Barely any friends

[DaphneEngland]

Hey
I'm not sure if I'm alone on this, but I've noticed that since I got extremely sick and got the diagnose it sucks to get long-term friends. I lost almost all of my close friends because they told me I was "hiding behind my disease and not owning up to my actions" and I was simply too sick to even try. I'm a very social person so I have kind of friends everywhere, but I fail to make those people my good friends. And even if I have people I see as good friends, they'll end up either backstabbing me or just kind of slowly making us lose contact. I have a lot of things going on in my life and I just need people to support me and be there for me, but all my "friends" are telling me that I should stop whining when I can't make it to class or when I'm sad.
Does anyone have any tips?

 

[ronroush7]

............

 

[DaphneEngland]

Do you have any support groups in your area? Other people with IBD?

I've been trying to find some, but so far there are no results. The only other people I know that have IBD are my mom and my cousin. It doesn't really help that I'm not at home during weekdays because I live in another town for my studies. I am seeing a therapist though.

 

[Bubblemint]

It's a good thing you got rid of these friends when you did, because these kinds of people are never good news.

I can't give advice on making real-life friends, but I know there are good people out there. Internet friendships can help if people IRL are no good (at least in my experience).

 

[emmaaaargh]

I agree with Bubblemint - friends that don't support you and claim you're just making excuses are not the type of friends you need. That said, I'm not super popular myself, so I know how isolating it feels! But I just wanted to back up that there are the right people for you out there, it might feel like you'll never find them (especially when you're ill and can't socialise) but they'll turn up eventually! And in the meantime, the whole forum is here for you

 

[ronroush7]

I agree with Bubblemint - friends that don't support you and claim you're just making excuses are not the type of friends you need. That said, I'm not super popular myself, so I know how isolating it feels! But I just wanted to back up that there are the right people for you out there, it might feel like you'll never find them (especially when you're ill and can't socialise) but they'll turn up eventually! And in the meantime, the whole forum is here for you

Amen

 

[DaphneEngland]

Bubblemint & emmaaaargh,
Thanks for the words of encouragement It's just as you say, pre-diagnose I spent almost all my time on twitter because I couldn't do much else and a few of the people I met there are still my friends. It's just very difficult to find friends with the same "priorities". And then I have to settle for less and that is okay for a little while but then it starts to become more obvious that we're on different levels and bad things happen. But I guess that will change with time, so I'll have to wait a few more years for the right friends and possibly a boyfriend

 

[ronroush7]

Be encouraged.

 

[PixieGirl]

Hey DaphneEngland!
I feel your pain. I'm sorry your friends aren't giving you support with your disease.
I have always struggled with making and keeping friends, but the one place that I made a lot of friends that have IBD is Camp Oasis. I know quite a few people who try to push the idea of Camp Oasis aside, but I would recommend it to anyone willing to give it a try. Even if your to old to be a camper, you can always try leader in training/assistant counselor (what ever you call them).
I hope this helps.

 

[DaphneEngland]

Hey DaphneEngland!
I feel your pain. I'm sorry your friends aren't giving you support with your disease.
I have always struggled with making and keeping friends, but the one place that I made a lot of friends that have IBD is Camp Oasis. I know quite a few people who try to push the idea of Camp Oasis aside, but I would recommend it to anyone willing to give it a try. Even if your to old to be a camper, you can always try leader in training/assistant counselor (what ever you call them).
I hope this helps.

Camp Oasis sounds pretty awesome, but unfortunately I don't live in the USA (I'm also too old ). There might be similar things in the Netherlands, but the disease isn't very well known and even finding others with the disease is very tough. Thanks for your help!

 

[ngugimuiruri]

I agree with Bubblemint - friends that don't support you and claim you're just making excuses are not the type of friends you need. That said, I'm not super popular myself, so I know how isolating it feels! But I just wanted to back up that there are the right people for you out there, it might feel like you'll never find them (especially when you're ill and can't socialise) but they'll turn up eventually! And in the meantime, the whole forum is here for you

sure Emma there are friends in my case i have this room mate who even when i was rolling in bed due to flareups never believed i was in real pain...when i was admitted in the hospital he never visited me and never bothered to even call. i was even shocked to receive a message from him asking for some cash i had borrowed him while still i was in the hospital. fortunately there was this friend who lived in a different city we never talked much but out of the blues he called and when i told him i was in hospital he showed up the following day and lived with me till now ..my room mate though he never cares but no offence we are bound to a 1 year accommodation contract so i cant just walk away but i believe there are good friends out there