Dear Andy Anus,

[SawyerAshton]

Andy, you have every right to be upset. You have been abused for the past 7 months. You blame me, but it's not totally my fault. Blame Irving Intestine and partially Marty Mouth. Marty allows some things in that he probably should not have and Irving is going through some sort of personality disorder right now.

I know you've been ignored, but that's really no reason to call in reinforcements. Your friend Harry Hemorrhoid is causing some major problems right now. What ever you told him to make him so angry, could you please, PLEASE calm him down.

Please know that the next few days are not an assault on you, Andy. These Rectal Rockets and Bullets (Prep H) are not meant for you, they are meant to keep Harry at bay.

This war you've raged has put poor Cody Colon in the middle. He's innocent.

How about we put aside our issues and call a truce. I'll talk to Marty Mouth and make sure that he's staying away from the spicy foods, but you'll have to deal with Irving Intestine. Until we can find a way to get his personality disorder in remission, I'm afraid that we'll all have to deal with the consequences.

 

[Mountaingem]

Sounds like Andy Anus needs to be introduced to Cortifoam Canasa, and Calmoseptine. They'll make Andy much happier and Harry will go away and stay away for awhile.

 

[SawyerAshton]

I'm using preperation H suppositories and a cortisone suppository for now. If it doesn't improve in the next few days then i'll be back at the doctor.