Wow seems to sum it all up....

[Keona]

wow seems to sum it all up....

I have had a difficult couple of days. I found out on Thursday morning that my friend (37 years old) died of an accidental overdose. She had been struggling with addiction for years and had lost her children to CAS until she could prove she was able to take care of them. Her children are amazing little people!! My friend Julie and her boyfriend (after 5 months of being "clean") went out and celebrated that he had gotten his children (from another relationship) out of the care of CAS. Julie's were/are still there. One night of partying and now all the children are in care even more lost than they were to begin with. I am not angry with Julie because I understand the dynamics of addiction however, i am very focused on her children being in care and that nobody stepped forward to take them out and offer their home to them. I am quite seriously contemplating applying for kinship care through CAS. This means I will take responsibility for them as their caregiver and bring them in to my care. It is an intense process where they will bring my childhood up and will need doctors letters, reference letters, supervised access visits, etc. There are 3 children and one is living with his father. The other 2 are little and are in care. I do not want them to be split up and to lose contact with each other. I also have a lot of access to the places their mother took them and can tell them how much their mother loved them and how her actions had nothing to do with them. Her mother did truly love them, just not herself very much. My concern is how having Crohn's will effect this process. This was really sad news.

Then, I received an e-mail from a editor. They had noticed one of my photos on Flickr and would like to use it on the cover of a text book. They would like to know my production fee (???) and if I would be willing to work with their lawyers. The first run would be 1,500 textbooks. I have had the same photo published in a book before but the author said there was no money in the budget to compensate me. (I found out later that the hardcover was being sold for $95.00 and the soft cover for $45.00 -- I received a free book and a coupon code that was good for 20% off but only good for a month.) I have also been commissioned to produce three drawings for a good fee from 2 separate people. I thought maybe they weren't serious at first. This news was really good news.

Then I called my GI (AGAIN) to find out if I could make an appointment. There are no appointments until May 2011!! I told her my new symptoms and she said she would put my file on his desk and if there is a cancellation, I might be able to have that appointment. Since being diagnosed with a hiatus hernia, gastritis (inflammation of my stomach lining), 2 strictures of my lower bowl, Crohns .. I have seen him the grand total of 2 times. Once for the initial consultation and the 2nd time briefly before he did the endoscopy. I have had an MRI since and plan to have another in September, but someone will call me Monday. I have been taking a lot of tylenol ones and laxatives and using a lot of ice packs in for awhile now. For the first time in awhile, I went out to where the people at my appointment told me I look really pale. This news of no appointments pissed me off (and found it to be totally ridiculous) and made me feel disillusioned by our medical system.

The GI nurse told me to call the doctor (who is taking over for my doctor while on sabbatical) - I did but she is on vacation for three weeks. This made me laugh and throw my arms in the air....temporarily...

Then I called my family doctor to find out when MY doctor would be back and apparently she has been back for a week (I called last week and the receptionist told me the end of July). I have an appointment Monday afternoon!!! This made me happy!

This has been my week and aside from my frustration with the lack of medical care and pain in my right hip/pelvis, it has all made me realize that I have to be the one to make things happen. Fighting for the children, telling the editor how much I want for my photo, and going to the hospital (if need be) and telling them I need medical care because I am not getting it anywhere else. I have'nt had a bowel movement for about 13-14 days now and quite frankly I am feeling a little "crappy" physically.

I am sharing all this because I think this is what everyone has been telling me since I signed in the first time. I just wanted everyone to know to keep talking because I am finally hearing... and for the new people to listen to the old timer's (no offence :biggrin because they really do know what they are talking about regardless of where they are located. The message to me has always been you have to make them listen/show them how much in pain you are otherwise they will move on to the person who is making more noise (all somehow in a diplomatic way).

So, just thought I would let anyone reading this know that i have actually heard and it took my weeks roller coaster experience's to have opened my eyes.
I was reminded this week of just how precious life really is.

