Crohn's Jokes

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watergirl

Joined
Apr 4, 2012
Messages
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I was diagnosed in February this year with CD and was feeling a bit sorry for myself the other day....until my Mum stepped in and said "well at least your body products will last twice as long as there is now less of your body to put them on".....thanks Mum! We then came up with several ideas of how crohns can be a positive in your life. Unsure if other people would find these 'positives' funny we weren't sure if we should post this thread, so feel free to either add some funny 'positives' or let us know we have gone too far! Here are some 'positives' we came up with....


1. When people you don't know (or know) rudely comment on how you must have an eating disorder, or tell you to 'eat something', you can humbly answer "I have a debilitating cronic bowel disease which leads to sudden weightloss, but thank you for your concern" and then watch their smirk disappear.

2. You are highly knowledgeable in toilet paper softness and effectiveness.

3. You can save money on clothes as you shop in the childrens section, and you can also get into some places at childrens prices as you now have a flat chest and no hips.:soledance:
 
Hello,

I think it is a great idea. Without humour life can be very grim and it's really not! Always look on the bright side, etc.

Rob
 
I'm glad it's appreciated :) I have another one to add to the list...

4. We are cheap dates. When we aren't well we get cheaper-a slice of white bread or some mashed potatoes will do the trick.
 
When well meaning family used to tell me I should eat something I would say the following;
If you can find me something with no fiber, no skin, no pips, lactose free, no fruit, no veg, no caffeine, no grannary, low saturated fat and wont go through me so fast I have to go to the loo whilst eating it I will gladly eat something!
 
Humor is needed in life.
I joke with family and stuff about how my
Symptoms are a "pain in the ass".
And I eat or steal peoples toilet paper...
Or if I get a stomach bug or drink a can of coke I will explode...
If you dont laugh at it sometimes you will go insane or depressed...
I don't have one of those signatures saying what drugs I am on
Or what I have been diagnosed with but the end result is
It can get you down...
Have a laugh or a bath
 
Yeah, it can be fun to joke around about the condition at times.

I recall a religious friend asking what I thought heaven is like. Replied along the lines that heaven is a dry fart. (I'm not particularly religious myself, but don't have a problem with those that are followers of faith.)

When I first began seeing doctors about my condition I was surprised to learn how faddish medical treatments could be. AIDs was the big disease talked about often in the news those days. And so as thin as I had become, with every new doctor I would see an AIDs test was called for. Began to joke that there was little chance that I had AIDs, but if doctors keep poking me with needles, they were going to give me in the disease. And if that happened all would say , hahaha see we told you so, you have AIDs.

Next fad came the skinny models and rock stars with sunken cheeks from taking drugs. So when seeing doctors I would receive talks about the importance of avoiding illegal drugs. One mentioned in a talk before a lower GI that he could tell if a patient was taking drugs as it would make him/her constipated, ballooning out the colon. I remember joking with him, wow is that true?! If so I want to shoot up in the hospital.
 
From GDen on Healing Well Forum - I am sure he wont mind sharing!

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey . . ."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Are we there yet?
 
Loving this post! Especially the last one Robert747, you need stuff like this when your not feeling so great. Laughed my head off and made me feel better. Thanks!!!
 
Just think, of the things our GI's and others have done to us. And they didn't even buy us dinner first!:beerchug:
 
love this post! i constantly get told "you've lost weight" or "your very skinny"...AS IF I DONT KNOW! lol, im well aware of my weight, thank you very much! I will def being using that to wipe off their smirks! thanks!!! :D
 
The only one I think Iv ever said... When being told shit happens, I reply 'yes, quiet regularly for me', but even that, only to my 15y old brother. Otherwise I feel to embarrassed about crohns to joke to anyone. When the bloating gets bad, I don't even like going out, cos I may need a toilet 2-3 times within an hour, and at a friends house, I just don't feel comfortable, hold it, go once if a absolutely have to, and even then always think, I hope it dosnt make loud sound, oh I hope no one uses the toilet for a while... Ect. Some days I won't go for hours then 3 times in a row, and like now, sitting on the toilet for the 4th time in 2 hours sorry for tmi), I cancelled plans with my sister even, because I don't want to be using a public toilet at all if possible, let alone this often. I don't know how you guys arent embarrassed by it :/
 
Why is it that people can feel free to tell us "You need to gain weight" or "You need some weight on you, you'd look better"....when we can't say to those with excess weight "Hey, you'd look better if you'd lose some weight"? The girls at work loved calling me "skinny b&%ch", but I could never, ever call them "fat ars"!
 
