I just want to quit

[Ally]

Sorry guys, I just need to get all of this out there to someone who knows what it.s like. I just got dxed last fall with Crohn's after three surgeries and three months in the hospital. I went to all the doctors appts, got on all the pills, stopped eating corn and nuts and all those yummy foods I love but hate me. And I.ve never felt well. I mean wasn.t in horrible pain, I didn.t have the bloody diarrhea. I just had sharp pains sometimes and maybe a day a month I couldn.t get out of bed. I thought that that was what I got. This was what the rest of my life would be like. I thought I could live with that. Until about two months ago; now the pain got worse, the diarrhea made a comeback, and I wouldn.t leave my house for three days at a time. I.ve been to a new (closer) GI and he gave me more pills, Pred!! I.ve heard things about Pred and I was prepared for the moonface, the acne, and even some moodswings. I was NOT prepared to ball my eyes out at everything. I literally carry a dishcloth around because I cry nonstop at the drop of a hat. Then the joint pain started. I can.t button my pants in the morning until an hour after I take my Tramadol. But after I take that forget about doing anything because then the nausea and headache start up. Needless to say I haven.t been attending my college classes in a while and finals are next week. My professors are tired of me being gone, it.s late to try and fix things. I can.t even blame them, I.m tired of telling people I don.t feel well. I feel like I.ve just wasted a whole semester because I.m going to fail all of my classes and waste all of the money my parents have spent. They.ve already been through so much with me being sick and my dad having to relocate for work. I.m all stressed out which isn.t making it any better. I just feel like a failure at life right now. I just don.t want people thinking I.m blaming my failures on my Crohn's, but then again I can.t help but think maybe I am. I KNOW I feel awful, but I could have done better. I could have tried harder. Everyone here makes their life work, why can.t I get my crap together and do the same?

 

[KayleighMeek]

Hi,

Sorry your feeling so bad but please don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through a lot in a short space of time and sometimes its just not possible to keep up with everything when your not feeling well. I was studying but had to stop because my crohns is not under controll and I am facing surgery, but I know I can always go back and try again.
Have you spoken to anyone at your college to see if there is anything they can do to help you out?
I hope you feel better soon, I am also on pred and know the mood swings and tears can be horrible and can get you at any time. This is getting better as I come down in dose though so it won't last forever. x

 

[Terriernut]

You are only Lialda and Pred? Pred can certainly cause horrific mood swings alright. But I wonder why they havent tried you on some Azathioprine or 6MP to get you under control?

How much pred are you on? It seems to me they are being VERY conservative with your treatment. No wonder you are so fed up! YOU are not a failure! The Dr's need to get your Crohns into remission! Its not your fault! Go back in to the GI's and tell them what you are feeling like, and keep a diary if that helps you. Sometimes we go in and forget things, and we try to make it sound better than it is. Dont....give em hell and ask for more help. There's no need to suffer, it will get better! All of us go thru meds, sometimes it takes a while to find what is right for us to make us better. They will find what will help you!
:kiss:

 

[Ally]

Have you spoken to anyone at your college to see if there is anything they can do to help you out?

Thanks so much for making me feel like I.m not alone! I.ve talked to some of my professors and so far I will finish one class and take one incomplete so that I can finish the work next semester. That leaves me with four more to figure out. Let.s hope it all goes well.

 

[Ally]

You are only Lialda and Pred? Pred can certainly cause horrific mood swings alright. But I wonder why they havent tried you on some Azathioprine or 6MP to get you under control?

How much pred are you on? It seems to me they are being VERY conservative with your treatment. No wonder you are so fed up! YOU are not a failure! The Dr's need to get your Crohns into remission! Its not your fault! Go back in to the GI's and tell them what you are feeling like, and keep a diary if that helps you. Sometimes we go in and forget things, and we try to make it sound better than it is. Dont....give em hell and ask for more help. There's no need to suffer, it will get better! All of us go thru meds, sometimes it takes a while to find what is right for us to make us better. They will find what will help you!
:kiss:

I just fixed my signature I hope! to reflect my current meds. I.ve been on 6mp since dxed and got bumped to 100mg since April. It seemed to be working alright until September or so. I probably made it worse with all the school stress. I.m only on 30mg of Pred right now, down from the 60mg before Thanksgiving. I see the GI today, hopefully I.ll actually get to talk to him instead of his nurse who totally blew me off over the phone because I don.t have massive amounts of blood coming out my butt. I just get so tired of telling people I don.t feel well. I know I get fed up hearing it, I can.t imagine what my poor boyfriend feels like. He.s been super amazing about having to double as a Kleenex all the time.

 

[Terriernut]

Oh Ally! There are more meds to try.

I remember Uni very well. If you are in the middle of a flare...cutting back is the best thing....for the present time. Once you are under control, its a different matter. Diet can be very important. Stress levels are going to hurt you big time with Crohns. I know that pred is going to just make it worse. You may need to ask for some anti anxiety meds to help you for the time being.

