Want to work but SO anxious

[DJW]

I'm finding myself getting both excited and really anxious...so I'm turning to my fellow C&C sufferers for input.

As some of you know I've been sick for quite a while. To the point where I need to be on disability. The only way I could accept that idea was to look at it as temporary while I get better.

I've recently started remicade and have high hopes for remission and a return to work; I'm planning on starting my own small business and working from home. That is something I'm very excited about. That is also something that is leaving me shaking with anxiety.

I find I'm going back and forth between hope and total despair (in a pathological sense). I'm procrastinating like you wouldn't believe. Not sleeping. Eating poorly. I think its even contributing to my constant fatigue.

I'd really appreciate your input. This is getting the better of me.

Thanks

:sign0085:

 

[lilac]

This site is really good for overcoming anxiety and other problems, it uses a cognitive behavioural approach and is evidence-based. It helped me overcome my sleep probs (unless your sleep difficulties are related to physical pain):

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/

Another thing good for anxiety, and again, sleep probs are relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. This site has videos of how to do both:

http://www.stepsforstress.org/take-action-now/relaxation-exercises.html

hope you find these of some use :ysmile:

 

[DJW]

Thank you lilac. I'm going to check those out.

Its weird because I know working will be good for my mental health.

 

[lilac]

I had a severe knock to my confidence a few months back. I had started a new job last November and by March I had been admitted to hospital 5 times. It was a real knock to my confidence because I really wanted to make a good impression but felt I let myself down and was paranoid that my collegues would think I was just work-shy and phoned in sick at a drop of the hat. Don't think people get the impact it can have on mental health as well.

 

[DJW]

Very true.

I've noticed a serious errotion of confidence over the years. I can't seem to talk myself out of it any more.
I checked out the first site you recommended... So good.

 

[lilac]

glad it was helpful

 

[shamrock15]

Self employment might be a real challenge unless it is a work from home sort of endeavour. I do think getting back into some form of work is essential. It helps out tremendously with our self-image and self-worth. Listen to your body as you get back into the flow of things. Give the remicade time to work. You should improvements quickly, but remission could still take a while. Fingers are crossed for you!

 

[DJW]

I'm thinking working from home is best going forward.

Thanks for the reminder shamrock. I need remission.

I'll take a deep breath, listen to my body (which I am terrible at), and start working through some CBT.

 

[Muppetgirl]

I'm sorry it is making you feeling anxious and despairing. :hug:

I couldn't work for a while. I've since gone back to work part time. One thing that has helped me is to develop and stick to my own adapted goals and expectations. For example the hours I do are a massive massive achievement for me and push me to my limit. For other people they would not be. But whenever I make the mistake of comparing myself to them (especially those I trained with), that is when I feel crappy. I am not them are they are not me. When I started, my goal was to make it a year, once I got there I set myself the goal of 2 years and taking on more reponsibilities and so on, but only the next goal once I achieved the first. I know most people have a long term plan, but that is just not realistic for me and it may be the same for you.

Also it may help to break it down into a series of steps i.e. more treatment, remission, finding out the financial side of running a business etc. It will feel a lot less overwhelming that way.

 

[DJW]

Thanks Muppetgirl.

Everything you said makes a lot of sence.

I've got a lot to think about. I guess its about facing my reality and not looking at it as lazy or worse failing. Blah!

 

[Hope345]

How exciting. while you wait for the Remicade to put you into remission can you continue with a work plan? keep doing the research, take advantage of this time preparing for your future work at home.

I hope it all works out!!!

we were told that Remicade works better with Imuran. It does increase the risk very slightly, but it also increases the chances of Remicade working. Just something to look into.

sending my support !!!!!

 

[DJW]

Thank you all. I appreciate the encouragement.

Hope345, thankfully I'm already on imuran.

KelcieLe, I haven't eating properly or exercising much lately. I do feel better when I walk and eat well.

 

[syzygy]

I've got a lot to think about. I guess its about facing my reality and not looking at it as lazy or worse failing. Blah!

Don't beat yourself up DJW: Crohn's is already doing that for you!

We get that message so much that we're supposed to be able to control our health and that it's a personal fault of some kind to be sick. Drives me crazy. (I'm going to resist the urge to really rant now.)

Good luck. If you're checking out the CBT route, one book I like a lot is "Mind Over Mood."

 

[DJW]

Actually might be good for me to hear your rant lol.

 

[syzygy]

Actually might be good for me to hear your rant lol.

One more crummy day for me and you can catch the fireworks in the Vent Away section. :ymad:

 

[DJW]

Sorry to hear that. I hope tomorrow is better.