was in the middle of a BAD flair up. I've been told that I am unreliable (i'm not, far from it) that I'm faking it, it will go away if I just think positively....I hate that one lol, to find a new job or "get with it because were trying to run a business here"
I only feel like my bosses make examples out of me because I put up with so much at work and come to work during flair ups and don't complain one bit, but Its only a problem when I call in or have to leave early but its ok when someone calls in because they have a mild headache or their toe hurts or something. I am constantly being called in for meeting and pulled aside to "talk" I told my manager she couldn't legally cut my hours because i have an illness and she suddenly changed her story about why it was happening. So now I can't prove a thing to report her =/ I have friends that have pretty much quit talking to me, or if i'm sick once and have to drop plans i'm told that i'm not worth the time to be around because i'll "just have to break our plans again, so why bother"
(granted my family is a bunch of ignorant morons) but i'm sick of the comments, My grandmother told me the day i was told I had CD in the hospital that it was my fault that I got it, If I just ate better when I was 5 this never would have happened, and again my favorite...your too negative (I say i'm honest and realistic lol) and if i'm more positive the CD will just go away (yeah right!) If I gain a little weight because of prednisone or another med I've been told by family that i'm fat (funny i only weigh 120 after gaining 10lbs and it doesn't even show) and need to get off that medication even though it's helping me. (there went the self esteem =/
high school and college have been horrible, I had to miss 3 months of school one of my teachers said there was nothing wrong with me, I was faking and wouldn't give me the credit and I had to take it again. College - I told a professor that I had it 'cause he cared about attendance. He said it was fine and he would accommodate me, that lasted all of a week. He started calling me out in front of the class, in labs he wouldn't answer my questions, he would make rude comments about my situation in front of everyone and openly making fun of me for not knowing the material because i hadn't been there. He yelled at me and told me I was lazy and never worked hard and I ended up having to drop the class and screwing myself out of my financial aide. This semester I had another professor like this, he had an extremely unfair policy on absences (basically dropping 5% of your grade after missing 2 classes every time and having to write him a 3 pg paper every time). I tactfully e-mailed him about the situation his response was " I hope you get better soon, I expect the papers in tomorrow and your grade has already been dropped 10%"
I'm just ranting because I can't keep a job, I can't pay my bills because if I do keep a job I'm not getting any hours and I keep having to drop classes or just flat out failing them because i'm so sick all the time lately, which cause me to be unmotivated and depressed. I think i'm screwed in all aspects of life at the moment and I can't take it anymore!!!! I feel like life is one big catch-22 and crohn's is the cause. I'm not trying to make excuses for why things are happening the way they are. I just needed to rant. I don't know if I've explained myself very well, i'm stressed and its almost 2am....I need to sleep. I guess I would do that if I wasn't so sick to my stomach...see it even ruins sleep lol And I feel like my medication isn't working like it used to since i wasn't approved to have it for 7 or so months and am now back on it, maybe it will just take a few more infusions? I hope thats it.

sorry so long.

 

[Sojourn]

Sorry to hear how things are going for you there. It may take a couple of months for the meds to start to work effectively. I hope that they do.
We're all familiar here with the problems you describe at work and school. Some are able to devise their own system through, diet, meds, supplements, etc. to get by even though it is still a struggle. Some are in a phase of the condition that they simply are unable to work while others have it mild and it doesn't effect them much at all. And staying insured is a major problem for most everyone except those who live in countries that cover everyone.

You're right about people not understanding Crohn's. It's not visible, usually, and everybody has their own opinion about stomach problems. I've tried to explain to people that it's an auto-immune disease and they seem to just ignore that and proceed to give their own theory about digestion. I've had to switch jobs a couple of times and I've been out of work this year for over two months because of surgeries.

I believe you'll be able to get by if you don't lose hope. Sorry for the positive thinking inference, lol. While I don't like to hear it from others either, it has been proven to help in a number of studies, sorry I don't have the links right now. I was at a very low point a couple of months ago and felt about the same. It can be like a roller-coaster.

 

[Kev]

Hey srowe, go ahead n rant all u want. Hope it makes you feel better. I saw on TV a report on studies into the effect of positive attitude and chronic illnesses. The bottom line... there was no difference in the outcomes whether a patient was pos or neg in outlook. Seems keeping a good thought in your head doesn't improve your chances of recovery. However, that means it doesn't hurt either. Whether you try to make lemonade from lemons or not is up to you... but you do get to keep the lemonade. Does that make any sense?
As for how people react around you and your illness, that just might be more a reflection on how your are dealing with it, negatively or positively. Like they say
about attracting more flies with honey... True, some people are just dolts, but the whole world isn't like that... If that's what you are seeing, then maybe you need to focus inward, try to see what you are projecting, and if it is a negative, then think about that. As for the rest of the dolts, you'll just have to ignore em

 

[hanaa al baydany]

yes the problem with cronh's is that not many people know about it. i don;t know how we can to inform people about it.

I think this a problem and we have to try to find to solve it each one in his or her country. but still how................?

 

[Sojourn]

Here is one article on a study about the positive effect of a good outlook and spirituality. I will post some more shortly. But I'm sure there are opposing studies as well.


http://www.religionandsocialpolicy.org/article_index/article_display.cfm?SiteTopicRequest=17&id=6357

Here's another one dealing specifically with auto-immune diseases.

http://autoimmunedisease.suite101.com/blog.cfm/the_mind_body_connection

A few more.

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro99/web2/Kinser.html

http://www.health24.com/dietnfood/The_immune_system/15-3853-3873,40217.asp

http://www.annalsnyas.org/cgi/content/abstract/1032/1/35

This one has a number of links on the subject.
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/pni/pni.htm


But a distinction has to be made between "recovery" and "quality of life." I saw it mentioned a few times that a positive outlook did not influence recovery but did benefit quality of life, and that's what I was talking about. And there are probably just as many articles saying a positive outlook doesn't do anything. The medical community is "divided" on the subject as I read in one article.

