Why!!!

[Jeff D.]

Sorry here is another anxiety post:

I went to my girlfriends house on Friday knowing that it would storm but I thought it would end in the evening. Instead while driving I ran into a ton of lightning which triggered a panic attack and I learned how bad it is to have a panic attack while driving because while I was heading back to my gf's house as fast as I could without hitting the thousands of deer on the side of the road I could barely keep a steady breathe and my body started to get all tingly. Forward to the next night of me trying to get home, I saw more lightning when I thought there was going to be no lightning at all. I freaked again and wasn't able to get home again. Both days I called my parents and all they did was give me grief.

I'm sick of my parents giving me grief for my panic attacks. They seem to feel as if I shouldn't be scared of lightning but I'm traumatized now. Whenever I see lightning, even from a house, I start to freak out and I start to have a hard time breathing. I'm sick of my parents doing this crap to me. They talk to me as if it's my fault. I wished I had a well paying job and I could get my own apartment because this crap pisses me off. I need some support. Right now I'm almost more comfortable at my gf's house because they understand where I'm coming from or at least they try to. All I want is for my parents to try and understand where I'm coming from. It's not my fault that I have anxiety, depression, maybe OCD, panic attacks, maybe something else in there as well, and on top of it all Crohn's Disease. They just don't understand and it pisses me off.

I wanted to also let you know that the reason I wasn't here for the past few days was because my gf doesn't have high speed internet so I couldn't get online from her house.

Anyways that's my rant. I have a psychologist appointment on May 11 so that should be good. I really think that getting some medicine would really help me so hopefully I can get something but who knows maybe someone can help me.

 

[Guest]

of course someone can help you - this is a condition like any other, but unfortunately because it's 'invisible', we don't always get the understanding from others that more apparent conditions bring.

i know exactly how you're feeling about it all Jeff. back in the days when i felt i was living in a permanent bubble of anxiety and fear, i used to get so upset and cross when people told me to 'pull myself together', or go have a nice cool wash and i'd feel all better.. grr!

my trigger points were possibly different from yours, i didn't have much of an issue with storms, and i think the place i felt most confident and in control was always whilst driving - i can't ever remember having a panic attack while i was driving. but i had many while i was a passenger in a car..

heightenend anxiety is a weird thing... usually it stems from one particular factor in our lives, or in our past, but so many other things unrelated to that issue can bring it on. mine was caused by the trauma of all the surgeries i'd had, the fact i'd almost died in ICU, and the fear of another impending operation. but so many 'silly' things would bring it on, like being in a supermarket, or an elevator, and sometimes i never knew what the trigger was from day to day.

to be honest, i never imagined i would get better from it.. it was so much a part of how i felt, how i thought, how i lived my days and nights, i didn't think anything was powerful or effective enough to turn all that around and give me normality back. but i did it - and the best tool was actually from within myself, with guidance from a cognitive behavioural therapist. he taught me some amazingly valuable lessons, not just with regard to coping, but about my mind & body, how thoughts affect us physically, the stages of anxiety and why they happen, the chain reaction of the fight or flight issue - it was a learning curve, and one which eventually gave me the knowledge to overcome it all.

you will get there Jeff. it's not easy, and it's not a quick-fix thing, so be gentle on yourself, don't put any expectations on yourself, just go with the flow and most importantly, try your hardest to believe what the psychologist tells you. that was my downfall at the beginning - i didn't believe 'only anxiety' could be doing all this to me. once i accepted that fact, i was half-way there.

 

[Jeff D.]

Thanks Ding,

I didn't like my last psychologist because before he even talked to me he had my parents come into the room and talk to him with me there and it just pissed me off because I don't share a lot of how I feel with my parents, I just don't. I hid my depressed nature in my laughter in smiles for years before it came to the point where it just wasn't happening for me anymore and I just couldn't take it. Anyways, my parents went and told him what they thought my problems were so instead of learning from me what my problems were he learned a highly skewed version from my parents and laughed at me when I went into details about what happened.

I know I'm screwed up and I accept it. I just don't honestly understand how I can be how I am and I'm pissed about it. I'm pissed I have Crohn's and pissed I have scar tissue and pissed in general. I hate how I live my life. I wish I wasn't so uptight about things and was more free flowing instead but I'm not. I'm the person I thought as a child I didn't want to be. I'm sick of it and I'm having problems. I'm scared to death of tornados, especially when I have to drive at night because I can't see them, and that's why I'm scared of the lightning. Friday was my first time I have been afraid of lightning and I don't know why it came out like that.

I need to get up at about 10 for my cimzia so I need to get off but I don't want to. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't know why I just don't.

 

[Guest]

k.. i'll reply in full later so you can get yourself off to bed Jeff... but i just wanted to say, try & view sleep as your 'safety zone', the time when your body and mind can relax, heal from the day's anxieties, and not have to worry about those issues which come at us during our waking hours. my bed and sleeping is still the thing i head for when i don't feel well for whatever reason.

sleep well Jeff.

 

[Jeff D.]

Thanks Ding but sleep is my worst time of day. I feel like I'm going to be attacked when I go to sleep and it's always a problem for me.

