I just want to be normal again. I don't want to have to go through this. My husband and I really love each other but we can't even enjoy our marriage because we're always so sick all of the time. We never got to even have a honey moon. I had an emergency surgery last year 8 days after our wedding and I almost died. This is just awful. I just need to vent about the current situation.
A letter I sent to a lady at my church today:
I feel so hopeless today. I know we have the Lord but I'm worried. My husband talked about picking up a 2nd job last week but the epidural shot in his back didn't work. They want to inject it into a different site in his back now but I'm worried about that because he can't just go allowing people to poke holes in his spinal cord out of desperation. That's what gets people on operating tables.
Also, he told me last night he slipped on the wet floor at the car dealership right onto his back and peed himself. My poor husband. I was so angered to receive this news as I just don't understand what the purpose of all of this is.
Medicaid argued with me and told me that unless that medical report form is filled out by the doctor, they will deny me. They offered to give me a $100 voucher to see their doctors to run the tests again. I told them there is no way $100 will cover all of those tests over the course of 9 months. John's Hopkins told me to just let them do that because if I get denied, at least I won't get denied based on me not providing that form because Hopkins can not accept a denial letter based on me not providing a medical form. This is just taking forever. I know people wait years to get a diagnosis but I was hoping I wouldn't have to...
I put a call into my old doctor to see if she'll just fill out the form for me even though Kaiser said no. I won't find out until Wednesday when she gets back into the office. Health insurance can kick in about a month at Jimmy's work. It's pretty cheap but we will have to meet a $3,000 deductible before we can get 100% free everything. We can't even pay our bills right now so I don't know how that will even be possible.
In January, I will be able to get my maximum benefits from unemployment, $280 per week and I can start school to get even more money if I'm well enough by then. Jimmy said Honda marks their cars down so much that's why they sell so many so he works 12-14 hour days for barely anything. It would be dumb to move to another one at this point because it takes so long to get going with the real money.
I know God will get us through but I'm having such a hard time. I came down with a cold a couple of days ago. I'm having an illness relapse as well. It started coming on 2 weeks ago but I didn't see it coming, I didn't know. I'm afraid, worried and depressed. I know those fears aren't true but I can't help it. I wish I could just trust God more. I can not work and my husband is working on a hurt body and I've just had it! We aren't able to do things together anymore and it just weighs on me. I know we've been through a lot worse but my positive days are getting smaller and smaller. It's difficult to manage even cleaning the house. I just get so tired and hurt a lot.
The cognitive problems are getting worse. Sometimes I can not even remember how old I am and I leave the stove and oven on a lot. When I sit down to go to the bathroom, I can not remember if I've gone or not until I'm sitting there waiting to go realizing that I must have went at some point...
And I hate being sick. It makes everything so much worse. I wish someone could take me by the hand and help me through this. My husband is always at work. I can't expect someone to be with me every waking moment. I feel like I'm going to crack.
A letter I sent to a lady at my church today:
I feel so hopeless today. I know we have the Lord but I'm worried. My husband talked about picking up a 2nd job last week but the epidural shot in his back didn't work. They want to inject it into a different site in his back now but I'm worried about that because he can't just go allowing people to poke holes in his spinal cord out of desperation. That's what gets people on operating tables.
Also, he told me last night he slipped on the wet floor at the car dealership right onto his back and peed himself. My poor husband. I was so angered to receive this news as I just don't understand what the purpose of all of this is.
Medicaid argued with me and told me that unless that medical report form is filled out by the doctor, they will deny me. They offered to give me a $100 voucher to see their doctors to run the tests again. I told them there is no way $100 will cover all of those tests over the course of 9 months. John's Hopkins told me to just let them do that because if I get denied, at least I won't get denied based on me not providing that form because Hopkins can not accept a denial letter based on me not providing a medical form. This is just taking forever. I know people wait years to get a diagnosis but I was hoping I wouldn't have to...
I put a call into my old doctor to see if she'll just fill out the form for me even though Kaiser said no. I won't find out until Wednesday when she gets back into the office. Health insurance can kick in about a month at Jimmy's work. It's pretty cheap but we will have to meet a $3,000 deductible before we can get 100% free everything. We can't even pay our bills right now so I don't know how that will even be possible.
In January, I will be able to get my maximum benefits from unemployment, $280 per week and I can start school to get even more money if I'm well enough by then. Jimmy said Honda marks their cars down so much that's why they sell so many so he works 12-14 hour days for barely anything. It would be dumb to move to another one at this point because it takes so long to get going with the real money.
I know God will get us through but I'm having such a hard time. I came down with a cold a couple of days ago. I'm having an illness relapse as well. It started coming on 2 weeks ago but I didn't see it coming, I didn't know. I'm afraid, worried and depressed. I know those fears aren't true but I can't help it. I wish I could just trust God more. I can not work and my husband is working on a hurt body and I've just had it! We aren't able to do things together anymore and it just weighs on me. I know we've been through a lot worse but my positive days are getting smaller and smaller. It's difficult to manage even cleaning the house. I just get so tired and hurt a lot.
The cognitive problems are getting worse. Sometimes I can not even remember how old I am and I leave the stove and oven on a lot. When I sit down to go to the bathroom, I can not remember if I've gone or not until I'm sitting there waiting to go realizing that I must have went at some point...
And I hate being sick. It makes everything so much worse. I wish someone could take me by the hand and help me through this. My husband is always at work. I can't expect someone to be with me every waking moment. I feel like I'm going to crack.
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