Being Gay with Crohn's

[iNate]

I am new to this forum although i am not new to this disease. I was diagnosed when i was 18 after about 2 years of symptoms, and am now 25. so almost 10 years of dealing with this 'pain in the ass' illness. (punn intended)
The added complication is dealing with this while being a homosexual male.
Is there any one else out there who is living in the same situation? It is hard enought to live with these symptoms, but with living an alternative lifestyle that it directly effects just adds more stress and anxiety.

Can anyone else relate to this?

 

[~Manders~]

While I'm not gay, nor do I participate in anal sex, but I can tell you that you are not the only one struggling in the bedroom because of this disease. Having crohn's definitely has an effect on my heterosexual sex life. While flaring I do not have the energy for sex, and I am definitely in too much pain (abdomenal mostly) to even think about it. Although I don't have any advice for you, take solice in the fact that you are not alone! :hug:

 

[Lisa]

Nate - welcome to the forum - if you do a search, there are at least a couple of threads about/by members such as yourself....

 

[iNate]

Thanks Manders and Pasobuff, I have been reading alot of different posts and i am immediatley comforted in knowing that there is such a big community full of support. I am fortunate enough to have a loving boyfriend who supports me, although he doesnt have a huge understanding of the illness. I am here not only to find support but also to give support to others.

Manders, I definately understand what u mean by not having the energy for sex. I feel so gross and irritated from flare ups that i sometimes just want to be left alone all together.

 

[Cookie]

Hi iNate and welcome. While I also am not gay (or male), I have suffered with vaginal fistulas which had a negetive impact on my sex life, both physical ans psychological, so I can relate to your situation, at least in that regard. I don't have much adivce to give other than to offer support and understanding and to let you know that things do get better. You are lucky to have a supportive partner, so take comfort in that. BTW, I am (was) a Pittsburgher too. Cheers to the Steel City.

 

[MADiMarc]

Hi Nate. Except for the facts that I'm a women, I'm straight and I'm old...we are practically twins! . Seriously, the sexual issues I think are the same though, straight or gay. Who the heck feels like sex when your gut is killing you, you have no idea when you are going to have to bolt to the bathroom or when you feel like you smell bad even when you don't? Oh yeah, that just makes me feel all sexy! I'm sure it does wonderful things for my old man too!

I think there are some threads dealing with gay men and the effects on sexual activities. I read above that you have been reading a bit.

I didn't help much, sorry

 

[sf925415]

yeh i can totally relate. its a problem. I think more than anything it has subcontiously affected my interest in dating altogether. Which is a real downer and I live my life alone. Be happy sounds like you have a loved one!

 

[SMSIRL]

Can totally relate. I am gay too. To use the expession, I am a bottom too. I find it impossible for the most part to partake of that pleasure.

If you search for the "gay digest" and crohn's there is some very useful information on IBD and anal sex. What should/shouldn't be done. http://gaydigest.wordpress.com/tag/crohns/

I would also say it is important t try work on inflamation i the rectum - so suppositories can help greatly in this.

The word to the wise is, what ever you do, check it out slowly first. Don't have anal if you have had a j-pouch as it i far too risky.

All the best Shaun

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I think receptive anal sex would only be a problem for those with active inflammation in the rectum. If your inflammation is in the colon or small intestine it shouldn't be an issue. Another concern would be if you are sore below from diarrhea but wipes may be helpful as would Calmoseptine. I think that it's important to be open and honest with any partner and that they should proceed cautiously and of course stop if there is any pain or bleeding as these are not normal signs.

 

[5zoe5]

Hi
My daughter has been diagnosed with crohns disease for 2 years now, and has told me she is a lesbian. Fine fantastic I don't care. But she has been going through depression, and is isolated, with no friends, as well as suffering with Crohns.
I would like her to have some facebook friends or twitter friends, or email friends, as she is lonely, and can not talk to anyone about her problems. She feels no one will understand. She doesn't know anyone with Crohns, or anyone who is a lesbian, and that there is no one that are both out there, she thinks she is the only one.
she doesn't go out because of feeling sick and scared accidents might happen, and I know meeting people would help and grow her confidence, so the only way I think might help is talking to people who are the same online.
Please if anyone fancies having a pal online let me know so I can get her some friends.
she is 17 nearly 18.
worried mommy. xxxx

