Young people and Crohn's

[acc929]

Hey all

So I'm sort of having a moment. A couple weeks ago, I perforated and developed a fistula/abscess. I've got a pigtail drain in still and I'm waiting for surgery (about a foot of strictures that are likely scarring, etc.) in two weeks. I was at school in Toronto, last year of university, but my family lives in Boston. When I was discharged from the hospital up there, it was so I could come back to Boston with my family and speak to a surgeon/get things worked out here. I can't have surgery in Toronto because I have no family there and can't recover in icky student housing. I've had to defer a bunch of assignments and exams and the whole thing has been scary and stressful - this is my first real complication from Crohn's, and my first not-really-that-elective surgery.

Back in Toronto I had three roommates, all of whom I've known for years and all of whom know about my Crohn's and watched me get sicker and sicker all year and spend more and more time in my room, saw me in the hospital when I was freaking out. Because I won't be in town anymore this summer, a subletter for my room needs to be found. They know I left due to a medical emergency. They now refuse to post an ad for me on craigslist or really give me any kind of help in finding a sub letter, saying that the room is my legal obligation. How can I set up appointments for viewings when I'm down here and don't have their schedules? How can I take photos of a room 500 miles away? Not only is it not practical, I don't understand why they can't take ten minutes to help out a little bit, why they begrudge me it so strongly. It's like they think I'm jetting off to Europe and leaving them holding the bag or something. I didn't see this coming. I'm not the type to ask for special treatment because of my illness or anything, but I kind of thought that they would act like my friends...instead of telling me to see things from THEIR perspective: they are "stressed about papers."

I'm stressed about surgery! About what drug to go on after! About the state of my health long-term! I wish I were at the library writing a paper right now but as it is I can hardly spend a cumulative hour on my feet throughout the course of a day without being totally wiped by 9! Why are young people so horrible at dealing with other peoples' problems and exhibiting some kind of *empathy*??? Were they raised by wolves?? Have other people experienced this? I know that Crohn's, if anything, is a good medium by which to separate the wheat from the chaff but this is really blowing my mind, how horrible they're being. They're trying to bully me on this and everything, one of them laughed at me the other day when I said I felt they weren't trying to see things from my point of view. I'm glad my situation is funny to them? I know that this should be the last thing on my mind (my dad also looks like his cancer is relapsing - horrible time for my family) but I'm just so blown away. No wonder I get more and more misanthropic with each year.

 

[Downnvrout]

Sorry you are having to go through this. I know how important it is to feel that the people in our lives are supportive and it is frustrating and hurtful when they aren't! The most important thing right now is to take care of your health with as little stress as possible (I know, easier said than done)
I wish I had more words of wisdom but know that you are not alone and can vent whenever you need to

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

What's the worst-case scenario - if you can't sublet the room and don't pay them rent for when you're not there, would they sue you? It sounds like they're not very supportive friends, so I would say cut ties as much as you are able to. I see snarky/funny/weird ads on craigslist all the time, so maybe you could get away with putting up an ad that says something to the effect of, you're no longer on good terms with your former roommates, so you promise the sublet is awesome but you can't provide any pictures because they won't let you. Do what you are able to - if they stand in your way, then they pretty much ARE going to be left holding the bag, right? You've mentioned they laugh at you and have bullied you, it really sounds to me like you need to make a clean break from them. Good luck, I hope you can work out the sublet/money stuff without too much stress, and I also hope you can find some more understanding and sympathetic friends. Good luck with the surgery too!

 

[acc929]

Thanks everyone I am feeling better (a little xanax, your kind words, and some great articles on LDN will do that!) Hehe, I know this might sound bad, but I basically told them that once I got in to surgery on the 19th, it's up to them to find someone if I haven't already, and that I would close my bank account if I felt that their lack of help had kept us from finding someone - ya can't cash a post-dated cheque when there's no account attached to it! I'm not planning on moving back to Toronto after this since I'm off to a Masters abroad next year, so I told them that their only course of action would be to attempt to pursue international legal action against me, and it would cost a lot more than a month's rent . I do certainly bite back, (I come from a family of IBDers and I get the impression that it makes us particularly tough cookies when needed ). It's too bad it had to come to this, but yes I think I certainly shall be cutting ties. Lucky them that they won't get obstructed by the fibre in those post-dated cheques 'cause they can eat them

 

[Ya noy]

I don't know the laws in Toronto, but in the United States, there is an obligation to "mitigate your damages" meaning that if you break a lease, the landlord (or your roommates) are legally obligated to make every reasonable effort to obtain a new tenant as quickly as possible, and can only hold you responsible for the time period during which the property (or room) was vacant, regardless of the terms of the lease.

If the time period of vacancy unreasonable (ie., more than 30 days) even if the tenant who broke the lease doesn't show up in court, the judge will require the landlord to show proof that it took more than 30 days to repair damages, as well as requiring proof that every possible effort was made to "mitigate their damages" by advertising and finding a new tenant as quickly as possible.

Judges have broad discretion in rendering verdicts and tend not to look favorably on smart ***** who play legal games in their court rooms. So if they do attempt to sue you, without making any attempt whatsoever to mitigate their damages by finding a new roommate, they probably won't get much of an award, if any at all. Most likely, the judge will do the "ass biting" for you.