Depression/Lack of Motivation, or Just Laziness?

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ktp112

ktp112

Joined
Sep 5, 2012
Messages
111
Location
Bremerton, WA
This might not be in the right section, but I guess it's kind of an "ExtraIntestinal Manifestation" ...or atleast some sort of byproduct of my Crohn's...

Over the past year I have been struggling with an extreme lack of motivation, and it kind of seems to coincide with the Crohnsy rut I've been going through. About 10 days after the surgery I had back in December I decided to go back to college, still on ridiculous amounts of pain killers and still not feeling so hot... This was despite my doctor saying that it might be better to take a semester off. But I tried to go back anyways and it just didn't work. I fell behind in classes and lived in my own filth for the rest of the year, feeling too crummy to do much of anything.

My parents then took over my care and decided that it would be best for me to stop taking every medication I was on, including my antidepressant and the painkillers (they thought I was addicted to both)... Anyways, since about last August, I haven't had the drive or motivation to do much of anything and can hardly convince myself to do even the simplest of tasks... Which is a huuuge problem, as I've got a ton of stuff to do to make sure that I can go back to school next year. My doctor put me on celexa and that helped my motivation for a while, but shortly after, I lost the drive and spent every day watching netflix.

My parents keep telling me that theyre not going to send me back to school until they know that I can handle responsibility, which should be motivation enough, but it's not for some reason... I still can't bring myself to anything for my future. I've always been lazy and a bit of a procrastinator, but it's never been this bad before. It's almost like at the current moment, I just don't care. I really, really want to go to school again and I really am interested in my major, I just can't find the motivation to get stuff done right now.

I also just went through a rough break up and am on pretty bad terms with my parents right now, so that could be contributing... But ever since I've been home they've been on this whole "prescription drugs are useless and harmful and addictive and shouldn't be used. ever." idea, so I'm sure if I even thought about asking to go on an antidepressant or finding something to help with my lack of motivation they'd shoot it down instantly, which I don't think is fair at all, especially if it's going to help... I honestly think there's something wrong that is having a negative effect on my motivation, but then again, I could just be lazy... That's definitely what my parents think.
 
Wow, I'm sorry. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? What sections were removed during your resections? You may be dealing with a vitamin deficiency or may be low in something/s. Being low or deficient in certain ones can cause depression. I'd suggest having your vitamin levels tested for starters (B12, Iron, vit D, magnesium, potassium, calcium, folic acid, etc http://www.crohnsforum.com/wiki/Vitamin-and-Mineral-Deficiencies).

Are you on Pentasa still or did they decide you don't need any treatment at all for Crohn's? What they did was dangerous and outright irresponsible. Is it possible for your doctor to talk some sense into them?

For starters I hope you can get the blood work done then talk to your doctor about talking to your parents about the importance of medication for Crohn's and for your mental health. I really don't want you to have another surgery due to your parent's actions. I also don't think its laziness in the slightest.

I'm moving your thread to the Mental Health section as it would fit better there. :)
 
That sounds rough, ktp. :(

I'm also wondering if you're still taking Pentasa or any other treatment for your Crohn's. It sounds as if getting your health under control is the key to getting you feeling better, and your parents methods aren't what you need right now. Are you still taking the Celexa? If you don't feel that it's working for you, I encourage you to talk to your doctor about trying something else.

I agree with Jen - it doesn't sound like laziness to me. It seems that you have a lot to worry about right now. Trying to reduce some of that stress (primarily by getting your health under control) could make a big difference in your motivation levels.

:hug: I hope things get better for you soon.
 
KTP, I know for a fact it's not laziness. That is one of the reasons that brought me to this forum. I have always been a go getter all my life. Now that I'm in constant remission I don't have the drive to do much of anything at all. I know that this feeling is not right. Everyone that commented above has given you the right advice. Don't listen to your parents and go back to the doctor he will know what is best for you. I have just started to exercise and it is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I was told here that the exercise will help big time with the fatigue. Talk to you doctor about getting on vitamin D and B12. He will let you know if it's save to do so. I will be trying that soon myself. Don't feel along, every day is a struggle for me and I still work full time 12 hours a day. Keep your head up and know it's not your fault. This is one bad disseize with many side effects.
 
I'm sorry to hear you are not getting the support you should from your parents.
I can't image what that must feel like. Are you old enough to live on your own?
My mom is against pain meds as well. But when I have a flare up she is the first one taking me to the hospital for pain relief. Other than the initial hospital visit I tend not to tell people what I am on for pain. People can judge too easily....and they tend to be 'healthy' people who have no idea what it is like to live with this type of pain.
I don't think you are lazy at all. This disease will knock the crap out of you.
I hope you can find the right medications and support you need to feel better.
 
I'm 21 right now, and I was living on my own while in college, but my parents came and got me back in April and I've been with them since. I'm taking a daily multivitamin, Vitamin D supplement and a B12 supplement, so I don't think that it's vitamin deficiency. I had some bloodwork done back in April, and that didn't show and deficiencies....

