Toxic Emotions

[supercellbaebe]

This isn't exactly an IBD post, but its something which I think will probably apply to a lot of us on here and also to most people in the world actually.

Yesterday I worked out the source of my agonizing Liver pain, I get many pains, but this is the one that bothers me more than any of the others because it is a dull ache that never seems to go away.

You see, I had a biofeedback session on Monday and in that my practitioner told me I am suppressing toxic anger, frustration and fear and it is basically sitting in my liver causing damage and chronic pain. My liver is malfunctioning as a result and causing many of the horrific symptoms I experience.

It sounds a bit way out I know, but scientifically it actually makes sense, because it to do with blood flow. Normally when a person feels anger they overheat and get a red face and ears, I don't, because I am suppressing it and holding all that energy in my Liver instead of allowing myself to feel and experience the anger.

Here's a website that explains a lot of it:

http://www.shen-nong.com/eng/principles/sevenemotions.html

Its fascinating! Since I learned about it I have been trying my hardest to stop suppressing everything and to actually feel it and it is horrendous. I'm overheating, flushed and feeling very extreme negative emotions I'd completely forgotten even existed. This is just a nightmare. I'm not sure how to get through this to be honest. Last night was the worst, I was paralyzed with terror and couldn't even move to blink my eyes!

I know this is a bizarre post and has nothing at all to do with IBD, although suppressed emotions could be causing problems for a lot of the folks on here, on top of their IBD. I am just going through hell right now and I'm living alone so I need some support and if anyone else has ever been through anything like this at all?

Instinctively I keep suppressing everything, but I feel pain in the liver when I do that, but feeling these emotions is one of the worst things I can ever remember...

xxx

 

[AndiGirl]

That is eerie, Heidi! It sounds like something that could be troubling me. I can see where there is a lot of truth in this. I tend to suppress a lot. Thank you for sharing this.

 

[handle]

Hey Heidi,
These things need to be dealt with very slowly and carefully - in a tender fashion. You should have been advised to take a very gentle route towards accepting your feelings and then, with guidance, learning to enjoy them and love them as they are a part of you. If you suddenly decide to open the flood gates and use your Yang energy to deal with them, that is more dangerous than the condition itself.
Relax, you have done nothing wrong. Take a soft approach and look lightly upon the things you seek to repair. Learn some gentle breathing and flowing exercises, and in a nurturing secure environment slowly look a these things. It troubles me when people are given only a little knowledge - it is enough to do great damage.
Take good care of yourself and be kind to your self. Everything is fine.
(I was a Ta'i Chi instructor for many years..)

 

[fromthegut]

Heidi.. I can relate. I am going through this stage myself. I am in a new relationship and I ahavign some old feeligns come up in this new situation. It is really bothering me.
My mom in particular is having a huge amount of anxiety over this..and other family members. I am mad cause I am happy and they are all sarcastic and judgemntal. Woww.. i think i have ben here myself with others. It is change and no one likes change. Even if it is good for me.. it is frightneing. there was a good article in MORE magazine.. well here in Canada anyway. Ashley Judd was talkigna bout some changes in her lfie and how she went through a depression. that is what is happenign with me.
Only this time...I have a GOD.. I am not sure what he or she is but .. I have a God !!! Also because of some sharings by my new man... I am seeing "men" from my past in a new light.
saying I was reminded of the other night is... " I shoudl not measure my insides by other people's outsides."
My new boyfriend.. ok even that cahnges from minute to minute has taught me many lessons. Crap he had a career I thoguht i would die for.. little did i know he was extremely lonely and carrying big burdens. He's run up a lot of debt too.
I thought only women werepeople pelasers and had been betrayed by men.. or abandoned for work or someone in their family... nope.. men too !
My borther is carrying a lot right now. My mom is emotinally manipulating him. He is let her guilt him into thigns.
I fear that somehwere in ym chaos I have been doing this too. I have not trusted God enoguh to let him or her do the work..and my ego gets in the way and I pretend I am God.. not so.
I can't God Can.. I'll let him .. or her. Thanks for listening.

 

[supercellbaebe]

Andigirl, I never really considered that suppressed emotions were causing terrible pain and symptoms, but it appears they are. If you are suppressing things it may be adding to your IBD and it might really help you to face those emotions. The thing is though I'm not entirely sure if what I am doing is good either. I feel physically much worse, and emotionally crippled! Suppressing it you don't feel it, but when you feel it again it is like a tidal wave. Take care of yourself chick, and be tender :kiss:

Handle, thank you very much your advice. I was confused this morning, physically my Liver symptoms are much much worse, I feel physically and emotionally very ill right now and I was confused because I thought dealing with and facing emotions was a good thing and would help, not make you worse! But your post kind of explains that it can only make you feel worse. I'm not entirely sure how to do this, in a way that won't hurt or harm. I have an appointment next Monday with my practitioner, but I'll be honest I'm not sure I'm going to last the weekend if this doesn't start improving.

Its so weird, I never ever cry, because I can't, the emotion is just never ever present in a way that can be expressed. But yesterday on the tube, in front of loads of strangers, I was literally biting my lip off in an attempt to stop an embarrassing emotional and very public outburst! This morning, I can't cry, but the fear of pain is keeping me on my toes. Not nice at all... I can't wait to feel some positive emotions again though! It'll be amazing! I even suppressed those so I think when I feel good emotions again it'll be like winning the lottery, its worth waiting for.

