Fear of social dinners

[Licorice]

My husband wanted me to go to dinner this evening at his co-worker's. A dinner suggested by the co-worker so that they could meet each other's families over a BBQ. Sounds awesome right? Well to me it sounds like hell! All I can imagine is meeting new people, eating with them and then all the noises my stomach will make after eating, and the gas I will be holding onto because of the meal. Then there's the shooting pain from holding onto the gas because I'm afraid to fart in front of them, or go to the bathroom and take an epic dump/ lots of farts.

My husband was disappointed that I didn't want to go. I had to tell him that I wasn't feeling well. Often, I only have to look at food to bloat up. Pile on top of this my expectation that dinner will be awkward because I'm at a stranger's house. Pile on top of that, me eating something super fibrelicious a few hours ago because I've been having a pretty good run lately, and want to lose weight before a wedding next week. Well that backfired because I now have a fibre baby, and gas, and don't feel like eating dinner at a friendly stranger's house.

So I guess I'm feeling like it's not fair that my husband doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from, and that he literally called in sick for me about this dinner to his coworker. I feel like I shouldn't have to go meet them for dinner if I don't want to. I get extremely anxious about having dinner at other people's houses for the above reasons, I hope that my husband can come to accept that. Argh.

Does anyone else have a spouse or someone close that just doesn't get it? Like you're letting them down?

But really, I feel like I'm not letting him down, I'm just exercising my right as an adult to not go. On the other hand, I also feel guilty that I didn't go tough it out. I literally had flash backs from when I was younger, of trying to get out of going to church, I was that frustrated.

Is it just me?

 

[Roxxane885]

I feel the exact way toward my boyfriend.

I usually end up going to the dinners, or outings because i dont want to sit at home. But then I have go home early each time cause i cant handle it.
Now i usually just stay home. I dont like going out with others and eating. Sometimes i hate eating in front of my boyfriend just cause i know what will come next. Some people just dont get what you are going through or feeling, they just think its food.

My boyfriend understands it now most of the time. If i choose not to go now, or i have to leave early he understands and probably wishes i was still there if anything.
It took him sometime to get it, but its the reality of it.
Its tough to be in some social situations, so i just dont put myself in them now. If its something i have to go i make sure i watch what i eat a day or 2 prior and ALWAYS take medication with me.

Sit him down and talk to him, Maybe he can try to understand.
Best of luck!

 

[Razzyirt]

Hi!

I can feel your frustration! Although, my husband really does try to understand, it's just hard for him because he has never had an illness.

I don't have diagnosed IBD, but I do have a ton of issues with eating. I have a disease where the neurons controlling peristalsis in the esophagus, among other areas, are damaged and I have lost all peristaltic function. Basically, I can "swallow" food and it just sits in my throat...and hurts like a b*tch! And I can throw up, get nauseous, sick etc. etc. etc.

All of this means that I don't want to eat in public. It's been quite the struggle though. For example: It was our anniversary a few weeks ago and my husband surprised me with a super fancy meal out to a place where we had one of our first dates. Totally romantic, the thought was great....I ended up throwing up 4 times. Rich food especially, no longer likes me.

He felt terrible about it, because he really did mean well.

All I have found that works is to keep an open line of communication and try not to get frustrated with each other. We work on compromising. I promised him that I would do my best to try to go out when I can, and if it is something that is really important to him that I attend, he needs to let me know and we come up with a plan together that can make things work. I also have a urological disease that causes frequent bathroom trips and pain, bloating etc. One of my conditions was, no matter what we do, we have to have a "bathroom plan" before going out. There has to be accessible washrooms that I would feel comfortable using throughout the evening, or it isn't going to work.

Dunno if any of those tips are helpful, but I try to work at seeing it from his side, and he works to try to see it from my side. And we have worked really hard at not getting frustrated or guilt trip each other. It's been a slow process, but we take it day by day!

 

[Earnellzwifey]

My husband understands what eatting does to my stomache. Our problem is he thinks it no big deal to go to a gathering at his family house, even if I go blow it up. He said oh it's family they understand. Family or not I still do not like having explosive D's at someone else's house. If we eat out its take home. I refuse to try and eat in a restaurant, the anxiety drives on edge of a panic attack. I feel like everyone can hear the gurgles and is just waiting on me to pop!