Not really funny but more of a smart remark: When people say gosh your so skinny.. I always say REALLY!?? I don't even notice it.. hmm... I know people think I'm a dork...:shifty-t:
 
Irene3-
To be honest- I was embarrassed the first 15 years of my diagnosis and all the years before I was diagnosed. After that- I guess it just dosent matter anymore.

The great thing "here" in this forum "we" all understand and get it!!
 
Thanks Tots....maybe another 6 or so years then, and I won't be embarrassed either :)
....and as for...'oh your so skinny' I hate it too. I even said to some friends that it isnt exceptable for us to say 'your fat' so why should we be reminded we're skinny, Esspecially when we are skinniest when we are the sickest.
Lol...I did feel like saying to a rather large person who said I need to gain weight, I look emaciated...'thanks I love being reminded, I may need to gain, but you sure as he'll need to loose....but I'd never. I love that all of you have the same thoughts. I wish we could all chat face to face, then I wouldn't think anything of it if I had to go to the toilet, or have any of you comment on how I pick at my food, or how little I eat, or feel like im complaining if I say how I am, and can't go into detail. I'm so glad I found this forum!!!!!
 
My fiancee and I always laugh at the sounds my stomach makes. He teases me about Crohn's quite a lot and while I might feel annoyed sometimes it's actually really nice knowing it doesn't bother him at all.. Anyway, I can get my own back by stealth fart bombing the flat. He needs to watch out.
 
XIAOHAIZI said:
disagree
Click to expand...

What is it that you disagree about?
Just asking.
 
In family votes Ozzie, my stoma, also has a vote!
He can be very vocal at times.
Its also useful cause now if someone farts I can say don't look at me!

I used to get embarrassed but not any more. Only had UC for a year before i lost my colon. Humour really is what has gotten me through some of the tougher times.

Gotta laugh. Its that or cry
 
Not sure how to post a link, but go to youtube and type in 'Billy Connolly - colonoscopy'. It's about the prep part of it. Hysterical!:rof:
 
I did read a colonoscopy joke along the lines of ' ...... but Doc $2,000 dollars charge for sedating me - that's very steep!'. 'It was not for sedating you - it was for waking you up'.

All the best,

Rob
 
Hey guys :) I make YouTube videos and a lot of them I try to make silly I think you may enjoy them if you want a good laugh! You can look under the "My Life" part of the forum. :)
 
Robert747 said:
From GDen on Healing Well Forum - I am sure he wont mind sharing!

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey . . ."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Are we there yet?
Click to expand...


Excelle:thumright:nt
 
For the "you're so skinny"..."just evening things out" or "I'm taking donations if you've got any to spare".

I told my doctor that the prep fluid would be better with a bit of vodka. He said, "I had a patient who tried that. He said it didn't taste any better, but he didn't care as much".
 
Robert747 said:
From GDen on Healing Well Forum - I am sure he wont mind sharing!

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
Click to expand...

OK, i'm going to share my embarrassing quote during a colonoscopy. I was 22 at the time, very active and crazy sex life with my live in boyfriend at the time. My first colonscopy - you know, the most painful one you get. I REMEMBER a particularly painful push of the scope when I came awake and said "Slow down (boyfriend), you have to go in slow!"

:blush:
 
Goddess said:
For the "you're so skinny"..."just evening things out" or "I'm taking donations if you've got any to spare".

".
Click to expand...

These are great passive-aggressive responses to large people who say you are too skinny. I need to remember these if I get a bad/skinny flare again.
 
The day I was diagnosed I had spent 8hours in the ER and finally got a scope. There were about 5nurses in the room and the doc finally walked in and I said "I guess your wondering why I gathered you all here today..." Let me tell you doctors arent a humorous bunch!
 
My husband has Crohn's and an ileostomy. My brother had ulcerative colitis and also had surgery for an ileostomy. So, my son calls them, "brothers of the bag.". Laughter is what gets us through the day to day things. Life is funny! Thanks to those of you who are able to find the humor in spite of suffering.
 

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