How do you cope with being a parent & having crohns?

[lotte26]

Hey there guys!

My mind has recently been wandering into the future lately and I have been worried about how my crohns would affect having children. Not the pregnancy itself but taking care of the kids, etc. I don't have a steady job (I'm a self employed jeweller), and frankly feel I never will the way I have been the last 10 years with crohns. My partner has been doing several different jobs but nothing steady yet as he is trying to break his way in to the film industry, doing animation.

I wonder how you all cope with having children and dealing with your disease? I was also thinking how hard it would be to have crohns and have a child that was ill. I dont feel i could support my kids as well in that situation as my parents have done for me. Also I was thinking it would probably take quite a toll on a relationship?
I guess I have just been thinking more about this lately as I am 23, and would like to have a child before thirty (though not quite yet I don't feel ready).

Thanks guys

 

[Manzyb]

It is hard being a parent. I've only been doing it for a year now, but it has been difficult. After I had Sadie, the flare I was in continued to get worse. It took a lot out of me, but honestly, I think she kept me going most of the time. I always knew that I HAD to be okay to take care of her. I have a husband, and he is absolutely wonderful, but when he went back to work, it mostly landed on me. So anyway, moral to my rant is that yes it is hard, but they really really do make it all worth it!! The sheer joy that my little girl brings me can make me find some good in even my worst days.

I had a resection back in January, and it was rough recovering and trying to take care of her. I had lots of help, but when you're a mom, you want to do everything yourself!

The whole Crohn's thing can be hard, but you have to find the right person who will stick with you through thick and thin. It is trying sometimes, but in the end, he is always there for me.

I also worry about passing the disease on to her, but the chances are very slim that it will be passed down. My mom is completely healthy, and I ended up with it. Life is just such a toss up!

 

[lotte26]

That's really encouraging to hear. I guess I have been feeling a bit negative about everything, but I guess in time I will be in the right place for children. It's another hurdle but I guess it's so rewarding that i can't miss out on it just because I'm ill. I just hope I CAN have children!

I know it will be with my boyfriend he is my rock and has been there for me thru the worst of my disease and has always been so positive.

Thanks so much for your reply!

By the way that picture of your girl is soooooo adorable it makes me smile!

 

[Gwen pippy]

Reading your post has just transported me back to younger days, I was dx age 11, told at the age of 14 I would be lucky to make it to 30 as cancer was a big issue for IBD sufferers and at 15 told I would probably never have children buy hey what did that matter I probably wouldn't be around long enough to have them anyway. I went through my life trying to enjoy it as much as I could, back then they didn't know a fraction of what they know now.
I went on to meet a lovely guy (now the hubby) and I explained everything, he said he would take his chances. bless him. I made it to 30 and to my surprise I was in the first remission in over 18 years, to celebrate I told him to keep a date free the following March as we were going to be married, then bam a flare right before wedding and guess what a pregnancy to boot!!!! unfortunately it wasn't to be as I was so ill but it gave us hope, I had managed remission before why not again and of course another pregnancy, well now I have two beautiful daughters 4 and 2 and I had a flare when my youngest was 4mths landed in hospital (my worst nightmare) but it all passed and they drive me to live, I want up in the morning just to see them smile. It can be hard some days but they know I love them and if I had of listened to the doctors or even my own fear of not being able to look after them like my parents cared for me then I never would have had this experience.

Gwen xxx

 

[braveheart]

Hi,
I understand your worries. I think being a parent nowadays is such an adventure. The World is crazy, Economy is a rollercoaster, employment sucks, and we don't know what we will be doing in a couple of years for a living.
Apart from that we have to deal with our health issue…

So, if you ask me, bringing a life to this crazy world makes no sense. Even that there is something that makes us do that. I don’t know exactly why. Natural law?

I have a beautiful daughter and a new baby is on the way. I am an extremly happy and terrified parent.

 

[Manzyb]

Honestly, I worried about he same things when I first got married. We waited a few years after we got married to have a baby. I worried all of the time that I wouldn't be able to take care of her.

I still worry about it now about being able to take care of her some days, but really think you will be amazed at how much you can do because you HAVE to do it! All in all, I am so glad that I did have my baby girl and am so lucky to have her in my life!

and THANK YOU!! I'm pretty biased, but I think she's amazing!

 

[Irene3]

I agree with Manzy, in your first reply completely! Except im a single mum. I was diagnosed after I had her though, but everytime I go into hospital, I just want to be home with her. Children are so wonderful, I don't think I'll have another, but I love my daughter more then words can describe. Iv had a few flares when it was really hard to do things with jas, but even when you have the worst crohns symptoms, you can manage to do the minimal, because of the love for them. So if you do have kids, I think don't stress the worst, you may be in remission, or your symptoms may be ok enough that you don't even need to worry about resection ect. And pretty much everything Manzy said

 

[tots]

I was not diagnosed with my first two babies. I did have trouble during my pregnencies. I have tried very hard to maintain a "normal" life for my kids. I didnt want them to miss out on things because I was sick. Somehow it all worked out. We are never promised a perfrct life. We all have
some cross to carry!

In time you may know when the time is right for you!

Good luck,

Lauren

 

[Zeing]

I love this post. It is nice to see how others deal with everyday troubles and relate to these kind of issues.

Crohn's was what made my wife and myself decide it was time to start our family. We were planing on holding off for a few more years, but then I was diagnosed. Six months later I had a resection and we decided at that point to start trying once I had recovered enough. Currently, we have a 3 year old and we try to explain to her why daddy sometimes has to run to the bathroom or why daddy doesn't feel good. However, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and she brings me joy on my worst days.

My only fear is that there is a chance that she may end up with an IBS/IBD. That is the one thing that troubles me. Not to sound selfish, but that "chance" was a risk I was willing to take, for having a child.

 

[aronk]

I have had Crohn's for 20 years now and always wanted to be a mom... I had 2 miscarriages before finally carrying a baby almost to term. I now have two healthy daughters 11 and 9. Their father (my husband) passed away last September of a massive heart attack at age 46. You just never know what is going to happen in your life and when. Is it hard being sick and raising children--you betcha! I think having my girls have made me stronger and given me more of a will to be successful and raise them to be successful also. Having said that--I had my first resection 3 years ago. I developed a leak 3 weeks post op and went through hell and back for a good year. I work full time ( have always been the bread winner) and that was tough for me. At one point, I was working with a picc line in one arm and a drainage tube hanging out of my abdomen from an abscess and then later a fistula. I was out of sick time and needed to work. Luckily, I have been at my job (desk job) for 12 years and everyone was very understanding and supportive. Some days I just worked from home. I had a second resection 9 months later to fix the first. It was a really tough time for ALL Of us--thank goodness my husband was alive and well during that time to take care of me and our kids. Not sure what I would have done. But the deal is you just keep going--especially if you have kids. My kids are amazing and I can't imagine my life without them... Life isn't perfect, but it is what you make it. There are many others who are way more unfortunate than me. Do I get down about my illness--absolutely--probably more than I would like to admit. BUT--I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. This disease has made me a stronger person. I've been super nauseous lately, which is annoying the crap out of me... I'm grouchier with my girls and more grouchy at work too... I just try to keep my head up and take one day at a time. Good luck to you!!!!