This "thing" has ruined my relationship

[ShanBanana]

Hey guys,

Guess what... my boyfriend of two years broke up with me last night. He said the stress of my illness and the lack of intimacy over the past three months has been too much. I know how hard it must be for him to be with someone who is so sick all the time, dr. appt after dr. appt, and still no diagnosis. Does he think I am a hypochondriac and is sick of it? Either way we are over, and I am so sad, but I can't blame him. I am sick ALL the time that we can't even go out anymore. How sexy could I possibly be with vomit my hair in my sweaty pajamas? :yfrown:

Has this happened to anyone else? I am so sick of this. It is literally ruining my life.

 

[skywench]

Hi Shan!

I am so sorry to hear about your break up. I was just saying to my boyfriend yesterday, "Why are you still with me? You deserve a girl with a 'normal' colon." I worry that he will get fed up with me and this horrible disease and trade me in on a new model. BUT - if that does happen, it just means he isn't the guy for me.

I know you're heartbroken now and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just remember that every single person in the world experiences challenging times in life and as a person with a chronic illness, we have more then our fair share of it. But if your loved ones don't have the fortitude to stick it out when the going gets rough, then best they leave now. This just makes you available and open to the man you are truly meant to be with and who will love and cherish you for better and for worse, in sickness AND in health.

 

[lookame]

I'm so sorry this happened. Obviously he couldn't weather the storm and so he's not the right one for you. Now I do have to tell you that there are loving, caring and understanding of our disease. A lot of us have had relationships destroyed because of this but then they meet someone who is completly understanding, which it turns out that their failed relationship is one of the best things that could ever happen to them. It's also better it happened now then later.

I know it's heartbreaking now, you feel down and like no one will ever want a sick girl but trust me, your an amazing person with more than enough qualities that anyone would be lucky to be with. Stay strong, maybe take awhile to get settled with yourself or to focas on your health then start dating again. I hope you'll feel better soon.

 

[drguest]

well

Hey guys,

Guess what... my boyfriend of two years broke up with me last night. He said the stress of my illness and the lack of intimacy over the past three months has been too much. I know how hard it must be for him to be with someone who is so sick all the time, dr. appt after dr. appt, and still no diagnosis. Does he think I am a hypochondriac and is sick of it? Either way we are over, and I am so sad, but I can't blame him. I am sick ALL the time that we can't even go out anymore. How sexy could I possibly be with vomit my hair in my sweaty pajamas? :yfrown:

Has this happened to anyone else? I am so sick of this. It is literally ruining my life.

maybe it wasnt so good for a long time. i recommend finding someone with the same disease so you can both understand each other better. best of luck. all my girls dont have this disease but i hide it from them by taking hard core pain killers when were doing stuff together.

 

[porter89xxx]

Hiya shanbanana, i feel like you, sometimes you do think this illness has ruined your relationship but i will also tell you this if he didnt want you at your worst he sure as hell deserves you at your best, you are worth 100 of him if he could dump you over your illness, people that stay in our life and accept us for what we have and who we are sick or not sick, i guess you could say some good comes out of it being ill as you sure no who sticks around and who is real to you, focus on yourself right now and getting a diagnoses and have some me time when you find the one that loves you no matter what you will no

 

[Jennifer]

It's happened to a few people on here but honestly I think you're all better off than being stuck with a person who wasn't really in the relationship for YOU anyway. I've known people in the past who have a set goal of lover and family and when that lover can't give you the family portion, they jump ship and find someone who can. In this case its more of them wanting to be with someone who has nothing wrong with them so their fantasy life doesn't get upset but they aren't thinking clearly or logically for that matter. Find someone who wants you because its YOU. *hugs*

 

[Cordillia16]

so sorry to hear that shan! but you deserve to have someone who can handle this disease and be strong for you. it will be better in the long run.
just remember to take care of yourself in the mean time.

