Finally hit me...

[Meltric]

I was diagnosed officially at the end of January of this year, after a year and a half of awful pain. At first I was relieved, since inside I knew it was crohn's. I was so happy to finally receive a diagnosis.

Well a few months down the road and reality has officially smacked me right in the face.

The last month I've been at a practicum placement in a high school for teacher's college and out of fear of having to miss any days, I ate next to nothing. Bananas, turkey sandwiches, and mr. noodles every single day. I felt okay! Never missed a day, and I was (sort of) regular. I figured I'd save food testing for when I am offically on summer vacation.

So, Friday night, my last day, I shared some wine with my best friends to celebrate. I've been in so much pain every since... and now I'm running a fever, too. Haven't had anything to eat yet today and I'm so scared to do so. Haven't had a flare in a while. for some reason I kept thinking that perhaps I'd just miraculously get better.

I felt so invincible before this. I'm not alcoholic, rarely drink as it is, but there is something about never being able to have a nice glass of red wine with dinner that just hit me hard. And my birthday is on Saturday and usually I gather my closest friends and head to a bar to celebrate. I don't want to just sit there like a doofus as everyone celebrates but me! I won't be able to eat OR drink anything. I always thoguht it didn't matter... but now I'm not sure.

it's like I've been living in denial since January figuring I'm too strong to be depressed about this. Been through a lot in life, and I've kept smiling through it all!

Right now all I want is for my boyfriend to get over here and give me a big hug...


In addition to this, I STILL have not been helped by a doctor. Not on any meds. After my diagnosis my GI decided to refer me to someone else instead of giving me prescriptions himself. Appointment is June 1st... still waiting... ARGH!!

AND I've also thought that perhaps being a high school teacher is a pipe dream. How can I stand at the front of a classroom feeling like this? What if I need the bathroom? I can't just leave the class alone. Any teachers out there who could shed some like on this?

Just had to let out everything that is going on in my head right now, thanks for listening (reading)!

 

[CrohnsHobo]

You need to get to a Dr. and get on a treatment plan. It is going to make a world of difference in your quality of life.

I went to get my teaching credential but after two semesters I found out it was not for me. I am pretty sure there are some teachers here though.

 

[Regular Joe]

Hi Meltric,

I haven't had a glass of wine, or a beer, or an alcoholic drink in almost 12 years. Its not because of Crohn's Disease. It's because of another disease I have known as alcoholism. But there is a good side to this that maybe you can ponder.

Today I don't have a need for a glass of wine. My girlfriend drinks a beer now and then, and she had this fancy micro-brew that supposedly had all of these wonderful tastes and fragrances , and it was supposed to make you feel like you were having a gourmet dessert. I asked her if I could smell the stuff. It smelled like plain old beer - nothing fancy. In fact it smelled pretty bad and I turned my nose at it.

Those marketing people are something else. They have a product to sell, so they appeal to a person's memories and emotions. The micro-brew apparently was supposed to bring about some kind of warm fuzzy "exclusive" feeling. But it wasn't anything more than a glass of beer.

"Wine, candlelight, romance, and you" - that's the result of marketing another simple fermented beverage product: wine. It's really grape juice gone sour due to the action of yeast. Nothing really romantic going on there. What sells the stuff is a marketing image of well being and enjoyment: an appeal to your emotions.

After 12 years, my emotions have run their course about this stuff. I don't drink it because there is a boundary: a limitation due to my allergic reaction to consuming ethyl alcohol. The nice thing is that over 12 years, I found out the truth. I can live a normal and healthy life, and adding a fermented beverage to my diet will add not a single living thing to my life. Even if I could suddenly be able to drink alcoholic beverages again, I wouldn't because there is no longer a need for it.

Beer or wine won't make life better, it won't take away any pain, and it won't make me feel nostalgic or romantic. But most significantly, it won't give the sense of well being the marketing professionals use to sell the stuff. It's just an appeal to emotions, and nothing more than just a myth beneath an aluminum twist-off cap or a fancy cork. From my experience, you can live without wine and suffer no adverse consequences. Trust me on that.

Now about that "pipe dream" and teaching job, let me be your cheerleader for a minute. You have the disease, you lived in pain, and now you have an official diagnosis that brought you relief. I totally understand that - something similar happened to me last week. Like you I was relieved.

But it didn't change Crohn's Disease not a single bit. My diagnosis and your diagnosis didn't make this pesky and painful autoimmune disorder stand back and say "OOOOHHHH, You got a diagnosis! Time to stop harrassing you now."

How do you stand in front of a classroom feeling like you feel? You don't even need a teacher to shed some light on it. You have the answer, and you used it and it worked.

