Breakdown at the doctors

[no :]

So I'm pretty new to the board, a friend recommended I gave it a go and usually I avoid talking about the crohns as I've been well for so long!
Unfortunately it appears that my life plan of "no more relapses" is slowly being shot down.
A few weeks ago I started feeling a little rough. Kept feeling clammy then cold and was uncontrollably vomiting. After a few days the sickness ceased but the feverish FEELING (I've checked my temp and it's constantly normal), I'm lethargic and short tempered for no reason, have lower back pain and rectal discomfort (no bleeding but my stool floats which I think has something to do with mucus and lack of lipid absorption) and the sneaky suspision that I'm developing a rectovaginal fistula :/
I phoned my gastro and he can't see
Me for 2 weeks as he is away until the 1st sept and the only appt his second in command can offer me is this Thursday and I go away to jersey that day (there's no way out of it) so suggested that I see my GP.
Now don't get me wrong, I've been wayyy worse before but after 6 ears of remission and after a three year degree I officially start self employed work NEXT week, I'm getting somewhat worried.
So I saw the GP and she looked at my recent bloods: my ESR normally lingers around 40 even when I'm well but it's 77, my crp is usually around 12-14 it's now 47.2 and my orosomucoid is also raised gah! For the last few weeks I've done the usual crohnie trick and pretended everythings fine but putting it into words whilst explaining my symptoms to my GP finally made me crack and I sat sobbing in her surgery. I'm not ready to flare again (I know no one ever is) but my life and career has really just started! If only it had happened at the start of summer then i would've had time to get treated! she looks at me helplessly and prescribed me cipro , anti-emeticst, omparezole and loperamide to keep me going until I can see him
Now as per usual I'm hoping this is just a nasty little bug that won't go, and as much as I've been a stranger to the crohns symptoms for the last 6 years, you never really forget that unique pain and unrelenting discomfort.
My other worry is that my consultant (who's amazing) was not very happy about my choice to go med free for so long, he warned me that because of the severity of my crohns and the young age of onset he was 98% sure I would not stay indefinitely in remission. He basically told me that if I had a flare as bad as the last one, surgery would be my only option and it would be a permanent ileostomy this time. Gahhhh!
I know there isn't much advice to be given apart from see him as soon as possible and be honest, but I just needed to vent somewhere where I wouldn't be putting any more emotional strain on my parents or fiancé :/
Thanks guys!

 

[no :]

Ps sorry about all the typos, I'm using my bloody iPhone!
Also I know the bloods aren't stupidly raised, my ESR hit 397 when I was knocking on heavens door but the change is freaking me out

 

[marsham]

Denial as Martha Stewart would say is a "good thing". I always try to deny it until I cant bend over to tie my shoes. Then I call the doctor! Hope for the best! M

 

[scottmyster]

HI NO, welcome to the forum , it sounds to me another flare up. i am sorry to say. but, if you catch it early enough you can get treated properly. I now you were in remission i was in remission for 15 wounderful years until a month ago and it flared up again. i went to the doctor right away and got myself on predisone and other medications for the inflammation. but , was on medication all my life with crohn's then i stopped taking them thinking i was invinicible but it caught up with me. i hope you will get the proper treatment and it will go in remission again. or like you said it could just a bug. Let's hope it's a bug. best wishes

scott

 

[Gwen pippy]

you poor love, I think we can all relate to that dread, we spend our time while sick fighting it, then into remission we fear it's return, I'm my own worst enemy at times, I did the same as yourself and Scott and went med free and yes I paid for it, but we have to try don't we. Just concentrate on getting yourself better and look forward to that wonderful new start you described. I'm sending you big hugs and am here if you ever want to vent.

 

[MDCA]

I'm so sorry to hear this. If it helps, I do know how devastating it can feel when you're just starting your life out in the "real world". I graduated from college and a month later was told I had Crohn's. My world stopped and I thought this just isn't fair. I'm 23, I'm educated now I'm supposed to be able to go out in the world and start my career!

But look at it this way, you've probably been going a mile a minute for the 6 years you were in remission. You were lucky enough to be able to do that for 6 years with no problems! But maybe your body is forcing you to slow down which isn't always a bad thing. I know it puts a wrench in your plans, but you can't let it stop you for good. Once this is taken care of, you'll be back out there, you'll have your career going. This is just an obstacle, it doesn't have to ruin you.

I am one of the most annoyingly ambitious people I know. In my last week of school I was already looking for jobs in my field, had recommendations from my professors, was graduating with honors, and had won awards, etc. etc. etc. thankfully my body let me do all that before I got REALLY sick. Now we just need to get through this little bit, and we'll go back to be the most annoyingly ambitious people out there okay?!

 

[no :]

Thanks for all the replies guys. Marsham, I don't think i've ever met a crohnie who hasn't underexaggerated their symptoms at somepoint or another lmao! seems to come with the illness
Scott and Gwen, I suppose I had been warned. But when i was thinking of all the damage the Azathioprine was probably doing to my liver and various other body parts I couldn't carry on taking it. It didn't work for me anyway that was proven by the emergency surgery and stoma. I've managed almost two years med free. Looks like i may just need to try something different
MDCA: sounds like you're in a very similar boat. I think my consultant will almost have a heart attack when he hears me actually moan. I've been under him for about 3 years and everytime hes asks how i'm doing i always reply with " yeah i'm fine", he laughs at this and says "mmmm you're always fine even though your bloods aren't" lmao!
Usually, if i have a crapy day, i don't see the point in moaning and today i'm fine. I think yesterday it just got a bit too much with the thought of starting work and ending up the invalid again! haha!
Chin up ey? there's no way of escaping this thing so I think i should probably start looking at suitable treatments!
Thanks again guys!
xxx

 

[art_nj]

Aww, I feel so bad for you. And you know what, this is the right place because every one of us here understands. We all try to convince ourselves and others around us that we're fine, simply because the thought of dealing with the Crohn's is overwhelming. And, dealing with the advice of others becomes annoying too. I'm scheduled to start Remicade this week for the first time and up until recently, I was terrified. Someone on the forum told me that the end results of NOT taking care of your crohn's long term is worse than taking Remicade. And I have to say, that person is 100% right. I think I've learned my lesson about burying my head in the sand and waiting until last minute to see a doctor. By doing that, I've made my situation much more complicated. After all, we can't wish this disease away, so find a good doctor and confront it.

Get on the meds and slow down a little if you possibly can. I agree with the others that your body is sending you a loud signal. Listen to it. And hugs, I hope you feel better!

 

[vickyhunter]

I'm in the exact same position with not wanting to be having a flare up again!
I was in remission for 6 years and was able to forget I had Crohn's and it was just wonderful, and now I'm back to the harsh reality of living with a chronic illness.
It's amazing that you've been able to go without medicine, but if you want to remain in remission it might be a good idea to consider going on something to make you better.
All the things I seem to be against become strangely okay when I'm having a flare up haha, the need to be well conquers all!

Hope you get the treatment you need and get well soon
xxxx

 

[sunflower]

I hear/feel your pain! I was very ambitious also, though not always focused. The Crohn's stopped me in my tracks in many ways. We all have to come to terms with our disease in our own time and in our own way. Hopefully this flare will end quickly and you will find a med that you are more comfortable with and that will help. I was always scared of azathioprine, also, and refused it. Maybe my life would be different now, but maybe not. I am struggling right now, but on the uphill side, I think. It will take a while and I am not paitent, but it will happen. Stop by and let us know how things go!