Wendy

 

[Jennifer]

That's a lot to deal with Wendy. You're right, we do have to handle all of this ourselves and know when to push for what's really important. I hope you can get a GI to see you soon, even if they are new to you. Almost a year wait is absurd for someone with your symptoms or with any symptoms imo.

Those kids are lucky to have someone like you who cares so much for them. My sisters and I were in foster care when we were young so I know how important it is to them to have someone step up and keep them all together. I'm sorry about your friend and that you have to deal with all of this at once. Hang in there, you're doing great so far.

 

[Keona]

Thank-you CrabbyRelish.

I am actually okay with things. I am sad for my friend of course, but I had to back away from her a bit while she did her thing. I couldn't watch or enable what she was doing to herself and children (in care). I really was rooting for her and it was difficult to back off but she knew all the places to go to get help. She made her decisions and unfortunately for her and her children, they were the wrong ones. I saw her last week and she looked good.

I graduate in December with 2 degree's and I have already been offered good jobs in the health care system so I am not worried about financially. It will be difficult but lots of people do it with less.

I was also in foster care (CAS) so that makes tow of us who understands the importance. Thinking as a child that no one wants you is devastating. I dont want them to think that especially when someone does.
Wendy

 

[Entchen]

Wendy, I'm not sure how to respond to you having so much on your plate right now, so here is a hug :hug: and here are some warm thoughts (insert here) and know that I think your efforts this past week have been admirable.

 

[DustyKat]

Oh Wendy, I wish I could I dash over there right now and give you a great big :hug: and :kiss: right now and tell you everything was going to be fine.

What an incredible friend and woman you are and I have no doubt you will find some way to be a part of those children's lives and how wonderfully enriching that will be for them. Out of all the pain and sorrow how very lucky they are to have you.

You know, sometimes advocating for yourself can be the hardest job of all, but as they say the squeaky wheel gets the oil and unfortunately the only way to make things happen is to fight, yell and scream. It shouldn't have to be that way but more often than not it is. So you get those boxing gloves on girl and you go for it!

At the end of the day Wendy you need to be listened to and validated, if your current health team isn't doing that find one that will, that's the very least you deserve.

Look after yourself mate and you know that you are in my thoughts.
Dusty

 

[ameslouise]

Wow. You are a strong and courageous woman!

I hope things work out with the kids - you are amazing to even think about taking them into your care. Keep us posted and let us know what's going on.

Can you go to a different GI???? No appt until May is RIDICULOUS!!! Glad you can at least get to your GP sooner. Good luck!

Remember to take care of yourself!

- Amy

 

[MapleLeafGirl]

Wendy - Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I agree that no appointment until May is crazy. I am glad you are going to take the bull by the horns and push for some action. Hopefully your family doctor can push things faster for you. Take care.

 

[Keona]

Thank-you everyone for the feedback and nice comments and encouragement. It was a rough week and a good week all at the same time. I went to the funeral today and unfortunately it was an open casket. Very difficult situation all around, especially since it barely looked like her. The two younger children weren't there but the oldest was (15). He is living with his dad. I heard a lot of people talk about how grown up he is and how well he was keeping it together... that sort of concerned me. I made sure to tell him to cry and to cry lots whenever he feels ready to do that and gave him my number if he needed anything. I asked about the other 2 and still no one has come forward. I have thought a lot about it and I have decided to go ahead and apply for kinship care. It will be a long process and CAS makes you fight and prove every little thing and they can call whomever they want. Guess I will find out how it goes.

My family doc returned!! WOO-HOO!! She was a little stunned as she left thinking I had arthritis in my hip and prescribed me advil and physiotherapy and a hip x-ray. Since I have seen her, the GI doctor's office called me to let me know they are setting u an ultrasound and want me to do more blood work. My doc also gave me a requisition for more blood work and wants me to have a chest x-ray and gave me a swab kit next time I have thrush. SO, I am off the nystatin..phew... 4 bottles later!! I guess she is on a different path than my GI with getting the chest x-ray. She just wants to make sure its not caused by something else... (she never tells me why she's doing some tests so not to freak me out). So at least she has gotten something moving!!