From the gut, you seem to have been through much emotional turmoil. I am sad to read of these experiences. I really wish you love and strength so you can get through this. When you come out the other side you will feel so much better and its worth waiting for, of that I am certain.

Big Hugs and love

xxx

 

[handle]

You'll be fine. For now all you need to do is nurture yourself a little. Take a hot shower or a nice walk or a long bath. Light a candle, watch tv, listen to some music - anything that makes you comfortable. Take it easy on yourself for a while - you can go back to stressing out another time.... you've overdone it a little but that's ok. Some people make it a journey of their life to heal these things.

 

[HeatherMN]

I have also been working with my therapist on experiencing real emotions rather than stuffing them in, like I have tended to do for years...
It has been a slow process so far, with LOTS of apprehension on my part. But, I can start to see some real differences in my stress and anxiety levels. I have also been working on being less of a "people-pleaser" and caretaker of others. That's always been my nature, and once I had kids it came out full-force! I sacrificed myself so much, to my own detriment, while trying to prove to everyone what a shining example of perfection I was
It's a lot of work, scary at times, but you will get through it. Take it very slow, like handle said, and make sure you are being good to yourself in the meantime. It will probably bring up lots of guilt and/or shame (my two biggies-for not being perfect you know).

 

[bruscar]

Hey Heidi,

Sounds to me like you need a bit of the other to get your good endorphins rushing!!....Sorry tact isnt my strong point.ya never know it may actually help with the frustration bit.

Joking aside, i do agree completely with what you have said.I believe not only every feeling we have within our bodies (i.e.symptoms) but everything we come into contact with, see, hear etc etc can have an effect of sorts on our health or at least on parts of how we percieve what we have seen, heard etc.

if only we could find a peaceful place where all the nice things are?

maybe one day.

sending huuuuuuge biiiiiig huuuuuuugs to you Heidi XX

 

[Cookie]

This morning on TV there was a segment on a book called The Inner Pulse. Since I have not read it, I am not recommending or endorsing it, but I thought I'd mention it because it sounded like it was relevant to the subject. I plan on checking it out. Has anyone heard of it or read it? Any comments on it?

 

[happy]

Hi Heidi,
It sounds to me that you have activated some energy that just needs to move. Moving it will transform it naturally without you having to work hard on "getting rid of it".

Chanting, toning, or vocalizing can be very helpful to move Liver energy.

This following website has some active exercises based on Traditional Chinese Medicine that helps one vocalize energy from a specific organ: http://www.innerpercussion.com/2009/05/22/colour-sound-taoist-healing-principles/

I recommend doing exercise II before I, and then again after doing I. When you are doing the Liver sounds, imagine the energy coming from way below your feet and then up through your body and out your mouth. Don't force anything- be really gentle with yourself and use your natural breath rhythm to do this. Another sound that is good for the Liver is a 'Ha' sound with a soft 'h' sound when you exhale.

Also, remember, we once had a conversation about mindfulness breathing. If you are feeling fearful and anxious try just concentrating on your breath. "Breathing in, I am aware of my anxiety; breathing out, I smile at my anxiety."

I have also had 'stuck liver energy' that actually raised my liver enzymes intermittently for several years, without any obvious pathology. I have also used alternative energy treatments to treat it. My liver enzymes have been normal for over a year, and I rarely get the pain now.

I agree with Handle, go slowly, be gentle with yourself, and get some support to help you deal with what comes up as you transform these energies.

And I thank you for being willing to be vulnerable in sharing this with us on our site. It might help others to find alternative ways to help themselves.

 

[supercellbaebe]

HeatherMN, thank you very much for your words of advice and support. I can understand what you mean by go slowly, although I'll be honest I am the most impatient person that ever lived. I just want to get this done and get on with life (part of my problem as I get very irritated and frustrated). But I will do my utmost to try and take things as they come and not push (as I always do, with everything, and end up falling flat on my face). You take care as well with your progress, it is very important to remember yourself and to take the time to nurture your needs, it is easy to forget in the business of life I think. Go carefully, sending you big hugs and love xxx

Bruscar, you may be right about the endorphins! I've been looking up them on the internet, they sound amazing! The most powerful natural painkillers on the planet and we already have them inside us! I heard laughing can release endorphins as well as sex. Both of those sound pretty good to me, although the second my be a little difficult as I am single, but at least I have something to look forward to!
Thank you very much for your kind words and your support, I really appreciate it!

Cookie, thank you for suggesting that book. I haven't heard of that one, but looking it up online it looks like it could offer some really good suggestions and is certainly worth a read I think, thank you!

Happy, I do Kundalini Yoga which has a lot of chanting, previously I've never managed to get much out of it because I was all wound up inside and in pain. But I think all that bubbling to the surface will open up so many opportunities to heal in so many ways. Thank you so much for your suggestions and kind words, I am definitely going to use them sounds and those exercises. The mindfulness is very powerful. It sometimes really is hard to implement when you feel weighed down by a lot of garbage, but it is the most powerful tool I have ever known for anything. Thank you for reminding of it, I intended to start using it again. I can't wait for Kundalini on Sunday, will be great to really feel the benefits for a change!

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your words and support

xxx

 

[bruscar]

Heidi,

pm sent you are very welcome