A debate with my wife regarding Crohn's/Physical Fitness

[Bongo]

Hi All,

I'm going to attempt to make a very long story short here. My wife was diagnosed with Crohn's disease about 10 years ago. Since that time, she has had two children, worked full time for the first 7 1/2 years of that, and now works part time and raises the children while I spend a good amount of time at work.

Before I get into my core question and debate, I want to say that I, like a lot of spouses, have not been the most understanding when it comes to this disease, as signs of weakness etc are very invisible. It's taken me some time to even realize how harsh this disease can be and while I am constantly reminding myself to be as supportive as I can, I often fall short.

Here is the reason I am reaching out to you for some guidance. About 3+ years ago, at 37 years old, I was grossly overweight. I had never "really" tried to lose weight and always promised myself that "someday". I was just going to wake up and make it happen. Fortunately for me, in Aug of 2009, that's exactly what happened. I went on an aggressive VLC diet, lost 150 lbs in 10 months (with the help and guidance of my wife's Crohn's doctor) and 3 years later, I've only gained back a small portion of the weight. I excersize 7 days a week, I count my calories, and am very obsessive about keeping my self in check. I am very active now and plan to live a very long time. I can say that it was, without question, the greatest thing I've ever done or ever will do with my life.

Which brings me to why I am here. Like a lot of women in the world, my wife has now had two children, she tends to the house as best as she can, and she works a part time job. She complains almost every day about how she feels. She is mostly just very tired and worn out and her joints ache, and it's very sad for me. We have grown apart because physically we are literally going in two different directions. After being an absolute stunner when we first started dating, she is now about 40-45lbs overweight. She smokes a half a pack of cigarettes a day (this is recent, up from maybe 2 or 3 a day for years), she keeps an eye on eating things that get her sick, but I cannot say she eats well. With the children, she is often eating Friendly's or other types of "just above Burger King" level fast food.

She has never in her life attempted a real diet, and she has not done any real physical excersize since high school. Our constant debate revolves around me telling her, insisting really, that if she took the bull by the horns and went on a health kick, did some aerobics, tried to maintain her calories, tried to lose some weight, she would feel better. I tell her that if she feels like crap all the time, it's time to stop complaining and just TRY and do something about it, for her health and happiness and the happiness of those around her.

She INSISTS that getting in better physical shape and losing some excess weight will do nothing to help her deal with Crohn's. She really has no plan on how to deal with this, and her just accepting that this is how it's going to be forever just really bothers me. She clouds the issue by telling me that I think this approach can CURE the disease, which I know it can't. But, I am of the very strong opinion that losing some weight and getting in shape will help her DEAL with it in more ways than she can imagine.

And I am here today to ask your opinion. Am I right?
Thanks

 

[kiny]

I dunno.

Only tip I can give you is to pick a diet that is easy, I eat take out that is healthy and add supplements whenever needed.

I wouldn't go on any specific crohn diets as most are way too restrictive and no one knows if they help at all, and for me at least, it wasn't easy to follow them.

That's all I can say, don't know how to deal with social issues.

 

[Manorexico]

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that you think your wife has let herself go right? That she could control her symptoms with diet and exercise. If you had any idea how difficult it can be to even move most days let alone try to get up an exercise....ugh. I suggest you REALLY decide if you love your wife the way she is illness and all or not. There is no diet or exercise plan that is proven to help crohns. In fact most diets that have been created make things worse. I like your wife can eat only junk foods because anything remotely healthy sends me into some of the worst flares ever.
I am sorry I am trying not to be rude but you come off as very self-righteous that it really made me go "is he serious?". I have to tell you that your post is exactly what most of us crohn's sufferers DREAD hearing because its just NOT that easy.

 

[Manorexico]

Furthermore, before I was diagnosed with crohn's I had one of the healthiest diets you could imagine. I also did aerobics, karate, and dance. Now all of those things are right out the window because I physically can not do them. Perhaps some day when meds start to work, but I was told by my doctor I would more than likely never be able to eat the way I did before, nor be as active. ugh.

 

[Laura Dawn]

Nagging at your wife will make things worse. I'm feeling really lucky right now for my very supportive husband. You said you lost 100 plus pounds, so sounds like she stood by your side. This is a support group. I can't condone a person nagging at someone with crohns. It's very painful and emotionally difficult to deal with. You might want to educate yourself about this disease . The last thing anyone needs is the have thier spouse come on here and bag on them. I feel for your wife. Hopefully that answers your question.

