How to get them to back off!

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

So my symptoms have just started to come back and my Parents are driving me crazy, like they always do when I get unwell.
My mum constantly watches me and wants to kiss me all the time and comments every time I eat something. And my dad suddenly doesnt have anything else he can talk to me about.
Its just so annoying because OK, I'm in loads of pain and I don't want to eat anything but mentally I'm fine and I just want to carry on as normal. It seems to be impossible for them to do that! And they don't understand why they are annoying me so much.
If I tell my dad that I'm in pain or whatever, he acts like its the end of the world! Its not!
I know that they are just worried but I don't know how to ask them to leave me alone without having a go at them. Because if I have a go at my dad he makes a massive thing about how im in a bad mood. Well actually I was fine untill he came along! It just brings so much tention to the house and I don't want it especially at xmas.
I just don't know why they can't carry on as normal if I can. It's starting to make me think I'm just not guna say anything in future!
I'm just sick of constant sympathy. The time to be upset was at diagnosis, that was long ago now and everyone should accept that this is just a normal part of it all instead of making a big deal about it!
Sorry for the rant! Any advice would be appriciated!
x x x

 

[TMos]

Be happy you have two parents that care about you. It's tough when you're not feeling good, but if they weren't there who'd give a crud?

Try and give 'em a break. They obviously mean well. Life's short. I lost my dad when I was in college. Thought the guy would outlive me. You just never know and when they're gone you miss them every day.

Sorry, but that's my 2 cents.

 

[Jennjenn]

I understand that it can be very frustrating. I also hear a lot, especially from my mother. My friends are also included in this. You just have to let them say what they feel they need to. When times get bad they will be the ones that are there for you, and you appreciate it even more then. You know that they care about you, and everyone has their own ways of showing it. Your parents are just worried about you.

 

[Jennifer]

Too much love can be annoying and so can not enough. My dad stopped caring about why I was going to the hospital YEARS ago. To be quite honest, I'm not sure he ever cared. He only did stuff for me to help me out cause my mom told him to. My mom says that he's slightly jealous of me because I get to spend more time with my mom than he does cause he's working yet most of the time I spend with her is at doctors offices. Ya, I'm just having LOADS of fun while you work.

I went to the ER years ago for blood in my stool on Christmas Eve and my parents came. The doctors had me drink barium and this was back when barium was still nasty chalky crap and it was taking me a while to drink it and after about an hour, my own mother decided to leave (along with my father) to go back home and go to bed rather than staying to find out what was wrong with me.

Not to mention them sometimes thinking that I'm making a big deal out of nothing (I don't go to the GI doc for nothing not am I getting therapy for nothing).

So I understand where you're coming from even though I'm on the other end of the spectrum. It is frustrating and wears you down.

Actually my boyfriend's parents remind me of yours. They came to visit a couple weeks ago and like every 5 min they were asking me if I was ok and giving me my options in case I wasn't. I asked my bf, "why are they acting like I'm dying?" To which he replied, "they just care." Mybe I was annoyed cause I'm not used to this whole "caring" thing because of the way I was raised but there's got to be some middle ground SOMEWHERE.

 

[rygon]

My dad keeps on asking why I arent feeling any better virtually everyday and that i should go to see my IBD nurse to sort it out. Still doesnt understand that its a disease for life and it also takes time to get the right meds to work.. plus they might not work forever.
My mum says she understands IBD yet if im tired, grumpy or just dont want to chat its down to my being antisocial and not wanting to talk to her.

I do get a bit sick of saying "im feeling the same as I was 2hrs ago" tho

Maybe just steering the conversation to something else abruptly will make them realise you do want to talk about it all the time. If that doesnt work then just say that you are getting bored of talking about it all the time and want to keep your mind off it as much as possible.

 

[Lydia]

My parents used to drive me nuts too. Now that I am a mom I kind of understand. Nobody wants to see their baby suffer and you will always be their baby. Be patient and try to explain that normalcy is what you need to feel good everyday no matter how your disease makes you feel physically.

 

[tflock]

I understand what you are saying. My parents are sort of the same way, but they usually could tell when i really just wanted to be left alone. The constant worrying and questioning is so annoying and I just found that I would try to not get upset. They are just trying to show that they care though. I would maybe try and explain to them that you are not in a bad mood, but rather that you are in pain and would rather be left alone/not talk about it. I am still in High School so had to deal with the similar problem everyday. I told them the same advice I gave you and it seemed to work. Hopefully it will work for you.

 

[ameslouise]

We all have stories like this, whether they are on the "too much love" or "not enough love" end of the spectrum.

I don't have much to offer that the others above haven't already said, but just wanted to let you know I have been there, and I'll take it any day over the alternative.

