Time for Truth - VERY LONG, YOU KNOW ME!

[MisB]

I just need to get this all out and don't know where else to do it.

A couple of months ago I found this awesome forum with people who suffer just like I do. I was recuperating, starting to get on my feet, and looking forward to new adventures. Then, this crappy disease took a sharp right and it's been down hill ever since. I sat today to try to put things in percpective and almost lost it. It's been 4 months now. Since then, 4 hospital stays, shortest one was 1 week, I'm in my longest one now, pushing 2 weeks. During these 2 weeks, I've been weak, stomack pain, liquid diet when I have an appetite, my stools have been all varieties and multi color. I'm having problems with my eyes, my legs, and etc......

Then, a week ago today they inform me I have blood clots in my legs, treatable with blood thinner. I have an active Crohn's flare so they really don't want to give me blood thinner so at 7:00 at night I'm going in for surgery to put in a blood clot filter that is to keep any clot large enough to do damage from getting to my lung. Ok. Next couple of days just in lala land trying to deal with this.

Weekend was ok with optimism that Monday will be my magic day. They are going to find a Crohn's facility for me to go to that will make things better. In the mean time, my arms are getting very bruised from IV's and blood draws. Dr. requests a PICC line. PICC line personnel say due to risks and reasons, they don't think it's a good idea. Long story short, bottom line, I have my PICC line. It definitely makes a difference.

Anyway, They come in Monday morning with Banana React-2 Cocktail, they could have at least added the little umbrella, and started me at 9:00 prep for 11:00 scan. They did not take me down stairs until 1:30, did the PICC line first, then I had to drink more cocktail because too much time had passed. it was 4:30 by the time I got back to my room and I was miserable.

Today, I'm told that for the last 4 days my blood count has been dropping and the doctor wants a blood draw at 2:00 p.m. If it is dropped, he's requesting a blood infusion. He left this morning without telling me this. He was trying to get to his office on time, he knows me, and I had a LOT of questions which the nurse went over with me. As it turned out, after several low tests, this one came back high. So, no transfusion. Go figure.

The search for the Crohn's facillity that will help me is still on, but not looking good. With no insurance, they don't want to take me. From what I understand, to qualifiy for one of their studies, you need to be in remission or meet certain criteria to join in. I'm going to ask my friend at the dr's office doing all this work for me what they would say if I just offered my current body up for their general Crohn's science testing, as long as the death risk is at a minimal.

In the midst of everything, I'm taking quite a bit a pain medicine and getting to the point of WHY I'm taking it. Am I hurting that bad? Am I anticipating that it's going to hurt? Or am I getting addicted. I was never much into pills and drugs, but I am a recovering alcoholic with over 15 years clean and sober. But I'm also a wimp and hate pain. So, here's another fine line we are crossing.

To maintain me through this, I have my family, friends, and my laptop. I tend to spend most of my laptop time lurking the threads of this forum and find a little bit of everything. The problem is I'm trying to focus too much on trying to help everyone else or to make someone else smile because I can't do it for myself. However, I've only been giving you bits and pieces of myself because I don't want to bore anyone or burden anyone with my problems. They can seem so petty and small compared to what a lot of you have and are going through.

Here's the truth part. I don't want to look at me right now because I'm too scared to. I feel like I'm coming completely apart physically, mentally, emotionaly, spiritually, and financially. Is there anything left? Yet I have this amazing husband who would do anything for me and is taking care of his responsibilities and mine, and a family that wants me to hurry home. As soon as I go home, I start trying to take care of them forget about me. This is where we are already discussing changes because it's not them asking me to, I just feel the need to help them. I'm scared to go home because I don't think I'm strong enough to take care of just me. Does this make any sense?

So, In respect to everyone here on the forum, I feel I owe you an apology because I've been using each of you to in some way to avoid what I really need to do, and that's figure out what I need. I know I need to get well, but the doctors can't agree, what they do agree on doesn't work out, and I'm stuck in the middle. It gets me so frustrated and stressed out, it just seems to make it worse. I feel I'm just caught on the endless carousel.

