Weight Obsessed

[trainerht686]

I am new to this forum, but not new to crohns. I was diagnosed in 2007. I am very lucky and I have only ended up in the hospital twice with severe flare ups. Each time though I lose between 20-25lbs, the second time i lost most of it in 2 weeks. My weight before hand was 135lbs and im 5'6 female. I've never really been over weight and ive been athletic my entire life, and ive never had weights issues.

But since loosing all of that weight and seeing my body that small it has done a number on me mentaly. Although i DO NOT like looking that small at all. Seeing myself that small is engraved in my brain, as im sure it is to the rest of you that looses weight like i do. Seeing myself like that has made me overly obsessed about my weight and my body image. I now notice any little buldge in my stomach or sides, but another person can look exactly like me and i think they look great, i just obsess over myself. Ive tried expressing this to a friend but they just don't understand.

Does anybody else have this issue?

I apologize for the rambling, this has been on my mind for almost two years.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I've definitely had my share of body issues with this illness too. For me, I also had lost about 20 lbs - I went from 136 lbs at 5'8" down to about 115 lbs and I lost a lot of muscle mass (like you, I had been fairly fit before getting sick and losing weight). Then I was on steroids (Entocort) for about 7 months, and I gained all my weight back and then some. But it of course all came back as fat instead of some of it being muscle, and a lot of the flab settled in around my midsection. I've been in remission and working out regularly for close to 2 years now, but I still have a bit of the flabby belly left. I hate it! I work out to make my body fit and healthy so that I can fight my illness if/when it decides to flare up again, but a shallow little part of me would really like the icky flab to go away too. I'm right at about 135 lbs again, and I have some decent muscle mass again, but my body is definitely not the same as it was before and that does bother me a little bit. I usually just chalk it up to the fact that my body has changed forever on the inside, so logically it's got to be different on the outside too. I have flaws, I'm human, it's okay if I have a little stubborn flab.

It sounds to me like you're pretty obsessed though, and that's not good. I went through a few years of anorexia in my teen years and I was definitely obsessed with weight, body image, every little flaw too. If this continues, or progresses, I think you might need to talk with someone like your doctor about this. I hope you're able to accept your body as it is, with the flaws inside and out even if you're the only one who notices them. Because really, honestly nobody else is noticing the little flaws. It took me years to realize that. And hun, you've got an illness, there's only so much control you have. Try to let go and not obsess so much - I know, easier said than done, and I've been there done that myself. I get it - but this isn't healthy. Hang in there, big hugs!

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

Welcome

I too have always been underweight. I'd gain some and be almost to a healthy weight and then lose it again. It's not fun. But, I've learned even though I hate losing what I've got, there's not a whole lot I can do. Just got to do the best you can. Let me know if you need to talk. Xxxxxx

 

[StrawberryRain]

Hi! It sounds like you are at a good body weight and are just a little insecure about it, so I want to share with you a lesson that my brother taught me.

I used to have a problem obsessing over weight, too. I was 5'4", 135lbs before my first bad flare up, then went down to 112lbs. This is still in my healthy weight range, and I thought I looked great. But I sure didn't FEEL great - I was weak, and in pain. Right around this time, my brother was diagnosed with Crohn's. This was the first time we'd ever heard of it.

My brother lost an incredible amount of weight. It was scary. But I guess he did some thinking, and realized something I never had: that he had been eating unhealthy and had unhealthy habits, and a lot of that had contributed to his disease. Somehow he found the strength to start a very rigorous workout routine, and followed it through. THREE MONTHS later, he was in remission. Now he's 6'1 and 190lbs, and super ripped. And on his second year of remission.

After that I got diagnosed, and found out I'd been suffering from it for four years already. It's now two years later, and I'm still trying to reach remission. Until about two months ago, I almost never worked out. I figured it was enough that I was a waitress and a vegetarian; so I got plenty of exercise and healthy food, I thought. Wrong! Medicines alone aren't going to magically make my disease go away.

Two months ago my brother invited me to go to the gym with him, and I have felt so much better! I'm not tired all the time like I used to be, or feel weak.

Now instead of thinking about my weight, I MAKE myself think of my "health" instead. It's not "does my stomach stick out" or "am I getting love handles" - it's "can I run up those stairs without panting?" or "how do I feel after doing a set of push ups?" or even "how can I prepare a delicious meal that is also good for my body?" And I think this type of thinking really helps improve my self esteem when I look at my body. I don't even remember how "skinny" I was during my flare ups, because the body I have now (even if it's 10lbs heavier) feels way better on the inside and the outside.

So yeah, sorry for the long post. I guess what I'm saying is, maybe try to think about "health" as being more important than "weight" If you are in remission, revel in the knowledge that your body is loving you. And if you're not - I really recommend a good workout routine! It can do wonders