Just -short trying..really am but :(:(:(:(

[xrayzerase]

just -short trying..really am but

im sorry i havent been on here much
been trying so hard to not think about it
but-im
i finally took vicodin-helps a little
i dont care about addiction fears
people who are not sick dont know
if pain meds help get thru-i take-no matter what
sorry
i am
when will the remicade kick in?
will it?
just feel i am getting sicker and sicker
maybe need the 6mp too?
and -man
i cry
doesnt help
need to get to apt
dont want my parents worry
see me like this
they have their own stuff
its not fair
i feel bad
dont want to worry people
i love my family
im trying
i try so hard to fight
to live
but how do you-when u have no energy
and
man
sorry
just really really-
i want to live
but i do want this to end
no i m not suicidal
but-i cant hlpe but somethimes think about end
no-i want to fight
i will
but
this is hard stuff
this is one HARD disease,.
yeah
dont we all know it?
nothing new huh?
just

 

[Nancy Lee]

You are one great 'free verse' writer!
I felt this right down in my gut. (pun intended)
Love to see you write/vent more this way.
Oh...and this is for you!

~Nancy

 

[Jeff D.]

Good job I liked it a lot. Lots of meaning to us crohnies.

 

[xrayzerase]

thanks

thanks--my rambles and horrid typos-
glad i don't sound like too much of a "nut"
i so apologize for rambling and self pity stuff-
most of the time i am a fighter-
i even tried to stay away from thinking about it all (crohn's) and tried to just live
but it is only f=getting worse--and i guess being on a support group is not an obsessive thing-
i just-don't know what it best anymore
i miss living
luckily the vicodin allows me to feel ok enough to work at home--but-i hate being stuck in
i go out-feel sick and fever goes up
so...it's not fun.
2nd remicade infusion is next thrusday-hope it helps
i think he is talking about adding the 6mp
i know..it may help
but-just yet another med
i am on 21 pills and an infusion already
is anyone else on so many meds?
i guess i am still in shock-my crohn's is not mild-but severe--and also-aggressive-in that it is just not going into remission.
i know-we all have this trouble..i know.
it is just a sucky disease.
he worrys i may get addicted to vicodin--but honestly-that is the least of my worries
if it helps me live right now-i will take it
if i get addicted-ive been thru addiction/withdrawl before--and i'd rather gothru that again and get thru this now-rather than no vicodin and feel muh worse.
isn't all this fun?
anyway-sorry
i tried to not post so much cause i know i can ramble
but-i just-
it's been a very hard patch-and so many months of beings sick-and getting sicker-so
i just-needed to vent
anyway-hugs for all replies
andrea

 

[Jeff D.]

-HUGS-

I know it is tough going through all of this. Have you talked to anyone about depression because you just seem really down. I know what you mean about just trying to live a normal life and I know at times it can be really hard but you just have to perservere. If they tell you about a medication learn everything you can about it. Every medication you are on learn everything about. Like I find it strange that we are taking cancer medications for a disease that is not cancer. 6-MP is what I take and it is a type of chemotherapy,WTF.

Try to meditate, don't worry about venting or rambling on here we don't mind and sometimes rambling can reveal something that your subconcience is telling you. It has happened to me and thats how I first learned that I was depressed last year.

Best of luck

 

[xrayzerase]

((((hugs)))) to you jeff
thank you for your comment
-andrea