I've been told since I like to write so much, I should start a blog instead of just the forum and facebook and see what happens. I've been keeping up with the Gwatchy cartoon, which is adorable, and I hear others talking about finding their way through things, so maybe this is my time for change. I just want to take it in the right direction.

I really have a good time when I come to the forum, whether it be trying to help someone which actually makes me feel better, of if it's trying to figure out some of the lingo from other countries, and just getting to know some really wonderful people that I would really like to keep as friends. You guys can really make me laugh which makes me feel better. But after 2 months, I feel like I'm still just blundering around and not posting things in the right places or making them too long. I'll accept any help or advice that anyone has to offer. The LAST thing I want to do is offend anyone. I will try to do shorter updates more often and I really appreciate each and everyone of you. More than you know.

On this note, I think I'm going for my last nite-nite pill and see if maybe I'll sleep a little tonight. That's another thing. Unless I am completely just so exhausted or drugged, I don't sleep. See what the doc says in the morning.

I hope everyone is having a fine night, morning as the case may be. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. My next class.......learn how to start and maintain an interesting blog. Anyone have any tips?


:ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug::ghug:

I know not everyone likes to type or read a lot and I apologise for this long narative. My goal is to start a blog and keep things here short and sweet . If anyone is interested in the blog, I'll let you know how to find it once I figure out how to create one. Until then, thanks for putting up with me and I will try to behave myself more. I think between the pain, the meds, the frustration of this flare I'm in and my general frame of mind, what I try to say and what I type are getting confused. I will try to do better in the future.

 

[kello82]

Here's the truth part. I don't want to look at me right now because I'm too scared to.

so dont. you are entitled to ignore reality. truly.
its necessary sometimes cause if you lived in that world of....struggle and emotion 24/7....its impossible.
so dont feel ashamed for being scared. dont feel ashamed for withdrawing from life. dont feel ashamed for lying down and letting life trample you. sometimes, it will trample you whether you stand and fight or not. you cant do anything about it, so you might as well lie down, conserve your willpower, and wait for it to pass. save the fight for another day when you have a chance. its not pessimism, its reality.
i say dont feel ashamed, but i know you will have these feelings anyways, guilt and such. just because you KNOW you shouldnt have such feelings doesnt mean you can just turn them off. but at least.....just know and keep in perspective what the truth of it all is here. you know?

i hear you on the pain med stuff as well. it gets very VERY hard to not take them for the escape they provide. especially when life is so crappy and you truly NEEd the escape.
but just.....in the short term they give relief in a pain sense as well as a mood sense, but in the long term they jsut cause a huge other problem that you dont need. you dont need to deal with an addiction, you have enough on your plate, and YOU have the power to prevent it from happening. just keep that in mind. start trying to resist the urge to take them just becasue you usually do. if you always take one when you wake up regardless of pain level...one day when your pain is good dont take it. just breaking that cycle helps so much. i also found it helpful to keep a record of the time i take something and what/how much. and maybe it would be good to ***** you pain level and mood and such at the time and document that as well. im not saying never take them unless you are in total pain, again thats not reality. there are some days when ANY amount of pain is not acceptable. a big family gathering? situations like that, even if the pain is bearable, i still take one.....but realize that if i was just hanging out at home with this pain level, i would NOT take one.
try not to think of anything as right or wrong choices when it comes to this, you gotta do what you gotta do to continue on. and some days that means extra drugs.
as long as you can step back and look at yourself objectively. which you already have done by even posting about you concerns of the drugs in the first place. that is the hugest step.

 

[Jeff D.]

First off (((((HUGS)))))!!!!!

Second, don't worry about how long you write, this forum is for everyone and if it helps you to write out long posts then that is awesome! I know I have had my fair share of long posts.

Take your time, take in a deep breath, and relax. I don't know why I said that but it seems you feel you need to go a thousand miles a minute and do and do and do. Take up something you can do for yourself and work on that right now. I think it will help everything. I think the blog idea is great.