You ate bananas, turkey sandwhiches, and Mr. Noodles every livelong day. I totally understand, that works for me, too. When I want to go out to, lets say a dance club or party with my girlfriend on a Saturday night...I do exactly what you do. I eat bananas, turkey sandwhiches (ham or roast beef sandwhiches also work), and boiled pasta with a touch of butter or margerine. And maybe a couple brown sugar cinammon pop tarts (that's my official "comfort food" when I feel blue and the world is against me). I go potty before I leave, find the bathrooms when I get there, then I have a couple diet cokes over the evening and totally enjoy the atmosphere, and maybe sneak in a dance or two on my arthritic knee brace.

Today I started on Entocort which is my first treatment after the diagnosis. They gave me something that might bring this thing into remission. Now that I have the diagnosis, the doctors can try the treatment regimens that are available for Crohn's disease. Neither one of us will be in a flare indefinitely. Our chances of getting some degree of remission are pretty decent and in our favor.

I'm not trying to deny your pain and suffering for a minute. It's difficult having to wait to see GI's and specialists. I had to wait 3 months to re-schedule my las appointment because I couldn't coordinate an appointment with a Rheumatologist. Today I have to see a Neurologist or else he's going to drop me as a patient because I rescheduled so much due to the flare. These things come as a part of the "package". So I'm hopeful your boyfriend will hug you as needed - you deserve it.

What I'm saying is if you've got this far on bananas and Mr. Noodle, heck don't stop now! You'll be the best darn banana and noodle-eating teacher in the school where you end up teaching. And there are favorable odds that your medical team will help you find a way into remission - the averages say two flare-ups a year. That gives you time to be the teacher you've worked hard to become.

My best to you.

 

[dreamintwilight]

It's okay to have bad days, Meltric Especially at the beginning. You will have days where you totally feel defeated and the reality of the disease sets in a little more. But you will get through it! With the love and support of your friends and family and people on this board you can get through it.

As far as being a teacher, I do not have personal experience here, but know there are several on the forum. I've heard them suggest getting a teacher's aide. So, if you do have an emergency moment and need to rush to the facilities there is someone there to watch over the kids. I'm sure others will have more input, but don't give up on your dream yet!

 

[Astra]

Hi Meltic

Don't gve up on that dream, you've worked so hard to get where you are now.
I teach kids with ASD, and it's very stressful, challenging and I get beat up on a daily basis, but Crohns hasn't stopped me from working, and I love my job. Fortunately for me, I have teaching support assistants, so therefore if I gotta go, I go! Most of my students are high functioning Aspergers, so I told them a while back what was up with me, they are very empathic and call me Crohnie!!
When you do get a job, tell your students. don't underestimate kids understanding and resilience, and tell your new employers too, they will probably get you some support especially as a NQT.
Good luck with everything
xxx

 

[MapleLeafGirl]

Hey there! That feeling won't last forever. I remember when it finally hit me and it sucked for a while, but soon you will start to see there is hope. You are going to have good days and you are going to have bad days and hopefully the good far outweigh the bad.

As to the wine, it always bothers my tummy too! I'm not a big drinker by any stretch but a glass now and then is always nice. I have found a couple of alcoholic beverages that don't bother my tummy. Also, just cause you're not drinking for your birthday, doesn't mean you can't party!!

 

[Entchen]

Hi, Meltric

I so admire you for going after your high school teaching goals, so will join Joe and the others in being a cheerleader!

I haven't taught a class since the symptoms started - that's coming in September for me. But I *have* taught during a couple of periods when my vestibular system was knocked out by a virus so I was super dizzy and had poor balance for several weeks. The solution? I sat down in class. There's no rule that says the instructor has to stand up and walk around. I sat on the desk, casually and lightheartedly explained what was going on, and the class was very accepting (just like Joan said).

You've already found some solves like that for dealing with your symptoms while you teach. I bet that some creativity and research will help you find even more. Best of SUCCESS, and keep up posted on how things go, please.

 

[ChefShazzy]

Hi Meltric. It is a whole new scary world, isn't it? My diagnosiversary is coming up this week, and 3 years later I still have days where I feel like it hasn't quite 'sunk in'.

Like some others, I can't drink either. Any more than 1 drink, and I'm nauseous and running to the washroom. Even from 2 or 3 drinks I feel really intoxicated, I don't know if that's because my tolerance is so low, or perhaps because of some medication I am on.

Depending on what medicine you finally get prescribed, you probably shouldn't drink, it just wreaks havoc on your liver. I am on methotrexate, which comes with a warning not to consume alcohol. Sometimes, though, out for a nice dinner... I can get away with a glass of wine. It's not the end of the world; like you, I never considered myself a big drinker. MLG's got it right, you can still party without drinking! Lots of good advice above, too - you can still follow your dream of being a school teacher, you can still do pretty much whatever you want... you just might need to make a few adjustments.