I'm currently taking pentasa 4x daily, but that's the only medication my parents want me to be on. They believe that I should be able to be happy on my own without having to rely on an antidepressant, so they took me off of the celexa as soon as I got home. It wasn't really helping in my opinion, though. I wanted to try something else that might help me get a bit more motivated, but every time I suggest starting something like that, or any medication for that matter, my parents always make me feel guilty, like I don't need anything and I'm just a baby for needing to take medication...

The ironic thing about it all is that the reason they came to take me home was to focus on getting my health better before I went back to school next semester... But honestly, I just think they've made things worse, especially from a mental health standpoint.
 
Hiya ktp112

I'm so sorry you're going through this without any support from your parents. As a parent myself I couldn't stand by and watch my kids suffer like this.
You need to stand up for yourself, at 21 you're an adult, ok you live with them, their rules etc etc ... but you have to be your own health advocate.
It's all very well them saying THEY don't want you on anti depressants, THEY took you off them, but it's not them suffering, mental health issues such as depression should not be taken so lightly. I'm quite appalled really, your parents need educating on all this.
You need to take charge now, see the GP, try a different med, there are so many anti depressants out there to take the edge off, get you motivated and back to college.
Re; your Crohn's, left to it's own devices this disease can run amok, Pentasa alone won't cut it, you will need a back up. Make an appt with your gastro, get some meds, don't be lulled into a false sense of security that by not taking a med regime it'll go away, cos it won't, believe me, been there, done that!
Sorry if I'm blunt, but grow a pair, insist & persist!
By the way, you're not being lazy, you're ill.
good luck xxx
 
I've tried to persist... But my parents are just so self righteous that they won't even consider seeing anything any other way. They just think that the drugs that I've been put on are making me be dishonest to them because I'm just hopelessly addicted... For example, I'm having my wisdom teeth taken out next week, and my Mom decided it "would be a bad idea" for me to take whatever painkillers that are prescribed, insisting that I should be just fine with tylenol... I mean, I wouldn't take them if I didn't feel it was necessary, but she thinks that she knows better than me and is just going to refuse to give them to me, even if I'm in horrible agonizing pain.

Last time I talked to my doctor, my parents came with me, and I told my doc that I was feeling down and he said he wanted me to stay on my antidepressant. But when I got home, my parents said that they still wanted to take me off of it, and when I reminded them that the doc said to stay on the celexa, they twisted his words and insisted that he wanted me off. It's really quite stupid... While I do feel better being off of the oxycodone, promethazine, ambien and other crap I was put on after my surgery, I definitely still don't feel like myself, and still maintain that I need something to feel better mentally.
 
Doctors don't normally do blood work for vitamin deficiencies. You usually have to request them. What was your B12 level (and your other levels tested)? Even if you were tested and you were told that it's "fine" or something along those lines you need to know the number yourself. Last time mine was tested it was at 425 but even then I could feel some fatigue. I get B12 shots every other month because it was in the low 300's. Blindly supplementing can do more harm than good. You need to be retested each month until you're in the normal range (higher normal cause each doctor and lab has a different set of numbers for what they believe is normal). After starting the supplements were you retested to see if your numbers have improved? People with Crohn's have absorption issues so what we think might be a good dose may not actually be enough. So please have it retested, assuming all your vitamin levels were tested.

I agree that you're going to have to take your health into your own hands. You are an adult and can make your own appointments. If you aren't able to get yourself to your appointments either by driving yourself or taking public transportation then try to enlist the help of someone other than your parents who can take you (or maybe you can have them drop you off that's nearby and walk the rest of the way, they don't need to know where you're really going). If you're still on your parent's insurance then likely they still wouldn't know about it for a little while. Yet if this continues it may be best to see if you can go back to living on your own or try moving in with someone else who doesn't have crazy rules under their roof like, "no medication allowed to help you get well."
 
ktp112 said:
I've tried to persist... But my parents are just so self righteous that they won't even consider seeing anything any other way. They just think that the drugs that I've been put on are making me be dishonest to them because I'm just hopelessly addicted... For example, I'm having my wisdom teeth taken out next week, and my Mom decided it "would be a bad idea" for me to take whatever painkillers that are prescribed, insisting that I should be just fine with tylenol... I mean, I wouldn't take them if I didn't feel it was necessary, but she thinks that she knows better than me and is just going to refuse to give them to me, even if I'm in horrible agonizing pain.

Last time I talked to my doctor, my parents came with me, and I told my doc that I was feeling down and he said he wanted me to stay on my antidepressant. But when I got home, my parents said that they still wanted to take me off of it, and when I reminded them that the doc said to stay on the celexa, they twisted his words and insisted that he wanted me off. It's really quite stupid... While I do feel better being off of the oxycodone, promethazine, ambien and other crap I was put on after my surgery, I definitely still don't feel like myself, and still maintain that I need something to feel better mentally.
Click to expand...

