Inconsiderate people :/

[xoxava]

inconsiderate people :/

Oh I'm super emotional today, just want to break down and cry. I'm not really even sure what exactly is the problem. My bf asked me this morning to go somewhere with him so I said yes. I am losing my hair and at 20 yrs old it kinda hurts my feelings. Well anyway i have tgis hat i wear to cover my bald spots and my bf said to my face that I was over exaggerating and I was stupid.. then he's been yelling at me ever since that im in "bitch mode" bc I told him he hurt my feelings and my hair was a sensitive subject for me then hes been telling me to be quiet, I put the straw in my drink wrong, i opened the door too fast, like what the hell? Idk how much more I can take. I do everything wrong. Now he's yelling at me to "******* chill" and I'm not even doing anything. And yelling at me to take more prozac ....so hm anytime I feel different than normal I am automatically being pissy? Why can't people be understanding for once in their life. I'm in tears next to him but apparently that's wrong too. I'm really starting to think its impossible to have a relationship with a 'normal' person. I'm not happy but I'm afraid to leave him bc I don't want to be alone and no one wants to be with a sick girl with crohns...

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

You poor thing, nobody would be happy being treated like that! I'm going to be brutally honest here, the more I read about the way your fiance treats you, the more I start to wonder why you are still with him. It sounds to me like he's got major control issues (such as telling you that you put the straw in wrong or closed the door wrong) and it also sounds to me like there is possibly some verbal abuse coming from him too. I know you don't want to be alone, but it sounds like this guy is doing you no favors and is unsupportive and is making you way too stressed! If it were me, honestly I'd get out. Or at the very least get some couples counseling. Good luck sweetie, try to be strong. You deserve so much more than to be treated like this!

 

[Lisa]

I am in agreement with those above...didn't post a bit earlier because it wouldn't have come out nicely - he needs to GO!

Don't be afraid of being alone - I'm sure you will find you have more friends than you think - PLUS there are all of us here to talk to!

 

[xoxava]

Meant he had to puke*

 

[xJillx]

I agree with everyone above me - he's got to go! If things are bumpy now, they will only get worse.

And don't think for a minute no one will want to be with you because you have Crohn's. There are many of us on here that have wonderful significant others, and you will find one, too. You are only 20 and have lots of time to fine Mr. Right.

Please kick him to the curb!

 

[mom2twogr8tkids]

I agree with everyone else.
I've been there, alot of us have. I lost majority of my hair at 26. I was referred to a dermatologist, he gave me meds and a Rx shampoo and conditioner. It worked great, just a thought, maybe you could try that.
As far as you bf, you deserve better than that. And having someone like that will not help you progress with your disease. "He" will come along...I promise you that. I got married last year and couldn't ask for a better husband!
Hope things get better for you!

 

[Gwen pippy]

Ah Honey

I agree, He has got to go!!!
It could be my story up there, Nasty BF age 18-22, broke my heart twice!!! then I met my hubby in work 3 years later that was 10 years ago. I told him of my condition and how it can hold me back and he said Crohn's SO WHAT I LOVE YOU, I told him we may never have children, he didn't care, We have two babies now. I'm a stay at home mom and there isn't a thing he wouldn't do for me. And I mean anything, he has seen things no one else has and he just gets on with it, when I went under 7 stone he told me I was beautiful to him and I'd get back to myself soon.

You are a beautiful girl with a condition that is putting you under stress at times don't let him add to it. As the others said you won't always be sick, but you don't have to be unhappy or lonely either, MR RIGHT is out there and you will be his queen.

Best of luck

Gwen xxx

 

[SarahAnne]

My first husband was so terrible and controlling, he used the disease to control me. After our son was born and I told him I couldn't be with him anymore, he told me no one would ever love me again, because I had Crohn's and a baby.

My current husband and I have been together for 7 years. We have a beautiful daughter together and he introduces my son as "our" son; he has never referred to him as a step-son. As for the Crohn's, it's a bigger issue for me than him, except that it really kills him to see me in pain. He is a pain in the ass about my meds and doctor appointments, he makes sure that I don't "forget" to make the calls. He's even called the GI on my behalf a few times when I thought I'd be okay and he wasn't convinced.

My point is, there are fantastic, wonderful men out there. There are even fantastic men out there who will bend over backwards for you, even with the Crohn's. I found the courage to leave my jerk, start a new job, make new friends and I was happy for the first time in years, and that's when my husband noticed me. So do whatever you have to do to get happy....and when you're ready and not looking, that guy will find you.

 

[ameslouise]

Don't have much to add that the others haven't said already. Except maybe this -don't hang on to the one or two times when he's a good guy. The times he's an ******* far outweigh those times.

Run, don't walk.

Good luck - Amy

 

[penguin]

Can only echo what others have said... you are young and beautiful and your condition does not define you, nor will it stop you finding love. It's easy to think that you'll never find someone who cares enough but you will, crohns and all. Big hugs

 

[xoxava]

Aw you guys are so sweet thank you for all the kind words you always know how to put a smile on my face. Thank you for all the support! <3 I have really been thinking hard about this situation. I hope everything will work out for the best and I get my happily ever after too.

