Hi Nic
I don't have the experience that Cindy and Joe have, but I thought I'd chime in with my two cents. I'm only a couple of months in with my ileostomy and I know that I found it physically awkward (with the appliance change---I love feeling physically better!!)and at times, I have emotional difficulty with having an ileostomy.
I'm sure you've been told all this already, but keeping Matt on a low residue diet for the first few weeks and making sure he's hydrated are really important. If he gets a tummy ache, it will be important to check out to make sure he's not got any kind of blockage.
Did the hospital give you a bottle of some sort to empty his pouch into to make things a bit easier for you? There should be stoma nurses (ET nurses) at the hospital who will take a look at Matt's stoma and make some recommendations around what kind of system/appliance would be most suitable for him. Later on, if you find the appliance doesn't work, you can always go back to the ET nurses and have them provide you with other samples. The stoma size usually changes in the first couple of months, so the ET nurses are great to stay in touch with so they can assess the size of the stoma. They might also give you a sizing chart so you can keep up with any shifts/changes to the size of his stoma.
Once you start changing his appliance (twice a week), you'll get in to your own rhythms with it. If Matt's skin is sensitive when you take the appliance off, there's a product called "Remove" which you apply around the appliance and it comes off smoothly and without any pulling.
Try to get one of the ET nurses to come speak to you and check Matt out as soon as possible. They will be an invaluable resource to you.
It does get easier, Nic. It's just really early on right now, and both you and Matt will need some adjustment time. Go easy on yourselves, and keep us updated on how you and Matt are doing.
Warm regards,
Kismet