Hope all goes well at your appointment in a few weeks. Take care of yourself, if you are running a fever you might be starting a flare. So, take it easy on your gut, don't let yourself get too stressed... And, if things get really bad, you know where to go!!

 

[kenny]

as you start to get better you will get things worked back into your diet. I thought I would never eat a lot of things again, but here I am doing fine, working hard and eating a wide variety of foods. don't give up on the glass of wine yet. Just work slowly at things and get your gut straightened out.

 

[dreamintwilight]

Thanks, Kenny. I needed that bit of encouragement with the diet too. Some days I feel I'll never eat some of my favorite foods again. Maybe I won't, but it's still early and there's still time to figure those things out.

 

[Meltric]

Thanks for all the fabulous replies, the positivity on here is just what I need!

Regular Joe - your post was great. having a cheerleader feels great . Also, you're right, I've done so well eating the same things every day, why would I stop? Sure it's tough and a little boring, but I was able to work my butt off in the classroom. That's probably worth all the bland foods.

Dreamintwilight & Astra - that's a good point about the teacher's aides... I guess I've been so accustomed to hiding my disease from the world that I didn't think to approach school admin. I have to rid myself of this fear of telling others what's going on inside me!!

I know I can still party without drinking, I think my issue is that I am afraid of feeling left out! does that sound insane???? haha I feel like a child. I just have this image in my head of everyone holding their glasses up to cheers and me just sitting there like a fool. or everyone digging into a big pile of nachos (my former favourite!!) without me.

And who knows, kenny is right, maybe one day things will get MUCH easier. The first step is finally getting on some meds. I'm quite bothered by the fact that I have been dealing with this with no help since November '08. Even after diagnosis!

 

[dreamintwilight]

I can understand what you mean about feeling left out at dinner. I went out with my husband and a friend the other night to a bar and I ordered soda, haha. The waitress looked at me kinda funny. Oh well. I miss nachos too! Haha. But I suppose we're healthier for not being able to eat those sorts of things, right?

You'll figure things out soon. Yeah, you might have to make some adjustments, but you can still do the things you want to do!

 

[Lisa]

Look at it this way - you can be the designated driver when out....NOTHING wrong with that!.......

Keep up with what works for you......I'm lucky enough right now to be able to eat pretty much anything - although something I ate today is giving me upper abd. discomfort....haven't figured out what yet.....

As for teaching - YES you can do it....as others said, ask about an aide.....I was in the middle of an alarm test at work yesterday morning- on the phone with a dispatcher when I had to tell him to finish up himself and if something didn't work I'd call him back....had to hit the bathroom!.....

Learn your limits too - find out how long you really can ignore urges before it becomes an emergency - and start heading to the bathroom ahead of that!.....I find sometimes that taking a few slow, deep breaths helps settle things at least for a few minutes....enough for me to get out of whatever situation I am in and to the loo on time!

 

[Meltric]

If I may digress for a moment about buying a soda at a bar with a short story...

I was at a bar last summer with 3 other friends, and I was the designated driver (this isn't out of the ordinary). My 3 friends approached the bartender and one by one ordered their drinks, all beers I think. None had to show their ID. It was my turn, and I ordered a coke. The bartender requested my ID. I giggled... I was positive he was joking. I said "not a rum and coke, JUST a coke!". Still, he insisted.
Now I get that they do not want under aged people in the bar, regardless what they are drinking. But then why did he not ID the 3 ladies I was with who were actually ordering alcoholic beverages??
I was soooo bothered by that! And this is a bar that is notorious in this area for allowing teenagers in. WHY ME?!! haha and I am the type of person to let a small event totally sour my mood. Needless to say I was rather quiet that night...

Guess now these things will happen more often, I'll always be the person ordering the soda!

 

[Astra]

Dear Meltric

What a fabulous compliment!! You obviously don't look your age!!

 

[Meltric]

I am turning 23 Saturday, but I look 17. It's bitter-sweet!

In 10 years I'll love it, but it's a little hard to teach high school students when I look their age! And I am a very calm person. So keeping them in line is tough! haha.



I went to bed last night still very upset about everything, but I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. Thanks again to everyone for your kind words!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Aww, I look young for my age too, Meltric. Didn't help that a few weeks ago when I went to the hospital for a partial osbtruction that the only availabe beds were on the pediatrics floor! Haha. Everyone kept thinking I was 16. I get used to get carded all the time too in college when I'd go out with friends for drinks.

Like you said...I'm sure we'll appreciate it more when we get older, but for now it's annoying, haha! Glad you woke up today with a better outlook

 

[Astra]

Hey, make the most of it little uns!
Before you know it, you'll be an old bid like me!!