 

[Kev]

Yeah, Sojurn, you make a good point. I have always tried to stress the benefits of living positively. And the TV report, citing a study recently posted in JAMA (I think) were dealing strictly with 'recovery' of cancer patients (again, I think - my memory isn't what it used to be).. So, whether positive or negative may not change whether one recovers or not, but being positive sure benefits the life one lives.. whereas being negative just robs one of the good times you have left.

 

[Sojourn]

Kev,

Yeah, I guess one of the negatives of the "positive-thinking" approach is that some people go into denial about their condition or quit taking their meds. Or they begin to feel guilty that it's their fault, if they're not doing well, and can't be positive all the time.

I know people who have to gone to extremes with the positive-thinking approach in every aspect of life and it's hard to be around them because you can't be real and just say how you feel.

 

[srowe]

Thanks for listening =)
I hear you about positive thinking....I just meant that people act like its a cure that if I go around smiling and pretending that i'm fine i really will be. Its hard not to be negative some days, especially when the comments start ya know? I really really try not to come off like its bothering me and i think i've done a very good job at that the past few years, i never talked about it i just dealt with it and went on with my life....But lately just recently its become so hard to do that because of all the negative reactions i get when I tell people. I kind of feel like i'm being pushed emotionally on purpose sometimes....like there wondering how strong I really am and when i'm gonna break, i know that sounds stupid but thats just how it feels.

and sojourn, thanks for all of those links, its actually a pretty interesting topic of study, i'm a psych major so i've studied that is some of my classes and everyone always has a different opinion on the subject....I'll check them all out =)

 

[Kev]

Hey srowe, I get those feelings too. Like, sometimes I wonder if those closest to me understand, really understand, what I'm going through. Then it'll turn around in my head that they do understand, but that drugs, or illness, has me "quasi" paranoid. Maybe it's built up guilt I feel about not being healthy like I used to be?
I dunno. you're studying psych, so maybe you even have a better handle on it than I do... Then things sort of level out, (and I notice these periods of semi sanity seem to coincide with good health plateaus) where I realize that neither of the above is actually the case. My loved ones love me AND understand my health issues, but they are only human, and dealing with chronic illness 24X7 is tuff on anybody... AND, my health fluucuates up N down, good days N bad, so my corresponding mood is going to mirror that. so I write off the bad thoughts on the bad days, and chalk it all up to my being just human as well, learning to live with my own failings, realizing that even with a positive attitude, I'm simply going to have those days occasionally, and my job is to not let them form any permanent habits/traits. essentially, I cut myself N my family, friends, etc. just a little more slack. Hey, I'm not superman (I lost the cape), so why not, right?

 

[Sojourn]

This one of the reasons I like this forum so much. We can come and rant here to those who know what's going on. There have been times when I have been completely down about everything but no one around me would know except for those here. Of course, there's the possibility some of my friends or family have read the threads here from researching crohn's. :ylol2:

 

[srowe]

I guess thats true, about having bad days even while being positive. I maybe thats why I feel thinking that way doesn't really work. I agree that the close ones around us understand, but only to a certain point. I mean they know the symptoms but not how it feels to deal with them. I love being able to rant here too lol
thanks for the support =)

 

[DanSJVDavis]

I've been sorta lucky in the places I've worked. One was a hospital and they pretty much know the deal with Crohn's. Also worked in retail (horror upon horrors) and had one boss who pretty much was there when my intestine ruptured right at work and was pretty durn sympathetic after that (moreso than before, though he had always understood the problem because he knew someone with Crohn's). Then another boss had a sister with it, so also knew that when I told him I needed to slow down he got it. At the hospital I actually had to go on FMLA so I wouldn't get occurances when I called in.

Every time I think of having a job and Crohn's I just keep thinking that what I really need is a job that fits with Crohn's. Probably why I'm writing and working Special Effects right now.

I've definitely had my fair share of BS with this disease though. Took my Dad a while (and dealing with my perforated bowel) to fully understand my situation.

 

[katiesue1506]

You know... that's one thing that really just BOTHERS the crap outta me (no pun intended)... I hate it when someone finds out you have Crohn's and then says "oh I know someone that has that" and they act like its just a stomachache. My take on the thing is that unless you LIVE with someone that has it... you don't know how bad it can be. Until you SEE someone in pain and weak and tired and running to the bathroom and not eating... you don't know. Not sure why it bothers me so much... but the band director at my University told me he knew someone with it and I told him during the middle of a football game that I had to go home, and couldn't perform the halftime show... he acted like Crohn's wasn't a big enough deal to exclude me from the shows. So I went out on the field and performed his pregame show and then told him I was done... I just couldn't do it.

 

[Jeff D.]

Have you talked to a lawyer because they cannot do that to you. It is against the law and you should not be persecuted because of an illness.

 

[srowe]

I've been looking for better jobs, I have HORRIBLE luck with them. I work retail...I don't want to but its really the thing i can do because i'm in school. I thought it would be easier this semester because i'm barely half time so i've applied for something different things and have been turned down each time, they've hired older people.
everyone keeps telling me to go work as a waitress....been there done that, each experience was awful....i mean thats just what I need a busy stressful enviornment where i can never get away.

Jeff D.
I would love to get a lawyer but I can't prove anything. And every time i get them to admit it or say it again they deny it. Like when I was fired they said it was because I was sick too often and that was a problem. I told the woman that the manager knew that when he hired me and understood, she left and went to talk to the district manager and when she came back in she changed her story and said it was because of "economic downsizing"