- Amy

 

[crazycanuck]

I know the feeling lol. 19 too and whenever Im sick its all my whole danged family can talk about and I always get the sympathy comments and I agree incredibly anmoying. My mom freaks at everything and anything crohns related.

Also I remember you from long time before you go away for school right? And im assuming your just back for xmas break? Anyway if so that probably plays a big part because she cant be there to worry in person while your away.

Also if you figure it out please let me know my parents can be annoying as.... too.

 

[Sandy]

You've got exactly the right attitude! If you can get across to them that Crohns is a manageable disease, and it's possible to have a full and happy life with it. Probably the most effective way to do that is by showing them, not telling them. I'm glad you're going to university -- best thing anyone can do at around your age. If you have activities you could show them, make sure they know about it. I don't particularly like outdoor stuff, but I like science fiction and model trains. Do you have (or even have the time for) hobbies or activities? That might help them to understand, if you can talk about that (or courses at school, or friends, or other things) instead of saying "I'm OK." Be proactive about it!

That's the best I can think of, anyway!

(I so want to see Bath one of these days . . . )

Good luck,
Sandy

 

[DustyKat]

Oh boy, I am guilty of that sort hovering!!!! Well I was......

Speaking as a parent it is so hard not to hover and worry and constantly think about if your child is okay but I also see the effect that it has on my children so I have learnt to pull back and trust them.

Perhaps you can sit down with your parents and explain to them that you love them and you are so appreciative of the fact that they care so deeply about you. Also tell them you understand why they ask you all the time about how you are but from your perspective it can be become annoying and makes you feel irritated and angry. Reassure them by telling them that if anything was wrong, no matter how small, you would tell them, they will always be the first to know. Tell them that you are going to have good and bad days just like everyone else but while ever I say nothing to you then you know that everything is fine.

At the end of the day, and as hard as it is as parent, they are going to have to trust you.

HTH and good luck!
Dusty

 

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

Wow, thanks for all the feedback everyone
I'm glad everyone has similar experiences and knows where I'm coming from. I'll try and bear in mind what everyone has said.
And I know that its just because they care. I think they might be starting to get the idea, well my mum is anyway.
Yesterday she was going swimming and said something about I would be able to come with her if I was well enough. And I said something about I am still perfectly capable of going actually! I also said to her that If I am able to carry on as normal then so should everyone else.
I was feeling a bit better yesterday, and my dad said oh I'm glad you are feeling better because yesterday you were a bit grumpy. And I said well thats because I don't like constantly talking and everyone asking me about it all the time.
But I think it is likely he still wont understand. And either go the opposite way and not talk to me about it again or just do the same thing next time!
Oh well, this is my first rly bad time since I was diagnosed so I suppose we are still all learning how to deal with it...
Thanks again for the advice x

 

[Tacykakes]

I moved away from my family 3 years ago--which was about the time I got very sick. Speaking from your generation and remembering what its like to be 19 again I get why you are sick and tired of them. I get it because its a pretty personal disease that is awkward to talk about all the time.

My mom is a mess being so far away and right now I'm not getting the help I need so as you can guess its kind of a big deal for her. There are days I wish she could be here and days I'm ok that she is far away. Most of the time I'm upset because she is upset...I absolutely hate when she cries.

My dad is just as clingy and every day he calls me to see if I called to annoy the doctors office with my test results. Boyfriend is the same way...its love hun and something to be very grateful for.

They are just devastated that you have to suffer and especially this time of the year when everyone is to be happy and you are just trying to be happy.

Having an open-ended conversation with them might help. Go at it with an approach that is sympathetic to how they feel. Just let them know that you appreciate their love but this is your battle and you will turn to them exactly when you need them. Let them tell you how they feel. Its good conversation and seems lame but really needs to happen. They need to know how to support you and you need to let them be there for you.

Good luck hun!

 

[Jennifer]

Oh well, this is my first rly bad time since I was diagnosed so I suppose we are still all learning how to deal with it...

Ya it takes time and sadly on top of dealing with this disease we have to deal with teaching other people about it too and just adds more stress. D:

 

[bry33]

im 18 i know what its like my mom was the constant worrier and my dad is in the middle he cares but understands im normal im not sick and when i need him he is there my mom always thinks that im sick she also still treats me like im two and she is either bipolar or a sociopath idk..lol anyway when i wasn't feeling my best she would bother me so much and she would litterally wait outside of the bathroom and i couldn't flush the toilet until she checked that there was no blood..she was crazy amd still is but i dont live with her anymore and when i did we would always get into fights when i wasnt feeling my best cuz instead of treating me like im 2 she would treat me like im 1 i would tell her please the best thing for me is normalacy and dont ask me every 5 seconds how i am and please dont check the toilet...well that didnt work she would call me bipolar and tell me i need to see someone and slam the door...but when i moved in with my dad everything got normal again