 

[bruscar]

sorry to hear that shan,

then he wasn't comitted enough. dont you worry you will be fine.

big hug

 

[ameslouise]

Hey Shan - So sorry to hear this. I echo what everyone says above about him not being the right one etc. But I am sure you know all that already in your HEAD but your HEART is still hurting. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better other than the usual stuff. Hang in there. Time will make it feel better.

Focus on yourself right now. Eventually your heart and your gut will both be better and you will find a good guy that will hold your hair while you vomit and wait for you in bed when you get up in the middle of sex to poop!

Hugs to you - Ames

 

[Mountaingem]

So sorry Shan! I've had my best friend tell me when I was in the hospital that she couln't take being my friend anymore with all my health problems...it hurt so much because she was a sister to me.

Sending you chocolate and hugs!

 

[Lydia]

I dont think everyone is cut out to deal with someone who has a life long illness. I think he took a look into the future and decided he could not handle it. I know it hurts, but its better now then when you are married and have children.

The good news is that there are people that are strong enough to deal with this disease, and someday you will find one. Take this time to focus on yourself.

 

[ShanBanana]

Hey Shan - So sorry to hear this. I echo what everyone says above about him not being the right one etc. But I am sure you know all that already in your HEAD but your HEART is still hurting. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better other than the usual stuff. Hang in there. Time will make it feel better.

Focus on yourself right now. Eventually your heart and your gut will both be better and you will find a good guy that will hold your hair while you vomit and wait for you in bed when you get up in the middle of sex to poop!

Hugs to you - Ames

Ames- you are hilarious. You made me laugh. oo: Thanks for that. Yeah, I have to say that I really didn't feel all that sexy being afraid of the pooping thing in the middle of sex- you said what I was feeling. I know things will get better with time, but it still feels good to hear it. Thanks so much!!:rosette2:

 

[ShanBanana]

So sorry Shan! I've had my best friend tell me when I was in the hospital that she couln't take being my friend anymore with all my health problems...it hurt so much because she was a sister to me.

Sending you chocolate and hugs!

Thank you Mountaingem- I cannot even imagine how that must have felt. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go but our friends are supposed to be here forever- no matter what. This illness is hard for everyone- especially for us. Nobody knows the pain we go thru- physical and emotional. I pray things get better for me soon. I have great family and friends and now I have all my "sicky" friends on here, so I know I will be fine!! :kiss:

 

[ShanBanana]

I found this a douchy thing to say to someone who just broke up with her boyfriend. Way to go ***!

Thank you Lydia- you're so awesome. :ylol:

 

[drguest]

hope

i hope youve moved on and found someone awesome now. good luck to you !

 

[lola99]

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but someone who really loves you and cares about you will take you for who you are no matter whats wrong with you. My husband doesn't love me any less now that im sick and i got sick when we were still dating. I wouldn't love my husband any less if he was in a wheelchair and we couldn't have sex ever agian. I hope that you will find someone who will truley love you. I don't want this to come off as bad at all. But your "ex" could some day end up marrying someone and then that person could get sick. You never know what life will give you. Your better off not wasting anymore time on someone who doesnt really care for you when there could be someone out there who will love you will all their heart and soul.

 

[ShanBanana]

Thanks Everyone

Hey guys,

Thanks so much for all the really kind posts. I am doing OK. My Ex and I have come to an agreement that we should just be friends, and so that he can move on to someone else who better fits his needs (again, I don't blame him. He deserves to be happy) and so that I can concentrate on me and my best interests, which is getting better. I hope that in time I will feel better and then maybe I can find someone new. Until them, I am just going to take care of me. I really appreciate all the comments- it really has made things easier for me to know that I am not alone. Thank God for this website and all my newfound friends. You guys are the best!! :ghug:

 

[Dayz]

I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but someone who really loves you and cares about you will take you for who you are no matter whats wrong with you. My husband doesn't love me any less now that im sick and i got sick when we were still dating. I wouldn't love my husband any less if he was in a wheelchair and we couldn't have sex ever agian. I hope that you will find someone who will truley love you. I don't want this to come off as bad at all. But your "ex" could some day end up marrying someone and then that person could get sick. You never know what life will give you. Your better off not wasting anymore time on someone who doesnt really care for you when there could be someone out there who will love you will all their heart and soul.

