You should see a counselor

[David]

"You should see a counselor. I think most of your problems are emotional."

*&#*@&$&

I just don't get this.

Am I emotional over the fact I have a chronic disease and am often in pain? Yes.

Am I emotional over the fact that I have had a terrible case of costochondritis for 6 months with no signs of improvement? Yes.

Am I emotional over the fact that I coughed up blood for 5 weeks and the doctors couldn't figure out why? Yes.

Am I emotional over the fact that I have cut out EVERY food and drink that I absolutely love? Yes.

What is a good counselor going to say? That I have unresolved childhood issues that caused me to cough up blood when I was 33? That my relationship with my father has led to my lymphocytes going crazy? Or, "Wow, that sucks, I'm sorry you're having to go through all of that. It must be tough. Let's talk about it."

And yet NOTHING messes me up on an emotional level like being told all of this is in my head and being unable to talk about how I feel. Imagine that. I probably DO need to go to a counselor NOW.

And to top if off, I get in trouble if I'm not there for this person. You know, if I'm not supportive of THEIR emotions.

*&#*@&$&

 

[DustyKat]

Well said mate!

I don't even have Crohns but I am bloody emotional about the fact that my kids do! I don't really talk to anyone about it except those in the same situation. We have a counsellor that visits my workplace, she is a lovely lady but has no F#$%ing idea what I'm going through.

:hang: mate!
Dusty. xxx

 

[Grumbletum]

David, I was gonna say that whoever said it is the one needing counselling, but how do you help a dickhead??!
At least you can talk to us. Big, big hugs xxx

 

[Crohn's Mom]

How dare them ! This infuriates me !

I know..how bout you tell them to swallow some glass and then you'll come back in 24 hours and see if they prefer counseling or medicinal help ?!?!

So sorry David...give them hell and don't take that garbage from them !

edit: p.s....I see your "from" Florida now... Welcome to the Sunshine State!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

David, I know that feeling all too well unfortunately, and it's really frustrating and insulting! I don't see how anyone can tell you what's best for you, especially if the person telling you to get counseling has no idea what it's like to live every day with an illness like this.

I once had a (totally clueless) doctor tell me that my gut issues are happening mostly because I'm depressed - this doctor even had the gall to tell me I "look depressed" and tried to give me a bunch of anti-depressants (do they teach that in med school??? if the patient looks sad then a responsible doc must throw meds at them like it's candy at a parade?). I told him point blank, yeah I'm depressed, you would be too if your guts were going crazy and nobody could diagnose you! How about you treat the underlying issue, you know, the actual legitimate medical problem in my intestines, and if you do that I guarantee my depression will clear right up! That was the doctor who first gave me pred. I'm usually a pretty meek and shy person, but sometimes you just have to stand up to bullies who think they know what's best for other people. You know what's best for you and you know your body and mind best!

 

[KaLa]

I think that unless someone has a chronic disease, that they can't wrap their mind around what it feels like to feel like crap all of the time and not know what is going to happen next. Of course it's depressing! Just the physical effects alone are devastating. Then add in the worrying about what could happen and frustration about knowing that this is a chronic condition over which you have no control. You'd have to be insane not to be somewhat depressed at times. I hope that you can find some supportive friends to help you through this incredibly tough time. Hang in there!

 

[SarahAnne]

A friend of mine put this up on her Facebook:

Don't try to win over the haters; you are not the jackass whisperer.

 

[Astra]

"You should see a counselor. I think most of your problems are emotional."

God! These sweeping statements make my arsehole wink!
You know, some counsellors do a great job, for victims of crime etc, etc, but when someone is in pain, which is physical, not mental, they are about as much use as an ashtray on a bike!

Talk to us David, we are the experts!
Sending big hugs your way
xxxx

 

[Entchen]

I agree that David's "buddy" is totally off. I agree with the previous posters that the unpredictable nature of Crohn's, the pain, and other aspects of the illness can contribute to feeling depression, anxious, and just plain awful. For me, THIS is when seeing a counsellor has been helpful. Not to cure Crohn's but to get ideas about living with Crohn's. I've been to see a psychologist a few times since diagnosis to talk things through, check in with someone with expertise in chronic illness to see how they think I'm doing and if I might do things better, etc.

As well, based on my studies I believe that if someone talks to a person with formal training in pain management, then seeing a counsellor has potential to be super helpful for pain. I don't believe for an instant that there are therapeutic techniques to reduce inflammation (essentially no basis in the scholarly literature) but there are lots of ways to cope with the resulting pain.

The literature supports contributions of both the physical and the mental to pain experiencing. For example, in general (broad sweeping generalization alert!), members of cultural groups that believe in loudly expressing pain really do experience more pain compared to members of cultural groups that encouraging being stoic.

Also, expecting to feel pain contributes to more pain experiencing, as does being anxious and fearful about the pain. I've seen this in my own life. After going through last year's many, many episodes of being on the the floor yelling in pain, I went through a period of being absolutely terrified of experiencing any more pain. Even a simple blood test was atrociously painful, in large measure because I was so anxious that it was going to hurt and I expected that it was going to feel like more than I could stand at that time. Working on that anxiety and those expectations of suffering has brought my felt (experienced) pain levels back down to where they used to be, when having bloodwork done didn't hurt.