 

[Manorexico]

Amen Laura! I feel horrible for his poor wife too! I just thanked my lucky stars that my husband is supportive and educated on this disease.

 

[Laura Dawn]

It had to be said and I truly hope his wife doesn't see that post.

 

[Bongo]

Thanks everyone, appreciate the responses so far, even the terse ones. I am here posting because I am trying to wrap my head around this once and for all.

It's hard to hear someone say, almost everyday, that they feel terrible and not think "What can be done?".

I am glad I posted tonight and hopefully this whole experience helps both my wife and my family

 

[KatyBuckeye]

I disagree with the other posters. You clearly said that you realize losing weight and going on a diet cannot cure the disease. But you believe that it may help her. It seems like you want your wife to put more effort into her health and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I also think that a diet could help--it certainly helped me! But I don't completely agree with you about the weight loss part. I'm not following a specific diet to lose weight, but because it eliminated my symptoms. I think the weight loss piece is the part that is a bit offensive to the other posters. I would hope that you want your wife to try a diet because you believe that it may help her symptoms in general and not just because you want her to lose weight and look attractive again.

As far as not being able to eat "healthy" foods but only tolerating junk food, huh (in reference to one of the above posters)??? That doesn't even make sense. I firmly believe that diet does help. If you really want to help your wife, have her research the Specific Carbohydrate Diet and the GAPS diet. But she is the only one that can make the change and she'll only be successful at it if she fully commits to it. I think you are approaching this in entirely the wrong way...

I am an athlete and I do believe that a strong body can prepare you to face many challenges in life. There is definitely a "mental" aspect to being an athlete and people who aren't athletes don't understand that. You learn a lot about yourself, your character, and what you are made of during certain types of physical activity (e.g. running a marathon, setting weighlifting PRs, etc.). Personally, I would not be with a partner that did not share my interests or lifestyle. However, it sounds like you knew the type of person that your wife was before you married her. A healthy lifestyle was not something that you shared before getting married. You've changed your life and you want your wife to adopt some of these new values. I think that it's understandable, but you have to realize that you can't force it on her.

 

[KatyBuckeye]

Also, there is an aspect of not feeling well in which it is very hard to jump right into physical activity. I'm just coming out of a flare in which I was very ill. I'm taking some type off from my typical high intensity activities. I'm still active in that I walk everyday. Perhaps you could encourage your wife to make small changes...maybe try going on a walk together every evening. But be understanding if there are some days in which your wife just doesn't feel strong enough.

Quitting smoking should also be a priority for her. Smoking is known to increase IBD symptoms and complications.

I certainly understand how this must be difficult for both of you. It really frustrates me when people don't take full responsibility for their health. Personally, I've been researching and making changes in my life every day since my diagnosis. It sounds to be like you want your wife to be more proactive.

 

[shamrock15]

I too will disagree to some extent. Having come from a sports background, it has helped me immeasurably with dealing with both the pain caused by crohn's and in knowing what I can accomplish through the pain. Physically, it has helped me recover more quickly from surgery. It hasn't kept me from joint pain or fatigue, but it does help you maximize what you have. Willpower and crohn's disease are two different things, and, should everything you mention here be correct, she likely does require at least some measure of discipline. Will it take care of everything? Not likely. As Katy says, you can't force her. Hopefully you can help her see that there is much more that life has to offer when healthy and help her find the drive to pursue it on her terms.

 

[kiny]

think it's good you care, even if she doesn't want to do things, or if it doesn't work out, having people who care is so cool

I went through a period as a young teenager without parents, got crohn, was so close to giving up at many points in my life, I would have sooo much preferred having a person around, even if the person was upset at me or disagreed, having anyone there who tries to help is waaay better than no one, you don't know what alone actually means until you get sick and no one knows but you

Just do whatever you can to change things a bit, make sure she is not actually sick and sees the right doctors, and then take some steps to improve her diet and lifestyle. Maybe find a restaurant you trust or some place you like, I don't know.

Just replying again cause reply seemed too negative. Will be fine.

 

[D Bergy]

Part of this problem might be the difference between the way men think, and women think. I don't propose to know much about the way women think, as a matter of fact when I saw the title of the post, I thought "Someone is foolish enough to debate his wife?" Just so you know, you lost before you started.

I am just kidding you, but not 100%.

