Depressed and done and really pissed

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MADiMarc

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Oct 16, 2010
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depressed and done and really pissed

I normally take this Crohn's crap in stride. I deal because hey, what else can you do? Today all I have done is cry. I really am so fed up. The pain is not any worse then normal, the runs to the pot are not any different, everything is the same. I am tired of being tired, I am tired of feeling like I am going to throw up all day, I am tired of shitting myself on my run to the pot because my joints hurt so bad I cannnot get there fast enough. I dont normally question why me; hell, why not me? Today I just want it to go away. And I needed to put it down so others that have been through this would pat my head and say oh you poor dear, there there.

Some of this may be because I finally am going to a new doctor tomorrow. The only place I cry or whine about this is in the doctors office (well and now here...lucky you). A new GI and a call into a new rheumatologist. Oh happy happy joy joy.

Can you tell I am in a really pissy mood??? I deal by being a sarcastic little brat.

Thanks for reading,
Michele
 
Go ahead Michele, have a hissy fit, and I'm right behind ya sister having one too!
Just when you think it's all good, it creeps up and bites ya on the arse!
I'm getting under the duvet with Dexter!
Wishing you lotsa luck with your new docs
xxx
 
I thrive on sarcasm so feel free to use it anytime. My name isn't Crabby because I think crabs are cool, well they are kind of neat but that's not the point. I'm sick of being sick too and I'm sorry that you're crapping yourself. Just adds more fuel to the fire. I think many of us have gone through that. Happened to me in a public place and lucky me, someone was in the bathroom and I got to wait crossing my legs and squeezing my ass tighter than the new guy in prison. No fresh panties either. I hope you keep a few fresh pairs on your person along with using panty liners or something to catch the "what ifs."

What are you taking for your joints? Surely you can get that treated?

Let's hope the new doc listens and gets you taken care of and soon cause you shouldn't have to live like that, no one should. :( I take Lomotil as needed for loose stools, do you take anything for that?
 
Thanks Joan and Crabby! Now I am laughing between the tears. The new guy in prision visual really is a good one.

Joint pain is actually kind of new. I did not have any problems with my joints until Humera (I think that is the devils answer to battery acid). I do have a call into a rheumatologist but only because my husband used the "it hurts me to see you in so much pain" line. I hate that it works!
 
My husband uses that same line. It's the reason I finally gave in to steroids.

I have those days, too. Where I just sit and feel sorry for myself. I try not to let them happen too often, but they do creep in there. Just don't beat yourself up and try to be more positive tomorrow.
 
I use that line myself with my boyfriend. You do what you gotta do, especially when people don't do what they know they should be doing. ;)
 
I am sure we all have the "moments"! I know I do. I live alone, so sometimes the only one who sees me cry on my bad days is my dog. I dont think that my friends or family really know what I go through. They can have their ideas but they really dont know fully. I feel bad to say this because they have experienced a lot with me, but they cannot know the full extent because they are not me.
Hopefully the knew doctor will be able to help you a lot more. Good luck with them :)
 
Hi Michele,
I hope you feel better soon. And I hope that new doc works out well for you.
 
wishing you lots of luck for the appointment with the new GI, Michelle.. i hope you can keep the tears away there enough to tell him exactly how you're feeling... i know sometimes i've held things in (and away from my family) and once i get sat in the doctor's room i try to speak the rehearsed speech, & all that comes out is sobs and sniffles and apologies..

we all have those down moments, but most Crohnies are blessed with a kick-back attitude, and this is what will get you through, time and time again.. it's also what will keep you asking for help & advice when you know you need and deserve it.

let us know how the appointment goes.. and if you need to rant, this is the perfect place :)
 
Oh you poor dear, there there! *pats Michele's head*

I would write everything down you want to tell the doctor. Then you can either tell the doc yourself and use your notes to make sure you don't miss anything. Or if you do cry you can give him/her your notes to read.
 
Thanks all. I do feel better today. I think with me anyway I just need some place to be a little foot stomping brat for a bit. The IT IS NOT FAIR garbage. I get it all down on the screen and then like magic, people who understand cheer me up. I am normally such an up type person I think it hits me hard that's all.

Hey Ding, I have a list...a really long list with bullet points that I have color coded that I am bringing to the doctors office with me. 3 pages of questions, concerns, previous meds, blah, blah. I also have a brand new box of Kleenex and some eye drops! Not getting the answers I need is not an option this time. I refuse to be embarrassed because I cannot control the tears. I refuse to rush myself out of there because they are busy. This is normally my fault. I feel like hey, I am a big girl, I have been dealing with this forever, the man is busy, say what you have to say and get out! Today my thoughts are: I am busy too and I have rescheduled my patients for this visit so...what is the line... I'm worth it!

Jennjenn, I miss my dogs. They were such a huge comfort to me and they did not care if I smelled bad! Give yours a huge hug from a dog lover in Texas.

I cannot tell you all how much this forum means to me. It took 26 years but I found it!
Michele
 
Must be the time of year! Wasn't it the year's most depressing day a couple of days ago? Is the damp cold weather aggravating symptoms? I too spent the whole day on the sofa yesterday with the dog and my hot water bottle. Big hugs to all who are feeling a bit low :hug:
 
Yes, I heard on the news yesterday was Blue Monday or Sad Monday or something like that. So it was good to think, when I heard it that some people who don't have Crohn's felt crappy yesterday too. :lol2:

This time of year and the damp or extremely cold weather, not being able to get out as often, due to snow, and so on, really does make a person who already has this ugly disease feel worse.

I'm going to imagine that I am giving every member here a huge warm hug.

