Isolated and nobody understands, but you guys

[chloechiller]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to vent how annoying I find it whenever I have a flare-up and usually when I do, I feel mentally crap, because I feel like nobody truly understands what I am going through. It's so frustrating.

And my family take it both ways. My mum will over-mother me and always ask how it is and my brother just can't say anything. It's like he's scared to ask me. I'm not that scary!

It's so hard to even start a conversation about it when they don't even know how it is. It's at these times when I feel so isolated and alone and it sucks . . . but then I remember I am a member of this forum and I read the posts and feel so much better.

 

[shazamataz]

It can be isolating when people don't understand. That's why we are here!

 

[D Bergy]

Your brother is a male, and some males, such as myself, do not like unresolvable problems. In another words, if they can't fix the problem they do not like to discuss it. It gives a person a helpless, and also a worthless type feeling.
I am speaking mostly of myself, but I have seen this tendency in others also.

Mothers are Mothers and there is not a thing you can do about it. Females get more out of discussing a problem, even without a solution, than males in general terms. They are also more caring in that respect. That is why they get the Womb.

I hope I am not pigeon holing anybody as these are just vague generalizations that are not always true in all cases.

If I was not able to do anything about my disease, I do not think I would say hardly a word about it. It would be like a personal failure on top of the disease.

Just as I did not talk about my prior depression much, until I accidentally resolved it.

It is not that males do not care so much as we are not geared toward non action type of responses. If we are not solving a problem, we do not feel like we are accomplishing much doing anything else.

Maybe I am full of it, also.

I am glad that this forum is available to those who need it for many good reasons. Support, understanding, possible solutions and information. I come here for the latter, but everyone has their needs and this forum seems to accommodate many situations.

Dan

 

[Peaches]

I agree with what Dan said Chloe. My husband, while very supportive, can get a bit tongue tied when trying to be supportive of me if I am in a scary flare as he wants to fix it and knows he cannot. It can be difficult for guys.

My Mom will over mother me as well - and I'm 40 years old!! They worry - you will understand when you get older and have kids :O) It is just part of the mommy make up. I'd rather have it than not because at least I know I can always count on her for support and commiseration when I need it the most.

And of course - we *are* always here for you buddy!

 

[farm]

We gotcha back! However, I must warn you of the mother-hens on here as well. You can't escape it! LOL

 

[Cookie]

Dan pretty much hit the nail on the head. My husband wants so badly to fix me, that I can actually see his feeling of helplessness.

Sometimes you just need a hug from somebody who understands. HUGS to you, Chloe. Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

Glad we can help you feel better Chloe! Even if your mom is smothering you, it's better than ignoring you. You'll probably appreciate it eventually. It might be awkward for your brother to hear about your symptoms. Maybe instead of a big discussion, you can just throw out a random sentence here and there, like "Oh, my medication is making my symptoms a teeny bit better." or "I shouldn't eat that."
We're always here when you need support. Welcome to the forum!

 

[mwb3779]

I had to move back in with my parents for a little bit after being dx to get better, or at least to where I can function in normal life again. My mom asks me how I'm doing whenever I make a little sound. Sometimes the comfort level just sucks and I need to move a little bit. She always looks over and wants to know if I'm ok. Which I'm not, but I just, "Yeah I'm ok, just need to move a little bit." She'll a,ways be my mom no matter what. My dad just thinks that I can snap out of it sometimes. It seems so black and white with him. Not our gray areas of good and bad days.

I'm glad you found this forum also. It has helped me tremendously in knowing I'm not alone. Sometimes I just want to complain, sometimes I want to share my experiences to help. Its a great network of people with so many experiences that can help enlighten you.

 

[D Bergy]

When I was very ill, I got in the habit of keeping my hand on my Stomach.

I never completely broke away from the habit, and my wife is always asking if my Stomach is bothering me. It has not given me problems for well over two years, but she always suspects I am hiding something from her.

It gets annoying, and it is like an interrogation, but she also knows I downplay things when I am ill, not to worry her. So I guess I got it coming.

And I won't even get into my Mother's watchful eye. Some people worry about you, some ignore the disease, others are not interested. Lots of different responses.
Naturally no one that does not have the disease can truly relate to it, and it is nice to come here for that.

Dan

 

[Pirate]

Dan, I do the same thing. And than I start rubbing my stomach and my wife gets all worried too. They aren't sisters are they? lol

Chloe, in your brother's defense, boy the way you was yelling in your first post it had me terrified. I almost crawled under my computer desk. Its okay to vent, just don't scare me anymore. I'm a sensitive guy, I have feelings you know. Just kidding. You vent as loud as you want. Scream it from the top of your keyboard keys. I dare ya!

 

[tamesis]

My mom is the same way....She phoned me three times today to see how i was doing, when all i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and not speak to anyone.
I can deffinately relate to feeling alone, this forum has been a lifesaver for me, and i don't even know for sure if i have an IBD. LOL