9 days to get over my fear of being touched.

[tlc-x]

I've said before and i'll say it again. I've got a fear of being touched. I have been sexually assaulted before. I also went on a date with a guy once and he felt it was okay to put his hands down into my underwear without my permission.

I've now got my first appointment with the GI in 9 days. I see my GP every week/two weeks and I cry everytime she has to touch my stomach. She barely even touches my stomach and I get shakey and cry. The GP got annoyed about that today.

It's obvious I hate being touched and it scares me. But i've got IBD. I've got to get over it before it gets worse. They're gonna be sticking cameras up my butt for goodness sake.

I'll always have my mum, but she doesn't know about the guy on the date and I can't tell her either. She knows about the assault though. She hates seeing me upset obviously. But my mum being in the room doesn't change the fact that I hate being touched.

I honestly don't know what to do and it scares me. 9 days and counting until my first visit with a male GI. I'm terrified and it's on my mind :/

I don't actually know what the purpose of this thread is :/

 

[mickey]

So sorry to hear you went through that on a date. I had something similar happen when I was a teen and the regret I have is NOT telling my pareents. They can assist in making sure you are not subject to that again and get you any help you need to overcome that. Clearly you need to address that situation. Please get some help. I know it may be scary to ask for help but you can do it.

Make sure your doc knows about the assault and perhaps they can recommend something to help. Ask for hellp; it is not a sign of weakness but strength in showing that you want to get better. Feel better soon!

 

[tlc-x]

The only GP I allow to see my bum knows about the assault. The other GP I have to see occasionally is pretty insensitive.

I think i'll sit down later and tell mum.. I don't want to hurt her by telling her something bad happened again. I remember seeing their faces when I had to tell them about the assault and it killed me inside.. :/

 

[ekay03]

Tasha, I know you don't want to hurt you mom, but if she knew you were carrying this all by yourself, that would hurt her too. She would want to know.

 

[vanilla_chai]

aw, tashaliannex, my heart aches for you. Assuming your mom is a caring person, I'm sure the hurt she feels is for you, not because of you and it would probably hurt her more to know that you're suffering in silence.

I think our intuitive minds are meant to protect us by learning from the past. Unfortunately, you had a horrible experience that was an extreme misrepresentation of most of life, but your intuitive brain does not know that. I'm sure it'll take a while to establish a new baseline. My mom was very moody and would become extremely hateful to me. To this day, if I sense someone's mood changing drastically, I become scared, though not as much as I use to, I still have to process it. For me, its taken processing through the perceived dangers, as well as time, which you don't have the luxury of right now (time that is). I know you mentioned in a previous post you didn't want to talk to someone again, but maybe its worth seeing what options are out there? Maybe there is treatment beyond talking that could help? if nothing else, maybe a sedative would help?

Know that we're here for you
take care

 

[tlc-x]

Just like to say that I wrote a note to my mum explaining everything, then I explained to her in person whilst she read the note in case I forgot to say anything etc. We talked for a while and she now knows and understands and phewww huge weight off my shoulders. I feel happy and she said anything, anytime, I can talk to her.

I'm so grateful to have a mum like her <3


And thank you for the advice and for caring and listening to me )))

 

[ekay03]

Im so glad you did!

 

[vanilla_chai]

I'm so glad you did and so glad you have such a great support system

 

[mickey]

Congratulations! It is healthier for you to keep things from being held within. You may also want to tell her that the doc makes you uncomfortable and she can help you find a new one. It is SOOO important to feel comfortable to be able to tell your doc anything and have them respect you, regardless of your age. Keep it up! Great job!

 

[Mountaingem]

:hug: I know what you mean, for me both of the attacks is almost like trying to remember a dream, hazy. I think it's our brains' way of coping with it. I hope you find peace and are able to move through this, or at least come to a place where you are able to be touched without fear. Best wishes to you for better days ahead!

 

[tlc-x]

Same to you Take care xx

 

[mickey]

looks like you are stronger than you probably thought...you can get over your fear by realizing that you are empowered by the ability to make your decisions with your mother and have the support. If you need to change docs, do so. Good luck!

 

[Jeff D.]

Tasha, I'll be keeping you in my prayers!

 

[tlc-x]

Update - I had my scan today. All my organs are perfectly healthy. That is good news that i'm healthy, bad news that i'm in pain and they don't know why. The lovely doctor said that the scan doesn't look at my bowels or anything linked to that. She can only see my kidneys, pancreas, liver, lungs, urinary track etc. So atleast my kidneys are good! I am seeing a specialist next week for my stomach/intestines/bowel problems. So, we shall see from there.