Women often will complain or tell you about their problems, and as men we assume that means they are looking for a solution. Problem=solution+implementation of solution.

Seems like a lock to us, if we have a proposed solution. In reality though women often just feel better when they tell you about the problem. They often do not want a solution. As men that seems pretty weird, because the last thing I want to do is talk about a problem without a solution, but that is because we are men. I bury these problems as far as I can.

The other aspect of this is that she can either want a solution or not, and you have the honor of trying to figure out which is the case for each incident.

She will not change her diet until she decides its a good idea. And if it happens, you will likely be astonished that it is an entirely new concept, even though you have brought it up many times before. No man is prophet in his own city, or something like that. If she quits smoking she might be healthier, but she will likely put on more weight. I always do, and so do most other people. This will not help her self image much either.

This is probably a case of having to have the patience of a saint, until something turns in her favor, or yours. In another words, the situation as it stands today, is not conducive to a solution. So wait until the situation changes.

One thing we do here, and not often enough, is go for walks together. It is not excercise if it is done together, it is a romantic walk. Not really, but neither one of us minds doing it, and I am not any excercise freak myself.

Good Luck

Dan

 

[StarGirrrrl]

As far as not being able to eat "healthy" foods but only tolerating junk food, huh (in reference to one of the above posters)??? That doesn't even make sense.

Disbelieve me if you want to but I had a 6 week period where the only foods I could keep in (and therefore the only food I ate) were potato chips, biscuits and oven french fries.

I hated it every day but I chose being able to keepfood in as being more important than what I was eating.

I would say to the OP, that you as a healthy person lost weight easily. When you have a chronic health problem, and one that involves food doing all kinds of horrible things to you, it is an entirely different ballgame.

One of the reasons I myself find losing weight hard is that I cannot follow the traditional routes due to my health issues. I can't eat only healthier foods, I can't do anything approaching a decent amount of exercise and sometimes I never know how much of a meal my body made use of before I hit the toilet again.

Perhaps you view it as walking up a small hill whereas in reality for your wife it would be akin to running at full speed up a mountain.

Maybe she is overwhelmed at what you are asking her to do because her level of health is not your good one.

One suggestion would be do what you can in terms of childcare, chores etc to help her out a bit more. Maybe if she had a lighter everyday load she may have a different outlook.

 

[sarahsoda29]

I find it intriguing that there seems to be an argument over what one Crohn's patient can eat vs another...when we ALL know that each of us is completely different, and what affects each of us is also different. How dare anyone say they find it hard to believe that the only things another person can eat is fast food? I find that extremely judgemental. I personally have a person judging me now saying, "no one with Crohn's can eat Broccoli, so you probably don't really have it." Do you know how much that makes me want to punch her in the face? As a matter of FACT I can eat broccoli...if it's cooked really well. I have told her that but she doesn't believe me because her neice has Crohns and SHE can't eat broccoli...so that must be gospel. Well guess what? I CAN eat it and I'm fine! I also CAN eat cheese, but NOT drink milk, and ice cream. Does it "make sense"? Maybe not but it's true. I can go to McDonalds and eat a value meal and be fine all day....but if I eat a salad I'm screwed...ok??? So the wife is probably keeping the food down that she CAN...but at the same time the husband isn't educating himself comepletely. When I was diagnosed, by boyfriend said, "So now we know there's a reason you're always so tired and not feeling well"...it was like he realized i wasn't just complaining for no reason and I really did have something wrong with me. Now it makes more sense to him and he's supportive and helps me. Educate yourself before making judgements. PERIOD.

 

[Manorexico]

Disbelieve me if you want to but I had a 6 week period where the only foods I could keep in (and therefore the only food I ate) were potato chips, biscuits and oven french fries.

I hated it every day but I chose being able to keepfood in as being more important than what I was eating.
.

That is exactly how I am most of the time. I just am able to transition off of a liquid diet, and the only foods I can eat are french fries, mac n cheese, and plain shortbread cookies. Wait I can eat pureed carrots and some fruit juices but that is as close to healthy food as I can get. Its frustrating as heck coming from a very healthy diet to that. I mean before I got this sick I couldnt tell you the last time I ate a cookie.

I do still exercise if you count chasing around a 2 year old though. So I am prolly in better shape because of that.

