How do you deal with embarrassing bathroom noises?

[Quazaka]

I recently started a medical assisting program, and at about the same time my Crohns woke up from a nice long nap and started messing with me. (Isn't that how it always goes?) Anyway, I'm pretty open about the fact that I have Crohns (why hide it, it's part of me?) and yet at the same time when I'm in the bathroom at school I can't help but feel embarrassed, cause a) I'm in there a lot, and b) the noises Seriously. Normally I'd have headphones with me but my phone has to stay in my locker, so what about you guys? How do you deal with embarrassing bathroom noises? And if you have any embarrassing stories you feel like laughing about now, you can share those too!

 

[Pug Gamer]

I honestly wouldnt worry too much because they know you have crohns. I do have a few little tricks i use at home when people are round or something similar. I put a few squares of toilet paper down the toilet first. Also i run the tap. Never thought id love noisy taps lol. Or if i have my phone etc, i turn the volume up abit and play candy crush etc. I have heard people pretend to talk on the phone before, only for there phone to ring mid sentence lol.

 

[shamrock15]

Not too worried about sounds in the toilet. I have heard people without bowel issues create some rather bizarre ones. For me, the embarrassing one was in the middle of a lab exam in university with everyone crammed into a small room. Felt the pressure building, and then in the middle of a deathly silent room, came a really loud "glugging" sound that increased in frequency. It drew quite a few puzzled looks! I lived, obviously.

Strangely enough, I read only this morning that apparently my province in Canada is one of the places with the highest frequencies of crohn's diagnoses in the world. Probably going to be a few more interesting noises in my classrooms in the upcoming years.

 

[DEmberton]

I remember well being in a small meeting room with my stomach (Ileum really) making noises like a victorian draining system. I had to excuse it in a couple of job interviews too.

Best to apologise, be honest and make a joke of it I think.

 

[The Real MC]

I'm an engineer by day and no one has ever confronted me on porcelain bowl overtures. If they did then I would just tell them that I have a health condition that makes me excrete very malodorous stool out sideways which requires the use of a fire extinghisher due to the friction, followed by a high pressure wash cycle on the bowl and strong vacuum exhaust to draw out the hazardous lethal fumes, and then promptly leave the room before they figure out I had just jerked their chain.

Sometimes humor is the most appropriate answer...

 

[Beach]

I'm pretty good about learning and remembering where all the bathrooms in an area are. If possible i'll choose a restroom less used by others. That obviously isn't always possible.

The only time I mentioned about my bathroom noises to someone else in the area, coming out of the stall I said something along the lines of "Ugh, I asked him to not pull my finger!" I know, not all that funny.

 

[cmack]

I just say I'm not feeling well. All of the above are great ideas.

 

[MizzSarah]

I run the tap. Turn on the fan. Sometimes the music in the bathroom will drown out the noises(I try not to be out in public when I'm having a rough day however) playing a game with the volume up.

 

[Norseman]

I sport a big smile wehn exiting , and winks at anyone standing outside when I come out, and tell them they better not go in there :-D

 

[Bufford]

By nature I am a confident person and things like the sounds of nature do not bother me. I was quite proud to be loud back in the day I could still sit on the pot.

Today I have a colostomy and cannot do that anymore however it can be a bit embarrassing. I was at the office at the bank with the agent going over my retirement investments when my body started gurgling like an aquarium. It was one of those times when it was much louder than normal. We both stared at each other in a brief silence, I felt the bag fill up very fast putting that look of concern on my face. She asked me if everything was okay. At that point I explained my medical problem and she offered me to use their bathroom. Being open and honest is the best way to deal with these embarrassing moments.

 

[Dobermonster]

I was having wicked intestinal noises at work during a meeting. Someone asked if that was me and I just laughed and said, "Yep, noisy guts!" That's about as disruptive as it got. In the bathroom I'll turn the faucet up to help disguise poo noises, or well timed flushes. Besides that, well, it's a bathroom. We're in there to expel bodily waste, not make beautiful music. If your classmates are in any way icked out by that, they're in the wrong field.