 

[fameCrohnie]

5Zoe5 I'm an 18 yr old gay male and can relate exactly to your daughters story! Id be happy to be a friend to her on twitter! Tell her follow @Born2Survive_ on twitter ��

 

[Ronald]

Can completely relate to this too. I tell myself it's okay, I can just top (ugh I hate that term haha) but I think really my preference would be to bottom. I rarely even think or contemplate having sex though because I have quite a bit of rectal damage from straining and fissures - so I naturally wouldn't want anyone to see down there. Plus, it would be uncomfortable. So yeah it is a bit of a struggle because I can't really experiment with my sexuality or sex itself.

It sometimes makes me feel like I'm being punished. It's enough to have IBD, but to not be able to enjoy sex too...

 

[Bennitolokito]

Hey guys new here but I am starting a blog about my life with Crohns and colitis. I have a JPouch. I myself consider to be versatile but have not yet fully bottomed since surgery. I am trying to ease my way into it as I have read on other forums that for some it is possible.
Link to my blog: https://mygayibdlife.com

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I have read mixed things on this but recommend you try non penatrative sex techniques like between thighs that may feel good for both partners yet be safe

 

[Anthonyuk]

I am new to this forum although i am not new to this disease. I was diagnosed when i was 18 after about 2 years of symptoms, and am now 25. so almost 10 years of dealing with this 'pain in the ass' illness. (punn intended)
The added complication is dealing with this while being a homosexual male.
Is there any one else out there who is living in the same situation? It is hard enought to live with these symptoms, but with living an alternative lifestyle that it directly effects just adds more stress and anxiety.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Hi INate.
I have been recently diagnosed with it and my symptoms are not very nice at all. I've had 3 flare ups in 4 months and I am also gay. I am usually rather sexually active but now have lost so much confidence and even sometimes sex drive. You never know what's going to happen and it's horrible I know. Maybe we can help one another

 

[Tommy21bn]

I can relate. I've had Crohns symptoms since I was 11. If you want to chat then follow me on Twitter and my username is tommy952002 and dm me. Speak to you there.

 

[IWishICouldHide]

I'm bisexual, and my crohn's hasn't yet caused me any anal issues. But it has scared me when I was younger and I tried whatever I could to get off down there. I tried for example, a carrot. I bled a small amount, nothing major. Yet with Crohn's disease that event horrified me as it could easily develop into something worse. It was horrible, especially because there was no way in hell I could admit it to my parents (The only potential way to see a doctor).

 

[Tommy21bn]

How old are you now?

 

[IWishICouldHide]

19

 

[Tommy21bn]

I would avoid experimenting with vegetables and try and get some advice from your local IBD nurse. The thing about Crohns is it afflicts everyone in different ways. So the discomfort and bleeding is not necessarily Crohns related rather more to do with a lack of lubricant and inexperience. With Crohns is often better to just give it a go but first i'd definitely get some advice from the IBD Nurse. Even if she thinks bottoming is a bad idea then there are other ways to pleasure yourself and your partner. Does that sound good?

 

[IWishICouldHide]

I would avoid experimenting with vegetables and try and get some advice from your local IBD nurse. The thing about Crohns is it afflicts everyone in different ways. So the discomfort and bleeding is not necessarily Crohns related rather more to do with a lack of lubricant and inexperience. With Crohns is often better to just give it a go but first i'd definitely get some advice from the IBD Nurse. Even if she thinks bottoming is a bad idea then there are other ways to pleasure yourself and your partner. Does that sound good?

It's been years since I tried a vegetable. I used oil as lube, but it was inadequate and I used masturbation as a vice. The blood was due to me not having a proper dildo. I actually made one out of silicone, but decided to only use it once as it was not the right grade. This was all due to the sheer amount of shame I let myself build during those years. I'm in good condition and could bottom, but I don't have toys and they're hard for me to get. I just don't think about it nowadays and that prevents me from sticking something stupid in there. One day I will buy a proper dildo and lube and be able to use it in complete privacy. But for now, that's just not going to happen

Edit: I don't have a partner and haven't even shown my sexuality in a way most people can recognize yet. So, no need to worry about pleasing a partner, and I'm good as long as I keep myself in check.

Edit2: Thanks for the advice though.