As for the photo being published, I sent away a dollar amount and will likely hear if they accept it or suggest a different amount. So, that is kind of exciting. I have already started to bank every penny I get in case CAS says yes. I do wall murals (well, okay only 2 so far and been commissioned for a 3rd)
://www.flickr.com/photos/wendybush/4672480614/
so I have already imagined how I would do their rooms, etc. Kind of premature I know. I am calling tomorrow not that the funeral is over and will ask about visitation so I can be re-introduced to them. The little one may not remember me.
Well, it's 1/2 to 5. Good to get this out of my head so I can hopefully sleep. Starting tomorrow I will start taking better care of myself I have to be up in an hour and 1/2.

Thanks to everyone who listened. It is strange to me how things can change in an instant!. I think I am learning to say I have "bad moments" instead of "bad days".

 

[Guest]

hi Keona you're so right in what you say - life IS precious, even when it takes you on a rollercoaster like you've just experienced.

well done on the photo offer - i really hope this comes to something!

regarding those kiddies - it takes a very special person to consider doing what you're contemplating, and i take my hat off to you. taking any child out of the care system is amazing in itself, but to take two, for the reasons that you're considering, is the most selfless and wonderful gift you could give them. you can't give them their mum back, but you can give them a stable life filled with love, hugs and smiles, and that is so important.

without divulging too much detail, i have had connections with this type of thing, and i have learnt that the more positive evidence you can throw at the authorities involved, the better - my advice even at this early stage would be to talk to everyone you've ever had personal involvement with in your adult life who could possibly be a character reference for you - whether it be family, friends, colleagues, doctors, nurses, people you've babysat for... ask them if you can give their names and addresses for references, even ask if they'd write a brief note about you now and include these with your application. also, explain to your doctor and your consultant what you're planning, ask them to also write a letter regarding your health and how you cope with daily life despite it. if there is going to be one sticky bit regarding gaining care of these kids, i suspect it's going to be your health aspect. also talk to people involved in your university or college where you've been studying for your degree, who can verify how well you've attended etc., & mention the fact that you've been offered the jobs - if you innundate the relevant authority with all this evidence, they'll have a hard job rejecting you.

i am very sorry that you've lost a friend in such tragic circumstances and my heart goes out to you and her family.

please keep us updated what's happening!

 

[Dexky]

Wendy, best of luck. You make the world a little better. How could you not be the best choice for those children? I hope for their sake that the authorities can see that.

p.s. your flickr link didn't work but I'd like to see your work

 

[Astra]

Hiya Wendy

Wow I don't know where to start, but only to say I'm sorry I'm late with this!
AND don't take any Advil whatsoever! It's an NSAID!! It's Ibuprofen

I read everyone's posts with interest and everyon'es rooting for you Wendy with the children thing, in particular, I'm afraid I have to agree with Joe on this.
I'm 46 and I'm not sure how old you are? but I have come to a stage in my life where I have made an executive decision. This decision was made in January when I was told that I nearly died! WTF?
My decision was to stop feeling guilty about things that have happened, ie, the death of my Dad, Mum's illness, my husband's head injury, my divorce and so on. I had been running around like a blue arsed fly for years, looking after everyone, being strong for everyone, working me tits off, looking aftwer 2 kids and a dog, and so on
Until one day, I hit the deck, big time, it hit me like a ton of bricks, didn't see it coming!
I'd been so busy looking after everyone else, cos I was angry, resentful, bitter, spiteful, and quite honestly, not a very nice person at all! RESULT? I neglected myself, was in denial, I didn't have Crohns, no way!
I fear this will happen to you, you can't see it now, I didn't neither, but now is a different story, I have changed, I come first, my kids come first, everything else is on the back burner for now, I've even packed in my Unison union steward role in work, the grumpy sychophantic *******s are big and ugly to look after themselves!
My advice, from someone who's been around the block a few times?
Take this slowly, take more time to think it thro, this is not your responsibility Wendy, and don't take this the wrong way hun, but you're not blood relative neither. I just want you to get well first, you're still having a bad flare, you're still having GI issues, you've not got employment yet, please just take time for yourself first.
I want to say what you're thinking of doing brought a tear to my eye, you're to be commended for that, it's so admirable, and all the love that you have will make those kids really happy, but not just yet!
Love as always
Joan xxx

