How to keep your privacy when it comes to health

[nogutsnoglory]

I'm pretty open with friends and past co-workers about crohns and how it affects my life but there are some things I want privacy on. I know I have every right keep whatever I want private but how do you deny the questions politely.

I get a lot of who is your doctor or surgeon and what hospital are you in. Personally I don't feel like just sharing that with anyone. Is there a way to be nice about it without answering?

 

[Justanothercp]

"I just really would rather not discuss it". Followed by a quick change of subject.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

"I just really would rather not discuss it". Followed by a quick change of subject.

I second this. But, you know what's best for you as far as who to tell and how much to let people know. We're here for ya. :hug:

 

[JustAYoungLad]

I spent most of my life keeping my Crohns from everyone. I recently decided to tell everyone what I am going through and I blog about it. I gained a lot of support when friends knew what I was going through. You'll know whats best and what your most comfortable saying but I found it more stressful to think of excuses and reasons for me being ill.

 

[Amy2]

Anytime someone asks me anything that I don't want to answer, I give very vague answers or instead of answering, I ask them a question.

 

[plaidknitter]

I'm pretty open about my health, but if someone asks something I'm not comfortable answering I just give a vague answer and quickly start talking about something else. I find that usually when people are asking a question about doctors or hospitals that they either know someone who has been treated there or who works there.

 

[Sparkle2012]

I'm pretty open with friends and past co-workers about crohns and how it affects my life but there are some things I want privacy on. I know I have every right keep whatever I want private but how do you deny the questions politely.

I get a lot of who is your doctor or surgeon and what hospital are you in. Personally I don't feel like just sharing that with anyone. Is there a way to be nice about it without answering?

"I really appreciate your concern for me. You are a good friend. This is very personal to me so I don't share details about it. But thank you so much for asking."

 

[Ihurt]

I would just say, " thanks for your concern and for asking, Please don't take this the wrong way, but I just hate talking about it, it brings me down, I rather not talk about it or dwell on it". Just say, it is nothing against you, I mean it is bad enough living with this let alone having to talk about it..

I mean they have no reason to get offended.

 

[braveheart]

I think letting EVERYONE know I have CD not only is not helping, but also can cause other problems such as discrimination at work.

But, if someone ask you how is your Crohn/IBD going, that person already now you have it. So sharing more details on that is up to you. If you trust that person you may give a detailed answer, if not you can answer something like "I am doing fine now" and change the subject to let that person know you does not want to talk about it.

If the person has no idea you have CD or how awfull can it be, you could tell the Disney version of the problem, like "I always have digestive problems". Of course you always have the chance to go deep into details.

I use "This is something preffer not to talk about but..." to le the person know the explanation is going to be very short.

In the end I think it is up to you. You can keep it as private as you want.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

This is not about revealing crohns but rather specific details such as who my surgeon or gastro is and what hospital I goto. I just feel like these things are personal but everyone openly talks about the doctors they see. I think ill just say that I prefer to keep that info private but it just sounds so weird. Like why do I want to keep that private? If its someone I don't care about whatever but a friend is harder.

 

[Sparkle2012]

Braveheart makes a good point about workplace discrimination. I was working as a temp looking for a fulltime position at one time. Then emergency surgery and the new DX....no one is making any more sounds about finding a permanent spot for me. Suits me fine now but if I were still desiring fulltime, it would be disappointing. In my mind they think I'm a risky hire now. I think I'd downplay it at work. And if they pursued the personal avenue again, I'd just say "you know, I don't really like to talk about health issues, I'm sure you understand. I just want to enjoy my life..." big smile....and change the subject.

 

[Jennifer]

Like why do I want to keep that private? If its someone I don't care about whatever but a friend is harder.

Why do you want to keep it private? For me if it were someone I cared about and they asked which doctor's I see I would tell them who I see and what I think of the doctor because usually when people ask those specifics then they're looking for help themselves.

I don't personally understand your reasoning other than protecting yourself somehow (yet even if they saw your doctor and claimed that you recommended them and something bad came between them and your doctor, that doesn't mean anything will happen between you and your doctor) but what you can do is tell them that you prefer to keep that private due to personal reasons yet you'll gladly share who you think they shouldn't see (I've seen some bad doctors in my time and don't mind giving out the names of bad doctors and bad hospitals along with details as to why it was bad).