Very True! I feel bad when my boyfriend has to massage my whole body and put a heat pack on my stomach when I am cramping or when I talk about if i had blood in my poop or not. I love him and I feel like it has brought us closer together (before this i just pretended I never pooped or farted haha) but I truly believe he will be there for me no matter what. I have at times felt like all of this is unfair and that I should leave him because we dont go out, we dont even go out to have dinner anymore, sex is rare, and my illness I feel is greatly affecting him but his love and support is what I need right now. I dont blame you shan for deciding to reall concentrate on yourself and sometimes thats the best because you dont have to worry about pleasing him or leaving him hanging. I hope that you do get better and find your knight in shining armor:rosette2:

 

[cmci]

I just came across this thread on Google and had to join. Glad I'm not the only one to have this happen to me. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, largely due to the difficulties that this stupid disease caused in our relationship. I'm devastated that it's come to this. It really has been a terrible year.

 

[KWalker]

Sorry to hear about that Banana. I always feel like a burden on my fiancee because I have crohns so I tell her how she should find someone normal for herself rather than sitting there while I take epsom salt baths, and am in the hospital. You will find somebody with a heart who will care for you and be there for you. Maybe he wasn't the normal one, because I don't think its normal to break with someone you care about because of an illness.

Oh, and looking by your avatar I'd say your ex was the one who lost out

 

[Gsto86]

Hey! I am So sorry you're going through this! I actually dumped my boyfriend when I was really sick before being diagnosed. My thinking was he deserved someone who was actually living life, not a sickly chick. He actually wanted to stay with me but I just pushed him away like I did to all my loved ones at the time. I got all of them back except him. But you know what? If it was really love those guys would be with us no matter how unattractive CD can be or even when we're being Debbie downers and pushing them away at times. I really hope you feel better soon. Focus on your health and mental well being. Stressing is never good. All a rocky relationship is is stress so he actually did you a favor even though it hurts. It's his loss in the end.

 

[Roxymusic]

Crohn's & honeymoon

I came home from my honeymoon with a serious Crohn's attack. My wife has pretty much learned the "in sickness and health" portion of our vows, around 35 years ago. I only had minor problems when we were dating, nothing compared to yours. However, afterwards......

Regardless, whether it is Crohn's, your looks, your likes/dislikes, men are just never easy to deal with. Relationships are simply hard to manage and Crohn's complicates things.

But people who can't handle others with Crohn's are going to have difficulties dealing with huge weight gains, or car wrecks or financial issues or kids etc etc.

I wish you the best of luck

 

[ShanBanana]

Sorry to hear about that Banana. I always feel like a burden on my fiancee because I have crohns so I tell her how she should find someone normal for herself rather than sitting there while I take epsom salt baths, and am in the hospital. You will find somebody with a heart who will care for you and be there for you. Maybe he wasn't the normal one, because I don't think its normal to break with someone you care about because of an illness.

Oh, and looking by your avatar I'd say your ex was the one who lost out

Thank you so much for saying that KWalker- you are so sweet :hug: As it turns out since we broke up, he has tried EVERYTHING to get me back, saying he made a mistake but I said no. I just want to be friends. He has been a good friend since, and now I am just trying to take care of myself and trying to get healthy, but as you know, sometimes it is so hard!! Oh well, I am blessed to have so many friends, many of whom are on this forum!! :ghug:

 

[CyCrohn'sGuy]

That's karma for you ShanBanana. If he did it once he will do it again. Good for you for being so strong. I was dumped twice because of this awful disease and although I would love to have a partner to share my life with, I can't bare to go through the devastation of somebody else leaving me and then having to deal with the heartache all over again on top of everything else we all go through on a daily basis.

Sending you hugs and healthy vibes.

Costas x