Stupid Things People Say

[DanceMom]

My inlaws have never been very understanding when it comes to my children's illnesses. They always try to minimize the situation and make hubby and I feel as if we are exaggerating and making things up. However, after hearing that A does have Crohn's, my mother in law has done her best to educate herself and support our decisions. My father in law hasn't changed his ways, and today while we were visiting he made a really dumb comment. He swears that he was diagnosed with UC in early adulthood (this could be true, I have no idea) but that it only flares when he is under extreme stress. He proceeds to tell us that everyone has IBD in one form or another in varying degrees. I just shook my head at his ignorance and chose not to comment. I'm sure that won't be the last stupid comment I hear from him and others.

I'd love to hear some stupid things that have been said to you all over the years. People can be so ridiculous.....

 

[kimmidwife]

I can't think of anything specific other then people always telling us it is because of her diet. If you eat this or that you will be cured.

 

[ForeverCrohns]

I always hear very stupid comments from people that I don't remember most of them!
However during this year which is the most difficult year in my crohn's experience I can't forget when a woman visited me in the hospital after my surgery complication stay and I was feeling the worst and made two comments

1- your disease is awesome I wish I would get it to stay thin always
2- same woman said-- I wish I would be hospitalized like you so I wouldn't have to work

And just a few days ago I was having an emotional day and my aunt started criticizing me that I have to stop being that emotional because I've had crohn's for so many years and I must be used to everything with it .. And my sister was in worse condition and she is better than me..
I am a different person and I never had any surgery until recently.. I never had a blood clot until after surgery.. I never had a surgery complication before.. And I was going through all that away from my country .. ... I should be used to all that because I am apparently a robot not a human.

 

[S mom]

I'm sure there are millions of examples of people talking before they think... My example? The nurse doing the pre-op check on my 16 year old son the day he was diagnosed. He was less than 100 pounds at almost 6 feet tall, anemic and hardly able to eat... "well at least you can eat all the ice cream you want and still stay thin. You're so lucky!"
Really???!!

 

[Mehita]

I can't recall any specific comment, but almost as bad is when people simply don't believe me when I mention how miserable DS was feeling or that he was vomiting for 12 hours or that he can't be away from a bathroom for more than an hour. Why in the world would I make something like that up?? They can't fathom that a child who looks fairly healthy on the outside is really that sick.

 

[McM17]

I hate it when any of my siblings get a flu bug, and then after having diarrhea for a day they walk around swearing that they're "getting Crohn's!"

 

[GutlessWonder86]

I use to hate people telling me "but you don't LOOK sick", "it's something you ate", "I read about this "cure" if you ate these herbs. YOU can cure yourself if you do it too".

Oh, another favorite was being blamed for it and bringing it upon myself. yeah right. NOT!!

 

[Sascot]

Gutless - you are so right! I have had that for both my kids (and said by doctors) - "but they look so well" - it's one of the reasons they took ages to diagnose.
I've also had the "I know someone with that - they just stopped eating spicy food and were fine" :ybatty:

 

[polly13]

She'll grow out of it, did stress bring it on ( she was diagnosed at two - I don't think so). What are you feeding her?

 

[CDJ]

My ex in laws [ or my ex for that matter ] have no understanding of what Josh goes through with his crohns. They still think it is because of what he eats and that I exaggerate his symptoms:ymad:
Recently when he had a bad relapse and in hospital for 3 weeks because he had lost 16 kg they were still saying he looks fine so couldn't understand why he needed to be in hospital.

Another time when we went for a clinic appointment and Josh was weighed and measured before seeing the consultant. Josh had lost even more weight and the nurse just said well at least he isn't putting it on :ymad:

Gutless, I have had that too, people saying "they know" there is a cure for crohns as so and so had it, took this magic whatever and they are fine now

 

[Lisa]

My father still swears that I got some type of 'bug' which caused all my issues...he used to travel to El Salvador for work a lot and tried to explain away my illness as me catching something he brought back with him.....

 

[Devynnsmom]

She doesn't look sick.. Wow, I wish I had it, then I could be as thin as her.. she will outgrow it... she's just not eating properly... oh yeah I know *add name* with ibs too.. whats a little diarrheah... if you make her eat healthy it will go away.. if you take *insert here* it will go away... it can't be THAT bad... give her more vitamins... I know how she feels, I've had the stomach flu.... must be nice, she will never have to diet...

 

[DanceMom]

I think this thread has the potential to be very therapeutic, lol. Some people just don't think before they speak, do they? We haven't told very many people about A's diagnosis but the ones we have told have been pretty supportive (other than my father in law). I know the stupid comments will come sooner or later though.

I just wish more people were educated about IBD. Is there an awareness day or week? Last night I dreamed that my hubby was writing a show for the Disney channel and the main character had Crohn's. I think that would be a fabulous idea! Are there any shows/movies for kids with Crohn's that I should be aware of?

