How to deal with the emotion side of having this D

[Swirl]

Yea the big D word....

So how do I tell a woman that I'll like to date that I have this? Especially if they don't know what the disease is about.

I'm 26 and lately been dealing with a lot. Friends & family understand but I remember hearing how someone would want someone who is healthy. Then I got this and I'm thinking to myself, I'm not healthy anymore.
I don't know even know how we all get this, so knowing this, it helps a bit on how people can understand you trying to handle this.

At the same time, I would rather date a woman who has this also because that bond is there where your both dealing with the same issue.

I don't know what else to write here, my head is just lost.
Oh I do keep in shape & have a big believe and doing what I gotta do in life.
But!!!!!!!!
Lol

 

[Swirl]

Yeah, that is true. This shouldn't be such of a big deal as long as the person who has it is taking care of what they have.
ok I'm happy now thank you!

 

[Crohn's 35]

Hi there, yes I have had dates where I was up front but not the first thing in the conversation, but when the opportunity strikes I tell them, if I get a reaction I don't like I move on. No one can expect another to understand if they have no clue about the disease. However, if the person has good qualities it really doesnt matter and it shouldnt if they are a keeper! It worked for me and married now 9 years, good luck!

 

[Pirate]

Can't say it any better than what Kimberlie and Jetta said.

I was already married when DX, but I know Janis is the type of person that would have still loved me for me. She has more love and compassion in her little finger than I have in my whole body.

I hope you can find someone like her. You will have a long and Happy life together.

 

[Jennifer]

I'm 27 and I've had to tell many people of the years that I have Crohns. I've only met two people in my 18 years of being diagnosed who already knew what it was. I used to feel the same way you do but I've never met someone who thought it was icky or wanted nothing to do with me. It's not contagious and is treatable so they have nothing to worry about.

 

[Swirl]

Ok thank you all a lot. I have to gain this confidence.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

I was going to say what Kimberlie said - you'll find the right person, someone who isn't completely selfish should be able to bring you happiness in your life.
For me, I am so open about talking about it - it seems that helps with the dicussion. If *I* acted like it was icky or embarassing, others would too.
This disease can bring some great days and some really awful days, you will want a strong person to share them with.
Welcome to the forum by the way!

 

[Swirl]

Thank you My butt hurts lol hopefully it brings some great days along. I told a couple of people so far about my condition. Its kind of weird for me right now. Been dealing with a for a full year and only now I know for sure what it was.

 

[CrohnsHobo]

I have always been upfront with it and have never once had an issue. It's part of who I am and if someone can't deal with it then we probably wont work out in the long run anyways. I would rather get it out of the way rather than wasting months of a relationship.

My current GF of three years took to it OK. Now she is a great form of support. Constantly riding me about what I should and shouldn't eat/drink. It sounds nagging, but it is nice to have someone looking out for you.

So my advice would be to be open and upfront and educate someone about it.

 

[Swirl]

Thank you CrohnsHobo
I do like these names on here
I will be open for now on in life.
My life has changed so much in just 3 weeks...
Just knowing I have this and a death to deal with in the family has woken me up to being myself and if someone doesn't like somehing about me, its ok, I'm not here to please you, I want people to like me for who I am and what I have to offer them.
Thanks a lot everyone!

 

[Crohn's 35]

Crohns does change you life, but having one for a partner is good too, once they get the knowledge and patience. I find most of the Crohnies more compassionate and caring.

No one ever died of a broken heart...

 

[CrohnsHobo]

Thank you CrohnsHobo
I do like these names on here
I will be open for now on in life.
My life has changed so much in just 3 weeks...
Just knowing I have this and a death to deal with in the family has woken me up to being myself and if someone doesn't like somehing about me, its ok, I'm not here to please you, I want people to like me for who I am and what I have to offer them.
Thanks a lot everyone!

I figured that is all you can do in life. Be yourself, love who you are, laugh at everything including yourself, and have no shame. Life is to short to feel sorry for yourself and hide who you are. Got to get out there and go for the gusto so to speak.

Life is so much more fun when you just go for it and are open. You get the people that want to be around you around and those that don't get out of the way that much quicker.

It all sounds cheesy, but after 16 years of Crohn's I learned a lot about myself and not taking myself and everything too seriously has helped a ton.

 

[Pirate]

I agree totally with Hobo. Life is just way to short to not go and have fun. I use to worry all the time before I was DX and for the first few years. My wife actually helped me change and now I leave work at work and I laugh, joke, poke fun at others and mostly I make fun of myself. I am back to being the big prankster I was before this illness got hold of me.

My buddies laugh at my and call me ****** pants for a reason. They would have never know if I hadn't made fun of myself.

 

[Swirl]

Jettalady
Yes, no broken heart was ever to painful lol
One that has it or one that understands it is perfect in my books

And you do live life so much better when you're open about life.
Life is a lot fun as you were saying CrohnsHobo. I only now started to live like this little by little day by day slowly opening up. Its amazing.

Not taking everything so seriously is important too, I'm learning to let go and not think so much, so seriously about things.
Its like how we were once all young small kids, never taking stuff so seriously, it works as adults too!
So having this can be a benefit, a tool to improve yourself and keep you focus! That's what I'm using this tool I now have in me
Pirate
I'm getting back to my old self too, making people laugh and feel good, its a great feeling. That's how I want to be remember as being!

 

[danika]

I was diagnosed 5 and a bit years ago and I have been with my partner for 3 months short of 2 years, he is amazing, he takes care or me, constantly supports me, comes to appointments with me sometimes, nursed me through surgery and has learned all about Crohn's, I didn't know he had done that until it came out recently that he had found out all about it when we first started dating... if they are worth it they won't care

 

[kenny]

I guess it depends on how bad you are being affected as to where it needs to come up. If it just comes out in casual discussion at a local restaurant over a food choice it would be pretty mundane. But sitting someone down and starting with something ominous like "I have something really important to tell you" shows it is something running your life.

I want to show people that I am normal and Crohns does not run my life. Well at least I want to get to the point I can say that.

You know I was just thinking. When you look at the prevalences of diseases in our society. All the 1 in 300/ 1 in 5 / 1in 65 really start to add up. I am beginning to think the people without a diagnosed disease of one type or another might be the minority. And if they are not we just have to wait awhile as doctors find enough diseases for there to be one for everybody.