I have two blogs, both I've just started, using two different free sites and I would suggest www.wordpress.com, I think, as it's really easy to use. I like the layouts and it's just more comfortable. The other is www.blogger.com and I don't like this one very much. It's harder for me to use and not as easy to navigate. I got lost on blogger.haha Try both and see which you like. More advice, keep the blog towards a targeted audience, or idea. Your blog could just be a diary for yourself, they have private blogs, and that would be your main concept. You could focus on your treatment and that would appeal to an audience. The thing is to not go over a multitude of ideas as that would get confusing.

Take care, I'm praying for you and let me know if I can help you out in any way.

Jeff

 

[Dexky]

Bev, I'd say Kelly and Jeff are probably two of the best to comment on your situation!! They both have threads on here that are pages and pages long. Maybe you could just continue to use this thread to keep us all updated instead of starting new ones each time. Dusty says I'm a techno-phobe and, while this is true, I'm also a techno-dunce and have a hard time finding all the threads I'd like to keep up with. I don't mind reading your long posts, I'm just afraid I'll miss them!! I hope you find some answers soon Bev so you can get back to having some fun too. You deserve all the best!!!

 

[DustyKat]

Hey Bev,

Thinking about you buddy, remember we are all here for you mate......



:hang::hang::hang:



:hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug:



Get well soon,
Dusty

 

[Hungry]

Hi Beverley, I know just how you feel. I got out of hospital at the weekend after another op.
All the blood tests, IV's, lack of food, pain, stress etc.. Seems like it's never ending.
I've been there and things do get better, slowly but surely.

I wish you a speedy recovery. I found this forum just before or actually during my last major flare up. I found when I was in hospital it was better to not read the forum too often as it's good to try and not think about illness at all.
I would recommend comedy. Either books, podcasts, cd's, tv or films. However you can get it! Ask your friends and family to bring you stuff you find funny or let them recommend stuff for you.
It really is a great way to take your mind off things and get you smiling again. Even if it's just for a few minutes a day it can make the world of difference!

Good luck! x

 

[Regular Joe]

Ok Bev,

If you have 15 years of sobriety, how did you do that?

Ummm...I think it happened "one day at a time" if I'm not mistaken?

Nothing wrong with long posts, at least in my opinion. But what I found disturbing about your post is that there is too much going on. I was on overload reading it.

I'm similar to you in that I can get lost in the details of everything. I sometimes can't see the forest because of the trees. Going back to your 15 years...

"One day at a time",

perhaps you may have heard this one:

"Keep it simple."

1. You are having a Crohn's Disease flare of a moderate to severe level.
2. You have pain and other acute Crohn's symptoms.
3. You can't function like Superwoman.

Are you having a problem accepting that? These are just the simple facts. They are things you can't change. Everything in your post evolves around those simple facts.

Can you stop for a minute? Your attitude is stuck in micro-management control-freak mode, and you know it. You know how to fix it too. This is what you said:

"I don't want to look at me right now because I'm too scared to."

The problem is not that you're too scared - the problem is just as you stated "I don't want to..." If I don't want to do something, that means I have an issue with my level of willingness. What you are saying to me is this:

"I'm not willing to look at me." I put the "period" there after "me" because anything that happens after that point is not the problem. You're telling me that you're not willing to change your attitude and behavior toward yourself, when you have the ability and the resources to change. I'm confident you'll grow beyond this "state", but how much pain and suffering do you need to endure before you become willing? For me, it still takes a hell of a lot of pain for me to become willing to change me, and I've been sober for 12 years.

There is an easier softer way. Keep it simple. Use the "magic words". Did your mom or pop tell you about those "magic words"? There are three of them.

"Please" and "Thank You". I believe you know the rest of how to use them, and to Whom.

You don't owe any of us an apology. You owe yourself the duty of at least the same level of care you offer to others. That's another somethng I'm betting you heard before:

"First things first."

You can beat yourself up until it hurts so bad that you'll be on your knees using those magic words sometime soon. Or you can start right now, today, just like I did this morning.

