I've suffered from severe cramps and diarrhea since kindergarten, and at the age of 20, I finally had a colonoscopy that confirmed inflammation. They're doing tests for it now, and I will get my diagnosis in a few days.
All the doctors I went to before just said it was stress, or that it would go away soon, and I just had to bear it out. After a while of this, my parents and family just assumed my constant illness was nothing to be worried about, and brushed it off as just "normal stomach problems". They still think that and tell me off for being dramatic when I tell them that my illness is hindering my daily life - but my mother is starting to get concerned and helped me through my colonoscopy. I've been hit with the severity of my illness just a month or so ago when the cramps and diarrhea was accompanied by constant fatigue, joint pain, headaches and vision problems. I am a uni student, and I fight through my way to school (an hour train ride away from home), and when I get there I can't help but lay my head down on the desk and close my eyes. My uni is strict about attendence, so if I miss more than three classes per subject, I get an automatic fail. I am scared very much.
I really think I will break down if the doctor tells me it's IBS or stress related again. I hope he won't and that he will be able to help me, but after so many years of being brushed off and ignored, it is difficult to hold on to that hope. I got out of my 10+ years of depression through two years of therapy about a year ago, and now I feel as if I will be depressed once more because of this. Now I am even beginning to doubt whether I am even ill, since I am so often told that I'm being dramatic and attention-seeking. I am so humiliated and ashamed of myself and my illness - to the point where even the word 'bowel' makes me blush and feel ashamed, as though my cramps and diarrhea are dirty and sinful (I'm not even religious!). The last bad incident I had l, I ended up bursting into a kindergarten (even though I knew strangers were forbidden), begged the bewildered staff to use their bathroom, and was horrified through my pain when I realised there was only one bathroom. Seriously?! Turns out their bathroom has a small hole, so the bewildered staff took turns peeking throught the hole and googled at me crawling on the floor and fighting the cramps and diarrhea. I had never felt so humiliated. I apologized about twenty times to the staff afterward, told them I had a chronic disease, and left, sobbing. I immediately took a taxi to school because I was already late to my morning class. I don't think I could ever stand another day like this. Just thinking about it makes me feel terrible. And the worst thing was, when I got to school, no one believed I was sick. Just said "You look tired. Did you sleep in?"
I just needed to rant and get all of this out of my system. Sorry it's so long, but it does feel a little better to know that someone understands me, and I am not ignored by all.
All the doctors I went to before just said it was stress, or that it would go away soon, and I just had to bear it out. After a while of this, my parents and family just assumed my constant illness was nothing to be worried about, and brushed it off as just "normal stomach problems". They still think that and tell me off for being dramatic when I tell them that my illness is hindering my daily life - but my mother is starting to get concerned and helped me through my colonoscopy. I've been hit with the severity of my illness just a month or so ago when the cramps and diarrhea was accompanied by constant fatigue, joint pain, headaches and vision problems. I am a uni student, and I fight through my way to school (an hour train ride away from home), and when I get there I can't help but lay my head down on the desk and close my eyes. My uni is strict about attendence, so if I miss more than three classes per subject, I get an automatic fail. I am scared very much.
I really think I will break down if the doctor tells me it's IBS or stress related again. I hope he won't and that he will be able to help me, but after so many years of being brushed off and ignored, it is difficult to hold on to that hope. I got out of my 10+ years of depression through two years of therapy about a year ago, and now I feel as if I will be depressed once more because of this. Now I am even beginning to doubt whether I am even ill, since I am so often told that I'm being dramatic and attention-seeking. I am so humiliated and ashamed of myself and my illness - to the point where even the word 'bowel' makes me blush and feel ashamed, as though my cramps and diarrhea are dirty and sinful (I'm not even religious!). The last bad incident I had l, I ended up bursting into a kindergarten (even though I knew strangers were forbidden), begged the bewildered staff to use their bathroom, and was horrified through my pain when I realised there was only one bathroom. Seriously?! Turns out their bathroom has a small hole, so the bewildered staff took turns peeking throught the hole and googled at me crawling on the floor and fighting the cramps and diarrhea. I had never felt so humiliated. I apologized about twenty times to the staff afterward, told them I had a chronic disease, and left, sobbing. I immediately took a taxi to school because I was already late to my morning class. I don't think I could ever stand another day like this. Just thinking about it makes me feel terrible. And the worst thing was, when I got to school, no one believed I was sick. Just said "You look tired. Did you sleep in?"
I just needed to rant and get all of this out of my system. Sorry it's so long, but it does feel a little better to know that someone understands me, and I am not ignored by all.
