A Crohn's patient's personal ad

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CLynn

CLynn

Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
3,480
Location
Missouri
Single man, 31, seeks female companion for recreational surgery. Twice denied for life insurance--you must be financially secure. Enjoy reading (pathology reports), sleeping-in (hospital beds) and experimenting with drugs. No salad eaters, please.
:lol:
 
LOL! I am not a man, and this isn't MY ad, just saw it online and found it hilarious. Sure we could all add to the list of qualifications, hmm?
 
If you enjoy hanging around outside public restrooms (no funny business - you're just waiting for your girl to finish!), are not too uptight about strange noises and smells from the bathroom, and like a girl with a "colourful" personality (read: mood swings!), then call now! 1800 CROHNS :heart:


:kiss:
 
If it's always been your secret fantasy to
a. See the inside of a colon
b. Talk at length about bowel movements
c. Fast for reasons OTHER than religion
 
LOL! I was getting ready for work this morning, trying to think of words for a song about Crohn's, to the tune of the "Pina Colada" song...
 
LMAO!! I do tend to have a twisted sense of humor sometimes. And a huge sarcastic streak. But I'd rather laugh than cry, yes? :)
 
Ha ha. I'm married, but if I had a personal ad it might go something like this:

Female, 32, seeks male nurse. Turn-ons include heating pads, the fetal position, and mashed potatoes. Turn-offs include fiber, single ply toilet paper, and long lines at public restrooms. If you'd like to hold my hair back while I retch, call me!
 
Hahaha. I can picture the commercial now, soft focus as a young couple walks hand-in-hand on the beach, smiling. They turn to each other as the camera closes in on their loving faces.

Man: Baby, I love you.
Woman: I need. to go. to the toilet. NOOOWWWWW!!!!!
 
I love this thread! I mean really where else can a gal go and enjoy potty humor with other potty enthusiasts? I mean can we talk crap or what? lol
 
Is your spouse boring? Tired of all the day-in, day-out routine with your healthy significant other? Well have we got the thing for you! Call now and we'll rush ship you a Crohnie. Sure to keep you guessing and guaranteed to stump even their doctor when it comes to causal relationships. "Did you get sick because you ate this?" or "I thought that was on your 'safe list'" are some of the befuddlements that come free with your Crohnie purchase. But wait! There's more! When you pay with your credit card, we'll include "Soft, tasteless foods and you" with your order! Call today! :(
 
Saw, I can clearly see that I am not the only one with a twisted sense of humor! I love it....and.....

BUT WAIT!!!! Order right now, and we'll also include, at no added cost to you, a resection!!!
 
Every time I look at this thread I get the Pina Colada song stuck in my head. CLynn, did you ever come up with new lyrics? If you like Pina Colada (flavored prep)...
 
As much as I loved my first G.I., you know where my twisted mind would always go? Out of all the medical specialities one could choose from, what makes a person think "Well, I think I would like to look up peoples' bums for a living".?????
 
I don't know. My GI is from India and my husband's urologist is from Japan, I wonder if there's less stigma about "yucky" doctor jobs in other countries? No idea!

I think I have a stanza written of the song:

If you like pina colada (flavored prep)
And not getting caught in a restroom line
If you're not into veggies
If you have half a colon

:p
 
LOL! Mine was American, but the one I have now is from the middle east. Good stanza, haa haa haa! Next line.....

I'd like to take you to emergency room
 
Here's my personal ad:

Do you have a nice car to shuttle someone from doctor appointment to doctor appointment?
Do you enjoy hanging out in the hospital?
Do you hate eating out at healthy restaurants known for their salads?
Do you hardly ever need to use the bathroom?
Do you have an extra large medicine cabinet?
Then I'm your woman. I promise lots of doctor's appointments with a smattering of lab tests. We can eat white bread and bananas at home instead of going out. And I promise to spend lots of time in the bathroom so you can continue to pursue your own pastimes. Call 1-800-crohnsgal
 
some one says about the PINA COLADA song and there it goes repeating its self one again in my head ..

so.. since a couple of you styarted to make new lyrics for it

how about a little friendly compertition, who can make up the best lyrics for the whole song ..
original below is to help :-


I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape."

I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape
 
LOL! Now we ALL have the song in our heads! If I can garner up my creative side of my brain while I am working, I will come up with something....that's an if though. If not, I am sure the song will be in my head all weekend, bound to come up with something sooner or later!
 
My Personal Ad:

Female Crohnie, 35, seeks healthy man to help push my IV pole down the hospital hallway. Must have a job with medical insurance. The constant vomiting and diarrhea keeps me super model thin, and I'll always be your DD because I can't drink on all the meds I'm taking! My condition is guaranteed to get you out of work at least every other month to take me to the Emergency Room. If you enjoy spending all of your time in hospital waiting rooms and pharmacies, then give me a call!
 
This is such a late reply but I love all these!:lol2: Maybe I'll use some of them myself. ;)
 

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