"God I offer myself to you, to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of your power, your love, and your way of life. May I do your will always."

So to summarize...

1. Live one day at a time
2. Keep it simple
3. Use the "magic words" so you can make...
4. First things first (without you and your health, others can't be helped)

I hope that I'm not being too insensitive or imposing. You and I both have Crohn's Disease. But you also shared in your post about the other "disease" you and I have: Alcoholism. So I've tried to keep my comments in the proper perspective. And trust me Bev, it won't be but a few days and my own words to you will come back to slap me in the chops. You know that's how it works. I'm not judging, I'm identifying.

God bless,
Joe

 

[dreamintwilight]

I think Joe's post was well said, Bev!

Don't apologize for "using" us. First of all, no one looks at it in that way. It's called leaning on us for support! Nothing wrong with that. I also agree with Kelly that it's not always a bad thing to not deal with pain and frustrations right now. You're entitled to distract yourself!

When it gets to the point where you don't want to just distract yourself and are ready to deal with your situation head on, go for it! But, if you're not ready mentally to deal with things, don't push yourself. You have to do it when you are ready and willing (like Joe said).

I am a big believer in blogging and journaling. I've been journaling online now for about 6 years. Before that I wrote in notebooks that I still have and read every once in a while. My suggestion for you is that you shouldn't worry about making the blog fun and interesting to others. If I understand correctly, you came up with the idea as a way for you to deal with the emotions you've been experiencing. For the longest time I used www.LiveJournal.com for my personal blogging. You have the option to make your entries private, public, or just for friends. Most of my entries were private then. I recently started a blog on www.Blogger.com and like Jeff said, I don't like it as much as my LiveJournal because it doesn't have the privacy option. but, it's actually good for me because it forces me to share with the world what is going on in my head, but still not worrying about pleasing my "audience." I think if you start out journaling for therapeutic reasons you'll find naturally that it is interesting for others reading it.

What I love about journaling is you can look back years from now and know exactly what was going on in your life at that moment and see how much your life has changed from that moment.

Good luck, Bev!

 

[whysoserious]

MisB, I'm so sorry to hear that you are so sick right now and while I don't always respond to your posts I do read all of them. I really, really hope you get on the path to recovery soon.

I think the way you are feeling right now is completely normal...it's the same way I feel when I get really sick with a flare. We are all here for you, and know that you aren't "using" any of us, we are all here to support you! We want to hear how you are feeling!

Take care and I hope you get good news soon.

 

[MapleLeafGirl]

Love your post Joe!!

Bev - we are all pulling for you and knowing you will get through this and emerge and even stronger person than you already are!!

 

[belle1999]

Bev, you are not using us. We are all here to help each other in whatever ways we need. We just want you to feel better in all ways, not just physically. Big, big, big HUGS!!!

 

[Silvermoon]

I don't want to look at me right now because I'm too scared to. I feel like I'm coming completely apart physically, mentally, emotionaly, spiritually, and financially. Is there anything left? Yet I have this amazing husband who would do anything for me and is taking care of his responsibilities and mine, and a family that wants me to hurry home. As soon as I go home, I start trying to take care of them forget about me. This is where we are already discussing changes because it's not them asking me to, I just feel the need to help them. I'm scared to go home because I don't think I'm strong enough to take care of just me. Does this make any sense?

This makes total sense to me.... It is why I am a nurse... so much easier to "help others" rather than "confront our own demons". I think Dusty also said it somewhere else (maybe in Kello's surgery post?) ... We LOOK and LOVE to find other things to do...because THAT is what we have CONTROL over.... We have no control over our own bodies... when it's healthy...when it's not...when it's going to evacuate it's bowels... when it's going to reject the nutrition we put into it... and we feel lost.... so we find other things we CAN control... I think that is also why over half of us have OCD's ... lol

In the midst of everything, I'm taking quite a bit a pain medicine and getting to the point of WHY I'm taking it. Am I hurting that bad? Am I anticipating that it's going to hurt? Or am I getting addicted. I was never much into pills and drugs, but I am a recovering alcoholic with over 15 years clean and sober. But I'm also a wimp and hate pain. So, here's another fine line we are crossing.