 

[Silvermoon]

I thought I had posted to this earlier...but I can't seem to find it now.... :blush:

But yes, I agree whole heartedly with Joe and Joan...

The post I (lost?...lol)... was exactly what Joan said....before you can attempt to help these kids...you have to help you first.

Remember how crappy you feel on your "bad" days? What happens when you totally tire yourself out and you have more than one bad day in a row? If you can't care for yourself, how can you care for three little ones?

I have had this discussion soooooooooo many times with myself I can't even begin to tell you how many times. After 13 years of marriage (and no birth control), my husband and I still have no kids. And ask my doctor...kids is something I wanted so terribly bad.

I think sometimes fate intervenes... and for me, fate was telling me I should not have kids as I was just too sick to give them the love and support they need.

This does not mean you have to abandon your friend's children. You can still be there for them every step of the way. Take them to the places their mother enjoyed...take them for the weekend for visits...take them on holidays..... For me: I do it in my job.... I have 3000 children who love me and respect me and cuddle with me... during the day, when I am at work.

After work...I may miss them.... but the days that I come home totally exhausted and it is all I can do to eat supper before I head to bed, I do thank goodness there are no little ones there who need me. It just would be so hard for them if all mommy did was sleep and work all the time.....

Give it time...sort YOU out first... and if when the dust is settled, you feel like you could still take on three very young, very dependant, very needy children... then do so.

Until then....YOU come first.

 

[Guest]

i actually thought you were talking about long-term fostering, or adoption, to be honest. i haven't heard of kinship.. it's not a term used over here.

my gut feeling is go for it, by the way

i've been through some terrible times, both health and otherwise, but i know my kids would rather have had me the way i've been, than not at all.

 

[Astra]

I'm sorry Wendy
I thought you meant long term adoption too
I don't know what kinship is neither, it sounds like a good idea tho!
I didn't mean to offend, or insinuate that you're guilty, I wanted to put my two pennies on about my emotions, how that affected me healthwise.
You're right of course, we do have kids and jobs, and have to manage, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't neither!
I wish you luck in your new adventure and give those young uns all your love and spoil them rotten!
love as always
Joan xxx

 

[My Butt Hurts]

Sorry about the loss of your friend.

If we all waited until we were completely ready financially and physically to have kids, it's possible that no one would ever have them!
It's not like having a puppy, it's the most amazing feeling that you can never know until it really happens. I think those kids would be incredibly lucky to have your stability in their lives, and a sometimes sick Wendy that cares for them is better than a healthy person who doesn't.
Even when I was sick on the couch for most of a day, I could still snuggle with my kids, and when you are feeling well you tend to make more out of your day.
If I put myself first, I would have never had kids and I am so very glad that I did.
I say "go for it" too, but only you can know what's right.
Wait. I thought you meant adopting too. So now I'm confused. Anyhoo..

The photo link is just missing the http at the beginning. I pasted it and got it to come up. It's a vine mural, yes? How exciting to have someone want your photo. Congrats!

 

[Silvermoon]

Hey Keona...

I am glad you have not taken offence to anything anyone has said, because I am sure that absolutely no one meant any.... :redface:

And I think we can all agree that if this is something you can do, then by all means we will support you (emotionally anyway) every step of the way... I know there are thousands of kids I would absolutely LOVE to take into my home...even for a week.....and I defintely hear you about the babies vs older children.... it is the ones over 5 that need us the most.... EVERYONE will take a baby.... when we finally DO get around to fostering...my hubby and I WANT the older ones...because they need to be loved and cuddled too..... but anywho....moving on... :redface:

I think those of us who spoke "against" doing such a thing (well...ME anyway)... did so out of concern for YOU. And I STILL feel that way.