 

[kello82]

hey jeff
sorry i wasnt on yesterday early morning here. my comp or internet was busted, but you know i wouldve been here at 2 am with ya! i was laying here awake too, just wishing i could get on here to feel less lonely.

i wish so much that i could help and have some great advice, but i just dont. ive never personally dealt with panic issues, so i cant even imagine what its really like, i can only try.
i can only relate to you with the sleeping issues i think. sleep is not my escape either, at night at least. i hate it. i hate being alone and in the dark and just knowing that everyone else is sound asleep. it puts me in a bad place in my mind....like, i start to think negative things and i just cant get out of it. i think its just cause i feel SO ALONE then. i cant use the word alone enough thats just the worst part. and then i feel like im alone in my life and that nothing will ever get better it just goes down and down and in my mind isee every horror movie ive ever seen (which is like, 2) and it just overwhelmingly.......lonely.
sleeping during the day is my escape though. i can sleep soundly snuggled in with the shade half open and the daylight coming in and the tv on mute. and its even better when someone is home and is going about their business around the house. it feels so much safer that way.

i guess that could be part of the reason why i dont sleep at night....not just cause i dont get tired....but because i dont feel....secure? so therefore i dont get in the comfortable place you need to be in in order to sleep.


i dont know. i dont know if that relates in the SLIGHTEST. but............im here. just chillin and waiting until im either so tired that i cannot hold a thought in my head, or when its morning. i refuse to turn out the light and lay in bed awake with my own thoughts. its too, idk, sad? depressing? [insert adjective here].

 

[Jeff D.]

I know exactly how that is Kelly. I'm the same way. I have to sleep with my closet light on to get a good nights sleep, or at least a decent one. I feel insecure in the dark and by myself and I too feel very alone which makes me so insecure at night. During the day I can be by myself but I'll still sleep well because I know it's day time and I feel safer that I can see what's around me.

I have had a lot of visions since I was a little kid of things attacking me. I'm a Christian and for some reason I always feel like Satan is watching me and at the moment that I'm not paying attention will attack me. Last year I got really into my faith and I awoke in the middle of the night to a slap across my chest and a lot of laughter. I had a huge red mark for a few hours afterwards. I have had lights go on and off on me while reading certain things in the Bible so yes I get very freaked out some times. I have had this problem since I was a small child as well. I feel like I'm constently being haunted.

 

[kello82]

wow i kinda just had that epiphany about all that just now.
i never really realized that that is a HUGE reason why ill be up all night- that ive spent too many nights lying awake in the dark alone and i just refuse to do it anymore. so unless i am guarunteed that i will fall asleep within say, 2 minutes. i wont even try.
huh. i honestly didnt know that about myself.

AH jeff, did you ever tell anyone that stuff? like the scary experiences? that is the kind of stuff that really FREAKS me out.
you know, like the shows on tlc and discovery chnl...the haunting shows, where people have physical signs of being haunted, like the red mark you described. stuff like that.
yeah no i saw one once and never again.

me personally, i dont really BELIEVE believe in stuff like that (then why does it scare me? idk). but do i think youre (or any of the other people who claim to have seen/heard things for that matter) lying or imagining things?? defnitly not!
i just dont know what to make of it. i mean no offense by this whatsoever btw, im just being open with my own views. i guess i dont totally know what i do believe. its hard.

but im glad youre seeing a psychologist soon. do you think you will talk to them about this kind of stuff?
this sucks. you deserve a break from the paranoid feelings and the stress. you deserve to be happy ok?

 

[Guest]

sorry i didn't get chance to come back in and reply before now...

the issue of your last psychologist, Jeff - the way he put people around you on the wrong path, i so understand that - it happened to me - and it is so frustrating!!

this will probably come out all wrong, i've got a lot of thoughts on this stuff but they're difficult to put sensibly in writing lol. my take is that life is scary. there are so many things out there, and within us, to put our natural state of security and comfort into turmoil. when you have issues like anxiety going on, all these things get blown out of proportion, not consciously, but subconsciously - every little or big worry tends to affect us on a massive scale.

finding escape and healing from all that lies in learning about yourself and your triggers, and how to put things into perspective.. like, there are some things in life we cannot do anything about, and we have to accept that. the things we can change, that we are in control of, are the things you need to work on.

sometimes it helps to do lists.. write down all your fears, and then mark the ones you feel you could change with some help, then show this to the psychologist when you go.

i'm so sorry you're going through all this, it's really not fair, you have enough to cope with just having Crohn's.. but the anxiety and fear issues can be overcome - just hang on in there & look forward to the day when you've got the tools to beat this.

 

[Kittee]

Jeff I came here today to post about anxiety and Crohns. I think they can be related.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm also having some very bad GAD right now...and I'm semi flaring.

So I know exactly how you feel. All I can suggest is try to breath in through your nose for 6 seconds and out through your mouth for 10. Do that 3 times. That usually helps calm me down some.

 

[forum contributor]

Jeff - You're not alone. I suffer w/depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I used to have panic attacks, but then I was put on Citalopram and that has worked wonders for me. Have you tried any anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds? (If I missed that in a previous post, I'm sorry. Headache is getting back, so I'm skimming)

Kello - don't worry, I sometimes need to sleep with a night light as well and I'm married!! My husband understands though. Thankfully.

 

[Jeff D.]

Kittee breathing doesn't help me. It only makes things worse.

Santos I was on Celexa for a month and I only slept about a two hours a day due to hyperness. I was extremely hyper.