 

[happy]

Let me turn the tables here. How did your wife behave toward you when you were 150 lbs overweight? Did she care about and support you, despite your extra girth? Was it your decision to lose the weight or did she nag at you to do it? Did she support you while you lost the weight? Did she cook your meals, care for the children, do the housework/yardwork while you were exercising?

Perhaps you could think of the ways that she supported you and now think of ways that you could support her. I would really stop focusing on the extra weight and her appearance and begin to focus on her health. Ask her what health priorities she has. Perhaps she needs more sleep, time to herself etc. before she can begin to think of doing things like exercise that initially take more energy to do before there is any pay-off in feeling better. Perhaps you could take some action yourself by doing grocery shopping for healthy food with the kids, preparing a healthy meal for everyone and then suggesting a short walk or bike ride after dinner.

As well, try to learn more about her disease. Perhaps you could research support groups in your area. You both may learn that there is more that could be done to treat her symptoms of 'not feeling well' whether it is lifestyle related or not.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I can see both sides of the coin here. On one hand, I really feel for the wife. She's working, raising kids, and probably taking care of the house and other stuff too - on top of being ill! That stuff alone is stressful and exhausting even without illness getting in the way. To the original poster, wait until you get a flu or a stomach bug - then try doing all your usual duties, working and raising kids and doing chores. Not so easy, is it? That's probably about how your wife feels every day. So cut her some slack with the comfort food and the smoking, it sounds to me like she's using those things as stress relief. The smoking is bad, yes, and it probably would help her be more well if she stopped. But as for diet - see above posts. For many of us, it's so so difficult to eat healthy foods. I'm in remission and I still have a hard time eating fresh fruit/veggies. Over the past few days I've attempted to eat a bit of fresh broccoli and pea pods - both came out undigested. Sorry to be gross, maybe your wife doesn't tell you that we experience things like that. I'm guessing she might have similar experiences if she tries to eat high-fiber fresh "healthy" foods like that. Those foods can often cause pain, gas, diarrhea, etc. "Unhealthy" foods often sit better and don't cause as many symptoms. Plus, when you're ill all the time, you need to be as comfortable as possible. Comfort foods are one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel a little better. When I'm at my worst, high-carb or junk foods like pasta, mashed potatoes, potato chips, and white bread are my go-tos. They're easy on my tummy, they don't make me feel worse, they're more easily digested than anything healthy or high fiber. I know it's unhealthy, but it's those foods or I don't eat, basically. So really, I would cut her some slack on the diet. She's eating what works for her. I know that my mother lectures me all the time that I should go gluten-free, but that just makes me want to eat more gluten, if anything. Gluten works for me and getting told what to eat definitely doesn't!

However, I can see your side of the coin too. Working out has been a blessing for me. I am in remission and I work out a minimum of 3x per week, even if I'm not feeling super well. I always feel better afterwards (sometimes I have to skip the abs exercises if my tummy is iffy, and I can't jog due to arthritis, but I lift weights and do yoga and ride the exercise bike). It's wonderful for stress relief. Given that my diet isn't the healthiest, my weight hasn't budged much (fortunately I'm fairly thin naturally), but I have converted some fat into muscle and I feel a lot healthier and happier. When I work out, that's the closest I get to feeling like a "normal" healthy person again. With every rep when I'm lifting weights, I envision myself punching my illness in the face. It's a great feeling! So I can absolutely see where you're coming from with the exercise thing. You pushed yourself to be better and healthier and you wish she'd come to the same conclusion - but really, it has to be her idea. She has to want it for herself, there's nothing that you can say to get her to want it. Before I got sick, I would work out sporadically because I wanted to be more toned and less flabby, basically to look better. I didn't reallly give a damn if I was healthy or not, I just wanted to look cute. Then I became ill and realized how much I had taken my health for granted. I really wanted to get well and to exercise and make myself as healthy as I possibly could. As soon as I was healthy enough to do so, I started working out and never looked back and I have a whole new appreciation for health and exercise now. It was a real epiphany for me - it sounds like your wife hasn't had such an epiphany, and really I think she needs to get there on her own. You've had yours and that's great, but you can't force it upon her.

