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This lady walks into the doctor's practice with a sickly expression and a swollen tummy. "Doctor, please, what on earth is wrong with me ?" The doctor examines her and declares "your baby is due when ?" The lady replies "Doctor, I'm celibate, an old maid, it's a miracle !" I knew my trip to...

Hello, yep it's definitely "Ground Hog Day", we'll be carving ice angels in no time. Think how evolved and patient we'll be when this pandemic has gone. Like the Dala Lama. It's God's way of kicking us in the butt. Ouch. I find myself texting my old mum without grinding my teeth and speaking...

Hello, I enjoyed reading your journey so far with Crohn's and life's stresses in general. In London, like all big cities, people are very wary of each other and take an age to thaw, like icebergs floating in the Artic Sea. There is a lot of severe mental illness, homelessness and shocking...

A worried patient goes to see his GP. Doctor, please my fistula is not causing excess ear wax and a sore throat ! Oh, sorry say the GP, removing his thermometer, I'm only qualified for the top half. Here are some lozenges for suppositories.

Hello, today it's mild and cloudy, perfect for a stroll past the dustbins, recycling bins and strewn litter to a food shop for essentials. I've been sweating like a pig on a spit roast for two weeks now with chills and feelings of imminent dread. It's probably a new strain of Covid. A good...

Hello, stomach ache, burping, wind sounds like a case of food intolerance or indigestion. If you have a bowel movement, surely that means there is no blockage ? I have had surgery for a fistula but no treatment or medications since. Welcome to the NHS !! Farting from the front instead of the...

Hello, some people recommend a liquid diet only or a fast to give the digestive system time to heal. Personally, I've never tried it as my stomach starts grumbling very loudly after a few hours. Eating late at night is not recommended. I find Rich Tea and Digestive Biscuits with bio yoghurts and...

Hello, I am a veteran of back and hip pain so I have a few physio and exercise tips you might find useful. First, your mattress should not be too firm. Also, when sleeping on your side, place a pillow between your knees so that your legs are slightly bent and parralel. Lying on the floor or on...

Grey and chilly today. There may be a pandemic, an economic crisis, Brexit, but come hell or high water the post lady wears her shorts and beanie hat to deliver the post and the bin men trundle their wheelie bins along the road. Raging toothache overnight so back to the dentist tomorrow.

Feeling soooo jealous right now. The only fish I see are fish fingers from the freezer.

Bonjour or Good Morning, I'm fed up with people, 99%of whom are men who think it's o.k not to wear a mask and to cough all over the place. It must be a macho thing. I 've even been told by a stupid delivery man that I didn't need to wear one even though I have asthma and would become extremely...

How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge ? Footprints in the butter. Why did the elephant wear corregated iron on it 's feet ? To give the ants a fifty fifty chance. What do men do standing up, women sitting down and dogs on three legs ? Shake hands. What's black and yellow and goes...

Hello and nice to get a post from a Vegan on this carnivorous planet. It's a lot easier to be vegetarian or fishytarian (fish added) which I do from time to time. I'm thinking of a new career in comedy now there are millions on the dole queue in Britain. Squeeky clean and child friendly. Your...

Hello, it's grey and overcast in London and cold enough for people to stay indoors. Did you know the UK gets mini tornadoes most years ? We also get earthquakes but they are not bad enough to be reported on the news. I myself was in an earthquake in Southern France when I was much younger and it...

Good name for a dog. I've been trying to get my elderly parents to get a dog for company, exercise and protection as they are in the countryside but they're not keen. They've been in self isolation since last March and although both over 75, still don't know when they'll be getting a vaccine...

Happy New Year to fellow IBS, Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis sufferers. We're all posting from different countries which makes me think we all come from the same genetic pool way back, like distant cousins you've never met. I read about this recently. I picture people as pale, dark haired and...

Hello, a cycling accident and a dog bite, welcome to the "accident prone" club. In autumn 2019, I tripped down my stairs and twisted my ankle and it still feels weak a year later and I got bitten on the hand by a feral cat. Let's just say, I keep away from power tools. Problems with poo, too...

Hello, do you suffer from frequent mouth ulcers ? Aren't they a pain. I brush my teeth, gargle with salty water, avoid crisps and acidic foods, ( most of the time) and the little blighters still plague me. Not life threatening, not terminal but how can you apply frosty lipstick and feel pretty ...

Hello, there are so many rats in Crystal Palace Park, they've become fat and tame. It's full of cute baby squirrels, ducks and pigeons. Signs read "Don't feed the birds bread but buy seeds from the park shop" which is closed. There was a takeover bid to turn it into a huge entertainment complex...

Hello, cold and frosty in London, if you have left over bacon and lard, you can add it to your bird seeds. The birds will love it.