Chronic illness diagnosis and loss of identity

[DamnitCrohns]

EDIT: Ended up rambling more than i planned, i put some stuff in bold so you dont have to read the whole thing to realise what i'm talking about

Hey guys, i'm pretty recently diagnosed, only been a crohnie for about 3 months now. Anyway, i just made this thread to discuss the 'loss of identity' that can come with being diagnosed with a chronic illness like crohn's.

I had been thinking about it quite a lot for the past few weeks and then i read an article that mentioned it and realised that i probably wasnt the only one experiencing this.

I just wrote out a huge paragraph outlining my story but deleted it because it went wayyy off topic, i'll try to stick to the point this time haha

Before i got sick i had become more and more interested in lifting weights, gaining muscle, and improving my fitness. I'm 21 now and i initially started when i was 18. When i was 19 i started taking it more seriously and went from being a scrawny little guy to eventually being fairly muscular and healthy/fit looking guy. This was was transformation that took me about 2 years to achieve and as i went on, my enjoyment of this activity grew and became a huge part of my identity.

Im not saying i was one of those douchey gym rats who constantly went on about the gym and protein etc, but it was definitely my favourite hobby and something i loved doing.

When i joined the gym i weighed 54kg (i'm only 5'8 so its not QUITE as skinny as it seems lol, but still). 3 or 4 months ago, before i got sick i was up to 68kg, my goal was always to one day reach 75kg at low body fat, but when i got sick i went from 68kg to 55kg in the space of weeks.

For weeks and weeks i thought "once this is under control, i'll work at it and slowly get it all back, i'll be what i used to be again". In the past week or so though i've been coming to terms with the fact that it might never happen though. Despite treatment im not in a fully 'remission', i havnt joined the gym, i can't eat huge amounts of food and im realising that the attitude of "It'll all be fine in a few months" was just myself being in denial.

This is just one aspect of my identity that i feel is lost due to crohns, others include how it restricts my ability to be as adventurous, visiting my friends in different cities etc, and how i feel like i'm more boring now that i struggle to find the energy to socialise as much.


Please let me know your thoughts on the matter, i'm especially interested in hearing your experience, and how you've dealt with losing aspects of who you used to be. I feel like i had just 'found myself' and now i have to refind a new self.

 

[Brenden]

I can almost exactly relate to you. I've wanted to be a body builder for as long as I could remember. I'd consider weightlifting to be one of my passions and I have loved working out since I was very young. Unfortunately now I am too sick and I can say that at 6 foot 3 inches and 140lbs (63kg).... I feel your pain

I'd post a longer story for you to read but im off to work
Stay strong

 

[IJP]

You'll find yourself again, and at this early stage don't rule anything out. You'll find stuff that you enjoy. Give it a bit of time, see how things go, and then do something that is fun. Your crohn's might enter a state that allows you to go to the gym - don't rule it out at the moment. It would be wrong to say over the years I have not made adaptions to my life because of crohn's, but I have for other stuff as well - in the words of Frank, That's Life. You sound positive though - never lose that. Take care.

 

[BowelMeOver]

Whatever you do, please please PLEASE be careful NOT to redefine yourself by the things you can no longer do at the moment. This diagnosis is surely a big set back in your ability to meet your goal weight, but it doesn't mean you'll never reach it.

Did you know that professional athletes also get Crohns? If they can achieve their dreams, then why shouldn't you be able to also?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/crohns-disease-pictures/7-celebrity-athletes-with-crohns-disease.aspx#/slide-1

We are all rooting for you!

 

[DamnitCrohns]

I can almost exactly relate to you. I've wanted to be a body builder for as long as I could remember. I'd consider weightlifting to be one of my passions and I have loved working out since I was very young. Unfortunately now I am too sick and I can say that at 6 foot 3 inches and 140lbs (63kg).... I feel your pain

I'd post a longer story for you to read but im off to work
Stay strong

Thanks for sharing bro, i'm really sorry to hear that you're in the same boat as me - it really sucks how crohn's pretty much directly affects our hobby. Hope you manage to gain some weight over time - i'm coming to terms with the idea that it might not happen for me but ill still hold some hope.

 

[DamnitCrohns]

You'll find yourself again, and at this early stage don't rule anything out. You'll find stuff that you enjoy. Give it a bit of time, see how things go, and then do something that is fun. Your crohn's might enter a state that allows you to go to the gym - don't rule it out at the moment. It would be wrong to say over the years I have not made adaptions to my life because of crohn's, but I have for other stuff as well - in the words of Frank, That's Life. You sound positive though - never lose that. Take care.

Yeah, i hope so. I definitely havnt given up on the dream - its more a case of having to accept the fact that i IS a dream and there are aspects out of my control. Earlier on i was convinced i would recover and gain all the weight back, and when i flared it seriously crushed me. Accepting that it might not happen is really just a way to prepare myself for the "that's life" part of things.

And yeah, i do have a bit of a fear that over the years this disease will turn me into an angry, bitter guy - making a concious effort to make sure that doesn't happen, i've always been a pretty positive guy so i hope i can avoid being worn down by the pain (if that makes sense lol)

Whatever you do, please please PLEASE be careful NOT to redefine yourself by the things you can no longer do at the moment. This diagnosis is surely a big set back in your ability to meet your goal weight, but it doesn't mean you'll never reach it.

Did you know that professional athletes also get Crohns? If they can achieve their dreams, then why shouldn't you be able to also?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/crohns-disease-pictures/7-celebrity-athletes-with-crohns-disease.aspx#/slide-1

We are all rooting for you!

Yeah, i'm not sure about the whole 'redefining' thing. To be honest i still dont know how to approach this whole situation at all. I still love exercising and on days where my pain isnt so bad i do push ups (did a few about an hour ago) and it makes me feel amazing. The love for the sport definitely isnt gone, i just need to make sure im not too emotionally crushed when i'm unable to do it.

That article was pretty nice, good to see people doing well with crohn's

 

[Nims22]

I can relate. I feel like all the things I loved about myself have disappeared over the past few years that I have been sick. I go through periods (mostly Spring and Summer) where I feel mostly ok and sort of start feeling adventurous and more like myself and then I always flare badly in Fall and Winter and become so depressed. I feel confined to my house most of the time. I do work and am fortunate that I make my own schedule but there are days when driving 20 minutes to my office and working a few hours is daunting.

I was spontaneous. Adventurous. Always traveling. Organizing outings/ parties. I sang with a band. Full of life and energy. I used to never be at home. Now I feel like this weak, sick shut in

I haven't really "accepted" it yet. Don't know If I can. I was diagnosed 2 years ago after being sick (slowly getting worse and worse) for 5 years.

 

[If*]

This really hits home for me. I went from being defined and muscular being many many years into free weights and all the ab workouts that go along ~ to far too skinny with muscle wasting. With extreme weight-loss down to the 80 lb range this trashed me. My muscles and strength are gone. I am so frustrated not having the energy to re start again. Tomorrow never comes. Hindsight what I should have done ~ really keep up the nutrition even if it meant drinking it daily (by Boost, Ensure, Protein etc.). See a nutritionist EARLY on!! Being a chronic condition this needs to be met head on and dealt with from more aspects then just the management of getting by each day. I really don't know if I will ever get the muscle or strength back but I am hopeful still to have a bit. Each day I only have a certain amount of energy ~ the have to's must be met and the wants fall to the side.

In a nut shell ~ Nutrition is SO Important EARLY!!
Much Peace.