Another cultural example: Those ceremonies when people engage in behaviours that should be tremendously painful, such as hanging from hooks in their back. The literature suggests that part of what's can be going on here is the strong belief of the individual that they *can* do it and will be okay.

Disclaimer: In my work as a health psychology researcher I don't do pain research (although I find that research is painful...!!!), but I have read the literature both for graduate study and to teach an advanced undergraduate level health psych course.

 

[Gue33]

When the @#$% are they going to focus on what is causing us to get IBD. Why are children getting Crohn's. It's in your head, @#$%, something about your relationship with your father, @#$%. OK, I'll admit it I DID THIS TO MYSELF, NOW ARE YOU HAPPY. Go away and figure out why I just crapped on YOUR floor. Maybe you need to talk about it!!!! @#%$. Sorry I am done venting. Depressed, in pain, I wonder why. Doctor, oh doctor help me!!! @#$%.

 

[AndiGirl]

I've been in that situation may times before I was diagnosed, and even a couple of time afterwards. SLAP, SMACK, PUNCH! Sorry! I'm really not a violent person, but that kind of suggestion from a medical professional just about sends me over the line.

I'm ashamed to say that I even humored one of my doctors. I agreed to see a chronic pain counselor that was affiliated with my hospital and that was familiar with my doctor. She seemed nice at first, but I soon found out what a waste of time it was. These were some of the dumb things that she asked me: Do you think about pain all the time? Does thinking about the pain make it even worse? What about the pain makes you decide to visit your doctor? Are there other issues in your life that are unresolved? Have you tried breathing and relaxation techniques? The counselor became so annoying and repetitive that I had made a snide comment to my doctor. I told him that I thought he wasn't taking me, my CD, and pain seriously. I felt he was trivializing the matter and even thought that I was exaggerating, or trying to get attention; and that I didn't appreciate being sicked by a counselor each time I made an appointment with him. Sorry for the dog term. I felt he was sicking her on me. I changed doctors and made it clear to the next one, that I was not exaggerating or seeking attention, and that I really resented being treated that way. So far so good.

We know that you are not the one in need of counseling, David.

 

[25times]

When I was 18, I was flaring really badly. Had a scope and bloodwork and apprently, they "didn't find anything" (found out recently that I did have mild inflammation in my small bowel at the time, but they didn't think that was relevent...)
After all the tests and hospital visits, I was told that I needed to see a psychiatrist. My GP told me he thought it was all in my head. I actually started to believe him! So I saw the psychiatrist, and he diagnosed me with an eating disorder, depression, and borderline personality disorder. I never took medication for any of these diagnosis's because I never had a problem with any of that crap. I was shitting blood, having extreme stomach pain, and constantly on the toilet. I highly doubt I was doing that to myself somehow. When I was finally diagnosed a few months ago, I felt like the king of the god damn castle going back to my GP and watching him read my file. All the "Oh my.." and "I can't believe this has happened.." comments were better than a ten ounce steak. Like, yeah, fuck you, I was sick all along. Some doctor you are, you piece of crap! I'm still dealing with all the "it's in your head" stuff, to a certain degree. I'm having a very hard time getting the pain relief that I know I need. I am most definitely flaring again, and my stomach hurts SO bad. Bad enough to be in the hospital again, which I would rather lick my own c-diff'ed asshole than do. I don't understand how they are ok with prescribing me tons of pills that cause cancers, blood disorders, liver failure, heart failure, ect... But they have such a problem giving me real painkillers. Percocet is the ONLY painkiller that I can tolerate and also works. It makes all the pain go away, as well as the mania from the pred, the shakiness and moodswings.. everything. And I have such a hard time getting them because I "might get addicted." I'm sorry, but when I'm in pain like this, the thought of addiction doesn't affect me whatsoever. All I can think about is how bad my stomach and joints and back hurt, and how I would do anything to stop feeling like this. Some doctors are cruel, disgusting people. Give me my fucking drugs.

 

[silvermander]

I had a GI tell my mother (I was 16 at the time) that I was a liar, a drama queen, this Crohn's think was all in my head and I needed to be locked in an institution!

Never mind the fact that I had spent most of the years leading to age 8 in serious flare and had a SBR because I was bleeding so badly internally that it was operate or die. Never mind that all the blood work and tests showed a very serious flare.

Four months later I stalked said GI through our local amusement park and out. This was after he heard me discuss all the disgusting details of what I had recently been through (SBR). My friend, running the ferris wheel, didn't know why I was again discussing this with him, but he played along beautifully (we've now been friends for over 20 years) and I scared the $%^& out of the GI.

He had to cover for my regular GI when I was in the hospital about 10 years later. He stayed way over by the door and fled when I got snarky. Sorry I'm so obnoxious, but I know that I have Crohn's!

 

[Jer's Girl]

David and everyone else, I know exactly how you feel! I have been told more than once that I am lying (when I was young and undiagnosed), or that it really isn't that bad, or basically, Crohns is supposed to hurt. What did you expect, now get over it.

Then, a test will come back and they act like I was crazy to not be in the ER! Like, "Oh, you really must be in pain! Looks like you really are as sick as you say after all." Duh! What do you think I have been telling you?!?!?!?

I can't stand to be treated like this all is just not that bad, and it is all emotional.

Hang in there. We have, sadly, all been in your shoes.