 

[CDJ]

I just wish more people were educated about IBD. Is there an awareness day or week? Last night I dreamed that my hubby was writing a show for the Disney channel and the main character had Crohn's. I think that would be a fabulous idea! Are there any shows/movies for kids with Crohn's that I should be aware of?[/QUOTE]

I think that is a fantastic idea! That is what is needed, more shows with characters that have crohns to highlight it. At the moment there are none that I know about.

 

[yc_angel]

I also hate it when people say..."We all have "D" sometimes", hang in there you'll get trough it....or maybe you should eat more healty...


*sighs and like mentioned already above....its the best diet to get skinny by my psysical therapist...* i had to restrain myself with that one by biting my toung..

Xx

Yanet

 

[araceli]

I hate it when they tell me that my daughter looks so healthy because she put a lot of weight (due to medicines). So I guess I got healthier too. Got 15 more pounds of health. Or that a body can heal it self of all diseases if we want to heal. Or she look so healthy she even has red cheeks. (Hot flashes) O well that was a nice vent away.

 

[crohnsinct]

I think that is a fantastic idea! That is what is needed, more shows with characters that have crohns to highlight it. At the moment there are none that I know about.

Hmmm we could say this about a whole host of illnesses couldn't we?

I was one of those uneducated people once. I would hope I didn't ever say anything stupd but prior to my daughter's dx when someone said "Oh she has Crohn's and is suffering" I did think it was simply diarhrea.

I have been lucky that most people are kind with their misunderstandings and are really just asking questions like, "oh can she just control the disease with diet" and that opens the door for an informed discussion. Even if they state something as fact, I take every opportunity to educate and inform. It has also made me more aware of what so many others must be suffering through silently and made me want to learn about other diseases/disabilities/disorders mentioned in conversation.

There was one swim dad once though who asked me how long O was going to "milk" the Crohn's excuse. I just politely said, "her whole life" and walked away cuz city girl was about to come out in attack mode.

 

[ChampsMom]

There was one swim dad once though who asked me how long O was going to "milk" the Crohn's excuse. I just politely said, "her whole life" and walked away cuz city girl was about to come out in attack mode.

*LOVE*!! Go-go City Girl!!

Before pulling my son out of public school, one of this teachers (who is legally blind) gave him a hard time on leaving the class to go to the bathroom (even though he had a 504 plan in place stating he could leave at anytime AND his chair was situated where he could leave without interupting the class). When I confronted her about it, she said, "I just don't understand why he can't hold it." I asked for her cane (walking cane for being blind), she said no. I asked her why I couldn't hold it. insert - "Deer in the head-light look." :ybatty:

 

[GutlessWonder86]

I hate it when someone tells me not to cry or get upset because I'll make myself sick.

Seriously??? and you have an MD after your name???

 

[ForeverCrohns]

Worst thing when you know someone who has IBD like you and says you are making excuses and drama I know what you feel so don't use it as an excuse

How can you deal with someone like that?

 

[ChampsMom]

Worst thing when you know someone who has IBD like you and says you are making excuses and drama I know what you feel so don't use it as an excuse

How can you deal with someone like that?

You can't. Unless you enjoy feelings like this > :ybatty:

Never trust your pain to someone who is a pain.

 

[ForeverCrohns]

Champsmom everybody else seems to be an expert in me more than I do

 

[izzi'smom]

My first fave (I was hoping to take a Disney vacation-still haven't) but was researching getting basically a disabled pass so we didn't have to wait in line. One mom told me to "plan meals accordingly so we could use restrooms when needed". Grr!!

I am so tired of hearing "Have you tried herbal XYZ or naturopathic ABC"???? It worked for my moms dads cousin AND her brother-in-law.

YUP, I just put my kid on some drugs that could cause organ damage, lymphoma, and fatal cancer because I blindly followed a single doc's advice.

MORONS!

 

[GutlessWonder86]

for izzy's mom,

I got that all the time from my mom. "you should try xyz because your Crohn's is due to a yeast overgrowth or try this herb, so and so's son had it and he took them and now he's cured" or "you should read The Yeast Connection. IT WILL CURE YOU WITH THE RECIPES IN THE BOOK". Really mom. Weren't you present when the GI TOLD YOU UPFRONT WHAT CROHN'S IS???

Oh, and my favorite was when she told me that I should go to the healing service at church to be cured and I said point blank, "I may not be physically cured, but I am spiritually healed" that really ticked her off. OH WELL.

 

[Jane and Nick]

Here is a hum dinger from the same woman who asked me when she heard my husband had cancer, "well how long has he got?" And after hearing about Nick' cd she said "this is your husbands fault as its stress and worry that's given your boy this" !

 

[Twosons]

I'm very tired of the "just cut out lactose" and the "I know of someone who cured him or herself by a special diet".

The latest was my mom. She (a peds nurse) suggested to Ev that he just stop all his medicines because "maybe" they were the cause of his Crohn's.

 

[GutlessWonder86]

I am tired of people who think they know it all and tell me that it's something I did to get this disease. REALLY? I caused it?? yeah, I LOVE being sick, doubled over in pain, throwing up, staying in the fetal position on the floor crying due to severe gut pain, & waiting for the pain medication to kick in. yep, that's what I'm doing. I THRIVE on attracting attention to myself. NOT!