It sounds like you're trying to be supportive, but you don't totally "get it." And honestly I think that's okay - healthy people really have NO idea. My husband didn't get it either, until one day when he started having abdominal pains and vomiting out of nowhere. His syptoms got worse and worse until he was finally diagnosed with kidney stones, and his doc took a "wait and see" approach to see if they'd pass on their own (they didn't, and my hubby spent an agonizing 6 months until his doc finally operated to remove them). Just try to be mindful of the fact that this illness isn't just physical - it's mental and emotional too, maybe even moreso than physical. There's physical pain and symptoms and fatigue, yes. But there's also a lot of depression and worry and fear - if I eat this, am I going to pay for it? If I go out, will there be bathrooms nearby? I'm feeling good today, but what about tomorrow? Will I still be able to work if my illness gets worse? If I have to be hospitalized, am I going to go bankrupt from the hospital bills? If I crap my pants in public, am I going to be so humiliated that I become a hermit? Am I going to be sick like this forever and every day will just get a little bit worse until I finally die? There are SO many things like that and even now that I'm in remission, this illness is always on my mind. It's something we can never forget and always have to be mindful of. Healthy people don't have that burden. You can do what you want and don't have to be mindful of everything the way that we do.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to read the Spoon Theory. It's an excellent essay about what it's like to live every moment of every day with an illness like this. Here's the link:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Too long, didn't read version: It's great that you're trying to be supportive and good for you that you've taken steps to get your health back, but lay off your wife and try to learn more about the illness because she's doing what works for her while dealing with stress and emotions that you can't fathom.

 

[CLynn]

Well said, Cat. I see both sides too. And when in the worst of my flares, let me just say, I lived on junk food, cupcakes, etc., because it was easiest for my gut to digest, as unhealthy as it was. That being said, I will say, I disagree with your Burger King comment, as in addition to the unhealthy fare on the menu, they also have healthy foods on the menu, it's what we choose, or sometimes what we can stomach that makes our choice.
I believe you just want your wife to feel better and live longer, with you. That's a great thing to want. But there are days when we flat out just don't feel well, or we ache, or we just have no energy. A small amount of exercise possibly could help the energy, sometimes not. Just love her, support her, and maybe start small, suggest a walk on a day you know she is having a good day.

 

[sickofcrohns]

It could also be that your wife is just hating life in a general way because of the disease and all the demands on her -- they're taking all her energy and she does not have the time to care for herself. She may want to get more physically active, but not feel that she has the time or energy -- she may also worry that if she neglects any of the things she is now spending her time on, you may perceive her as lazy. All this can contribute to even more stress. In this case, one way to approach the situation is to give her what amounts to more time and energy. Try having a discussion about whether she'd like to do some kind of physical activity together with you (walks, running, bike riding, dance lessons, etc.) with a focus on stress reduction and time together as a couple, NOT her weight. Say you value spending time with her and trying new things with her enough to get someone else look after the kids or get her help with the cleaning once a week. This kind of discussion might allow her to see that you're serious about rekindling the spark and, through activity, helping her put her own physical wellbeing -- beyond the immediate Crohn's stuff -- on the agenda.

Good luck!

--> You can possibly also get the kids on board, getting them to help out around the house more, and doing more active things as an entire family.

 

[Beach bum]

I absolutely believe that giving up smoking should be top priority for any one with a health problem like crohn's. Smoking robs you of much needed energy by poisoning your body and making it work harder, it reduces the oxygen in your blood and puts stress on all of your organs. Never mind that is it thought responsible for making crohn's worse.

I would also point out that juicing is a great way to have a healthy boost to your diet with out all of the fibre that gives us problems. There have been a few threads on here about it before if you fancy checking them out.

Getting as healthy as you possibly can could never be a bad thing,but for us it is hard. I do work but I don't have kids to worry about or run after and my hubby helps out alot around the house, but even so by the end of the day I am cream crackered.
I think the suggestions of trying to find some time together to spend in gentle exercise are well worth pursuing.

Good luck.

 

[Jennifer]

"Quit doing this, start doing that," is never the correct approach. Find something in common that you both like doing and do it even if its something like, "let's go out back and toss the football (or frisbee or throw rocks into a street puddle, I don't care)" or anything even remotely active. Maybe she likes to shop, that's walking so go shopping with her. Pick something fun and you wont even see it as exercise yet you're out burning calories.

Problem is you want that trophy wife back that you married except now she has a disease and had a couple kids and even got older on top of all that. The older you get the harder it is to lose weight and change your life style. If you don't want her to smoke then fine, occupy her time. A lot of smoking is from habit and even pure boredom (trust me, I smoke currently) but the main one is stress so stop calling her fat in any round about way cause that's just adding more stress. When you don't feel attractive you lose the desire to do anything for yourself anymore (depression may also be an issue here, its extremely common with Crohn's unfortunately) and she doesn't need that on top of the other stuff going on.