Nancy~ :ghug:
 
Ohhhhh, Nancy, that was just a very little bit nasty! I like it! No really I think you all are right. This time of year is blah. Higher winds, no sun, rain, cold. I need a tropical vacation! Yeah, that's it. We all need to go to St Thomas for our health. Think the insurance company will pay?
 
Michele, I feel for you. I also cannot control my tears when I'm at the doctor. And I too bring my own kleenex (my doc has tissues in his office, but they are the cheap scratchy kind). I've since read that heightened emotions are common with things like IBD and may even be considered a symptom, so I know now that I shouldn't feel bad if the tears start to fall when I'm at the doctor.

I also always bring a long list of questions with bullet points, although mine isn't color-coded. I've got a GI appointment next month so I'll be sure to color code it! ;) And it's funny you mention dogs, I just got my first ever dog last month and she's been wonderful for my mental well-being as well as the physical. I never used to exercise and now I get excited to take the dog on a walk. I'll give her a hug for you. :)

Glad to hear you are doing better today. I hope things continue to improve and that your new doctor is a good one.
 
All,
Thanks for your support. It really does help so much!

Update: new doc is younger than me and cute, cute, cute! But , I digress. He was wonderful! Took all my typed pages and really read them. Then asked very specific questions regarding all the information. Then proceeded to tell me things that no one had before, with the preface of I know you have been dealing with this a very long time but let's cover the basics. Yes, I knew most of it but hey, nice to know he actually cares. Tests coming up but I actually am looking forward to them because then we can plot out a plan. This man spent an hour and fifteen minutes with me and never made me feel rushed, even though I know his waiting room was full.

Cat, I am looking for a dog myself. Mine have been gone 6 years now and I need the comfort only a dog can bring. I am working with some people from shelters to find the perfect match. Enjoy!

Well, thanks for listening....reading rather.

With heart felt gratitude,
Michele
 
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:) so glad to hear it went well, and also to hear you sounding much happier and hopeful now.

having a cute GI is fine until the day he wants to do a colonoscopy on you... that's when you wish you had a wrinkly GI..... :rof:
 
Girl, so many people have seen my crack it just really does not bother me anymore! The only time I was taken aback was when I was being wheeled in for a colonoscopy and I spotted a friend (okay, drinking buddy) as the OP nurse. I got over it and the next time I saw him I asked if he had introduced himself to Lucy and Ethel...my hemorrhoids!
 
Michele, I had been wanting a dog for several years but the timing was never right and/or I could never find the "perfect" dog. Then, last month, the perfect dog practically just fell into my lap! She's a corgi (my favorite breed), smart and sweet, well-trained (2 years old and came pre-trained), and just an all-around great dog - and can you believe it, she was free and sort of a rescue - I got her from a co-worker who was no longer able to keep her. I hope you find your perfect dog too!

Glad to hear the new doc is good! Funny that he's younger and cute - I'm only 31, but I just got a new dentist and he's younger than I am and really cute too! Makes me feel old! Funny that the young & cute ones seem to make good doctors, my new dentist seems really good so far. I hope your new doc continues to be good!

Oh, and too funny about the hemmies named Lucy & Ethel! I named mine Herbie the hemmie! :D
 
I am glad that your appointment went well :) When a doctor takes the time to go over everything even with a full waiting room, you know they care!
 
Michele, this sounds like the guy of GI to latch on to and stay with till retirement (and since he's young, you might get 30 or so years out of him?). Hurray for a good appointment! This could be the beginning of a wonderful friendship...
 
Michelle - I'm glad you feel better

So many pet lovers. I am so not alone. I felt so bad with everything the last few months, a combination of everything else in life thats collapsing just kinda pisses me off and YES I did cry recently. Ehh.. just recently i been laid off and now realized that IT SUCKS shoping for insurance... NOBODY WILL INSURE ME after my COBRA Coverage.
Never been open to discusing it for about 3 years since I was diagnosed.

Thank GOD I found this site full of great people.
 
Hey getbackup,
Getting caught up in the down sizing sucks, I know. Husband went through it two years ago. Took 17 months for him to find a job. I have no health coverage myself as working full time is out of the question. Can be scary. Can you relocate to find work? Or is working not an option because of your health? Crazy times.

I feel the same about this site. I think it has saved my sanity more than once. Keep coming back and perhaps it will help you too.

Michele
 
Aw that's fab news Michele!
My gastro man is gorgeous and looks like Peter Andre, and that's why I was mortified when I undressed, stuck my arse in the air, ready for an examination of my bum hole, only for him to say, 'Joan, I need to feel your tum first!'

Your man sounds like a keeper, just like mine!
xxx
 
This sure did save me. You think your losing your mind (as well as your a**) I say kick away and sing at the top of your lungs! This is just the pits disease/condition to have. It is so ugly.GRRRRRRRR......Sue
 
MADiMarc said:
Hey getbackup,
Getting caught up in the down sizing sucks, I know. Husband went through it two years ago. Took 17 months for him to find a job. I have no health coverage myself as working full time is out of the question. Can be scary. Can you relocate to find work? Or is working not an option because of your health? Crazy times.

I feel the same about this site. I think it has saved my sanity more than once. Keep coming back and perhaps it will help you too.

Michele
Click to expand...


Great to hear that your husband has landed a job. That's good news and it's contagious! I haven't considered relocating yet, but i'm definately open to that possibility. Took sometime off to relax, It's been only 4 months, and now just actively searching. I'm capable of working, and taking a week to camp out at home at times when sessions do occur. Just a little worried, but i've learned alot from this site reading so many great posts, that we shouldn't let the little obstacles such as being worried affect us from living our daily lives. = )

3 inflamatory sessions in the last year.
assacol 500mg
prednisoe 10 mg
vicadon (when it's gets bad)

time for my daily job search...

be well for now and thx for sharing.
 

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