I asked my psychiatrist one time about becoming addicted to sleeping pills/pain pills... I was having a rough time pain wise... all I wanted to do was take T1s and sleep... and I had had problems with physiological addiction to other medications... so I was getting kind of scared.... His answer? "If you are aware enough to be asking the questions, you are not addicted, at least not physically." I don't know if that was the right wnaswer or not, but it kinda made sense to me at the time (and still does).... that I am aware enough that I don't WANT to be addicted, then I am probably only goin gto take them when I NEED to.

The other thing to remember about pain is, is it is a lot easier to KEEP under control than BRING BACK UNDER control.... So if you want to give yourself a test, go an extra 15 minutes each time you take a pain med.... OR.... are you watching the clock? Are you anticipating your next pain med? Being through all these things already, you are probably aware of the signs to watch for... but PLEASE don't let the pain get out of control because you afraid you will get addicted......

So, In respect to everyone here on the forum, I feel I owe you an apology because I've been using each of you to in some way to avoid what I really need to do, ....

I don't, and I don't think many others here, feel that you have used ANY of us in this way...or any other way for that matter.... I want you to re-read this statement and think to yourself what you would say or think if it was someone else who has gone through even half of the **** you are going through right now had typed this.....


I hope this doesn't sound like I am saying something inane such as "Don't be silly, Beverly" or "Don't say things like that, Beverly" .... because this is obviously how you are feeling...a dn this is what this little "family" of ours is about... being able to say...honestly and straight-forwardly... WHAT we are thinking and HOW we are feeling.....

So I am glad you DID say something, because now we know what is going on in that beautiful little head of yours.

I wish I could take your pain away... both physical and mental... but I can't do that... so all I can do for you at this moment in time, is send my thoughts, my prayers, and the warmest cyber hugs I can imagine......

 

[ameslouise]

Bev, if you are using us, then keep on using us! You have been a wonderful addition to this forum and we hope you stick around for a good while longer!

Sometimes just pouring out your heart and soul, and admitting that you don't want to look inside yourself, is the first step. Like Joe said, One Day at a Time.

Hang in there. We are all here for you. Never apologize for who you are, how you post, what you post, etc. That's the beauty of the forum - let it all hang out and we accept you for who you are!

Hugs to you - Amy

 

[MisB]

Wow....2 months ago I didn't know any of you and now I don't know what to say. I'm going to try to address everything, and if I miss someone, something, or get it confused, please forgive me and just point it out to me later. I'm getting better at learning people but we all have user names and sign real names or other names and, you know what I mean.....

All of the advise given has touch me in a special way, but one that really stands out is Regular Joe. I'm not offended in any way, infact most of it is not what I wanted to hear but what I need to hear. As you brought up your sobriety, I'm assuming it's ok to briefly discuss. I have not been to an AA meeting in over 4 years. Been ok with that, but maybe that's why the meds are putting me in weird places. Another comment you reminded of is the overload. Life is like a loaf of bread. You don't shove the whole thing in your mouth at one time, you take it one slice, one bite at a time. Put my personal priorities in percpective and if I can do something about it now, do it, if not, put it away for later don't stress over it. And, last but not least, my favorite quote, but you left out a word, "Keep it Simple"....for me, it's always "Keep it Simple Stupid", or KISS. I need to kiss more. I want to thank you for being straightforward and honest. In my opinion, if anything you said offended me, that's probably what I need to listen to the most. Thank you for your honesty and calling me on it. Hasn't been done in a long time. I guess it's time for me to go to one of those meetings.

Kello and Hungry - both of you comment on the "time out" method. I actually did that today. Haven't watched my soap opera for almost 2 weeks. Thanks to the internet I'm almost caught up on one of them. You're right. That "away" time should be mandatory, just to let everything else calm down. And Kelly, I was using your "timing" method at home for the pain meds. Here, the nurses are all helping me determine the lower dosage, best med for type pain, etc.....so I am working on the management part. Thanks for the tips.

