Frustration over men! General, Kind of Crohn's related...

[LadyVik]

Ok, bit of background or else non of this will make any sense!
I am 21, been diagnosed since 17, suffered along time before.
After having yet another flare, not this time but the last, I have lost most of my "friends", including my "best" friends, so unfortunately (depends how you see it?!) I have no one to talk about this too.
Ok so background on me & my partner, was with partner 5 years, had flare, he went off and slept with someone else, got her pregnant, he and she lost the baby and now we are "together". (My choice on to see how we go about trusting each other again, if it can work, last chance etc...) I gave him the opt out card "I have this disease, I won't want to have sex some times, cuddles some times, do anything some times etc... he chose to stick it out so here we are, though a few weeks (maybe a month ago) we argued over the no sex part. He had a very high sex drive.
Background on partner and said woman... Was friends, had a little fun once a few years ago, she comes on to him a lot, and is just always there :/

Well after god knows how long my partner has started to use facebook. I know... Bad on the whole messing relationships. I'm open and have given him my password, him the same. We are friends with different people, mine is mostly family, his is mostly friends. He is friends with said woman on there. Well we have been arguing on the amount of time said woman has been spending at his house. No alone time, feels like I'm the third wheel, her even checking her watch and looking at me (I stay there at weekends only) but I'm a mouse and don't have the energy to start an argument with her. Well I got bored and snooped his facebook. Looking at people, pictures etc.. thought I'd check his emails, nothing interesting and thought hmm wonder what's on the sent mails...
This is what I've found....
Between You and Said Woman

Ginger Khan February 4 at 5:26pm
no problem any time !just a bit pissed you looked better than me 2 days in a row bastard lol
any who gimie a bell when you get this x

Between You and Said Woman

Said Woman February 6 at 4:58pm Report
Oi how rude lol wat u up 2 later ? X

Ginger Khan February 6 at 5:05pm
gimie a bell xx

Between Said Woman and You

Ginger Khan February 6 at 5:09pm
ahh yeah you sexy bicth fogot to say she isnt staying tonyt yeh girl! xx

I don't know whether to admit snooping and confront or ignore and keep snooping to see. I don't want to be a mug again after all that has happened. He doesn't want to do anything physical as my flare has caused my pill to stop working which made me be on my period for 4 weeks, finally off my period but off the pill, now his excuse is "don't want babies" but he will if he fancies it??
I know I sound like an immature teenager but I have no one else to turn to. I don't want the comments of.. oh hes a *** tell him to take a hike, I want to know. I mean if he isn't doing anything, why call her a sexy B, and say I'm not there that night.... I got a feeling I'm going to be the mug, so I kind of want the non mug way of confronting him. Any help ladies/gentlemen. I'm still in flare so something that won't end in a shouting match would be fantastic, anything that won't drain my energy.
Thing is, I trust him with almost all women in the world, apart from a few who "come on" to him, which he tells me about. So I can trust him, and do trust him, I only went snooping to look at one of his friends which wasn't mine.
My apologies for the length and if any of it doesn't make sense, but well, everyone here is so loverly, and offers wonderful advice.

 

[effdee]

I would have told him off as soon as you found out about him cheating. Why do you want someone like that in your life? He did it once, he could very easily do it again. You apparently don't trust him if you're worried about this and snooping around. There's no pretty way to paint the picture.

 

[D Bergy]

You know what to do, you just are taking the path of least resistance.

Do what you should do, and not what is easier to do.

Dan

 

[LadyVik]

I know. I don't even know why I asked. Just thought someone may have had an easier way of going about it. I confronted and now I feel like I could go to A&E with the pain in my stomach and the lack of energy from all the arguing and shouting etc... Ah well. Done now. Piece of what ever can kiss it.

 

[Zalanicht]

I would have told him off as soon as you found out about him cheating. Why do you want someone like that in your life? He did it once, he could very easily do it again. You apparently don't trust him if you're worried about this and snooping around. There's no pretty way to paint the picture.

pretty much sums it up here.

 

[LOSTnut]

Hey Lady,

there is never an easy way to end a relationship but I also think it is time to cut the strings. Even though he has given you access to his FB account I guess they expect you to check since they resort then to calling each other.
He just might be one of those who cannot handle your illness and with this illness it is very important that you do have the support and understanding of your partner.
I can imagine, since you already lost a lot of "friends" due to your illness you are a bit scared but it seems that you do have family who might be able to fill the holes ... and we are here too.

Basically, what I am trying to say is you need to concentrate on yourself and get better and not have to worry about an unfaithful partner.

Best of luck and I wish you strength to see it through and do the right thing by you!

 

[archie]

not much to add really but chin up your really young and plenty of time to find someone a whole lot nicer, personally i'd count yourself lucky you got out now and haven't wasted anymore time over him.

 

[Ari]

Can the leopard change its spots?

 

[glum chump]

From your note, it sounds pretty clear that you know what you should do...read your post because so many of the questions you ask are answered by you

You don't need to get into a shouting match to break up with someone. You don't really need to list all the reasons. You just need to say that you are unhappy in the relationship and you want it to end. That's it. Long drawn-out conversations, shouting, confrontations are unnecessary and especially when you're not well. You don't need the stress of all of this and you'll drive yourself crazy with the mistrust.

Good luck...