Now something that should have been brought up is how her Crohn's is being treated. Is she on any meds? Is she in a flare or remission currently? Does she actively see her GI and have regular blood work done to check her vitamin levels? Poor absorption caused by inflammation or scar tissue can hinder nutrient absorption quite a bit so its possible she could be low or even deficient in some which could be one of the causes of the fatigue and can also cause depression etc. Can't blindly supplement though (one multivitamin a day will do nothing for being low or deficient), gotta get blood work and then supplement and then retest bloods to see if its helping then increase supplements if its not, then bloods again and see if you need a shot or infusion for certain ones.

Figure out how the disease is doing first (her health is more important than her "complaining" and her looks) then try and do some fun activities and help out around the house some more. My fiance (soon to be husband this Saturday) knows that going to work all day isn't enough and he still makes lunch or dinner or does laundry or dishes or anything else that needs doing that I didn't get to do that day (he's also happy to do it and I don't have to ask him to do it all either).

 

[superhotfemale]

Wow, I feel for both of you!

Firstly, thank you for asking advice of people with this illness - it does show that you are trying to be supportive, in your own way!

Secondly, have you considered this:
Your wife might be feeling left behind from your new lifestyle and she might be scared?

I am no psychologist and only going from my own personal experiences, but reading your post makes me more worried about your wife's mental health than her physical health. Just the points you made that you have grown apart and you are not being totally understanding of the disease and also that she has taken up smoking raises a red flag - all of these things are not good for people with IBD.

To give you some understanding of what I am trying to say here, this is my own story:
Even though I have dealt with being diagnosed with this disease (6 years in!) everytime I feel like crap or something happens around me that changes my personal world, I get scared. It brings everything back to when I was diagnosed and that feeling of "I am not the same person as I was before" and I end up literally shuting down, become defensive and insecure. When I get like this I have to seek professional help, my psychologist is the only one who can get me to think straight again.

I will not tell you that this is what your wife needs, she needs to make that decision for herself - you just need to be there for her. Also, please know, that your wife needs you more than you will ever know.

Good luck and please try and sit down with your wife and just listen to her - give her time and maybe she will feel strong enough to tell you what she needs, instead of you telling her what she needs!

 

[Jennifer]

Was just downloading music for my wedding and did a little dance number in the hallway by myself (fiance was making dinner ) and remembered that dancing is a really good exercise that's fun to do. Maybe you could take her out dancing or put on some music and dance at home.

 

[Laura Dawn]

That's an awesome idea! I dance.... Crank music and just let yourself be free. I swear by it Genious idea!

 

[karj]

This poster sounds like my boyfriend - exercise, exercise, exercise . I have to say that I commend you for asking for advice. The problem here is time. Your wife is doing the wife duties, the kids, etc. A diet takes time, number 1 you have to research it, eating healthy can be very time consuming!! believe me i know i have been trying to do it with the last 3 weeks and i find all i seem to be doing is planning my next meal, but i am on my 3rd week now and i am kinda getting the hang of it. But like i had to research all these foods that are good for my nutrition, and what foods to avoid, that took days. I know some of it is common sense but if you want to really help, maybe you could research food that is good for crohn's etc. And research foods high in nutrients, that would get her on the way with the diet. And maybe do the weekly shopping with her to make sure that some of this 'good' stuff goes in the trolley. One of the most important things with crohns is to eat little and often - but with a busy lifestyle this is not always possible and the easy option is a take away. so if you want healthier eating it kinda has to be both of it you what do you think?

on the exercise issue, it is recommended around 20/25 mins a day from what i have read of light exercises. But a person with crohn's is not suppose to exercise when they are in a flare because it will actually make the feel worse by draining what little energy they have left. Even when a person is in remission tiredness is a big thing. And again this takes time, if you are tired from all the daily chores it is just a nightmare to even think about doing exercise. My boyfriend doesn't believe me about the flare thing but once I showed him some articles on it he has been totally supportive. Knowledge is power, you need to read up as much as you can about the disease if you want to really help your wife. on the smoking, I am totally anti-smoking myself so I am not going to go there . Hope this helps some bit and fair play to you for trying. If your intentions are for to help your wife really feel better you need to change your approach i think.