Jeff D and Marisa, Thanks for the blog info. Haven't gotten there yet, but that is a near future project. Thanks. And your thoughts and concerns are alwaya appreciated.

Whysoserious, Kelly, Belle, Silver, and Amy, I notice you are ALL there, no matter how big or little my issue or post may be and your continued support provides more strenght than you realize. The encouragement alone can really turn things around very quickly.

Okay, DustyKat and Dexky........ 2 things. Thanks for the love and support and now I'm going to be troubled all night with idea of a "Techno phobe Redneck"? That presents an entirely new disturbing breed. I've really gotta think about that one.


NOW.....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....TODAY'S NEWS:

Blood was down again this morning, so was given 2 units of blood this afternoon. Took care of some much needed paper work (disability forms and bills) this afternoon without too much stress, than slept all evening. My daughter woke me up for a visit at 10:30 on her way home from work. I really needed that. So, that's why I'm awake this late. Nurse gave me my nite-nite pills 2 hours ago, not working good yet.

Anyway, Both doctors are in agreement that I need to see 2 more doctors. One Mental and one for a 2nd surgical opinion. As the CT Scan done Monday shows that the Crohn's is still NOT responding to meds and regressing, they both feel surgery ia the next best choice. Already seen the Pshyc Doc, he'll check on me again in a couple of days. I'm not suicidal, going through a lot, typical to be mentally unbalanced at the moment, don't want to start changing more meds at this time of the game. Wait to see what surgeon says and we'll re-group

No word on when I will see surgeon, but hearing hospital gossip and takling with a nurse, hopefully by tomorrow or Friday. And, possibility, since most test have already been done if he feels surgery needed, could very well happen sooner than later. So, If I have time to post things, I will, if things happen to fast, I'll have my husband post something on FB and the rest of you can spread the word. It is now 2:15 a.m. and the nurse said the one surgeon does he's visit early, like 4 or 5 a.m. With my luck, it will be the associate who will show up next Monday afternoon. LOL.

I was honestly afraid I might offend someone with my last post and here I am with a longer one, and you guys just keep encouraging me. I just don't know what to say. You each mean a great deal to me I know that if and whatever kind of surgery I need, I will get through and I know you all will be here with me. I usually don't take help from others very well, but I'm trying to learn and you guys are helping teach me. Thanks for letting me lean on you. Now, I'm going to go see if any of you have started any new, fun games and take my mind off of meds, surgeries, pain, etc.

Thanks everyone :ghug: Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Aussie in New Zealand]

sorry to hear you're so sick

Hi mis b,
i've read a few of your posts and just wanted to say how sorry i am for how sick you are, and the extra worries that come with your insurance problems.
everyday i thank god that i am not too sick and can function normally, and my heart goes out to people like you that are having a hard time.

hang in there x
catherine

 

[DustyKat]

Hey Bev, :bigwave::bigwave::bigwave::bigwave::bigwave:

Fingers crossed your answer is just around the corner, I hope all goes well with the surgeon...........................


:goodluck::goodluck::goodluck::goodluck:


:hang: buddy
Dusty

 

[Christy]

((((MisB)))))

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hey Bev, glad to hear that you at least get to talk with a surgeon and that you got to catch up on your soap opera. I wish things were better for you, you've been in such pain for so long and it's really heartbreaking to hear that you haven't gotten any relief yet. I really hope the surgeon can give you some answers and get you on the road to feeling better.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I enjoy reading long posts, so don't feel bad if you can't figure out the whole blogging thing.

 

[Jennjenn]

Hi I hope your feeling a little better today

Everyone on here has said it all very well! We are all here for each other to give support and to be friends.
Just wanted to give you a :ghug:
and say :getwell:

ps: I also like to read your posts!