 

[DanM]

Torpedo one away!

Torpedo two in the tube ready to be launched, sir!!

 

[Tesscorm]

I don't have crohns, my son does but, even without, I've used a running tap when visiting at someone's home.

A funny story, though, along these lines... when my daughter was approx. 13 or 14, her and a soccer teammate went into a public washroom. They assumed they were alone. They heard the sound of loud gas passing and my daughter, thinking it was her friend, said 'wow, that was a nice one!' And her friend responded 'yeah, a winner!' :lol: When my daughter and friend came out, my daughter teasingly said to her friend 'wow, what did you eat last night? You really let out a good one in there. ', her friend responded 'OMG, it wasn't me! I thought it was you'. They were the ones totally embarrassed! :lol: I can't imagine what the 'other' woman thought, hearing congratulations coming her way at that moment! :lol:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I went to Japan last year, and it turns out they've already figured out the answer to this issue. When we arrived at our hotel, I desperately needed to use the bathroom, so I headed for the public bathroom in the lobby as my mother was checking us in to our rooms. That was the nicest public bathroom I had ever been in! Heated seat, heated bidet - and when I sat down, it automatically played a sound to drown out any bathroom sounds. It sounded like rushing water and it was very effective at covering up my sounds (13 hours on a plane plus airplane food meant that my guts were not so happy). I was in Japan for 3 weeks and I found that many (the vast majority) of public restrooms had the option to play the rushing water sound. It seems to just be standard practice there, I wish it would catch on here!

That wasn't the only innovative thing that Japan did with sounds, either. Many of the train stations there play the sound of chirping birds - I was told that helps blind people find their way to the train station, and the sound isn't annoying to others (such as people who live near the train stations). Pretty cool stuff.

 

[Tesscorm]

What a great idea in the bathroom!

We also have 'chirping birds' at some of our downtown intersections to assist the blind. There are different chirps for north/south crossings and east/west.

 

[Scipio]

I just don't worry that much about it. I mean you're in the bathroom, right? What do people think you are doing in there? Picking flowers? Playing chess?

 

[DanM]

My goodness! How is it possible something that disgusting came from my body! Nobody light a match!

Oh no, here comes some more...

Your in the bathroom... Rude comments and jokes are okay.

 

[The Real MC]

"uh... anybody have a few five gallon buckets...? I don't know if I can stop."

 

[The Real MC]

I just don't worry that much about it. I mean you're in the bathroom, right? What do people think you are doing in there? Picking flowers? Playing chess?

Years ago I found a dirty book in the stall at work. Mind you I'm not into that stuff and I found it absurd that someone would pass their time that way in the workplace. When I got back to the lab, I pulled it out of my lab coat and said to the guys Hey look what I found in the bathroom. We had a good chuckle until the dirty old man in the group said "Oh that's my book"

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I just don't worry that much about it. I mean you're in the bathroom, right? What do people think you are doing in there? Picking flowers? Playing chess?

I'm a woman so of course we don't poop. We "freshen up". I'm not even sure exactly what that means but it sounds like the opposite of pooping. Like it or not, there's still something of a taboo about making bathroom sounds, especially if you're a lady.

I do totally want to pick flowers and play chess in the bathroom now, though.

 

[firebob]

i'm sorry, butt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6xLmJVEByA

 

[Scipio]

I'm a woman so of course we don't poop.

I don't know about women, but I can attest that baby girls sure do. Having raised daughters, I must have changed ten thousand messy diapers.

 

[Bufford]

Having a colostomy I have relegated myself to the outside toilet called an outhouse in these parts. I smell bad, so bad that I don't want to mess up the inside bathroom. I love my outhouse, stepping out into the yard with the sun on my back is almost a sure way in itself to stop and sooth constipation and cramps. The connection to the natural world for a call to nature helps greatly to reduce stress which then helps with regularity. These are all side effects that are a bonus that I did not expect with having an outhouse. If you live rural and have 'The Bag' build one and try it.