 

[AndiGirl]

I agree with what was said. I disagree with what you had said earlier, "I wish I was strong, like you guys. " You are stronger than you think, or even know it. It sounds as if your guy isn't very mature. It sounds that way to me by the comments he's made to you. It also sounds as if he includes his mother in his discussions of relationships. The later isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there are many mothers who can also be quite controlling, manipulative, and meddlesome. My mother-in-law started off liking me, but things turned sour over the years. I haven't changed which is why she probably dislikes me. She wants me to be and to think like her. I also think that she is slightly bothered over the fact that I have Crohn's. You don't marry your husbands family, though they often come along for the ride. I've been married for seven years, and even though Scott and I have a basically strong, loving relationship; there can be a lot of stress on and in our relationship when his mother comes for a visit.

This is all just in my opinion. I don't want to sound bossy or offensive. I was single until the age of 32. Let me tell you, there are much worse things than being single. Waiting for a loving, supportive husband is worth it.

 

[Catherina]

It seems to me with what you wrote that he is only nice and supportive if he has witnesses! going to the ER and staying with you in hospital so that everybody can testifiy how supportive he is to you. Another thing, if his mother does not want you and expresses her feeling openly (and mind the reason she mentions), think how he was brought up. Perhaps she is afraid that he will not be able to help her with her med-bills when she is getting old and dependent. I think she is also thinking of herself. I don't think you can fight both. They will make you more miserable than you already are. You are not Crohn with a big pack of bills, you are you, a person that has some problems which are not you fault at all. And yes, your man needs to be with you for better and for worse. Things have a way of turning around you know, he might not be healthy forever, wouldn't he ask (I think demand) for your help (even financially) if you would still be a couple. Crohn's is indeed a test of love and loyalty for the partner of the sick person. I honestly don't think he has passed the test. Better to know that you are alone (which you will of course not be) rather than to count on him and his family and find out that they left from the back-door. It's hard to make this kind of decisions but if you don't make them, they have a way of deciding for themselves and that hurts even more. Sorry about this, it is hard but ............... I am sure that as soon as the door closes behind him, you will be relieved and ready to start something new, have some fun, doing exactly the things HE got annoyed by. Be sure to slam the door closed behind him (lol).

 

[meardonna]

you say no one will have a sick girl!!!! stop selling yourself short! does crohns define your whole life? you are a person, a beautiful person whether you see it or not!!! I'm 31, I married 10 years ago when I was 21. My husband loves me for who I am, he's always seen the person behind the illness, he has been my rock, he's always there for me, to shout at, cry on, laugh with..... We have two wonderful children. I've recently had to have colectomy surgery to remove my bowel, I knew I didn't have to worry about how he'd see me, as he still sees the girl he fell in love with, he's cared for me, held my hand and the bag has not hampered sezual/intimacy etc. You deserve a guy like that!!!! stop selling yourself short, you probably have such low self esteem you think you can't have anyone else, that your lucky to have him, etc etc... wwell your wrong, he's lucky to have you and if he doesn't treat you like your his entire world than drop him and find someone who deserves to have you!!!!

 

[silvermander]

I sent you a private message, but I do want to say this here.

I know it's hard to buck up and be alone, but sometimes it's the best thing for you. I left my abusive husband and have left bad boyfriends. It's worth waiting until you find the right one. The one who will be there for you behind closed doors as readily as in public. They are out there. Sometimes the hardest thing is leaving, but in the long run it's the right thing to do.


You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. It might take a while to find that person, but that person is worth waiting for and your health is worth fighting for!

 

[Rick_1138]

Coming from a male perspective ....He has to go, he isn't a positive aspect in your life if he is treating you like that.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with my last GF, and she had tummy issues too, and migraines and i always tried my best to make sure she was okay etc, i didn't worry about myelf as it was my problem.

However she broke up with me, and i found out from a lot of friends she made stuff up and was not actually a very nice person, and she actually used my Cronhs as an excuse for not wanting to be with me! even though i never made it a problem for her.

I have met my curent GF about 6 months after that relationship, and i was upfront with her about cronhs and i was worried it would be a problem for her, and in the first 2 weeks i had a bad flare up with horrifying stomach pains, at one point i was t her house and i just couldn't stop shaking as my temp dropped, i kept saying i was fine but she made me a hot water bottle and just held me till i warmed up, she did this while i was saying not to make a fuss.

Your partner should be there for you, even if its a pain, not a lot of fun if we dont want to go out all the time, you still make them feel good if they are not well, especially a guy towards a girl, as more often ladies need some moral support as we guys tend to hide it more hehe.

Dont worry about being single, it can make you stay in bad relationships, (like my last one) you never know whats round the corner, you need to have a good think about what YOU want, as having a stressefull relationship, will not help your health.

obviously this is only advice, not gospal, as i dont know your situation, but just from my past experience, i would be thinking hard about your relationship.

Rick

 

[Lisa]

I was unmarried until I was 34.....I won't say 'single' because I had my share of boyfriends (I could almost pick and choose!) and good times!!!.....Had 1 marraige proposal, another came close...but they weren't 'the one'.....

Sometimes it is GOOD to just have some good friends, step back and relax a little bit.....without falling into the 'serious relationship' pit.....you are YOUNG - you just haven't met the right guy yet but sure as heck have some FUN LOOKING!!!!! :banana: