Favourite sayings or quotes

Crohn's Disease Forum

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(Please don't hurt me) lol

-Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut and still think they look awesome.

-the worst part about being a male figure skater is even if you win a gold medal, you're still a male figure skater.


And a personal favorite:
I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great. Now I wake up super early so I don't have to hear that shit.
 
Arguing with a troll on the internet is like wrestling a pig in the mud. Eventually you realize that the pig is enjoying itself.
 
You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
 
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
 
Whoever said nothing is impossible has clearly never tried to staple water to a tree.


Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show that people who have more birthdays live the longest
 
I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from that accident


I hate being bi-polar. Its awesome!


*buying condoms* Cashier-"Would you like a bag with that?". Me-"No thanks, she's not that ugly"


Today I helped an 85 year old lady cross the street... With the hood of my car
 
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.
 
scottsma said:
some say the glass is half empty,others say it is half full. I say "are you going to drink that"?
Click to expand...


Haa haa! My version of this is...Some see the glass is half empty, others say it is half full. I say "Who the hell has been drinking MY drink"?
 
“If you can’t protect yourself, die and get out of the way of those who can.”
—

The Hound, Game of Thrones
 
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway
 
Hopefully all the women won't take this the wrong way and I obviously don't agree but a man I met in Dublin once told me......
"every woman's a whore except your mother"

I await the uproar! Lol
 
bigtruck said:
Hopefully all the women won't take this the wrong way and I obviously don't agree but a man I met in Dublin once told me......
"every woman's a whore except your mother"

well you didn't have long to wait:what about your granny,sister,daughter,niece,granddaughter.Typical male.brainless!!!!!!:ymad:
Click to expand...
 
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself Any direction you choose."-Dr. Seuss
 
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs....
 
"If I could tell the world just one thing it would be we're all okay, and not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. I won't be made useless, won't be idle with despair, I will gather myself around my faith, lights the darkness most fear"-Jewel
 
"If you can't be a good example be a horiible warning for the rest of us!!!" Always my favorite, it hangs over my desk at school, when my students act up I point to it and say you're doing an excellent job!! hehe
 
Good one! That reminds me of this one...

You have to get below a tree before you can cut it down.
 
"Have courage".................something we all need as we move through life with an elephant in the room.
 
Veritas odit moras.......truth hates delay....a quote that I use more often than I thought I ever would.
 
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What you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
 
And the one my father told me the morning I was going out to get married. "son your going out today and you'll tie a knot with your tongue you'll not loose with your teeth"
 

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