I understand that applying/be granted kinship wouldn't happen overnight.... if it is anything like fostering...the process can take up to a few years!! That doesn't lessen my concern for YOU at all....

Just be sure you still take time for Keona.... she is a very special woman, and I would hate for something to happen to her....

((((((((((((((((( Keona )))))))))))))) all the best in whatever you decide to do....

 

[Keona]

I do not at all take any offence to what anyone has said. I posted the topic and asked for feedback and I got it. It takes a lot more to offend me and I do realize you are all saying it out of concern. I really dont know what will happen to me in regard to having Crohn's...but I do read in this forum that a lot of people have remissions and can go years without being sick. Im new at this so I have no idea what the future holds. My doctor may say that I am not in the position to take in two children... Im not sure... but I do know that it is going to be a hell of a fight to get them if I do. It usually is unless you are the other parent of the passed love one.
Kinship care is just like fostering. You take the children in and care for them just like a foster parent would. The only difference is kinship care means placing the child with someone known to the children preferably the immediate family. If not, then grandparents then aunts, uncles, then .... think of it as concentric circles with parents in the centre. Im just further out from the centre b/c no one else came forward...no uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. It is better for the child to go with someone they are familiar with then it is a complete stranger. Children need ties to their heritage. In Canada anyway... if we take a black child out of their home and no one comes forward from the family, we try to match them up with a black foster family. Same with aboriginal/indigenous children. We do this because if we dont, we take their identity... part of them away that is ver damaging. Children need to know their history or who they came from, their heritage, their religion, etc, etc. Shaydon is so little (4) that he will likely not remember any of the last four years because he has been so traumatized. I know some about his past, his mom, his dad, his religion, how his mom felt about him, etc. Not a lot but more than any stranger would. I absolutely LOVE children and I know I am really good with/to them. I am often told that I should have children. They make me smile because they are like sponges taking in everything and learning and they say exactly what is on their minds...I could go on and on...
Kinship care is long-term like adoption. I would be checked in on from time to time by CAS and then eventually when they feel that I dont need someone watching in on me/the children then they stop. I would also have the option to adopt but at this point I dont feel the need to. They need their family name and their big brother has their family name. I also wouldnt have any concerns about someone taking them because noone is stepping up and their entire family is not a suitable caregiver at this point. I just want them to be okay and I know they would be in my care. I want what is best for them and if at some point, when their brother is a little older (hes 15) and if he is at a good place in his life (responsibility wise) and they all wanted to live together - I would want that. I cant stress enough how important it is for them to remain together...to have family.

Anyhow, thats my spiel... you guys are giving me a lot of practice b/c I know I will have to re-explain this to their worker and her supervisor and on parenting assessments.
Yes, Mybutthurts - that is the photo (the vine mural). The other photo that the publisher wants is the one under artwork of the stones with words painted on them. It is exciting and I received an email to work with publishing house directly (as opposed to the photo editor). They have asked me to design more covers and if they like them, they will use them. So, I have something to do while I am having all these barbaric tests done

Silvermoon, it is the older children and children with special needs that need adopting. I often think about fostering a child with downs syndrome. There were several children with special needs at the agency I was at and I wanted to bring them all home ... obviously not doable nor was it realistic as a single person.

I must admit, all of your emails have made me carefully weigh the pro's and con's. My life would be altered dramatically... as scary as that is at times I still believe it would be altered for the better.

 

[Regular Joe]

Caring is a big responsibility. Especially for another's children. I wouldn't doubt your qualifications and enthusiasm, or your character.

Perhaps what many of us were urging caution - particularly because of the nature of Crohn's disease, and because of the committment you would be facing.

I don't know much about how the Canadian agencies and systems work, but I do understand adoption and foster care in my neighborhood.