 

[Jer's Girl]

Everyone here has great advice for you so far. I would just like to add that there is no right or wrong way to express yourself on this forum. Some people give a lot of themselves helping others and giving encouragement and that is wonderful. Some people just need to vent and that is also wonderful. Others do a little of both and that is great too.
I post my own stuff from time to time and I post on others threads from time to time. I do not have the time to read every post, but I try to keep up with what people are going through as best as I can. I do not expect every person to read my posts, but I appreciate those who do. I put as much energy into this forum as I can without letting it take over my life or become a job.
I think that everyone needs this forum for different reasons and has different amounts of themselves that they like to put into it and that is okay. In the end, the only criteria for being in this forum is having compassion for what other people are going through and respecting that everyone’s pain is valid, be it emotional or physical.
So write as much or as little as you need to! We are all here to help each other and except help when we need it.
I would also like to say that I know how you feel about the pain meds. I really love how I feel on them, but it can get to the point where you aren’t sure if you are taking them for the right reasons anymore and that can be a big problem. I’ve so been there. I’m sure it will always be a struggle for me. I just make sure that my husband is aware when I am having issues so that he can help me through it. I have even given him the pills to hold onto before so that I wouldn’t take them to feel that blissful “I don’t care” feeling and not for pain. It is hard for people like us however who really do need pain meds legitimately from time to time. I’m not on pain meds now, but I know when I go back on them at some point when I have my second surgery, all of the same issues will come back. Kelly had some good advice for both of us in her post here.
Hope you are feeling better soon!

 

[Astra]

Hiya Beverly

Take your pain meds huni!! that's what they're for, don't be a martyr to pain!
I think I've said this to you before, turn around, and just look at how far you've come!!
As a recovering alcoholic, that is an amazing acheivement!
Please stop worrying about us lot!! We're big and ugly enough to look after ourselves!
You're a writer, so go ahead, write away, no-one minds whether it's a little un or a big un!
Close your eyes, deep breath, count to 3, good.
now stop fretting, worrying and being paranoid, this will do you no good in getting you better.
just remember this, we all love you!
And we want you well!
sending love as always
Joan xxxxxxxx

 

[belle1999]

:hug::hang:

 

[gypsigirl28]

:hug::hug::hug::hug: Oh MisB I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Please dont feel like your post are to long. We are all here to help you through this and I am sure we all care enough to read your post no matter how long they are. everyone needs to vent and just get it out so it dont eat us up inside. I do that to myself all the time and it just makes everything worse for yourself.
I really hope that you get to see the surgeron soon and they make a decision.

As for blogging you can start a Blog at blogging.com. It is a blogging site through Google. I have a couple blogs there myself. It is easy to start up and if you need help drop me a line or give me a call and I will help you out.

We are thinking about you!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are in our prayers and thoughts daily
You are a wonderful caring person and I know you will get through this, you are such a positive person, Dont give up....

Take care, best wishes to you.

lots of love
Rosemary

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hey Bev, just wondering how you're doing today? I hope things are going well. Keep us updated, we're all thinking of you!

 

[MisB]

Here goes. New surgeon just went on 3 week vacation and associate is in overload. Next surgeon affiliated with first surgeon who thinks surgery is not the answer. Cannot get into facility everyone wants me in because I have no insurance. My GI is out for a few days for daughter's graduation, his assoc. is starting me on flagyl and Imuran on top of everything else. Skipped a dose of mophine today and pain level at dinner hit 9-10 with the strongest item being an Ensure. So, I sit in this hospital with no clue what's going to happen next. My husband thought of contacting hospital board to see if there is another set of surgeons, someone suggested checking out, driving to Tampa General and just showing up on their door step, and I just want the whole mess to go away. When the doc asked me tonight about the Imaran, I told I've heard of it, didn't know much about it, but at this point I will try anything. I just want to get well and go home.

 

[Dexky]

Hey Bev, sorry to hear that things aren't improving! It seems like all the docs being gone has sort of put you in limbo!! I hope it turns in your favor soon!

 

[DustyKat]

Awwwwwww Bev, that just sucks. I don't know the system there to offer advice on that aspect of things. I do hope the docs can their act together though and you start to get some relief soon.....................


:hang::hang::hang::hang::hang::hang:


We are all thinking about you!!!


