Intimacy

[desere]

intimacy

oo: So if I am cramping, on the toilet most of the night, then ofcourse there is the sore areas, and throw in a little puking, where does the sex come in? I feel so bad for my huband. He is being really great, but when sex comes only once a week or so, what happens to the relationship? Does everyone else have this problem? I really want to be with my husband, but it just doesn't seem to work out for me at night, because symptoms usually get worse at night, and we have a 3 1/2 year old, so day time is not easy either. And ofcourse with the scars from the surgury, I don't exactly feel sexy anytime either! Does anyone have any sugguestions?:sign0085:
I am not on any meds right now, but I am scheduled to go see my dr. soon to ask about some....cause I really don't know what else to do.
Are there any good herbals out there that I may try?

Thanks in advance for the help.

D

 

[Pirate]

Welcome Desere, There is a thread around here somewhere that we have been discussing this subject that will help you get some answers and ideas.

We all have had this problem at one time or another and it is a serious one.

 

[Peaches]

:welcome: Desere! Well..this is a difficult subject. In reading your post - I think the first thing that should be in order is to try and get a handle on your disease process. With all of the symptoms you are having - seems like you may be having a bit of a flare? Since this is your first post - have you been actually diagnosed with Crohn's? If so - you may want to make that appointment with your GI and see about getting on at least a maintenance type medication to keep your disease quiet. If you get that part taken care of, those other issues will probably fall into place.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Welcome to the forum. I can't help you, it has been so long I forget what it is... many flares and yeast infections have prevented that.

 

[desere]

Thanks. I have been diagnosed with crohn's and I just went for a colonoscopy a few weesk ago and they also found some colitis too! I do have an appointment with my gastro, but it takes a long time to get in with a specialist and untill then I need help. I'll check out the older posts and see if there is anything there to help me.
thanks again.

 

[desere]

I hadan iliostomy in may'07 and it was reversed 6 months later. Now I just suffer with flare ups.

 

[Lisa.H]

Have you discussed your worries with Hubby? Involving him emotionally may alleviate some of your worries.........and you may be pleasantly surprised about what he is thinking!

You sound under so much pressure and beating yourself up with guilt.........that is not good for your recovery!

Is he pressuring you or is this just something you feel obligated to be intimate at least once a week? You may be surprised that after talking with him, he doesn't really want to, but a guy is not going to turn it down either.

With my husband, I was pretty open with him on how I was feeling. He is more supportive than I could have even imagined. There have been times my fatigue is so bad, that we've gone without for months. Maybe it helps that he is equally as tired since he never sits still either. Watch TV? What's that? lol

We do have our intimate moments, but it doesn't have to end it sex. He knows right now it would add to my pain and that is the last thing he wants to do.

Good luck

 

[imisspopcorn]

Desere....this is something I have dealt with a lot in the last few years of my marriage. Like everyone else here has mentioned, communication is essential...As far as your physical appearance is concerned, I would imagine it is not as much of an issue as you think.....I know it is hard to feel sexy when you are ill. When my husband is ill with a cold, he doesn't exactly feel amorous. Try to tell him that it is because you are ill, not because you don't find him attractive anymore....Intimacy is so important in a marriage, but doesn't necessarily have to involve intercourse.....Pillow talk is important. After the baby is in bed, just snuggle up and talk things out....Good luck honey. You are not alone. A lot of us have had this issue.

 

[Mountaingem]

My husband and I are both 37 years old. I've been married 15 years, and sick for about 12 of it, so I can definitely relate to your situation (but we weren't blessed with kids, surgury ended that.)
When I'm flaring (as you seem to be) we mostly cuddle. I think while sex may be out of the picture for a while, affection on a daily basis is very important for both husband and wife-that's the way you connect emotionally. Even just regular hugs, kisses, complements, I love you's, and cuddling helps me feel so much better mentally.
My husband often reminds me that it's scary for him to see me this sick, so affection helps him cope also.
Please don't beat yourself up over it, like imisspopcorn said, we've all been there. Best wishes to you both!

 

[Nyx]

I have to agree with everyone's advice here. I recently had surgery and now have a bag that's going to be permanent (yay me!). My boyfriend has been amazingly supportive and patient! We've talked alot about what this is going to mean for me, for him, and for us. Last weekend I just finally got over myself and showed him everything (up until that point I didn't want him to see the scar or the bag). It was hard! I was incredibly emotional (and we all know how the men love the crying!). But, turned out to be a good thing...we're on the right path now.

It's hard getting over our body issues, and throw in feeling crappy (no pun intended) and sex is the last thing on our minds! Get your flare under control and then you can work on your intimacy issues. Like others have said, just cuddling, hugging and kissing can do so much when you don't actually have the strength or will to have sex. When I was flaring, just having him stroke my hair made me feel so much better.

I hope you get this sorted out...best of luck to you both

Cindy

 

[Pirate]

Cindy, I'm glad you took the big step with your boyfriend. It has to be the hardest thing for a woman to do. I know that most women have a hard enough time because they are not happy with thier bodies and to throw in the bag makes it so much worse.
Janis and I have been married 31 years and she still is shy about me seeing her naked.

 

[Nyx]

Cindy, I'm glad you took the big step with your boyfriend. It has to be the hardest thing for a woman to do. I know that most women have a hard enough time because they are not happy with thier bodies and to throw in the bag makes it so much worse.
Janis and I have been married 31 years and she still is shy about me seeing her naked.

Thanks Pirate...I just figured that if I didn't take the plunge, I'd never have sex again...and I can't have that! lol