Considering that it is a "life-altering" situation for you, I would hope you consider longer-term responsibilities, and potential "worst-case scenarios".

What you've presented and how you've presented it, from my perspective, is something of an "idealistic" approach. The things that can potentially turn sour at this early point in your consideration are countless.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm still an "idealist" at 52, and I get myself into things much bigger than they appear to me. I'm on the edge financially, I tend to be more of a dreamer than a realist, and if half of what I hope for comes to pass, then some form of Miracle or Divine Intervention has occurred. God please help the poor soul that would love me so much to stand by my side (and there is such a soul - and that's why I feel guilty so often). I am not what I might seem to be to you or me. I laugh because I know my limitations a little more today than before, back when I was a "legend in my own mind".

I was presenting my experience which at first looked to be similar to your approach in its earlier stages. I was idealistic and my character was, indeed, beyond reproach. I was convinced, as you appear to be, that this is a good thing to do that will help your lost friend, and help her children. Ideallistically, it is a touching thing to consider and illustrates how compassionate you a. actually are, or b. believe yourself to be. I've thrown that in not because I'm trying to be a smart@ass, but because of the amazing propensity Crohn's Disease has at keeping it's patients in a state of denial.

The potential drawbacks I saw and tried to communicate, based on my personal experience with similar dramatic periods of change, took things into consideration that usually wind up overlooked in an idealistic approach to living chraritably. Specifically, commiting to being a primary caregiver 24/7 to children is a dynamic process infinitely more stressful than most of us originally planned. Ugly things happen to children and to their caregivers as we live through difficult times.

As an example, how would you handle trying to calm an emotionally-charged 15-year-old your size and weight, cursing at you, spitting in your face, and having a drawn knife while circling around you? That was an actual experience for me before I developed Crohn's symptoms. Add in cramping, diarrhea, bloody stools, fatigue, and deteriorating joints. Add in short financial resources, reliance on public transportation, and a strong need for external assistance.

The scenario that comes about is drastically exceeded capacity in critical areas. Regardless of your "emotional conditioning" (r anyone's conditioning for that matter) odds for tragic things happening multiply exponentially.

Like Silvermoon, I'll stand on my words, too. I believe you are on a slope more slippery than you're taking the time to consider. You have the freedom to make any choice you will. I hope you look at my thoughts and experiences with an open mind. The last thing I'd want for you to believe is that I'm "trying to get you to think my way".

I don't take prisoners. I wouldn't want prisoners. If you see any value in considering being more cautious and taking more time, then you've served yourself and the children you care for far more than you've served me.

 

[Keona]

Regular Joe,

In some ways I think you are projecting your experiences onto me. I have never felt like putting a gun to my head and I have never had a 15 year old spitting in my face with a knife drawn. I also think you forget that I have been trained not only for 4 years in school as a social worker but I have also worked in an Emergency Room and an Intensive care room. I am sure you can imagine the experiences I came up against in the ER.
I have also worked in a drug and alcohol treatment centre for several year. Again, I am sure you can imagine the experiences I came up against there. I also worked in a Homeless shelter - our city's bottom of the bottom where even a lot of the homeless hold stereotypes against. I have trained and am certified in Non-violent crisis intervention and I have started my certification in the Green cross Academy of Traumatology training. These are the mental health professionals who were deployed to places like 911, hurricane Katrina, school shootings, etc..etc... to help debrief individuals who have been affected by large-scale events or mezzo/micro traumatic events. It is imperative to debrief individuals immediately or shortly after a traumatic event to avoid or reduce the traumatic response they will experience later on or for the rest of their lives. Trust me, I understand the dynamics of trauma from my own experiences and now from a professional side.

My reasonings for doing this is not to prove if I am compassionate or not. I am not doing this for my friend who passed or out of guilt. I am doing this because I am responsible and a person these two children can rely on. As mentioned earlier, this is going to be a long process so where you are getting the impression that I am not taking careful consideration is beyond me. Time is often of the essence in child protection work. CAS is mandated by the government to put a child up for adoption if the child remains in care for over a year. Even if the parents are working at getting their child back. Realistically, they do this because best practice shows that if a child is bounced around and parents are repeatedly promising the child they will come home and the child is apprehended over and over again... it is highly traumatic for a child and interrupts the child's physical and emotional development. Adoption serves as a stable environment for the child....hopefully. I have considered worst case scenarios and looked in to things financially. I think you do have the wrong impression of my and the worst case impression of me because if you think that I am considering doing this without considering the long-term vision then yes, you have pegged me wrong completely. You make me sound like I haven't talked to people here on my end looking at every angle, every aspect of the situation. You also have to remember that I know some of Julie's friends who would be most welcoming to have the children for a week-end - people they both know already and people who already know things like their bedtime routine and favourite foods. What do a new foster family know about them and how many foster families are they going to have to be in before they are adopted? IF they ever become adopted.

Another reason why I think you are projecting your situations on to me is that I never get myself into things "that are bigger then they appear to be"...and I have never thought of myself as a "legend in my own mind". In fact, I have always been the more cautious, reserved type. As someone has already mentioned, if we all waited to be financially and physically prepared to have children, then none of us would have children.

"Ugly things happen to children and caregivers as we live through difficult times". I have lived through difficult times and the one thing I was able to pull from it all is ..it is all in the way you look at things. Do you think that things that could potentially happen to them in care wont be "ugly"?. I am of the opinion that if you "constantly" focus on the negative than you are always going to have a negative outlook on things. If I dont register to do my MSW because I am afraid that I will fail or that ugly things will happen, then I might as well not wake up in the mornings anymore. If I dont apply to do my MSW because I am afraid crohn's will get in the way, then I might as well make a permanent space on my couch to rest on day in day out.

Im not sure if I ought to be thankful for your challenging (as it will make me stronger speaking with the workers) or if I ought to be offended. Things like "I believe you are on a slope more slippery than you're taking the time to consider" and "I hope you look at my thoughts and experiences with an open mind.". My mind has been very open during the process thus far and I have already commented on you thinking Im not taking everything in to consideration. Are you saying then that nobody should have children who has crohn's?? Not everyone has the same symptoms or experiences with Crohn's. I haven't really heard you ask me any questions regarding what my situation is like and what resources I have available before being quick to say don't do it, it could be an ugly experience. I don't think your experiences with the children you cared for are the norm and I am sorry you see your time with them as being ugly. That is really sad.

I do think you are trying to get me to think your way.. you wouldn't have shared your thoughts and experiences if you didn't..but that doesn't mean I need to change my line of thinking to always think your way. I would take your thoughts and feelings/experiences in to account however, that doesn't mean it will necessarily change my decision. I get the feeling you are typically a "glass half empty" kind of guy whereas I am typically a "glass half full" kind of person based on our communications.

I find your tag line interesting "When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change."

Wendy

 

[Crohn's 35]

Hey Keona, I can see this post is getting uncomfortable for others and yourself. I fully understand your point. Children do need guidance when they are young so they can have a full and healthy future. I just think some people's opinions are for you best interest because we may have had children or the disease a long time. As you know stress can cause alot on us. I think what you are doing is great. Just make sure you always look after you in the meantime. I believe in what is mean to be will happen. You are an amazing person, and hope these children have a better life than they have now. All children want is love and someone to be there for them.

Let us know or pm me how things are progressing. You are a great supporter here! Hugs!!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Hey Wendy. I wish I would have kept up with what's going on with you a little better. Sorry for that!

Anyway...I don't have much to add other than I think you are a very strong woman and though I dont' know you well, I believe your background and experience working in social work and trauma would aid int he care of these two children if you decide and were able to be granted kinship of them.

I agree with everyone else who said not to forget tot ake care of yourself during this whole process, but I believe you would do so, especially if you had others relying on you!

