I know everyone has varying levels of lactose intolerance and varied ideas about dairy, but I can offer you what works for me. I definitely have lactose issues and here is what I have found:
Goat products are typically fine for me. That being said, I have never tried to eat a ton of goat cheese at a time or anything. (Partially because its expensive!) A little bit of goat cheese with beats or swiss chard stems can satisfy my cravings for something cheesy (like pizza) that would make me very sick
I make my own yogurt from UN-HOMOGENIZED milk. There is a school of thought out there that a lot of people who can't eat dairy products dont have lactose issues as much as they do homogenization issues. Homogenization changes the structure of the milk particles and makes it harder to digest. Making this milk into yogurt also adds the bacteria into it that us Crohn's girls lack making it even easier to digest.
Very dry cheese in small amounts can be ok for me. Very dry cheeses have very little lactose, and sometimes I have very small amounts of aged cheddar or feta so I dont feel deprived. (Only on good days though!)
If you are trying to find alternative products for her, there are great
cultured coconut yogurts out there full of good bacteria. I also like almond and coconut ice creams. You could also try blending almond, coconut, rice, soy, or hemp milk into a fruit
smoothie so she doesn't necessarily taste it. I make a wonderful soy hot chocolate with cocoa powder, cinnamon, honey, vanilla extract, and (if I am up to it) a little bit of cayenne pepper. Something that flavorful might hide the flavor of milk substitutes for her.
I am sure you already know this, but calcium is VERY important! My mom was food-insecure as a child and now she has a very hard time absorbing nutrients and maintaining her weight, no matter what she does! They think it is because she was malnourished. If you dont feel like DD is getting enough calcium, gummy or liquid vitamins might be a good option as they are easy to absorb into your system. (Pills will be tough for people with Crohn's to absord nutrients from)
https://www.nichd.nih.gov/milk/prob/Pages/calcium_need.aspx
Good luck! I know how hard it was for me as an adult to figure out eating with Crohns, I can't imagine figuring it out as a child! Good luck to both of you!