How are they taking away your right to take medication as an adult? Are they physically taking the bottles away? Can't you keep them on your person or somewhere where they can't steal them?
 
I think my vitamin levels were tested? I'm not 100 percent sure though. The doctor that I've been seeing is pretty good about making sure that all bases are covered before moving forward with something. Last I remember, the only thing he said I was deficient in was magnesium, and he just told me to take a multivitamin for that.

Yes, they're physically taking the bottles away from me and keeping them in a place where they can easily micromanage them and keep tabs on what I'm taking... I have insomnia and they won't even let me take melatonin for that, despite my doctor telling me to. I'm on their insurance, so through that they're able to monitor every single prescription I get, and they'd know about it as soon as I started taking something that I was trying to keep from them.

I have managed my own medications in the past, but my parents felt that got out of hand, because I had a doctor that prescribed a lot, and was on prednisone, promethazine, ambien, celexa, oxycodone, clonidine (to help wean off the opiates) etc. They now maintain that I'm too irresponsible to manage my own medications, and they're doing the righteous thing by taking it over for me.
 
ktp112 said:
Yes, they're physically taking the bottles away from me and keeping them in a place where they can easily micromanage them and keep tabs on what I'm taking... I have insomnia and they won't even let me take melatonin for that, despite my doctor telling me to. I'm on their insurance, so through that they're able to monitor every single prescription I get, and they'd know about it as soon as I started taking something that I was trying to keep from them.
Click to expand...

I think that's actually a HIPAA violation. Since you're over eighteen, they shouldn't be receiving that information even if you are on their insurance (I'm on my dad's insurance, and he doesn't even know what doctors I see). Is it possible that they're lying to you and making you think they know more than they do? If not, you have basis for a lawsuit against whoever is releasing the information to them. If you don't want to go that route, I suggest you contact all of your doctor's offices and the insurance company and explain to them that you don't wish for any information to be released to your parents. Then maybe you can keep your prescriptions hidden and they won't know about them.

Edit: I don't think it's a violation yet. But you can request that they not release information to your parents in the future, and if they continue to do so, it will be a HIPAA violation.

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/faq/disclosures_to_friends_and_family/523.html

Actually, HIPAA is confusing me, so I'm not entirely certain if there could be a violation or not. Either way, I suggest you contact your doctors and insurance company and request that no information be released without written approval from you. If you have to, explain the situation to the insurance company.

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/faq/disclosures_to_friends_and_family/1067.html
 
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I know at doctor's offices you can release your medical records to certain people if you write their name in. Chances are yours hasn't been updated since you became an adult. Definitely request that you medical records not be released to anyone but yourself and definitely contact your insurance (even though its your parent's plan, its YOUR medical info) and request the same.
 
Yeah, but my parents always make sure that I sign release forms for everything medical related... Because they handle all the billing stuff and so they want to know about it... When I try to keep information from them, by not checking one of the boxes on the release form, they give me this guilt trip that goes "ohhh why aren't you letting us see this information? Are you trying to hide something from us?" I just absolutely hate my home life right now... But I can't really do anything about it until summer's over, because I'm stuck here.
 
You can go update the forms without your parents. Can you drive yourself to the doctor's office? You wouldn't need an appointment for that, and you may be able to negotiate it over the phone anyway.

Guilt trips are definitely frustrating, but going untreated and the potential complications from that is worse.

What is changing at the end of the summer? Are you going back to school? If you already said and I missed it, I apologize. :p
 
Its something you have to sign for in person I believe, not over the phone but ya, you don't need your parents there with you to sign a form. They wont notice that they aren't getting info for a while (at least a month me thinks as bills don't come in daily).
 
I will hopefully be returning to school in mid August. But according to my parents, the only way I'm going back is if they think I'm ready. They're super on top of all the billing stuff, so if I changed that, I'm sure they'd notice in a day or so. Is there just a way that I can change my prescription stuff so they can't see what I have filled? Because I know for a fact that they monitor that, as they've cited the exact amount of oxycodone that I was getting each week when they were trying to "prove" that i was addicted.
 
I just want to find some way to get control of my medical stuff back without having my parents find out and get super pissed at me and kick me out or stop paying for schooling or something along those lines. They keep getting on me about my lack of motivation to do anything, but won't let me do something about it, because they're super controlling and self righteous and like to micromanage my life.
 
Are you on any vitamin supplements? Please look at our thread about supplements and how they help a lot of us so much with the energy or "lack of" part of IBD. Do not let your parents rule you. You are old enough to know if you need an antidepressant or in a lot of pain and need help with that too. We cannot always be passive people when it comes to maintaining a certain quality of life. Don't they want you to feel better? I would kindly tell them that you are seriously hurting and going to the Dr, for help. Have them talk to the Dr, or read some of this forum about how it has helped us so much. Almost all of us are on an antidepressant and need one. Please keep me posted and I hope you are able to do these things for yourself. God bless! Teresa:ghug:
 

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