 

[nogutsnoglory]

Well sometimes you have good things to say and other times bad things to say about doctors and the more people who know whom you see the greater chance things might get out there. I don't want to jeopardize my care. It's a small world and people gossip all the time. You never know what someone else can say when you aren't there and when it comes to doctors I like to control the conversation about what's going on with my body.

 

[RZman]

Just because someone asks a question, it doesn't mean you need to answer it. I apply this to every aspect of my life. The way I engage in withholding an answer depends on the person I'm interacting with and the situation. If my banker asks why I'm closing an account, I reply "I don't want to discuss that with you." If a close friend asks about my doctor or surgeon, I tell them that I want to keep certain aspects of my medical care to myself. Just be honest with people but be aware of who you are talking to and the circumstances. Also, don't over explain your response. BTW, it's ok to be rude and hang up on telemarketers . I hope my perspective is helpful. I find that it's been much easier for me to be assertive as I get older.

 

[RZman]

Why do you want to keep it private? For me if it were someone I cared about and they asked which doctor's I see I would tell them who I see and what I think of the doctor because usually when people ask those specifics then they're looking for help themselves.

I can't answer for the OP but I understand the need for keeping things private. My best friend cares a lot about my health. In fact, he nags me about everything. He has an opinion on everything and I just don't want to hear it. I appreciated his concern but it's exhausting to explain things to him and defend my actions. I've told him many times to stop acting like my mother and just to be there and support me. I was the best man at his wedding and my wife was the maid of honor. We're all very close and genuinely care for each other. My point is that everyone has their reasons and they might not make sense to outsiders.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I can't answer for the OP but I understand the need for keeping things private. My best friend cares a lot about my health. In fact, he nags me about everything. He has an opinion on everything and I just don't want to hear it. I appreciated his concern but it's exhausting to explain things to him and defend my actions. I've told him many times to stop acting like my mother and just to be there and support me. I was the best man at his wedding and my wife was the maid of honor. We're all very close and genuinely care for each other. My point is that everyone has their reasons and they might not make sense to outsiders.

That's another good point because when you tell someone the hospital or surgeon you used they may respond with "ooooohhhh you need to be seeing so and so". Everyone has opinions and I have been recommended so many doctor and idiotic treatments like eating certain fruit and believe me these ppl think they know the cure for crohns.

 

[RZman]

That's another good point because when you tell someone the hospital or surgeon you used they may respond with "ooooohhhh you need to be seeing so and so". Everyone has opinions and I have been recommended so many doctor and idiotic treatments like eating certain fruit and believe me these ppl think they know the cure for crohns.

Exactly! I own a business and many of my customers know about my illness. It's hard to hide my 45 lb weight loss so it's apparent that something is wrong with my health. Everyone (and I mean everyone) wants to offer advise and recommend doctors. I tell each of my customers that I appreciate their concern but I'm getting excellent medical care and that everyone tries to offer an opinion. I thank them for their concern and move the conversation back to business. So far, I haven't offended anyone.

 

[Sparkle2012]

A lot of good suggestions here.

RZMAN: i would have a serious sitdown with your friend and tell him he is exhausting you with his well meaning behavior; you would prefer not to discuss your medical issues with him for those reasons because he is stressing you out and that is not conducive to good mental health thus your good health. .

 

[RZman]

A lot of good suggestions here.

RZMAN: i would have a serious sitdown with your friend and tell him he is exhausting you with his well meaning behavior; you would prefer not to discuss your medical issues with him for those reasons because he is stressing you out and that is not conducive to good mental health thus your good health. .

I'm going to address your point without revealing too many personal details about my friend. My friend lost both of his parents and all 3 of his sisters to illness. He has his own anxiety regarding my illness. We're like brothers. You can probably figure out the psychology behind this without any further explanation. I appreciate your input.

 

[Sparkle2012]

RZMAN: Oh gosh that sheds a whole new light on things. Best of luck to you both.

 

[Amaze]

This is why is why i don't go around telling people, friends, and co workers. I will only tell to those that are truly close to me.