I just wanted to give you some encouragement! I know it's not an easy process and it's easy for us to say what's best and what's not. In the end, you have to go with your gut (literally and figuratively, hehe!). I know you will make the right decision for you and these kids. Best of luck to you with the whole process

Keep us updated!

 

[Regular Joe]

Hey Wendy,

Sometimes when I try to communicate, something different gets percieved than what is on my mind. Electronic posting or "blogging" is not always a good thing because not enough information can really distort perspective - both sending and receiving.

I don't know much about your experiences or background. I only know about you what you post - and I don't always remember things accurately. What you just posted added much more information and clarity about you. No... I did not realize your personal and professional experiences before I posted. Again, the limits of "blogging" become evident (at least to me anyway).

I need to re-read my post because your perception of what I communicated is so far off the mark that the only thing I can tell you now is throw it away and let's start from scratch, please. I'm asking you to throw it away - but I need to re-read it to figure out where I went wrong in the communication process.

Ya know what, Wendy? I f__cked up so bad with communication, that it's not worth taking to heart. I'm sorry. Can you give me another chance?

However, I do hope you found personal challenges in what I posted, because, in part, that is something I hope to do in posting - but not the whole purpose! Any challenge you find comes from a heart that intends to serve you, not to dominate, put down, or show off. I can't say I welcome challenges, but I'm learning how not to "defend" myself which is most often a losing battle.

If there is anything that comes closest to what I meant, its what Pen posted. She can cut to the chase remarkably well. I can ramble and send you off on rabbit trails.

I'll add this...

If you have not already done so, then:
-Question your motives at the deepest level. Are you being honest with yourself? (That's not a statement - its a question to ask and answer for yourself)
-Look at your overall situation and strive for stability in what you believe are your weakest areas
-Take the best possible care of your personal health and financial needs

As Marisa said, and I also agree fully, "I know you will make the right decisionfor you and these kids."

Again, I'm sorry about the death of your friend which must be difficult. More importantly, trust your heart because it will guide you best. You're competant and strong, but you also need to be available to yourself in the same way you want the best for the children.

BTW - I did project myself onto you, didn't I?

 

[whysoserious]

Hi Wendy! I think what you are doing is great. If you think you can physically, mentally, and financially handle it, then go for it. You know your body better than anyone and you know what you can and can't handle. Good luck!

 

[Keona]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.

Joe,

I am with you 100% on the fact that email, blogs, posts and MSN, etc can be taken out of context and tone is not easily extended. Having said that, I am not at all angry about what you wrote me. I choose to believe that you were challenging me as opposed to offending me in the end. I'm a fairly laid back person and always try to look for the good in people...so, no need for another chance you're still good with the first one I am sure you had good intentions.
You're projections just goes to illustrate how difficult your personal experiences were like raising your step child/ren. He sounds like a very troubled youth and makes me wonder what happened to him to be that way.
I am meeting with their worker next week. I am excited to see them and am already thinking about what snacks I can take them ..maybe strawberries with that fruit yogurt dip...


As for the picture being published.. I have to send an invoice to the photo editor and it will be printed next year. I was also given the contact information to the publishing company and they are working with me to make other photos for other covers of text books. Apparently they have a lot of difficulty finding pictures for the covers - so that sound interesting to me and something that I will enjoy doing.

So, thats it for me. Things are still like a roller coaster ride. I have a chest x-ray to see if the thrush got in to any of my organs, a 3 view ultrasound and lots of blood work to have done. I cant wait to see the day these tests are few and far between

 

[Silvermoon]

Hey Keona!

Thinking of you and wondering how life is going for you. How did all of this work out?

Hope things are well. HUGS!

 

[Lucy]

Hi Wendy,
Wow this is really deep. I would like to say I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I had a brother who was addicted to drugs and alcohol and at the young age of 35 took his own life. Your a wonderful human being for wanting to help those children. I hope you start feeling better quickly. Congrats on school. I will say a prayer for your friend. Please take care of yourself you will need it with everything that is on your plate right now.