 

[DanceMom]

I'm very tired of the "just cut out lactose" and the "I know of someone who cured him or herself by a special diet".

The latest was my mom. She (a peds nurse) suggested to Ev that he just stop all his medicines because "maybe" they were the cause of his Crohn's.

My father in law has made the same suggestions. That A's medications are actually making her worse and that she'd be fine if we took her off everything and let her be a normal kid. He even denies that her asthma is an issue.

 

[Suby]

Hmm, when people get diarrhea for a few days and whine and whine about it. Or when people say, "have you tried ____" fill in the blank. I've had this most of my life and Im a fairly intelligent person, and a research librarian, so you think I havent done research and tried everything? My former beloved doctor had a saying (actually about other doctors who didnt know what they were doing) "Because they are all a bunch of idiots." I lvoe this quote.

 

[izzi'smom]

for izzy's mom,

I got that all the time from my mom. "you should try xyz because your Crohn's is due to a yeast overgrowth or try this herb, so and so's son had it and he took them and now he's cured" or "you should read The Yeast Connection. IT WILL CURE YOU WITH THE RECIPES IN THE BOOK". Really mom. Weren't you present when the GI TOLD YOU UPFRONT WHAT CROHN'S IS???

Oh, and my favorite was when she told me that I should go to the healing service at church to be cured and I said point blank, "I may not be physically cured, but I am spiritually healed" that really ticked her off. OH WELL.

Ohhhh...you made me remember another-my mother tells me (not in so many words) Izz has Crohns because I don't pray enough/go to church. We had a BIG blowout about that one. ARGH! People are truly crazy, but it hurts when it comes from your mom. GOod thing I love her!

 

[ChampsMom]

Ohhhh...you made me remember another-my mother tells me (not in so many words) Izz has Crohns because I don't pray enough/go to church. We had a BIG blowout about that one. ARGH! People are truly crazy, but it hurts when it comes from your mom. GOod thing I love her!

Probably not worth the argument - BUT.... we are HEAVILY devoted to and participate in our Church and church activities AND we pray daily (multiple times) AND my Crohn's child holds the priesthood AND attends seminary daily. Yes... Christians get Crohn's... (I wonder if I could put that on a bumper sticker and sell it?! laughs!!!!!!!!!) :lol2:

I *know* AM blessed to be a mother of a child with Crohn's and I *know* he is blessed to have me as his Mom... That is true for Izzi and you and all of our kids....

 

[Brian'sMom]

I recently got (from a loved one), "Are other moms' you know spend this much time thinking about crohns? Are you making yourself sad by making too much of things?"

 

[Beatit]

Stupid things people say to me about the disease -- Y You Mad? Lol

in the end nobody really tells me anything stupid but they give you the look over once you tell them.

I just say I am 10 times stronger mentally and physically pain wise then the average person. I don't let it define me but I feed off it for strength.

 

[GutlessWonder86]

when I get told "you handle it so well" or asked"how do you deal with all of your health issues. you are so brave and strong." I just tell them point blank with a straight face, "IT'S THE DRUGS. JUST DON'T TELL ANYBODY OTHERWISE I'LL HAVE TO SHARE."


:ylol::ylol::ylol:

 

[fuzzy butterfly]

H i , i see this thread has been quite for a long while..but i thought may be it could be revived..
well my things that people have said are..
a nurse when i was 1st diagnosed n leaving the hospital after a 2 week stay to get the flare down n having e-coli.. "well at least you wont be fat again, tho i bet your never were really b4"
a work collegue who has crohn's " you need to eat better and more" like at that point i couldn'teat anything without severe agony even water gave me pain !!
i have had the "you look well tho " .. the wish i was so thin... the why dont you get the doctors to get you sorted out, like it can be sorted out just like that, you know like they have an headache ,take a painkiller n they're ok , so why cant i be ok ?..
drives you :ybatty: dont it
best wishes to all :ghug:

 

[raythespray]

Unfortunately it seems that people who hardly ever suffer from illness in their lives have little time for those who do, basically because they cannot comprehend why someone should be ill all the time. The "pull yourself together attitude" is all they know, we all get colds and flu and it passes and you get better and that's how they expect every other illness to be "see a doctor and he'll fix you".
My father was a classic example how this attitude in the end turned around and bite him on the behind. Mum was ill for a while the docs couldn't find what was wrong in fact in the end she had terminal bowel cancer Dad had had little sympathy up until then as he thought the illness was all in her mind. Years later Dads health began to deteriorate and he had a couple of stokes and two heart attacks, he lived on but in a very poorly state Dad was never a softy but the illness took its toll and it reduced him to tears and clinical depression, Mum turned to me one day and said "now he knows how I've felt all these years". The fact is old age and illness gets us all in the end so if any of those "pull yourself together" people read this "it will probably happen to you one day, so think on and watch what you say and do to those who are sick and in need of support"