Contentment

Crohn's Disease Forum

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It bothers the cr** out of me (yep, pun). I didn't sign on for a chronic illness. I didn't sign on to spend THAT much time in a r.room (good thing I have some nice artwork in there). I didn't sign on to have pieces of my intestines cut out and rejoined. Am I bitter. OOHHH yes, very. But, I have found a way to manage things and live pretty much symptom free, so oh well. But the first 3 months after diagnosis were dark, dark moments.
 
We can't change what we are, but that doesn't mean that its easy to accept if you have a problem with the way that you are. Its easy to pretend that everything is ok and that you feel great, when really your angry. Its good to talk about how other people deal with these kinds of issues..........
 
As W.C. Fields proposed his epitaph should read.. "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia".. Sure, I'd rather have avoided this... Be able to eat & drink what I want... feel energetic, not have to worry about diet, or bathroom circumstances..
Or even to have an ailment that isn't so socially embarrassing, so closeted behind bathroom doors. I even find discussing my symptomology with my doctors almost mortifyingly embarrassing... And I'm not looking forward to having an ostomy or spending my latter years in diapers. Yeah, it sucks to have any form of IBD... Big deal. Anger is an emotional stage... You have to work thru it, learn to vent it, you can even turn your anger into something positive if you use it to motivate you in a positive manner... Regardless of what a persons lot in life turns out to be, if you can't get past it, can't turn it around, then the disease wins, and you just lose. OK
 
yeah, it has been almost a year. it is just there, a part of who i am. i have learned to adapt, just like i have to everything else in my life. if i have too many days of pain, it gets to me - but that would happen to any "healthy" person too. sometimes i am not sure if my energy levels are the ibd or if i am just lazy. LOL there is a fine line there.
cheers
 
I like that I have it because now I can help people because I have always liked helping people and now I can really put my talents to good use.
 
Does it bother me having bowel moements like a baby.... and my whole life being destroyed because A. I can't go anywhere more than 30 secs from a toilet and B. taking enough pills and drugs at certain times of the day which screw up my head, my routine and my plans. Yeah it bothers me soooo much I can't even put it into words, infact if i'm honest with you at my lowest point with this damn illness I have felt like taking a razor blade to my stomach and cutting the damn thing open so yeah it bothers me. Thanks for allowing me to express all that though.
 
Thanks for all your replies. I have to say that I too have learnt to live with my Crohn's but the illeostomy thing is really annoying and embarrassing. Can't wait to get rid of it to be honest. Not long now. I live in hope!!!!
 
It bothers the heck out of me. I use to be sooo energetic. And now taking my daily shower is a job somedays. I have kids and it's taken me away from them when I don't feel well enough to do anything. I use to work full time and now I stay home thinking of filing for disability, then go get a job and have to leave it because I am not able. And as I said before, I feel like people just don't understand the disease so therefore I feel like they don't understand me or why I can't just get up and do the little things. I too have been through the depression and anxiety, something I had never had probs with. It just changes ur entire life. Whether you want it changed or not. I'm stubborn and I like being in control of my life. And with this disease I feel like I have lost that control sometimes and that drives me mad. ~ Tonya
 
DannyB said:
Yeah it bothers me soooo much I can't even put it into words, infact if i'm honest with you at my lowest point with this damn illness I have felt like taking a razor blade to my stomach and cutting the damn thing open so yeah it bothers me. Thanks for allowing me to express all that though.


I know what you mean Danny. I wanted to disembowel myself. I guess really what I said earlier in my post is that at this point of my life I am happy I have it because I have been able to help people and meet all of yall, but thats because I am in remmision right now. But at other times I felt like killing myself through disembowelment so my last image would be seeing the disease in front of me. I wanted to shut down my mind and not talk to anyone. I hated Crohn's at times. But when you finally get to remmision you look back on those bad days and think, wow I wanted to do all of that. I now look at my life in a positive way and I try to learn from my past mistakes.
 
There was a time when I was very angry with the docs for reviving me after I "died." There are still days when I'm depressed and angry and suffer waves of anxiety. Most days, though, this is the life I've been given, so I get on with it.
 
Having the bag due to my ileostomy bothers me.Just doing everyday life things and making sure that the bag doesnt leak can be a pain in the butt .Always seems to leak at the worst times.Last time was standing in a que at the airport and i had to go into the toilets to change my trousers and underwear and put on a new flange and baggie.The drugs and their side effects can be annoying too.

Mostly though im used to it and try to enjoy life as much as possible
 
:luigi: Actually I think that since i have gotten it has made me stronger and more mature. If i can handle this I can handle anything!! It sure has given me a positive look on life and a lot to joke about!!
 
Ibd

For me it was a relief to find out that I have Crohn's. I had many blood/urine tests, 2 CT scans, colonoscopy and surgery (they were testing for cancer). It wasn't until I got the pathology report that I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It was a relief for the whole family. I was really scared. I have a 2 year old daughter and you wouldn't believe the thoughts that were running through my head.
 
Thanks for all your replies. I remember the moment I was told my results like it was only yesterday, but I remember nothing else about that day. The night before I had a long soak in the bath to try and calm my nerves a little. It didn't help much . . . . .I spent most of the time in tears. I knew what I was being tested for and so I was ready to hear the worst but was still terrified.
When they told me I had crohns, I smiled. . . . probably a strange response I know but. . . . . after 6 years of tests I was relieved to find out that it wasn't all in my head and that there was definately something wrong. It was really strange because on one hand I was extremely relieved but on the other I was devastated and frightened. I had done a little reading up and so knew a little bit about the disease. Even so, my doc was fantastic, he gave me plenty of leaflets, numbers for support groups and explained what crohns is, in quite a bit of detail. I came out of the room feeling quite positive even though I knew it was going to be a rough ride. Now I don't tend to think about it that much, obviously I have had to adapt but little things that I have to do differently because of the crohns are now second nature.


Ruth
 
At first I was relieved to Finally find out what was wrong with me. Now I seem to waiver between acceptance & anger. I want to not have to worry constantly about having an "accident" or being in pain all the time. Drug side effects suck & my love life has suffered tremendously (this is my anger/depressed phase :) ) But then I rationalize that it could be worse & I read a good book & have a glass of wine. Maybe it isn`t acceptance , could be denial.
 
Yes, it bothers me very much! I hate being out in public and ruining my clothes and having no dignified escape. My fistula surgery left me with no control and I feel like I can't leave my house. Crohn's really does stink, literally and figuratively.
 


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