Sending hugs................:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
Dusty xxxxxxx

 

[gypsigirl28]

Hi Bev, I know you are tired of being in the hospital and just wish they would decide what they are going to do for you. But please hang in there, you are one of the toughest people I know. Miss Maddie sends lots of hugs, kisses and smiles your way:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:ysmile::ysmile::ysmile::ysmile::ysmile: Picture her smiling little face and that will make you smile and brighen your day a little. Please take care and remember to relax and try (I know this is hard) not to think so much. Lots of love and hugs to you
we are thinking about you

 

[Dallies]

:kiss: Thinking of you Bev xxx

 

[MisB]

UPDATE: Surgeon #1 that I met with in his office a few weeks ago, who said surgery could wait, showed up today. Seems second opinion surgeon #2 is on a 3 week vacation and his associate is overbooked. Surgeon #4, who did the blood clot surgery last week and is an old associate of #1, came in yesterday and said surgery was a last option and maybe we should continue with medicines vs. surgery. I was very upset. They started me on a new pill for anxiety last night that knocked me out until 4:00 this afternoon. It is 8:30 at night and feels like it's just before lunch. Anyway, Surgeon #1 walked in this evening, stayed for about 5 minutes discusssing our meeting in his office a few weeks ago. Long story short, when he meets with #4 tomorrow evening, they are going to take another look at my case to see if it might be the right time for surgery. So, by Monday I will hopefully have some answers. I hope everyone is having a good weekend and I'm headed back to lala land pretty soon. I told them I'll try that anxiety pill one or 2 more nights, but if it has me sleeping 15 hours at a time, that ain't gonna last long. But, for now I guess my body could use the rest. So, I'll be on and off here when I can, but I will make sure important news gets posted. My best to all and lots of :hug: and :kiss: to everyone. You all mean a lot to me and I wouldn't be getting through any of this if I didn't have ya'll for support. :ghug:

Too many of you for special hello's, but I gotta say sweet and peaceful dreams to little Maddie :shantel:. I hope she is doing better and gets her own good news very soon.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Hey Bev sorry I have missed your post and helping everyone too. Dont worry about the long posts I used to too but after over 3000 posts you kinda feel like laying low lol. This forum is like a family , and we know if we want support and information we know our family is always there (us) we all have each other and need support from time to time. I really hope you are on the road to a speedy recovery and blog all you like. Joe does! We have to be there for each other we are all we got! Hugs!!!!!

 

[gypsigirl28]

Oh Bev, I hate to see these doctors pulling you by a string. What ever happened to good old fashion doctors that actually cared about their paitents?

Anyway I hope and pray that you get the news you are waiting for on Monday!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

thank you for the sweet dream wish for Maddie. She sends lots of :hug::hug::hug: and :kiss::kiss::kiss: to her Angel!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you are getting some well needed rest. I hope you start feeling better soon.

loves and hugs to you
Rosemary

 

[DustyKat]

Hey Bev,

So sorry to hear you are still being passed from pillar to post, argh...........how frustrating. Gotta say though reading about doc #1, 2, 3, and 4 was a bit reminiscent of an Abbott and Costello skit! :lol:

God I hope you get sorted soon. What is your feeling about the whole thing? Do you think surgery is the answer?


:hang: buddy and remember you are in our thoughts and prayers...................


:hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug:


Lots a love,
Dusty

 

[crohnicaly stinky]

Bev, We need you here just as much as you need us. When I read posts like yours here in this thread, I see not only your pain and what you are going through, but what I might have to go through and suffer one day . I think for that reason we all comfort ourselves when we comfort each other. We're all here for each other and Bev believe it we're here for you!

It just kills me that you are suffering there and the doctors can't seem to decide what to do. I hope you find some peace from the pain and things start to turn around for you very soon.

 

[Jeff D.]

Hey Bev, I don't have much to say except that I'm supporting you as best I can in prayer. I wish I could offer more. I wish I lived near you so I could go and make sure you are taken care of. Thank you so much for keeping us updated. God bless