Can I vent....family related...

[Lisa]

I just don't understand it.....

To bring you up to speed - younger (baby) brother got married in 2005, he and wife had 2 kids, girl and boy.....in 2008-ish, they moved to Colorado for my brother to take a VERY GOOD job at an international company.....they had an apartement for a while a they were looking for a house. During this whole time, brother had some pretty serious health issues with his hips, which had him on super-duper pain meds(would pop morphone like it was candy and still be in pain).....wife didn't believe he actually had a problem.....but that's another story....

So, they find a house, a they were closing wife comments she doesn't know if this was a good idea.....she goes East with the kids for a planned vacation - and while there (and the DAY FATER my Mom's leaves from visiting) she calls up and says she wants a DIVORCE......start the downhill slide.....

She fought for custody fo the kids, trying to say brother wasn't a good parent etc....yet she is the one who would call, and call and call...even as my brother was lying in a hospital bed kept harassing him....

Anyway...custody battles aside.....he had shared custody, and was supposed to get this kids this summer for most of the summer - they are now 4 1/2 and 2 1/2.....he compromised due to complaints, and took them for 5 weeks - for which the ex-wife spent part of the time in Colorado, keeping an eye on him I believe....oh, this was WITH THE BOYFRIEND!

So, now to this morning - get a call from my Mom - she had a chat with bro who is in London on business for 2 weeks.....the ex has been calling him since the kids got back from their visit, and she wants him to TAKE THE KIDS FULL TIME!.......apparently when she took her 'vacation' this summer, she gave up her apartment, and is not able to find one, so all of them are living in the boyfriends' apartment....WTF?????

Up until now her family has been standing by her, but they are starting to finally see the light....I seriously think there is a screw or two loose there.....who in their right mind, a mother especially would give up custody of their children in favor of a boyfriend???????

My brother WANTS the kids- it kills him every time he has to leave them - and he has been flying from Colorado to the East Coast as much as possible to see them.....and paying alimony/support up the wazoo.......

It sounds to me like she wants them gone ASAP so she can get on with her life.......my concern is that she will change her mind - OR, if he takes the kids with only a verbal agreement (which is what the ex apparently wants) - she will come back and try to charge him with something - like kidnapping!.......

One of the things she did in the past was after an argument on the phone, she called the cops and told them she thought he might hurt himself, AND that he had guns in the house! ...in the meantime he had left to go fishing and cool off - forgot something at home and went back..to be met by a SWAT TEAM!....... I won't put anything past her.......

Oh - and he doesn't know that I know about this latest development.....Mom called me this morning to tell me! ....then to top it off, the airline lost his luggage, so he had to go out and buy new clothes for his meetings....high level stuff so he couldn't wear just anything.....there goes about $700-!

Thanks for letting me vent...I may add more as the saga unfolds.....

oh - anyone know of a GOOD nanny/au pair company in the Denver area?

 

[Entchen]

Woah. You must be so upset thinking about your niece and nephew in such an unstable environment - losing their home, now in a shared apartment, and the older one might have picked up on the fact that Mom is now trying to send them to Dad. That must be gut-wrenching for your family and for the little ones. Would the courts recognize a verbal contract about previously court-ordered custody as legit???? This woman has called the SWAT team???? Poor little things.

 

[Lisa]

Hey Kelly.....yeah - I talked to Mom more last night - when the kids got to Co for their summer vacation, my nephew used a pacifier all the time...within a week or two it was gone.....back to using it again when back with Mom....kids apparently never asked about mommy either the whole time.....

I don't trust a verbal contract - don't think the 2 states would either - plus too easy for her to change her mind. She actually wanted him to call a nanny service and have the kids sent to Colorado to a total stranger while he was in London! what kind of a mother is that???!?!?!?!?!?!?

One good thing is that with my brothers' position in his company, he is able to afford full time, live in help for the kids - in the long run it would actually be cheaper than the child support....the ex complains about money, but gets an obscene amount of money for support - more than what is needed to keep 2 kids comfortable....in fact just below what my husband and I make together! (yes, little bro has done quite well for himself!).....

He also still has the house they bought together, which of course he can't sell without a loss...the ex wanted THAT house....up in the foothills of the rockies.....at least it has 3 bedrooms upstairs, and a 'suite' downstairs where a nanny/au pair could live quite comfortably.....

And yes - she called the cops and said she thought he might hurt himself - and hte response was the SWAT team.....she knew what she was doing - she isn't intellectually dumb - but she sure is acting like she isn't sane!

I am concerned about the mental well being of the kids - however I am close to 4 hours away, and don't know exactly where they are living...if I did, I would be soooo tempted to give a call to social services to have them checked up on - I am also a mandated child abuse reporter here in NY (Due to my Peace Officer status at work).....I just don't feel right about this whole thing!....

Bro comes home I think in about a week..,.am hoping he reaches out and gives a call - don't want to disturb him while working over there - he is doing some VERY high level negotiations from what I understand.....as in the biggest contract ever for his company.... (google IHS to see what they do).....

done venting again I think.....it is SO GOOD to be able to 'talk' about this here - I can't vent to my husband, he doesn't quite understand, and has some animosity toward bro from some things that were said when he was pretty much at his worst with the pain from his hips and all the drugs he was on (TOTALLY changed his personality).....

 

[DustyKat]

What would concern me with all this pas, is she says she wants your brother to have full custody but what happens when she realises that the gravy train (support money) is no longer coming in?

 

[Lisa]

yeah - I can see her wanting to relinquish the kids - then still expecting support money....they were not married very long, so alimony is not much if anything at all - it is mostly child support from what I understand.....it isn'tlike she can't get a job either - she has a college degree, and within a week of leaving him, she had a 50k plus/year job where she worked previously.....

 

[Entchen]

I really hope that this gets resolved for your family. Take care.

 

[Lisa]

And the saga continues...grrrr....just sent a long response to my brother after this email.....somthing just isn't right!

2. Today, she called to say she's looking at moving to Colorado and wants things to be worded that the kids are doing a "visitation" with me and to get a nanny
but tell her it's a year-long job and get rid of her after a few months. Her
boyfriend is coming with her apparently and he has his house up for sale. With
this economy, who knows how long that could take. She also told me she told her
job that she's leaving at the end of Sept. Um what? So...... wow. And she did
nothing in the last week to find a childcare arrangements despite me saying "you
want to make this happen so you need to work on it" while of course I have been
working my ass off to find something since I want the kids, but didn't really
tell her that. Today after pushing her she found one daycare that's totally out
of the way with respect to my commute and said "but I don't know where you work"
despite the fact that I worked at this location for 3 months while she lived
with me, and has my work address and my home address obviously.