This is not a failure on YOUR part, but with Crohns, your body seems to take over and become a proper pain in the a£$. I get the feeling like a failure, because when I get ill, I feel like it's my fault, and I feel like a failure. It isnt our fault. And we will get through this and it WILL get better.

 

[Ally]

Thanks for all the replys! I.m off to the docs, wish me luck!

 

[Terriernut]

Best of luck sweetheart!!! :rosette1:

 

[PsychoJane]

I just don.t want people thinking I.m blaming my failures on my Crohn's, but then again I can.t help but think maybe I am. I KNOW I feel awful, but I could have done better. I could have tried harder. Everyone here makes their life work, why can.t I get my crap together and do the same?

Even if you were blaming your "failure" on your Crohn's.... That would be hell of a good reason to have hard time dealing with your school or what not. We all wish everything could be perfect, but hell, you are not outside partying and getting drunk and failing your classes. You are dealing with your daily situation of pain and tiredness, these already have an impact on your general mood, you have the pred which affects you, and the "normal, excessive" stress that comes with school and finals. Most of the others students sitting in your class are probably in good health, dealing with it as if it were the end of the world cause they feel like they don't have the time to get things rights and going crazy about it. You too would have the right to feel crazy, JUST about these exams and papers and deadlines and what not. Keep in mind, we end up being little warriors. We always have more to deal with from the simple fact we have our conditions. Good thing when everything is under control, but it is a fact, it can be hell for us when we are not right.

So point is: you certainly are not a Failure. You are actually the one trying to get things done with an extra condition that most people around you have never thought of and you would give them your pain/condition tomorrow and they probably not cope with it. (I like to think of my bf (27) who got his first stomach flu of his life this year and he thought he was gonna die). You have to cope with symptoms that some will never feel, you are for sure allowed to have a break when these affects you. It is clearly not your fault. You never checked the Crohn's box in a disease lists.

And don't forget: No one is bound to do the impossible.

And I hope it went well with your docs.

 

[Ally]

Sorry for the delayed update by the time I got my new scripts filled I was pooped! Pun totally intended. The appt went okay, put me on some anti anxiety meds, stuff to kill the thrush I.ve now got, pills to help with the high cholesterol (what? I didn.t even know I had high cholesterol, but it.s supposedly the meds I.ve been on are making it high), and anti-spasm pills for my guts along with giving me a plan for getting off of the Pred. I would type out all the names of the fun pills but, I.m too lazy to go get the paperwork. I.ll save that for another time. I got him to fill out FMLA paperwork for my work and he.s supposed to be getting a letter typed for the university about my flare so hopefully this semester isn.t actually a total waste. Now, the next step is getting my mother to see that all those miracle powders don.t work. She found one online and is now upset with me about how I want to be sick and have all these side effects of the Pred because I don.t WANT to drink these smoothes and just get better. Because drinking 3 smoothes is going to make my guts heal themselves. :voodoo:

 

[Terriernut]

Ally, I hope all this works for you! As for your mother...perhaps she should read the letters from the GI and google Crohns.

Theres a thread in the vent away forum somewhere about 'helpful' advice on 'curing' our crohns. Some people just dont 'get it'!!! They have to be ignored!

 

[stickman7755]

Ally,
It is not your fault! People don't understand the pain you are going through cause they can't see it on the outside. And everyone seems to think they know the cure for crohn's when most of the time they have no clue what they are talking about. Sorry for that mini vent. I hope you start to feel better and good luck dealing with the professors. You are doing great.

 

[LindaS]

Hi Ally. You are not a failure. I hope your professors can give you a break. I missed final exams one semester in college due to being in the hospital. But they were very willing to grade me on the rest of the semester's performance. I hope you can find such forgiving professors. I found that talking one on one with them helped much more than my doctor's letters.

I suggest you recommend to your mom to go to the CCFA web page. They can give a lot of advice. Or Terriernut's suggestion of having your mom read the info from your GI.

I hope you can find some relief! Don't give up hope. You'll feel better one day, hopefully soon. It can just take some time to find the right combo of meds.:ghug:

 

[KWalker]

Hey Ally! You're definately not alone! I had to take an incomplete in four of my classes this term so I can finish in January this year. I tried so hard to avoid it but at the worst possible time I had two surgeries for an abscess and it caused me to miss exams. I'm sure your school has a disability office. You should talk to them and let them know what's going on. I got a doctors note saying I have crohns so I took it to them and they were very helpful. This way too, if you are registered with them, your teachers can get in quite a bit of trouble if they refuse to help you out.

Best of luck. You'll get it all figured out. I too was upset about taking incompletes but I look at it now like "would I really be able to do well if I were to attempt to go to school?" Doubtfull. This way you have lots of time to study and practice at home for your missed tests.